July Modders

[rebirth]

July Modders

Good morning,

Lila- Try and do 30 days? But if not ten days is fantastic girl! Well done! Do you feel better?
I am in Barbados for two weeks. But I heard that its raining...boo hoo.

[Lila]

July Modders

aw, Rebirth! It will go away, I am sure.
I had a glass of wine last night. I am neutral, not sure if I am sorry, or if it was a good thing. I enjoyed it. I drank it while I journaled. But maybe I should just see this as a small bump in the road and keep on going and pretend it never happened.
But these last ten days have really helped me see that I am, and can be in charge of my life. Maybe I am abstaining, but abstaining in moderation!
I really don't feel like I failed, I feel like I did it, and really have the power of decision.
I am curious, why 30 days? Is it just so it is good and out of your life, and then can decide from there?
I kind of want that book...
L

[newdaynow]

July Modders

Lila, that is awesome. You have gone 10 days, congratulations! So, you had one glass of wine. I think that is fantastic, in that even though you decided to have a drink, you did it your way, with just one. You seem very in control of your situation and seem to have a clear head on your shoulders.
I, unfortunately, am going back to my bad ways. I am drinking during the week when I don't want to be. It's a big conflict, because I do want to drink, but know that it is healthier not too.
And, now the weekend is coming and I don't want to get out of control.
Hope everyone has a great Thursday!

[rebirth]

July Modders

Lila- I suggest 30 days because of this book I read ( Responsible Drinking). A small glass of wine after ten days is fantastic! Do you feel the urge to drink further or do you want to carry on abstaining?

Newday- Maybe you should read it too? It could help break your drink pattern...

Here's an extract from the book Responsible Drinking:

The benefits of a period of abstinence ( we call it the thirty):
Becoming abstinent for a period of time is one of the key techniques used by people who successfully moderate. Some of the reasons are:

For one , if you have a feeling that your use of alcohol is slipping out of control, you may have become a bit demoralized about your ability to cut back. But with abstinence, the tide promptly turns in your favour. People often take a real pride and accomplishment from the abstinence period.

Most people rediscover how good life can be without AL and how unecessary and counterproductive drinking can be in many circumstances. They find that situations they thought they "needed a drink" can actually be handled better sober. And all of this can help give a much smaller role in your life.

Abstaining for a month dramatically reduces your tolerance for alcohol. After thirty days abstinence the ability to sense the effects of modest amounts of AL returns

[rebirth]

July Modders

I personally think 30 days is crucial for successful moderating (Well it was for me personally but everyone is different)
When I first tried to control my drinking, I would manage two days at the most, then binge drink. I didnt think it was possible for me to control my drinking once I started. I truely believed that the only way to resolve my drink problem was to abstain totally.
But what worked for me was a long period of abstinence because it changed the way I thought about AL. I learnt to deal with boredom, loneliness, anger etc without picking up a drink. This has definitely been the key to my successful moderating.

[rebirth]

July Modders

I went to the gym today and did a circuits class. There were alot of men there so I thought the class was going to be difficult. But I kept up! My 14 weeks of at home training is paying off! I could run, jump, sprint as long as everyone. It was a proud moment for me. Still have that wretched pain under my foot though.

Tomorrow is friday and I will meet up with the BF after work, have my usual two drinks.. and then start packing my suitcase.
I am flying on sunday and determined not to drink during the week while I am there. Will try and post when I can.

Take care you all. x

[Lila]

July Modders

Thank you, Rebirth and Newday for keeping this positive and not being disappointed in me. I never thought I could go this long, and now that I did, I feel so much in control. I am still on my thirty days then. It really makes more and more sense to really abstain for so long. And then I want to follow the guidelines.
Rebirth, so great that you kept up so good! You are so inspiring!
I am more active than I have been in years, too. It really is a good feeling. After my college overload, burnout, coming here, I decided to have a really good summer. My daughter and I go fishing and swimming a lot, I am reading books, journaling. I am tan, and I have a bit of a social life , too. (I am a huge introvert, so this is good)
Newday, I think you will get where you want to be. If someone had told me a few weeks ago I would have gone 10 days, I wouldn't have believed them! I do think supps really help, not immediately, but after a few weeks.

[rebirth]

July Modders

Good morning ladies,

Counting my days till I fly. I cant wait!!

Lila-It's been such a joy to read your journey so far. Your posts clearly show that you are in a better place. I am really happy for you because i remember how bad you felt about three weeks ago.

Newday- On average I drank a bottle of wine a day and I binge drank on the weekends (wine, tequila, jagermeister,gin ).I use to start my sunday with a glass of wine at 9am in the morning and carried on drinking throughout the day.I could not stop drinking...Just dont give up to your moderation plan.
You can do this, just never stop trying. You will get there.

Have a lovely friday. x

[ToMyHealth]

July Modders

Wow! Everyone sounds terrific.

Lila - agree with Rebirth; you sound positively upbeat compared to 3 weeks ago. So good to see. Thanks for bringing up the supp issue to Newday as I'm a bit indifferent to them, know I haven't really given them a chance. I'll get with that particular aspect of program once moved. In my mind tan = healthy look.

Bean - how are you doing? I know I went through that for a bit too where when I drank I drank more than I initially planned, but now it seems more like a no brainer, 2 gl of wine and feel fine the next day, 3 and it's a little more iffy, but not bad, more = hangover.

Newday - know the 30 days abs is important; I read a Control Your Drinking book and it said minimum 14 days and that is what I did. Not encouraging that, just sharing another perspective. Being part of the AF July Fitness thread, 10 Days Allowed has taught me a lot this month. Because of extenuating circumstances with the permanent move, i.e. lots of get togethers with old friends, retirement parties, etc. I did not stick to rule of no drinking during the week but rather revolved around that, picked my days and I hit 10 for the month at dh retirement party Wed nite. Nothing last night. Tonight we're invited for dinner; I'm choosing 0 again as tomorrow is load up truck day & I want to feel good; and if I abstain Sat. nite I'll have made the month. Even if at end of day Sat. everything is done and dh & I decide to have a beer or glass of wine I'll feel successful as that is 1/3 of what I used to drink.

Rebirth - you are one fit young lady!! Bet you look hot in your bikini. In everything, you have come so far! Thanks for sharing what you used to drink. My binge was the bottle of wine/day; normally I'd have 2-3 glasses everyday, it's when dh & I killed the large bottle so know I had 5 and even once in awhile opening the 2nd big bottle that I'd suffer. Should qualify that to say on weekends I'd sometimes have 1 or 2 beers playing golf in afternoon, then progress to wine at night. That never felt as bad though as killing the one big bottle, probably because of the time involved. Have a wonderful Barbados vaca! Assume you're going with BF and/or friends; you will be such a great example! Will be thinking of you ~ ENJOY!

TMH

[Bean]

July Modders

Hi Gals

Hope you are all doing well. It's a beautiful day here and I am heading to the beach later for the first time this summer.

This moderation business seems to be working! I am still 'tweaking' my plan since I've only been doing this for a few weeks but am very happy that I set my 3 drink limit and am STICKING to it!! I decided not to have AL in the house and I know that's instrumental for me in successfully modding. I have really enjoyed having a couple of glasses of wine with friends this week and then wake up feeling absolutely fine!

I think I am going to allow 10 modding days a month and plan them around social occasions rather than say 'only weekends'. My social life doesn't follow a Mon-Fri 9-5 kind of routine so there are frequently occasions in the week when there is a get together and I want to be flexible. Rigid rules ask to be broken - guaranteed!

For now, that's it. I plan on being very mindful about the number of days I drink in August. I will be keeping close track so that I don't go over my limits. I read somewhere else that someone wrote "Make moderation work or quit completely' and this is my mantra when the odd craving creeps in. I am also taking it ODAT, just the same as I did when I was AF.

Have a brilliant holiday Rebirth. I know you will rock the modding over there just as well as you do at home!

Lila - good for you on your AF time. I don't think you need to ask permission from anyone about whether or not it's 'good' or 'bad' that you had a glass of wine. What's important is what YOU think about it. In fact that's that only thing that matters. No judgement here as you find your way through the maze...

TMH - how's it going? Sounds like we are following a similar path. Have you had many times when you just didn't stick to your plan? If so, what triggered it?

NDN - what's happening with you? Sounds like you are quite conflicted about how to move forward with
AL. Part of you is saying that you really should cut AL down/out but another part really doesn't want to. This is normal when it's been a big part of our lives for so long and when it's very habitual. Would it help to think about where you ultimately want to get to? Have you heard of SMART goal setting? It stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Timeframe. It's a useful way to make a plan because without one, you can't possibly know where you're going and if you've got there!

I know you feel you shouldn't drink in the week but it seems to be hard for you not to. Maybe you could make a goal to have for example 2AF nights a week and see if you can do it for 2 weeks or a month. Then you reassess.

Something very important is that success breeds success. The first time I went AF for a sustained period I felt so good about myself. I managed to retain that proud feeling even though I then fell back into old ways. The next time I went for even longer AF because I knew I had it in me to achieve that. And now with moderating - every time I successfully stick to my limits it builds my strength and confidence in myself that I can do it and I can have control. That's a great feeling!

Looking forward to August being a happy, successful and moderate month!
Bean

[Bean]

July Modders

Oh I meant to say that I am starting the Stone-Age Paleo diet. I am very interested to see what impact, if any, it has on cravings and desire for AL. I have noticed many times over the years there are times when I am indifferent to AL and then other days, the cravings are so strong I am climbing the walls. I think this HAS to be connected to diet. I've never really tracked what I was or wasn't eating at those times but the connection seems too obvious to be ignored.

I'll let you know how I get on!
Bean

[4me]

July Modders

Hello everyone, I am starting a moderation program. I am still putting together a plan. I have been blogging in the newbies nest and they suggested I check out the moderation blog. I just started reading the book and trying to figure out what supplements I should take. Any suggestions would be welcome!

Bean, what is ODAT?

Thanks!

[Bean]

July Modders

Hi 4me

ODAT means One Day at A Time. I know, there are so many abbreviations on these boards, it can be hard to keep up.

I read the book about 5 years ago and haven't since so I don't really remember what it said about supps but there's masses of other posts on here if you go looking that will give you the info you're after.

My best advice with putting together a plan is to follow the SMART goal setting that I mentioned a couple of posts back. If you tell yourself "I'm just going to cut back" or I'll only drink a couple of times a week/month ---- it won't work. You have to get really specific so that you know when you are achieving what you set out to or the exact moment when you are about to have a major slip up. I know all this because I spent years failing to make a specific plan and then thinking that I obviously couldn't possibly moderate because I would always disregard whatever incredibly vague promises I had made to myself.

NOW I'm doing it differently. My plan is this:
- 10 drinking days allocated each month. Preferably spread out 2-3/week but at this stage am not going to get hung up on when they happen. If I drink every day for 10 days then that's something else to figure out but I will have to be AF for the rest of the month, come what may.
- no more than 3 drinks at any one time. 4 ABSOLUTE max. I think 4 is the place where I lost control and stop caring about my plan so I don't want to tempt fate by going there.
- No AL in the house. I am ok with sharing a bottle of wine with someone AT my house but I won't buy any with the intention of having a couple of glasses or 'saving' it for another day. From experience, I know that leads me down the wrong road.
- No drinking alone.

For now that's it and I have managed to stick to my limits each time I have drunk in the last few weeks. This is new for me. I spent a long time telling myself I couldn't moderate and guess what? I couldn't. I decided to change the internal dialogue to tell myself I could, and guess what? So far, I can!

It's early days so I'm still a long way from this being a normal lifestyle but like I said, I'm just taking it ODAT for now.
Best of luck putting together a plan. I'll be interested to hear what you come up with if you care to share.
Bean

[4me]

July Modders

Thanks Bean, I do believe I can moderate. I love that you have a very precise plan. That makes such good sense. I 'll let you know when I have put my plan together. Do the moderators go to the boards where the AF people talk? I was reading a blog today in the newbies nest by someone who said she thought people who try moderation are just the people that aren't able to quit and they are just lying to themselves. I am sure that may be true for some, but not all.

Thanks again!

[Bean]

July Modders

Hi 4me

How's that plan coming along?

I've only recently joined the mods boards because previously I was trying to be AF. In my experience, there's not a lot of overlap for obvious reasons although I do read some of the AF threads. There's such a wealth of information and helpful advice on these boards - if something resonates with me, I don't care where it was posted!

I think there is a lot of sensitivity around the dialogue between modders and abstainers which is probably why that person posted that moderaters are just people who can't quit. Personally I disagree and that's the beauty of this forum - everyone is entitled to their own opinion. My perspective is that [I]whatever your chosen path[I] you have to commit to it 100%.

Giving up AL is not an easy thing to do and nor is moderating - they both have their challenges. Some people get themselves into such a mess with trying to moderate that it's easier for them to abstain completely. And I think in order not to spend their whole lives feeling that they somehow 'failed' at that too, they have to tell themselves all sorts of things to reinforce that AF is the best way to be. That's ok. Whatever works right?

That said, there ARE people who can and do moderate successfully - check out Rebirth's post. She is a real inspiration. And they are not just people who 'didn't really have a problem in the first place'. It's too early for me to claim any sustained success with it but as and when I do, I will be one of those people who 'had' a real problem and managed to overcome it.

I believe that the biggest part of any addiction is psychological and if we can fix our thinking, we can solve the problem. Almost more than the hangovers, I got sick of feeling remorseful and guilty and then I got resentful of having to say I had 'slipped' even at times when I didn't think it was a problem. I have decided not to behave in a way any more that brings on those feelings and I intend to do that by drinking moderately. Watch this space...

Bean