May Day Modders

[Lila]

May Day Modders

thanks, i will try that - being here more, checking in, having goals again.

[Nuttmeg]

May Day Modders

Hi everybody, I'm just checking back in. Last time I posted, I was doing very well leading up to an out of town mud run. Well, it didn't go as well as I hoped. We got up to the hotel the night before, hubby tagged along, and after checking in he wanted to go to the Irish pub across the street. I don't even know if I even hesitated, knowing I was running the next day and really, I'm not sure why he suggested it knowing the same. But he doesn't, so far as I know, suspect I have a drinking problem. But I drank a lot that night, about 6 glasses of wine. That was bad, not what I wanted to do. So I ended up running with a slight hangover, but I still did pretty good. I never posted after that, because I wanted to try to go a week again Al free after that, to prove to myself that I was still on track. I'm happy to say that I lasted all mothers day without a single drink!

So I'm still modding, I tend to get really loaded now and then, but still nowhere near what I was drinking just 2 months ago.

[Trixiebelle]

May Day Modders

Hi Nuttmeg,

Great to hear that you are doing well. :goodjob:

Setbacks are just that, we need to get back on the wagon and try again - I know how disappointing they can be though.

I have been at my daughters place for a week and trying desperately not to lose control. I'm doing ok, have made a 6pk of cider and a bottle of wine last 4 days - but I would have liked to not want to drink at all - hahahahahaha. But you know how it is once you have that first one.

I've ordered my Kudzu rescue and L-Glut for when I get home, so I'm really hoping they give me some relief to the urge every day.

How does you hubby not know you have a drinking problem?

[ToMyHealth]

May Day Modders

Hope everyone had a good weekend! I did even though I did choose to drink. Not a lot but not AF. I deliberated for some time on Sat. Asked myself what exactly is my goal here? Abstain? No. Get some AF days in? Yes. Did I do that? Yes. Poured myself a NA beer, drank that but still decided to have a glass of wine. Had 2. Yesterday kind of same thing. Went to church, stopped at friend's house, had a cup of coffee with her,listened as she is going through a messy divorce. Later my son called. Stilll later in afternoon my daughter called, she had just gone out to her patio to relax with a glass of wine and I said I'll join you. Now she's in Canada, mind you. Had 2.

Geez, Nutmegg, no way in you know where could I have run after 6 glasses of wine. Heck, these days I'm not sure I could get up after 6. WTG getting a week AF after that. So glad you are doing a lot better - me too.

Hi Trix. Think you're doing a-ok!

Where is everyone else after weekend???

TMH

[Trixiebelle]

May Day Modders

Good job TMH

What sort of AF beer do you drink? We have stuff called Birrell here in Oz, never tasted it, so I don't know.

I have often though of getting the AF wine and drinking that, even if it does taste like crap, haha.

[ToMyHealth]

May Day Modders

Trix - in U.S. we have O'Doul's. You can get regular or Amber which is like a darker beer. I prefer the regular. Sometimes if I order an O'Doul's out in a restaurant they don't have it but offer an alternative. I have not tasted AF wine but do hear it's nasty. The AF beer is really ok, IMO. Thanks for saying good job. Want to be honest, and I really did enjoy my AF days. More to come!
TMH

[Nuttmeg]

May Day Modders

Well, my leg of the run was at 11, plenty of coffee time in there. Plus, for the longest time, I was functioning highly drinking 5-6 a week and running 3 miles 4 days a week. Sad as it is, running after a night like that is old hat for me.

I don't know if my husband truly doesn't know, or just doesn't say he knows. But my heavy drinking was always done in secret, drink a bottle with him while secretly drinking from another in my office. Or drinking a whole bottle before walking in the door with 2 unopened bottles and a mouthful of tictacs. Or getting totally hammered while away on business, with most of it done after I have checked in with the family for the night. Has he seen me plastered? Definitely, but those times are always occasion nights and events. He has rarely seen me slurring and staggering as I drink 2 bottles in secret while working as he is in bed by then. My best friend has that honor, but she sees it but doesn't see it as a problem as she also likes to drink a lot.

Of course, a drunk always convinces the,selves that nobody notices...

[drinkingal]

May Day Modders

nuttmeg I think you are doing great, I think it's important to be able to pick yourself up after a slip up and not get bogged down by it emotionally. I try to see these kind of things as a learning experience instead of a failure. You've done so well to cut back on your drinking and go so long in between in just a couple of months and it's good to remind yourself of that too because it's not a small thing.

trixie it is a process cutting back and you are making headway with it so just remember you are heading in the right direction :goodjob:

"I did even though I did choose to drink. Not a lot but not AF. I deliberated for some time on Sat."
TMH that's what I try to do too. I used to feel like I had no control and I *had* to drink, but now I see it as a choice I make. If I decide to drink I won't feel guilty about it because there's no point in that and sticking to 2 drinks is great. I'm not at that point yet where I can do that.

I did af sunday and I need to get a couple more days in this week. that's the plan anyway

[rebirth]

May Day Modders

Hi Modders

Drinking gal- I totally agree with you.

I was aiming for an AF weekend but decided to drink saturday and sunday. I dont feel like I have let myself down because on both occassions I drank in moderation and I managed to jog an hour every day. Years back I would have drank till I was comotosed and was a couch potato the next day

Progress. ;-)

[Nuttmeg]

May Day Modders

Drinkingal, although I have been able to cut down the number of weekly bottles I drink, and some bad habbits, it has not been easy at all. I spend a lot of time thinking about it, talking myself out of it, almost as much time as I spent trying to figure out how to drink a bottle in secret. So when I DO drink, I am binging still, and I want to work on that next. But right now, it's taking all my will power to just keep the weekday drinking down, the daytime drinking down, the secret drinking down...

Next speed bump is a wedding this weekend. It's going to be a weekend event with family and friends who love to drink. A lot. My best friend will be there too, and I am hoping to keep the drinking down to JUST the reception.

[drinkingal]

May Day Modders

RB, yep I agree any progress is still progress no matter how fast or slow it happens. I know what you mean about drinking till you're comatose and just being totally useless the next day lol. I'm so glad those days are gone.

Nuttmeg, you might be trying to push yourself along too fast. The reason I decided to make slow changes is because I didn't want it to feel like a struggle. I sort of feel if you're white knuckling it, then your brain starts telling you that you want alcohol even more, but if you keep it manageable then you don't feel like you're missing out or having a hard time of it. These are just my own thoughts on it, heck I could be totally wrong and my approach may not work for you, but so far it has worked to keep me moving forward in very slow steady steps. I also find it helps to focus on one change to my behaviour and when that starts feeling comfortable, I'll start thinking about what step I want to take next. I spent years learning how to drink heavily so I don't care how long I take to unlearn it, as long as I get there in the end if you know what I mean?

[ToMyHealth]

May Day Modders

Did not have a good night last night, fine tonite. A good friend from back home called to tell me she and her dh split. I had decided to have a gl of wine or 2 and that turned into 3 being so incredibly sad. That's not good. I need to learn to not react with alcohol whether it's sad or bad news or good news and cause to celebrate. Tonite was tempting for awhile, know the lonely part of HALT is kicking in. DH is still traveling, won't be home until early next week. Had been drinking tonic water (still experiencing nighttime leg cramps) all afternoon so that didn't appeal to me but an AF beer did. One and a frozen pizza later...........

Hey, Nutmegg, I used to be a big marathon, ultramarathon runner. And I drank. Not the night before an event but right up to it. And we (our group) always celebrated after our run. Heck, we ran Napa Valley and would visit wineries right up until the day before, then start all over once the race was done. In 1988 I had been 9 months AF and made a conscious decision to have a drink the night after/of the New York marathon. I remember how scary that was.

DG & RB - progress is good!

I was not happy with myself today. I also felt queasy and checked the wine bottle to see if I had more than I thought. 2/3 gone but had drunk from it over weekend (it's a large bottle) so I'm certain I quit after the 3rd. Had a retirement party to go to this afternoon and decided to forego it. Thankfully, I had contributed and signed a card already. But I decided if there was free wine & beer I'd probably indulged. Maybe not but felt too fragile. Having said that, I am kind of thinking of participating in Happy Hour and dinner Friday night as I'm isolating myself. Going by myself and having to drive, etc. will keep me accountable. Don't have to decide today. I do have plans with a friend Sat a.m. which will help also.

TMH

[rebirth]

May Day Modders

Hi Nutmeg- I relate to what you are saying because it was a struggle for me to moderate when I first started out. I still had the same thought patterns to alcohol so I ended up having a couple of AF free days and binge drinking the missing units in the the rest of the week.
We all have our own approaches to it but it the only way I could solve my own issues with Al with to abstain for a few months. Those months mentally changed me and permanently broke old habits.You are certainly on the right track and everything you are going through is leading you to your solution I reckon.

Like DG says, any progress is progress.

Gosh TMH. I cannot imagine running while drinking. Infact I didn’t do anything when I was drinking on a daily basis. As soon as I collected my son from school after work , it was my drinking time. I poured myself a big glass of wine as soon as I got home and pending on the day I would hdrink three quarters of the bottle or all of it. I didn’t have the energy to do anything else other than watch tv and eat.
I can imagine 9 months of abstinence did you a world of good?

Anyway, I have just entered my first 5k race to raise money for cancer victims. The race is on the 24th June and I am determined to complete this in less than 45 mins. I can only jog/walk the distance at the moment.
Any training tips?

[Trixiebelle]

May Day Modders

Starting my Kudzu Rescue today - I'm not sure how long it'll take to kick in.

I'll keep you all posted.

Hope you are all doing well =)

[rebirth]

May Day Modders

Have a good weekend everyone. Will post next week
x