be careful driving - I bet Florida is looking really good right now,TMH!
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November Mod Squad
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November Mod Squad
My story
Hi Crocus,
Reader's Digest version of my story: I went to a therapist for co-dependency issues years ago (dad was a chronic alcoholic). Upon interviewing me and learning my history she proceeded to ask me the standard 4 alcohol question assessment test they did then, e.g.
Have you ever felt you should cut down on your drinking?
Yes No
Have people annoyed you by criticizing your drinking?
Yes
No
Have you ever felt bad or guilty about your drinking?
Yes No
Have you ever had a drink first thing in the morning (as an “eye opener”) to steady your nerves or get rid of a hangover?
Yes No
Because I said yes to #2 and #3 she declared me an alcoholic too and said before she could treat me for co-dependency, I had to go to AA and help myself first. So, I went to AA, quit drinking cold turkey, did not experience D.T.s or anything at all because I was not dependent on alcohol as my drinking consisted of "young people binge drinking" such as the nightclub scene on Sat. night and drinking 4-5 drinks.
I have to say looking back at all of it, I ended up having more fun the 7 years that I didn't drink as I could be as wild at a party as I wanted to be (I have a very outgoing personality) but when you are in total control because you are not tipsy or drunk, you don't embarrass yourself in any way like you can when fueled with liquor. The downside was being an "alcoholic" was a stigma then and it seemed everyone drank so when I declined alcohol it was considered "weird" to people and when I casually mentioned I was a "recovering alcoholic" they would backstab me and gossip about me as they had such an offhanded view of what an alcoholic was. Like you, I had no craving of any kind and was quite happy without al in my life. Then I got married and my husband's family were all very controlled drinkers but they all enjoyed wine with dinner. One Aunt kept encouraging me to join them for a glass of wine. Just one glass. And as they say in AA, "it's a slippery slope". I did the one glass with dinner just fine but the first time I went out with some girlfriends to drink because I felt I wasn't alcoholic and could safely drink again, I drank too much and said things to the girl that drove that I never would have if I hadn't been drinking. So, with that one glass, I brought AL back into my life and AL has remained giving me a daily struggle of trying to believe I can moderate. Most times I can, but there have been times throughout the years that I have drank too much and said or did too much because AL was talking and if I could do it over again, I would have never allowed myself that one little glass that wasn't going to hurt me.
Just wanted to share that story as it's sounds like you're doing so well with giving up AL. It can be tricky when you bring AL back in as the moderation battle is a daily battle too. Good luck and keep us informed.
:l
Eve11
crocus;1211350 wrote: Hi Guys. I joined up a month ago after realizing that daily drinking and weekly drunken conduct was not what I could tolerate in myself. Now, here's my situation: Much to my utter amazement, after starting my AF 30 days, (I'm about done) I found that it was easy for me to quit. Once I made the decision to do it, I did not want a drink. No cravings. Nothing. It didn't bother me to watch my husband drink; I breezed happily through the weekends, and was waiting for the tough part to start. It didn't.
I feel tons better of course! Much fresher, happier etc. But no real desire to drink. I am by nature a very busy, social person. With Thanksgiving coming up, I am considering having some champagne or wine, or maybe my daughters signature Irish Cream cocoa after the meal. Do you think this is playing with fire? I have NO idea how to make this decision. Naturally I don't want to start drinking like I had been, but I don't want to pass it by forever either. Has anyone else had an experience similar?"Control your destiny or somebody else will"
~Jack Welsh~:h
God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me. ~Author unknown, :thumbs:
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November Mod Squad
Eve, what a story! I really had never heard your story before.
I am feeling great, the supps are really helping all my cravings, carbs and alcohol, and i am doing the hypnosis tapes, as well as another for confidence.
hope you all had a great day, too!
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November Mod Squad
Lila,Eve, and TO My Health
Thank you all so much for all that input. I still feel very uncertain, since this is the first time I have tried to cut back, and it seems plain, here, that each person is so different. I don't want to regress, but neither do I want to feel guilty if I have a drink or two. I know I will absolutely feel guilty if I have more than that, and I don't want to go there again.
I'm sixty two, and I'm told, a very "young" 62 (good genes, I guess), so at my age I don't go out to clubs or anything. My husband is a real homebody as I am, and we only go out a few times a year. Usually for dinner on special occasions. I never overdrink on those times.
I think I started drinking too much after the 2 years I had been taking care of my husband. He had three bouts of cancer (head, neck, liver), stage 4, massive surgeries, feeding tubes and lots of nursing to do. He is all cured today, thank God. I was also taking care of my Mom during that time. She had dementia and long illness before she passed. During those years, I was a rock. Exhausted, but steady. It was after it was all over I seemed to dive into the bottle. It's as if the bottom fell out of my strength, and the AL relaxed me and took my mind away from all that fear and trauma.
Hey you guys! Listen to me! You better send me a bill for therapy.
I am planning to make a decision about drinking on Turkey day BEFORE it gets here. I don't like surprises.
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November Mod Squad
To My Health - reply
I also do not want to be a daily drinker.
The main ways I feel better: is I am much more energetic and I feel up to doing tons of things every day. My job and my homelife is happier than ever. I feel that I am so very blessed. I'm eating better, and so I am sure my health is improving (I was anemic). No, I haven't used any supps., just my usual flaxseed, fish oil and calcium. Also, I have always been a praying person, but I now make a point of doing so many times throughout the day, especially morning and bedtime. I love the feeling that I am using the free will God gave me, rather than just allowing AL to control me. The worst part of overdrinking for me was always the sinking sense that I had abused the gift of free will by not using it, ignoring it, kicking it aside. I feel much more reliable after these AF days. Grateful too.
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November Mod Squad
crocus;1212165 wrote: The worst part of overdrinking for me was always the sinking sense that I had abused the gift of free will by not using it, ignoring it, kicking it aside. I feel much more reliable after these AF days. Grateful too.
Thanks for sharing your story Eve. I hadn't read it before either.
I haven't posted here in a long while. Still ticking along quite well.Psalms 119:45
?Start by doing what is necessary, then what is possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible.?
St. Francis of Assisi
I'm not perfect, never will be, but better than I was and not as good as I'm going to be.
:rays:
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November Mod Squad
great story, Crocus. interesting that what triggered you was the stress. that is what happened to me, too. i went through a very nasty divorce, and al was a nice place to go to at the end of the day. The faith piece you mentioned as well - that is coming back to my life too, it is everything, but also so easy to let fall by the wayside.
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November Mod Squad
Crocus,
We are all about trying to not instill guilt so you will do what is right for you whether you decide to have a drink on the special occasion of Tgiving or not. Our main focus here in the moderation world is "harm reduction". So, if we choose to drink, hopefully we are sticking to limits where we are not hung over the next day with regrets from the night before. Good luck and let us know how it goes. These celebrations have always been hard for me to stick to my limit of 2. I have shared with the group many times that AL gives me a vampire effect. Sometimes I am fine like a normal drinker and feel just fine with 2 and other times it is like "I HAVE to have more! Tasted blood and need more of it!" Because I cannot quite figure out why this is triggered sometimes and not others, it is scary for me to have drinking in my life. The biggest fear is big parties, weddings, etc. I am so DONE with having AL talk and saying stupid things because I am too drunk!! My trick now is to start late. So, when co. comes and they all have a drink right away, I won't. I won't have one until sitting down with the meal in front of me and "pairing" that glass of wine with my meal. Then I will try to focus on just one after the meal and stick to my no more than two. Here's hoping I can stick to my goals. I will actually give myself 2 tickets and throw each away after each drink. A psychological thing for sure, but it helps. Good luck and we'll post how we did. Together we can keep each other strong (everyone else here too).
:l
Eve11"Control your destiny or somebody else will"
~Jack Welsh~:h
God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me. ~Author unknown, :thumbs:
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November Mod Squad
Left midwest and ice and snow at 23 deg; it's 82 deg here. Felt exhausted after getting up at 5:00a yest and 4:00a today to catch an early flight. Ended up taking a little nap when we got in house, highly unusual for me, then did a brisk 4 mile walk.
Eve - extremely interesting story! Thanks for putting it out there. I, too, go along fine and then have too much and end up feeling embarrassed. Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier to just not drink.
Crocus - you sound like you're in a really good place. Gratitude is powerful! It was nice to be back yesterday at our old church home and helped us pare down what we are looking for in a new church home. We've visited 2 in area and need to participate more so we can decide.
Hi RC! I read a lot on here but guess I didn't realize you are a modder. You sound British.
Ok, this is definitely an AF day, not anwhere's near over but have no desire whatsoever for alcohol.
TMHThe pain of discipline is less than the pain of regret.
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November Mod Squad
Evening everyone,
I joined MWO in October thinking that I wanted to go completely AF. I actually put 22 days together without al. I now realize that I really don't want it completely out of my life. Al becomes a problem when I socialize. I just cannot turn it off and I end up drinking far too much. I joined here after an evening of hosting a party. I ended up in the bathroom and woke up not knowing where I was. It scared me to death. So I went 22 days af but then decided to have a glass of wine with my hubby and watch the sun go down. I did not feel guilty nor did I regret that decision. So my goals are to never drink again in any social situation. That means holidays, parties, weddings, funerals, etc. I know I cannot do that and I will not drink this Thanksgiving. I also only want to drink on Sat. and Sunday and only have 2-3 glasses of wine at that time. I was never a big drinker at home and I believe that I can follow the rules that I have laid out for myself. I am so happy that there is a section on MWO for modders. I no longer felt that I belonged in the newbies nest. It's not fair to those that are trying to quit altogether and I am modding. I know I still need support because of the upcoming holidays. I hope this thread continues and that we can be here in support of one another. Have a great evening everyone."What's so funny 'bout peace, love and understanding." Elvis Costello
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November Mod Squad
Welcome MightyMite! Yes, everyone let's keep this thread going.
Had a nice evening and good day today. Played 18 holes of golf and walked 2+ miles. One thing I wanted to share is that even though I am mostly a chardonnay drinker, I sometimes join my dh for a drink. What we often do is make a regular size drink, lots of ice, so I'm sure it's approx 1.5 oz, possibly 2 oz of liquor, he doesn't measure. Then as we near the end of the drink we refresh it - with ice only. Like Eve with her tickets, it's psychological - we feel like we had 2 drinks.
TMHThe pain of discipline is less than the pain of regret.
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November Mod Squad
Hey TMH,
My goodness, I think we may be soul mates. I only drink Chardonnay too. Thanks for welcoming me. Boy, it sure is quiet around here. I have been wondering why that is. Are modders more at peace with themselves and don't feel the need to post or are there just more people trying to quit all together. Just wondering. Thanksgiving is getting closer and I am still strong in my conviction to not drink. I think I will be ok. What a rainy day it's been here on the East Coast. But I haven't minded it. Just picked my son up from college today and he's home for the holiday. I will have about 18 for Thanksgiving and will start the prep tomorrow. Yikes! Plus they are staying a couple of days too. My two brothers and their families. But it will be fun. Especially because I have chosen to not drink and I can become involved in the day. Have a great evening all."What's so funny 'bout peace, love and understanding." Elvis Costello
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November Mod Squad
hi all
welcome mighty mite! what a story, was it your bathroom, sounds like it was, did you pass out? yikes!
tmh, sounds so great, all that warmth, good you are exercising! i have my own florida here, turned up the heat and have an lemon plant.
well, I am not at peace with myself, just had a busy day. something i couldn't face was due today and i have been running since 6:30 this morning getting it done. tomorrow is thanksgiving, guests coming, feels like an invasion. i feel so tense today, i hate that feeling. is it me or the situation? am i a tense person or just tense today? i want to be calm, peaceful.
well, i wanted to check in, even though i am not feeling so great, my cd player stopped working so i havent' listened to the hypnosis tapes, i will load them on my computer, then to my iPod.
bedtime can't come too soon today...
L
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November Mod Squad
Hey mighty mite and welcome. Yes, the mod board is a lot more quiet than the AF board as people on AF boards are working daily to not have that first drink. Most modders are not physically addicted to alcohol so the daily struggle not to drink doesn't drive us to the board for assistance as often. However, like you, many of us have a faulty turn off valve. Works sometimes, doesn't other times. We probably will all admit we have a problem with drinking because people without problems don't seek help. However, the world of recovery has been all about ALL or NOTHING for a long time and we do believe there are "some" people who can learn to moderate or have successful harm reduction in their lives. Some come here hoping they can, find they can't, and eventually share they are moving on to the AF world. I am sure some of the AFers who lurk at our site think many of the modders are deluding themselves, but some may think a few actually can moderate with success. Only each individual knows if it is really working for them or not. Moderating is not easy as stated earlier, we all have a problem with drinking or we wouldn't be here. There is the price to pay of counting, wondering, failing sometimes, and questioning if we can really do it. Some feel all of that work just isn't worth it and they happily move on into the AF world. Keep posting here and we'll keep posting back although it may not be daily or as much support as an AF site would give you. Keep in mind that as names get familiar to you, everyone would welcome and respond immediately to a personal message. Just click on the person's name and a drop down box gives you the message to send a private email (as long as they don't have it blocked in their privacy setting). Good luck and we look foward to getting to know more about you.
:l
Eve11"Control your destiny or somebody else will"
~Jack Welsh~:h
God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me. ~Author unknown, :thumbs:
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November Mod Squad
Hi Eve, thank you so much for your response. Very well said. I completely agree with you. We all have our weaknesses and as long as we understand what they are, hopefully, we can overcome them. My weakness is being in a social situation. Thanksgiving is tomorrow and I have the booze out and ready for company. I don't drink hard liquor but just looking at it and knowing that everyone else will be drinking is kind of freaking me out a bit. I plan on not drinking. I want to play with my nieces and nephews after dinner and take them to the beach. But it is hard and I will struggle. But I am so thankful for this site and for the advice you have given me. For all of you celebrating Thanksgiving tomorrow, I wish you a very happy holiday. I hope it is all you want it to be and that you stick to your goals. Although we should set aside a brief time each and every day to be thankful for something in our lives. I wish you all find that small something to be thankful for. MM"What's so funny 'bout peace, love and understanding." Elvis Costello
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