Ruby Tuesday weekly meeting

[Eve11]

Ruby Tuesday weekly meeting

:lSara,
Glad to *see* you again.

From what I'm remembering it seems your mother likes to encourage you to drink with her. I think I would use an excuse of why you really don't want to drink right now...e.g. fitness program, or a cleansing diet that says no alcohol for a few weeks - something like that. She can have her wine while you imbibe on your sparkling seltzer!

I can relate a lot to what you are saying and I know that's why Kid wanted to believe in successful moderation so much. I think he tried AF for a year (or something like that) and was absolutely miserable. So, for those folks who aren't dependent on alcohol but just misuse it here and there - perhaps moderation can work but as you said, any problem drinker can never drink like someone without a problem. Super vigilance is a must!

Let's keep each other strong here Sara. I have a good friend going through a tough time and it's been easy recently to get together for a drink (I've kept it to one) on school nights here and there. I am trying to eliminate that as it's just a bad habit. I still may have the occasional glass on a school night if I go to one of those "women parties" candles, cookware, jewelry...and wine is being served. But meeting for a drink here and there on a school night is just getting myself into a bad habit. Want to break that one.

I've been AF since the week-end and plan to stay that wait this week.
:l
Eve11

[Sarasmiles]

Ruby Tuesday weekly meeting

Hi Eve! Thanks for the response. You are absolutely right about my mom. I think it's uncomfortable for her when I don't drink - maybe it makes her feel bad about how much she drinks herself. But I will take your advice and tell her I'm committed to not drinking because of the the fitness program. If I tell her in advance, it's even more of a commitment.

Good for you for sticking to one when you're out with your friend. I remember once going out with a friend while I was staying AF for a while and being amazed to watch her make a glass of wine last for over an hour. I kept thinking how if I were having one it would be gone within minutes and I'd want another. I agree with you about super-vigilance being a must for us. So even though one glass of wine with your friend on a school night seems harmless enough, watching out for the habit is key. It's so easy to let one turn into more, or now and then turn into almost every night.

We will stay strong together, as you said!

Sara

[free bird]

Ruby Tuesday weekly meeting

Hi Eve and Sara,

This really is a good thread and what you are trying to accomplish is where I think I am at too. I started this journey some time ago as I believe I somewhat self aware. I do not beleive I am dependent on alcohol but do realize I need to control it much better. You guys seem like you are doing really well in staying the course and trying to become better people. It is such a process, isn't it? So much to learn and experience...I am glad there are places like this to do so.

I have been lurking and sometimes commenting here for a while now. Personally, I don't feel like I fit in anywhere, but when I saw the recent posts it really sounded like where I am at also. I guess I just wanted people to know there are people still here getting very much insight from the Mod Thread. So, Thanks for your insight.

I know I feel better when I am alcohol free and getting on with my excercise (which I find so important), and going to bed clear headed and looking forward to tomorrow. Sometimes lifes stresses really get to me and I need to unwind some. I have three kids and I want to be a good person for them, but they want to be themselves and not have my input sometimes and this makes me very frustrated and tempermental. I find being a good parent very difficult and sometimes I question my decisions and always looking for a better way. I need to listen to my inner voice. My kids are 18, 16 and 10, and I know this is a difficult age. My friend recently said We need to not let their emotions become ours....How true for me.

Rambling. Sorry...That's just what is bothering me.

Sara, I think it is amazing your were AF for 6 months....You seem so wise in where you are at right now.

Eve, You seem so aware of yourself. I just wanted to pat you two on the back....and say Good Job.

Free Bird

[Eve11]

Ruby Tuesday weekly meeting

Hi all,
I have decided to start posting on the drinktracker again as I feel it makes me more accountable.

I am going to post here weekly and would love to discuss with others how our past weeks have gone. Kind of like a weekly support group meeting so let's have a discussion Monday or Tuesday regarding our previous week.

I went out on Halloween and had more fun than I intended. 4-5 drinks throughout the night which is too much for me. With 3 I have a hangover so 4-5 makes me feel downright awful the next day. I also stumbled a bit walking in the door and got into a verbal fight with my son whom I was very angry at for doing something really irresponsible the day before and the liquor fueled the anger and it just wasn't a real nice thing. Hubby was mad with my behavior the next day and it's all of those things of why people fail the alcohol tests like CAGE -Cut down (have you ever felt you should cut down? Annoyed-Have people ever been annoyed by your drinking? (Yes, hubby was), Guilty-Have you ever felt guilty about your drinking? Yes, I felt guilty as hell and finally Eye-Opener- Have you ever needed an eye-opener the day after drinking to steady your nerves or get rid of a hangover? Well, I can say no to that one but 3 out of 4 ISN'T good.

So, Nov. 1st sounds like a good day to commit to making this moderation thing work. Anyone with me?
I NEED to stick to no more than 2 drinks in a given night and want to drink no more than 7 drinks in a week's time hoping for 4-5 as my average weekly number.

How about you?
Eve11

[Sarasmiles]

Ruby Tuesday weekly meeting

Hello Eve and other Modders or Modder wannabes!

Eve, sorry to hear that you didn't quite meet your goal for Halloween. I've been in that position before, too...the stumbling, and the being more argumentative because of the buzz. It's a new month and a good time to start fresh.

I also didn't stick to my goal. I was planning to be AF until Thanksgiving, but impulsively poured myself a glass of wine at a Halloween party. I'm not sure why I did that, exactly. I was not feeling nervous or particularly shy as I sometimes do at parties. I felt okay...and that was how my "A.V" (Addictive Voice, as they call it at SMART Recovery) sneaked in. It said, "you're fine...this would be normal drinking, not stress drinking...go ahead". So I had two glasses of wine, with some food. I poured a third, but didn't drink it all; just a few sips and realized I was going to get too buzzed if I finished it. I put it down and walked away...poured a seltzer and was fine. It was moderate drinking, I guess. But the fact that I drank at all when I had intended not to doesn't feel good. Also, I drank the first pretty fast, and poured a second with no thoughts of slowing down. To me, that is still "problem" or "alcoholic" style drinking.

Went out for dinner with Hubby and the kids last night and felt no desire to drink, largely because I was feeling disappointed in myself for having had wine the night before. I like fresh starts and clean slates, and the start of a new month provides one. I am feeling committed to being AF at least until Thanksgiving. I really need a daily or near-daily check in to stick with it, and haven't figured out what thread that will be at MWO. Any suggestions?

Be well, friends!

Sara

[Eve11]

Ruby Tuesday weekly meeting

Sara,
Sunbeam has a thread on the General Discussion board (I think) so look for that one. She is such an occasional drinker that I think sometimes the AF sites work better for her although she pops in here to stay abreast and to help our newbies.

I'm going to post on the drinktracker daily so why don't you make a commitment to do that with me as well and that daily posting may help keep you accountable.

Thanks for sharing!*see you!*

I SO believe in new starts as you stated. The AFers stumble too and pick themselves up and start again. Let's look at this as our date - Nov 1st - as our new beginning as neither of us drank last night and are dedicated to making this moderation thing work and drink moderately without bad slips.
:l
Eve11

[Sunbeam]

Ruby Tuesday weekly meeting

Hi Eve and Sara,
It is great to know how you two are doing. I read at MWO most days, but often am not inspired to post. The Mod Squad will always be where I can find friends.

Sara, we could work together to keep Doggy Girl's thread active, the "I won't drink today" one similar to the one you started under monthly mods, where we have both posted. It is more of an AF ODAT thread. I am always looking toward the inspiration of the AF group to keep my frequency low. I have achieved some AF weeks, but not more than two consecutively. I have the driest intentions, but then that thought about having a drink hits out of the blue. Ugh! It definitely reminds me that I am not always in charge of this alcohol problem. On the positive side, I have gotten better at sipping a glass of wine, so over the course of an evening I most often only have two instead of three.

Ok, gotta go do something constructive before the whole morning is gone. But I will bump up that thread under General Discussion, and you can find me there if you like. I no longer work on Wednesday, so it at times can become another Saturday-like mind struggle.

[Sarasmiles]

Ruby Tuesday weekly meeting

Hi Girls. Thanks Sunbeam, I will post on Doggygirl's thread. That seems like it might be just the thing. I miss the Mod Squad thread, but I guess it just faded out (?) Do you think that's because "modding" just wasn't truly working for a lot of people? I think "occasional" is more my goal. I can't let myself try to have a drink or two several times a week anymore. I think I've proved to myself that that does me more harm than good. It feeds the habit and sometimes leads to bad results, and even if I stick to two, if I do that a few times a week it seems to have a negative effect on my mood and energy level. And my weight! When I drink wine, I eat...I seem to really lose my inhibitions about food and end up consuming more than I need to. I have had much better luck keeping my weight down since cutting way back on wine.

I am happily on day 3, with no desire to drink tonight, although it's only 2:40 in the afternoon, so I suppose craziness and stress could still rise up and get me as the day goes on! Even so, I am committed to staying AF today...no wine in the house, so that helps.

Everything okay with you and Hubby and son, Eve? I hope tranquility has been restored. :l

See you both soon, I hope...and any other Ruby Tuesday friends who pop in.

Sara

[Eve11]

Ruby Tuesday weekly meeting

Can moderation really work?

:lSara,
The mod squad waxes and wanes but I think it's here to stay.

The ultimate goal to be a truly great modder would be to be able to take it or leave it and drink only on special occasions (like weddings, special events, a nice dinner out with friends - but in moderation - 1 or 2). The goal for maintaining one's health as set up by the National Institute of Alcoholism is no more than 7 drinks per week for women and 9 for men.

My husband who's an occasional drinker NEVER comes close to 9 drinks a week. I, on the other hand, can easily reach 7, but I have a problem with alcohol and he doesn't.

Can I ever be a successful moderator? Can anyone? People in their 20's with problems usually outgrow the alcohol abuse phase and when they settle down, marry, have children, etc. the drinking becomes occasional and moderate if they're fortunate to not have a problem.

Why do some of us have problems with it? Is it a missing enzyme, lack of a certain gene or a gene one doesn't want? There's not a concrete answer yet. Variations of things are proposed, allergies are one example (e.g. a missing enzyme in many Asians that gives them an allergic reaction makes them not want to drink - for some reason they can tolerate saki however).

Can someone in their 30's, 40's, 50's be a successful moderator? They settled down (most), got married (many) and some never got out of that alcohol abuse phase. Can they learn to moderate?

I do believe some can, but I think for folks that are older, it's very difficult and most find that they can't.

When people find us, they know they have a problem. And it's ok to believe that they can try to moderate. They have their foot in the right door, in an area where they can get help, hear stories, hear "their stories" out of the mouths of other people. And they will learn whether the mod squad is just the babystep to an AF life eventually or maybe they'll hang here forever!
:l
Eve11

[Eve11]

Ruby Tuesday weekly meeting

Update on my week

Went to one of those girl parties on Monday. You know the kind ... where it's really an excuse for the moms to drink on a school night. I was determined not to, didn't, and felt so much better about myself when I got home. Progress!!

Had only 2 drinks on Friday and 2 on Saturday. That third one kept calling my name on Sat. night but I kept thinking how I hated to post 3 on the drinktracker. I also kept reminding myself how I feel the next day when I've had 3. Don't want to hop out of bed and not as motivated. That 3rd one or more really make an impact on me.

My saving grace? This site - this thread, the accountability to my mod squad friends and to the drinktracker.

Total of 4 drinks this week.:yay:
How did your week go?
:l
Eve11

[Eve11]

Ruby Tuesday weekly meeting

Hey modsters,
A new month, and a new week. No drinks so far this week however I usually try not to drink on school nights and succeed other than if it's a girl party (candle, purse, jewelry, etc.) where I may have a glass of wine. Going out with BIG drinkers tomorrow so really need to work hard on trying to maintain my 2 with no more than 3 at the most. Think I'll pop an L-Glut to see if it helps. My goals are no more than 4-7 drinks this week. How about you?

((( )))
Eve11

[FancyC]

Ruby Tuesday weekly meeting

Hi! I am also working on moderation. My plan right now is af through the week and mod on weekends. Did not follow through with my plan over the Thanksgiving holiday, but I'm back on track for this week and looking forward to the weekend. Will be out with hubby tonight, however I will offer to be dd. Tomorrow is Christmas party with coworkers. This will make it easier to be mod, as I normally don't go out with them, and must keep it under wraps. I must say, that I have so enjoyed my sober days this week. I am trying to hold onto that feeling to carry through the weekend. Good luck on success in your plan!

[Eve11]

Ruby Tuesday weekly meeting

FancyC,

Thanks for posting. Once you're more comfortable being on the board, perhaps you can share a little about yourself and what brought you here. There's a lot of good info regarding moderating in our old threads here along with tips for staying in control. Forget the title but look for the post with 5 stars with some good info for new modders.

Hope to get to know you - keep coming back - it works in the Mod world too!
:l
Eve11

[Eve11]

Ruby Tuesday weekly meeting

My goals for this week and 2011

My goal for 2011:
To post on the drinktracker daily.

I have found that posting on the drinktracker keeps me more accountable. When I have to think about posting my amount of drinks, it does make it easier to say no to the first one or quit when I should.

My weekly goals are to have no more than 9 drinks per week (Moderation Management goals) but will try to have no more than 7 drinks per week per the NIAAA (National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism) recommendation for safe drinking.

What are your goals for this week and 2011?
:l
Eve11

[KundaliniGirl]

Ruby Tuesday weekly meeting

Oh, wow, I'm so happy to find some modders. I've been modding for a month and am having great success. Will go back and read the posts - great to have support and help each other along. I've been posting under monthly moderation but will come here too.

Eve, my goal is no alcohol during the week. My husband and I go out for dinner on the weekends, and I plan to have 1/2 bottle of wine or 2 drinks such as margaritas depending on the meal. I originally came here to be AF, did that for 2.5 mos, and have now done what I just described above for the last month. I'm feeling really secure and not tempted to drink during the week at all.

So glad to have found this thread. Not much going on in the monthly modding section. I look forward to chatting with those of you who visit here!

KG