June Modders

[drinkingal]

June Modders

Hi modders,

TMH it's funny you should mention that about red wine, I just can't drink it (I used to be able to) but these days even one glass will give me a headache almost straight away.

Hi trix, did you get a second af day in? ooh champagne, were you celebrating something?

welcome itsmytime, I've had to switch drinks too, my drink of choice was always bourbon or scotch but in the end I realised it was just too easy to knock it down and way too hard to control. I drink alcoholic cider now which is about the same strength as beer.

Hi stewarts, good advice there about writing some things down. It really does help to get a better picture and understand more about your drinking. It sounds like you had a good week and didn't go over the top (even though you could have in that situation) :goodjob:

welcome successful moddy, rant away! no judgements here at this board. How much do you normally drink and how often? feel free to post whatever you need to if it helps.

Lila, how are you doing? stress is such a big trigger with drinking isn't it? I hope the session went well with your son.

I had a pretty stressful week with work, it sort of made me remember I think why I used to get plastered every night :H I don't always deal well with stress and just let it get to me so bad. But I did stick to my 4 drink limit since I last posted and did my 2nd af day for the week.

Here's to a moderate weekend! I hope everyone feels like they're making some progress

[drinkingal]

June Modders

Hi eve, almost forgot I've just been reading your blog entries and wow. You're such an introspective and honest person, I feel like I learned so much about you from just those few posts, thanks for pointing me to them. I guess you're off tomorrow on vacation, have a great time!

[itsmytime]

June Modders

Hi Everyone,
I am still recouping from my binge last weekend, so have no desire whatsoever to drink. AF weekend coming up First one in a loooooong time.

[Stewarts]

June Modders

I'm glad to see all the posting. I actually had an interesting night, last night. It goes back to my advice of writing things down. First, I am okay; I have no anxiety, I am not hungover, just exhausted. The good news, I know why it happened and should be congnizant of it next time.

I think I mentioned I'm training for my fifth marathon and I also play ice hockey. Because I training for a marathon, I told my hockey team I'm out for the summer, but can fill if they are short guys, last night was one of those nights. I haven't played in a long time and forgot about the endorphine and adrelanine rush from it (this is going somewhere). First, my office wanted to go out for drinks and I had three beers (my game was much later). Played my game, felt good, we had some beers after. I want to say 3, maybe four. Here's the thing, drinking after playing, you don't feel any alcohol effects, especially from lite beer - you're adrenaline is still kicked in and your endorphines. So I drive back to the City (I know, bad, but really I was fine). I feel I won't be able to sleep, so I go to the bar across the street to have "a" beer.

Of course, I'm not feeling anything and talking to the bartender and her friend. I then notice, it is very late and I've had about 5 (!??!?!). I don't feel drunk at all! But now, I'm thinking a lot about it, kind of staring off. The bartender asked me something, I don't remember what, but all I said was, "This is so counter productive to training." I got up and walked out and went to bed.

Slept in a little, had an appointment, now at work. This is about routine. Since hockey had been out of my routine for awhile, I completely forgot about this....beer is like drinking water.

I also had a so-so week; I felt half productive, half not at work, a little unfufilled, which makes me feel guilty when I indulge. But, I also felt I made some strides with this friend of mine I've been obsessing about - I have a problem when I don't feel in controle of a situation or that someone is upset with me, even if there not, my mind starts playing all this stupid scenarios in my head when I'm not sure of something. Anyway, to make a long story a short, a female friend of mine, got really wasted about a month and a half ago and still something pretty awful to me, it created a little tension between us, but we seemed past it. Of course I still think there's a problem, because she's been acting all stressed out. I saw her at a conference and I could see the stress in her face, we have been able ot goof off in awhile and I misst that. I do happen to know she is really busy and stressed with work stuff. My summer house is near where she lives, so I wrote her and said, hey, coming up, what are you up to, blah blah...she said she was booked all weekend...last time it was family, etc. Now, I have no reason to think she's blowing me off or lying to me, but of course I think that. She doesn't deal with stress well, and I'm sure she's running up to her sister's to see her nephew. Instead of pondering and making myself crazy, I did this.....

(oh first I made light joke of her being busy and if this was going to be a habit every time I get up there)...then, "X, I'm sure this is nothing, but as you worry about me when I play hockey (I'm 37 and play with kids 10 yrs, in some cases even more, younger than me...she worries, it's cute), I can't help but to worry about you some times as well. I could see the stress in your face in Boston, I guess this is a long winded way of asking if everything is cool is with you? She responded back right away, "I'm just very stressed with deals." So, I responded back something along the line of that is what I thought, maybe here I mentioned I could see the stress in her face, I wanted to her to know to remember I'm always here for her and, that one of the best things that came from my divorce was out friendship (our spouses left us respectfully around the same time, its what, well, in many ways, made us friends).

I don't know why I mentioned that, but it just made me feel a lot better and more secure of our relationship....maybe it made me a little bold last night, who knows...

Sorry for all the rambling, but I guess the point is we need to watch our routines....when I shook this one up a little, I behaved a little...I don't know...I guess irresonsible is the right word.

As for my weekend...I am looking definitely AF or very little A.

[Trixiebelle]

June Modders

Isn't life weird sometimes Stewarts.

Good that you got all that off your chest, I hope it all works out with your friend and she can get past it all.

I have not been too good at modding. I only had one AF day this week, which is better than none. Next week is another week.

Hope you all have a great weekend.

[drinkingal]

June Modders

great job itsmytime, keep remembering how bad that binge made you feel!

stewarts I loved reading your post. I do the same thing when I've slipped up, I sit down and mull it over and there is always something to be learned from it. Like you I've found those times when things went a bit out of control were worth it because there was a lesson to be learned and those lessons are so useful going forward. I'm actually glad this has happened to me at times because it always had something important to tell me.

trix, don't sweat it if you didn't get a second af day in. It took me a while to get used to doing one af day a week and if you can even get into the habit of doing one for now, (or more if you feel ready), then that is huge. You want to join me on sunday for an another af?

[itsmytime]

June Modders

Thanks drinkingal that is what's driving me batty right now.

Anyway, the addiction was working full time yesterday - do I drink to get rid of the anxiety or ride it out and it will be even better for it. Well, I rode it out and feeling a better today. The anxiety will subside as time passes. I don't plan on drinking at all this weekend, but know I will be modding next weekend, then after that my mod plan will be only drinking occasionally and no hard liquor or wine.

Thanks for the support and I am confident that this truly Is My Time

[Stewarts]

June Modders

Hmmm, a lot to comment on, I hope I don't miss anyone. First, everyone don't sweat it. It's my time, I'm sure you were fine. If you did something embarrassing you would have remembered it. The problem is, probably with all of us, is our friends are not interested in being cognizant of modding their alcohol intake, and also probably don't care if they do something stupid or feel like crap in the morning.

I definitely was shot last night. I kept on passing out on my couch, I just overdid it, meaning exhausting myself. My ex-wife used to say this to me as we got older, that it's not so much that I would drink too much, etc., more I'd be doing way too much and alcohol just makes you even more tired and exhausted. When we were younger, it wasn't an issue, I'd bounce back right away. Hockey of course tires your out, then drinking on top of it???? You feel deceivingly better than you really are, your body simply crashes from the exercise and dehydration.

Trixie same thing, don't worry about it. I was af yesterday. I'm debating about today, or tonight I should say. I was af all day, so far. I went on a long run earlier and got an interesting txt from a girl I was starting to date, it made me out other relatnships in perspective. Essentially, a school friend of he's relocated to NYC and it was "love at fist sight." Now, I really don't care. I realize there are mostly women in this thread, so I am going to say something that may piss some of you off, but it truly is how guys think. There are some women we go out with because perhaps we see them as a potential mother to our children, and most we go out with to put another notch on the bed post, this one was the latter. She was a real nice girl, had a great career, ok looking, I guess, but nothing that would've got past fb status, at least in my eyes. That is also why we guys get ticked off sometimes when you say stuff like, you'll meet someone, etc. get over yourself, we went out twice and I'm out of your league. Is what I'm thinking, but of course I didnt say that. Oh, but I definitely think that. I really don't care about you and beta boy old school friend. I wish you luck, for real truly. I even said to her, "you're a cool chick, but honestly, I see you in the long term more with a docile, "nice" guy type...I don't see you with a hockey player type...I'm too much of a handful, besides I engage in too many activities that have a fatality factor, even the marathons....". I guess kind of being a jerk, but not really. I'm actually being honest.

So, it did make me think of my friend and our friendship, which I feel fine about it. If anything is meant to be, it will. She definitely has issues to work out, many of our issues are similiar. We both had our spouses leave us, and she definitely has a bad drinking problem that comes out from time to time. I also on know she does not recognize this nor is she doing anything about it - both her mental issues and social/drinking issues. I think she does value me as someone in her life still, I think. She has a hard time dealing with stress, life and issues. If for some reason she doesn't, and this is going to sound arrogant as well, but I truly feel this way and everyone I told this, from the Dr. on down agrees with me, but it truly is her loss, for real. I know people usually use that as a line to make themselves feel better. I felt kind of guilty for thinking that, but as I told my dr., I am smart, good looking guy from one the most international of all cities, I obviously unconditionally care about this person, as much as a non family member can unconditionally care about someone.....throwing me away as a friend is just....dumb. She lives in the middle of no where (by choice) and no one is knocking her door down. I also couldn't help but thinking to myself when I saw her last, "this is what is giving anxiety, a kind of thick-ish, wore down looking new engald girl". I know so mean, but I can't help it!

I might got out for a drink later. I will let you all know what happens.

[Trixiebelle]

June Modders

Hi y'all,

Great to hear from everyone.

Sounds like a lot of us have a few issues to deal with and the modding is tough at times, I know I can speak for myself here.

Thanks DG for you support, I guess when going from drinking daily for years and years to expect too much too soon is a bit ambitious. I'll be happy if I can get one day under my belt. We have a long weekend here this weekend and the family & (drinking) friends are down here, so it will have to be a AF Monday for me, but believe me by then, I'll want (?) one.

Itsmytime, awesome stuff, stop by and let us know how you get on with modding next week.

Stewarts, you make me laugh. I didn't take offense at all, I worked out your blokes a bloody long time ago - actually that's not entirely true, I'm still learning. I think you lot will be a life long learning challenge for us lassies, LMAO. As for your friend, some people just can't see (or don't want to see) what others find obvious. As you say, her loss.

[Stewarts]

June Modders

I should have been clearer

Trixiebelle;1332316 wrote: Hi y'all,

Great to hear from everyone.

Sounds like a lot of us have a few issues to deal with and the modding is tough at times, I know I can speak for myself here.

Thanks DG for you support, I guess when going from drinking daily for years and years to expect too much too soon is a bit ambitious. I'll be happy if I can get one day under my belt. We have a long weekend here this weekend and the family & (drinking) friends are down here, so it will have to be a AF Monday for me, but believe me by then, I'll want (?) one.

Itsmytime, awesome stuff, stop by and let us know how you get on with modding next week.

Stewarts, you make me laugh. I didn't take offense at all, I worked out your blokes a bloody long time ago - actually that's not entirely true, I'm still learning. I think you lot will be a life long learning challenge for us lassies, LMAO. As for your friend, some people just can't see (or don't want to see) what others find obvious. As you say, her loss.

Hey, I'm just being honest, I'm glad you can appreciate it. I have a tendency to ponder every single possible scenario, my sister says its because I'm an aquarius. I think things between my new England friend and I are fine. Hearing this pathetic girl I was kind of dating get all mushy about some "bloke" she met way back in college, just made me think of real friendship and how people inferact, that's all. I have old gfs like that....I can go awhile without speaking to them, but something is always kind of there....

Everyone...good luck tonight.

[drinkingal]

June Modders

Itmytime, I remember that feeling so well. sometimes it wasn't even knowing you made an @ss out of yourself, it was that paranoid feeling that you did, not quite sure if you did or didn't but just for some reason you feel weird and ashamed. You'll get to a point though where you don't drink too much and you keep your wits about you and it does feel great really remembering how you acted without it being all a blur. Keep us update on how you are going.

Trix, that's exactly right, daily drinking is a huge habit to overcome. Take it slowly if you need to, and set yourself up for success. I found it was much better to set myself goals I could achieve and feel good about, and then when it became a bit too comfortable, to challenge myself again with something new. Getting used to that first af day is big, because like you said we drink every day for years so a whole day without al? I mean that's just weird for us. Good luck for Monday!

[Stewarts]

June Modders

Oh my so dead on...!

[QUOTE=drinkingal;1332351]Itmytime, I remember that feeling so well. sometimes it wasn't even knowing you made an @ss out of yourself, it was that paranoid feeling that you did, not quite sure if you did or didn't but just for some reason you feel weird and ashamed. You'll get to a point though where you don't drink too much and you keep your wits about you and it does feel great really remembering how you acted without it being all a blur. Keep us update on how you are going.

Drinkingal, you hit it dead on! Those are the exact weird feelings I would get...you know you didn't make an ass of yourself, but your just not quite sure, you start thinking about all these weird scenarios. I used to check my phone like 10 times the next day to see if I called anyone at any strange hour, I always didn't, but would always check. If I did txt or call someone, oh man, I'd want to die. I remember I was dating this girl awhile back and txt'd her while drinking...I dind't say anything crazy or stupid, actually, the irony was she was happy to hear from me....I must've apologized like 4 times to her, she must've thought I was crazy...she really didn't care and, like I said, happy to hear from me.

Well, since it appears a lot of people have been having some issues modding, I think I'll share my Saturday Night....this is the worst lapse I ever had in, wow, a REAL long time. Good news, I feel ok today, I'm over it.

I was sick of being cooped up so I went out late, it was like midnight. I walked down to this kind of upscale British pub I haven't been to in awhile. The place is great! Good quality people all good wine and beer, but a little on the pricey side and some of those beers can pack a punch! Anyway, I have two stellas and then the keg ran out. I asked the bartender to reccommend something on the lighter side, he did. The beer was outstanding, but a lot stronger than I thought. I had four total there and said to myself, well, it's my limit.

I decide to stop into this much dumper place on the way back. Big mistake. I'm not sure how many bud lights I had...one, maybe two, I think. I know the bartdender and her roomate is there. She says she wants to get into real estate, I tell her I can help her (I can). NYC is one of those places when you never when and where you will bump into someone that can help you. I told her to call this gf of mine (who coincidentally I am seeing this weekend). This chick must've been really drunk, because she starts giving me attitude...I mean she's even saying crap like how she's going to ruin my personal relationship with this woman ?!?!? I start txting my friend not to bother with this one....even the next morning we chatted about it....what a loser! Anyway, eventually I get up and leave. I go to the diner to get a bite, it is late and I am much more drunker than I realize! It all starts hitting me. I order some eggs and there is some nasty, angry, drunk belligerent chick in one of the booths. I got to the bathroom, upon coming out I say something to her, nice and funny and she goes off. I just laugh and go back to the counter.

Now she has a boyfriend there and is getting all crazy, here is where it is fuzzy. Somehow I end up talking to them, I'm all laughs and giggles and she's all anger and yelling. The guys says I should leave, say sure and lightly job out of the place, giggling, not finishing my eggs and not paying!

I felt like crap the next day, obviously. Even threw up. At some point did have some bad anxiety, the suicidal thoughts, but got through it. I hadn't been to the British place in months and forgot I needed to watch those beers....I'm not so sure why I have got so bold lately...I think its because I'm lonely...

I feel ok today, I'm over it. I'm going to mail $20 to the diner for the night shift that night. I know things like this happen in NYC on a daily basis. I personally just don't like being involved in them. I think a detox for me is definitely in order.

None of us are perfect, so keep your heads high... we'll get through it....

Oh, there was one thing I was thinking about yesterday where I can definitely use some advice...with the exception of you all and my parents, I have no other friends that understand what I'm trying to do. All my friends drink, I don't think any of them understand the concept of modding, I'm not even sure how I'd explain it....I just feel so alone doing this...

[Trixiebelle]

June Modders

Stewarts, I struggle with friends like that too. At least you have your parents, that's huge. Friends are a toughie.

In many ways, friends like this are not worth your while, and while that me be plain and simple to say, it's not easy to do. I have friends who are amongst some of my dearest when they're not drinking, but change when they do drink and expect me to do what they want me too.

Not fair - only thing you can do is distance yourself, make excuses or just simply tell them, you need to feel better, and drinking excess alcohol will not help you achieve your goal. If they don't understand then the writing is on the wall unfortunately.

People like that do not help our quest to get ourselves well. That's what I'm doing with my ignorant drinking buddies.

[Stewarts]

June Modders

Trixie, thanks for the advice. I also got to watch because of the medication I'm on - prozac and welbutrin. Contrary to what most think, while not reccommended, you can drink, moderately on SSRIs and anti-depressants - unless you have seizure problems. As a matter of fact, the more you take them, they become part of your body chemistry...you still need to watch it though. Alcohol effects the central nervous system, these drugs do not - the whole alcohol is a depressant and it counter acts the effects of the anti-depressants that people always say, is bs, ask any doctor. Something like Xanax effects your central nervous system, like alcohol, if you need a comparison.


Now, what the can do is, as the labels say "induce the effects of alcohol"; with some, like Welbutrin they can cause seizures, if you're prone to that. The after that, they effect every individual differently. Some people lose the taste for alcohol with some, some have one drink and get loopey like they had 4, some, find they can actually drink more - but you will feel like you drank more.

Not sure why I am sharing this, just rambling....

More importantly, I am back on track. One of the kids in my office wanted to watch the Stanley Cup finals nearby, so I joined him. We were both good, only four beers. Yesterday was AL free for me.

Look forward to hearing from you all.

[Trixiebelle]

June Modders

Well done Stewarts,

It's easy to get swept up in excitement of games and not by not focusing on what you're drinking, you end up drinking way more.

I got back into my L-Glut & Kudzu yesterday. Not sure if it made a difference, but after a certain amount of AL, I could really have left it, though I still drank more than I should - but not enough to have a hangover today.

One day at a a time.