June Modders

[TheSunFlower]

June Modders

@ stewarts....a couple of people entertained you ( I mean 2). But you are truly sick....don't you have friends to talk to or does posting your crap on a board just make you feel better...like the world thinks the same way? I will not be checking back on this thread so no need to reply.....but damn I am glad I don't drink anymore....

[Trixiebelle]

June Modders

TheSunFlower;1334391 wrote: @ stewarts....a couple of people entertained you ( I mean 2). But you are truly sick....don't you have friends to talk to or does posting your crap on a board just make you feel better...like the world thinks the same way? I will not be checking back on this thread so no need to reply.....but damn I am glad I don't drink anymore....

:what?:

[drinkingal]

June Modders

what the heck was that about????

anyhoo, back to moderating, did my second af day yesterday since I had a dentist appt early today. phew thank god that's over and going to have a few drinks tonight.

where is tmh and all the other modders?

[ToMyHealth]

June Modders

Hi guys. Have company this week as in grandkids. Going swimming now. Will c/i later.

TMH

[itsmytime]

June Modders

Hi All,
I just wanted to pop and and say hi and also that I am feeling really good this week. I am 12 days AF and will be starting my modding life this coming weekend. I feel strong and confident that I will not spiral into my old drinking ways. Making my plans for low alcohol beer only, no hard liquor or wine. The only time I have ever felt awful is when I drink something else besides beer.

Have a great mod weekend. Will check in Sunday with my glowing report

[Stewarts]

June Modders

Wow what anger...and thank you for the support...

wow, what anger, I feel sorry for you actually. You're sober, whhich is great, but apparently not happy. Trixie and Drinkingal, thanks for the support. I actually started laughing when I read that.

I also don't believe this person when they say they won't be checking the thread, that is basically saying, yes, I will check it again...so I will have a brief response...

No, I don't think the whole world thinks like me and I am not sick. I am honest with myself and my environment and everything else around me.

As for why I write on these boards? That was perhaps your dumbest comment. I think its safe to say most people post on these boards because they can vent and be honest! Ever think I don't want to talk to my friends about some of this stuff?

We are all different people, but all share one thing, we want more control of our lives or we are feeling like we want to make a change, and do, for the most part, but it comes with its pitfalls. For example, I will tell a little bit about myself. I live in NYC and I guess I would fall into the "typical" white collar professional category. I'm not in Wall Street, but probably look like a Wall Street guy and I am in a field that can be quite lucrative.

My co-workers would probably describe me as quite serious and no nonsense. Perhaps even a little close to the vest. I am well known in my industry and enjoy mentoring the young people new to the business, as long as they don't have this "entitlement" attitude - a big problem with the millenial generation.

I am 37 years old, recently divorced (seperated about a year ago) and spend most of my time figuring out how to help grow this office and re-entering the social world. I've been told multiple times that I look like a mini version of Don Draper.

I am sure there are a lot of guys (and gals) like me out there, and a lot that are very different - but we all share this common goal.

As for why I write, well, I type very fast, so it doesn't take up much time. Also, I was a Creative Writing major in College and find the action of it quite, well, soothing and it helps me think to put things into perspective. I really don't care if you don't get it, it doesn't matter, so yes, it does make me feel better.

I'm training for my fifth marathon (2 were for charites where I raised over $20,000), a 10K on Saturday, can still play ice hockey with young kids, I'm an oustanding skier, own my home (or apt), can pay my mortgage, have made some good investments, respected in my field of business (most in mine aren't), on the board of several charity organizations (great ones!), survived a divorce, actually handling it quite well (although I am not without my bad days) - more importantly, I'm proactively doing the right things to improve myself.

Actually, come to think of it, I'm glad you responded and tried to put me down. Everything I write is from direct experience, and I just realized something, why am I apologizing for having a life, a quite interesting one at that - I was starting to think that I've become boring in my older age. And who's more the "sick" one...the person who is living their life - the good and the bad; or, the pathetic, voyeur weasel that does nothing with themself, but critique the lives of others....

I may have my faults, but I would venture a guess, I've probably done a lot more good for society and those around me in my short time on this world than you ever will....

Best regards,

J.

[Trixiebelle]

June Modders

Hi everyone,

Awesome efforts DG, TMH & IMT - you all sound like you are on track and doing really well. :goodjob:

As for your post Stewarts, I had to google Dan Draper, cause I had no idea who he was, lol. If we are sharing who we look like, I always get told I look like Julia Louis Dreyfuss!!!!! Haha.

As we all know, Alcoholism does not discriminate, you have a very successful life by the sounds of things, most of us 'problem drinkers' do, and I think it would shock a lot of people to know of our struggles. Dr's & Lawyers have these problems too. We are not homeless and laying around in the streets in smelly clothing - so we appear 'normal' to everyone.

TheSunflower - is a lovely flower happy flower, unlike this other person. I get really annoyed when people post crap like that, because this forum is for support. Vent away and say what you feel (as long as it isn't attacking anyone) we all need positive support on this journey.

I agree Stewarts, this person is sober which is awesome, but sounds very unhappy. Why not post some advice rather than spit blood.

Anyhow, enough time wasted on this - onwards and upwards.


I start my Topa today
:banana::banana::banana::banana::banana:

[drinkingal]

June Modders

Hi TMH, have a great time with the grandkids and we'll *see* you when you get back.

itsmytime, fantastic work on your af time, I know it hasn't been easy for you but you can do this. It sounds like you have a great plan of attack in place to do things differently. good luck this weekend! and just remember, if things do go a bit pear shaped at some point in the future, just use those experiences to figure out what you can do differently from that point on but I'm sure you'll do great!

stewarts, sometimes I think some people feel like such $hit that they want to bring anyone down with them. I hope you don't let that angry post get to you and affect your drinking because it's just not worth it. It just says more about them than it does about you. I can see that you use the forum to work through things, and sometimes that's what we need to do in our situation. It sounds like your life is pretty full on and I can imagine that drinking would almost be like finding peace from that hectic life at times?

Thanks for the encouragement trix, I hope the topa works out for you. anything that gets us to where we need to be is a good thing, meds, posting, kicking ourselves up the backside, whatever works!

[Stewarts]

June Modders

Driinkinggal Trixie, thanks for the support and I agree with all your comments. I can tell you from direct experience their are a decent amount of alcoholic and/or drug addicts in my field - you're right, it doesn't discriminate. Some of the craziest drunk/high behavior I have witnessed is from people we'd all categorize as "normal" and actually, the worst behvaior I have witnessed is from what we would call the "upper crust" of society. I mean rehabs are loaded with trustfund babies.

I didn't let it bother me, like I said, I laughed and it showed more about that person. I mean (paraphrased) "Does writing on this make you feel better?!?" Um, duh, yes, that is why I do it.


Trixie, Julia Louise Dreyfus...very nice, she has held up nicely over the years. Yeah, Don Draper is Jon Hamm's character in MadMen.

To more important stuff, drinking...I'm getting back into my mod schedule. I had some later nights that I would've liked, but kept them under control. I was at my bosses place last night, I was having a few beers, bs'ing. We then met one of the young kids out at one of the bars that gets notoriously crazy with the mid 20s crowd; and it was at that night. I sipped my beer VERY slow and they started on the gin and tonics. They (my colleague and my boss) started getting crazy...in a funny way, nothing bad, but I didn't want to part take, I just laughed. While there were many of attractive young girls, this is one of those places where you kind of have to be drunk to pick someone up. Their all at that age (mid 20s) where they still can stay out really late and wake up for work and, of course, love to drink. Nothing wrong with that, I was like that too at that age...

So, I made what we call in the US and "Irish Exit". I made it look like I was going to go on a call or get another drink, but instead just hit the door without saying good-bye. It was already like 12:30.

I saw my boss this morning and he even said to me, "You were the smart one." meaning getting out of there when I did....

Anyway...I am off to East Hampton and then to Shelter Island to run this 10K. There will definitely be alcohol flowing. I'd like to make tonight a A free night, if possible, we shall see.

All of you have a great weekend and yes, let's not worry about the negative people. That individual was most likely negative when he or she drank as well, and probably one of those real, nasty, angry drunks. It takes more than stopping drinking to change yourself.....its a lot of introspective work to figure yourself out and the right tools that work for you to live a productive and happy life (easier said than done...)

[Stewarts]

June Modders

defeated?

Hi modders this is the first time, in a quite some time I've been worried about myself. I'm at Shelter Island, NY waiting for the time to go by to run this 10K. I'm doing it with my club, they are a great bunch of people. We rent out three houses, mostly paid from our budget. cook a brunch, a bbq after the race, then out...

Last night, I did not come here, but met a "friend" in Bridgehampton, she's a drinker. I sit at the bar at Bobby Vans and order a club soda. She gets there, orders a wine. Oh, this is someone that I see in "that way.". I wait awhile, order food and decide to get wine instead of beer. I shouldve known then, bad move, now I have to sick with it and there's triggers galore...gorgeous summer day in the Hamptons, nice place and with a beautiful woman, doesn't get much better than that. We ended up have four glasses, but both drank a lot of water. We went somewhere else in East Hampton and ordered a bottle!? More to eat, lots of time had gone by. I told her there is now way I'm driving anywhere. She agreed and we went back to her place, which I guess was my agenda anyway.... I wake up in the morning, anxiety galore! I'm having crazy dreams when I sleep, I'm even shaking in some instances. I turn over to her and say, "X, this may sound a little weird, but please tell me everything is going to be ok?" Half asleep, she squints and says, "everything ok?" I tell her I'm having these crazy dreams and the last one freaked me out. She says, "Everything will be fine, its just bad morning dreams.". I thank her, give her a little hug and kiss her shoulder.

We get coffee and I'm starting to feel a little better. I then have top drive out here; give her a kiss, thank her, and on my way...driving to the ferry I feel pretty good. Oh, I'm wearing what I had last night from work (not a suit), but everything is disheveled, I don't care; for guys the "walk of shame" doesn't exist - besides the wine anxiety, that was a great night.

I get to the house I'm staying for brunch. people ask where I was, I tell them east hampton. I got side tracked....they asked good diversion or bad, "Oh, a real gone one," I answer.

Now I'm starting to get the shakes. I do eat and drink water. An older woman asks. "Celebrating before a race, X, you know better." I say, "I know, pretty women are my weakness.". I talk to a closer friend of mine in the group, tell her a little how I'm feeling, she says, take a nap". I do, and while having some anxiety attacks here and there, it does make me feel better. I also decide no drinking tonight., but this is the first time I am doubting myself.

I've gone out and not drank before, why am I concerned now? I decide I'll make myself a designated driver tonight, you definitely need them out here. I also do well with responsibility, it makes me step up. Problem solved, right? No, I keep thinking I'm going to fail. I am really telling myself, no drinking, not even one. I keep thinking I'm going to buckle right after I finish...beer tastes good after a run. I need to see if I can do this...race time is 5:30

[drinkingal]

June Modders

Hi stewarts, are you still taking meds? I wonder if it's the meds giving you the weird dreams?
If you do drink just try to keep it under control ok, maybe a few beers and that's it. I've found doing breathing exercises helps with stress and anxiety, but you might also being feeling really pumped up about the race. Let us know how you are going and sorry I couldn't be more help. :l

[Stewarts]

June Modders

Did it

drinkingal;1335896 wrote: Hi stewarts, are you still taking meds? I wonder if it's the meds giving you the weird dreams?
If you do drink just try to keep it under control ok, maybe a few beers and that's it. I've found doing breathing exercises helps with stress and anxiety, but you might also being feeling really pumped up about the race. Let us know how you are going and sorry I couldn't be more help. :l

Just got back from the BBQ to the house I'm staying....not one drop of alcohol... (and I finished the race)

[Trixiebelle]

June Modders

That's awesome Stewarts - Congrats for finishing your race. This battle is one day at a time.

Kind of feels like we are reliving a never ending nightmare at times, every day you wake up and every day its like...here I go again :sigh:

Hopefully the nightmare becomes a fabulous dream we can live everyday

[FarfallaP]

June Modders

Stewarts, WONDERFUL on the not one drop of AL...And on finishing the race! Every little victory helps to pave the way for the next one...just as every AF day/event/choice gives us encouragement that we CAN do it again.

[itsmytime]

June Modders

Happy Monday All,

Well, weekend went great. I only had 2 beers Friday, then went out of town for the night Saturday with my hubby. We had a great time. We drank, and I did drink more than I planned, but I was only drinking light beer over a long period of time. I woke up with a little headache that went away quickly and had no anxiety. I can relate Stewarts to the awful anxiety and have finally given up wine and liquor as they bring it on.

Well, the rest of the weekend was restful no more AL after Saturday and no plans at for another couple of weeks.