July Mod Squad

[DancingGirl]

July Mod Squad

Hi all,

I, like SaraSmiles, haven't posted in a long time, and unlike her, never really posted a lot even when I was reading Mod stuff everyday. I recognize some of you and am happy to meet the others, but you probably won't remember me (not an issue, of course).

I've been modding fairly.... yeah "fairly" well over the past three years. Still generally about the 7-9 per week that's the women's healthy limit, but much better than I was before deciding to do something about it and find MWO.

I need to write this down mainly to tell myself - my discovery (!) - I need to moderate by drinking only when I am eating dinner. Lunch, maybe as a very special occasion and then only out in a restaurant. If I drink at lunch at home, I drink all afternoon. If I give in to the voice saying "you've had a hard day at work - have a glass of wine now that it's 4pm, or 5pm," I'll be on my third glass by the time dinner's on the table. Similarly, if I pour one more once the food's left the table, and take the new full glass up to the TV, or out on the patio, another and another may follow.

If I drink just when I eating dinner, then it's easy to have two - very moderate.

ToMyHealth - you are SO right about the reward thing. That is certainly mine. And celebrate. I don't grab the bottle because I'm sad, I do because I'm happy. Problem is I'm really quite a happy person!! :H

[Trixiebelle]

July Mod Squad

Hi everyone,

Great to see new moderators here, our family is growing larger

Still at my daughters place (my other daughter has flown in to stay with us) They are 22 & almost 21 - so in the party mode of their lives.

I have been very good and haven't over drank at all. My eldest daughter was giving me a bit of grief last night for not wanting to drink any champagne (my poison) last night, when my youngest stepped in and said "leave her alone, if she doesn't want to drink champers she doesn't have to". I was really surprised but also grateful (not that I cant fight my own battles) but she does know how I struggle with my 'beach friend' who constantly tries to get me to drink more. Sweet little thing.

The great thing is that I definitely did not want any champers anyway, it was never going to happen.

TMH you hit the nail on the head with the reward thing, and I also find that the conversation with my hubby isn't the same when not drinking.

So anyway on the whole, doing really well and it's great to hear all of your successes too.

[Sarasmiles]

July Mod Squad

Hi DancingGirl and Trix. DancingGirl, sounds like you have a good grip on when you can manage alcohol well and when you can't. It's so great to find a forum to talk about these things! I've been posting at SMART Recovery for a long time. I really like it there, and found a lot of helpful tools for abstaining. But it's NOT acceptable to even consider the idea that anyone with a drinking problem can drink at all. Like AA, it's an abstinence based program, and the idea of "modding" is considered unrealistic, and dangerous. I'm glad to be able to discuss the issues and not apologize for not committing to abstinence, at least for now.

Trixi, glad you're doing well. Isn't it a great feeling when you don't even WANT a particular drink?

I had two glasses of wine tonight, and kind of "observed" the effects and feelings I had. I felt the buzz, and the little longing for a third. I made the conscious effort to resist it, thinking through my reasoning about why two is my limit. I poured myself a homemade lemonade. I came here.

It's work. It's not a natural "off switch". But it's work to abstain completely, too. It's work no matter what. For now, I'll put the effort into moderation. Some day, I may put the effort into abstinence again. Maybe with abstinence the work doesn't last as long. Maybe eventually it gets easy.

[DancingGirl]

July Mod Squad

Good Morning,

Thanks for your reply Sara and I'm happy your daughter is supportive Trix. She sounds wise beyond her years.

I wonder if abstinence in spurts can be seen as a type of moderation. Certainly moderate drinkers without a problem go for long stretches of time without drinking - but because it works out that way rather than because they've made some sort of committment. That's where all of us are all different.

But this is how we are, so I guess it's part of accepting one's self, no? Like someone who needs to be gluten free, or is dyslexic, or has mobility issues - okay, I need to keep a handle on my drinking because if I don't, I don't drink moderately. Enough said, it's how I was made!

Your account of your two drinks last night matches how I feel often. I argue with myself - I have the buzz, I feel fine. So now's the time to stop. I can put a nice green 2 or 3 on the drink tracker and will be sober by bedtime (another real must).

Sorry to go on and on, but I guess I'm working these things out in writing for myself as much as sharing them.

Have a great Saturday! Love to All from Dancer

[LibraryGirl]

July Mod Squad

Or like a person with a weight problem, DG. They may have to go long stretches without having desserts or their food of choice, which may look strange to people who can eat "normally" without gaining weight. Most people have issues that they have to adjust for, and we are no different.

It's going to be a short "vacation" for bf and me, but we are looking forward to it. Our check in time is 3 pm, and check out at 11 am tomorrow. Since it's close by, it's not a big deal. If we like it, which I believe we will, next time we'll plan for longer.

Going to grill steaks on the back deck overlooking the river, and I plan to bring a bottle of Pinot Noir.

[LibraryGirl]

July Mod Squad

FarfallaP;1349580 wrote: PS. Library Girl, I really enjoy your signature "tag lines"...FF

Thanks.

[Eve11]

July Mod Squad

ToMyHealth;1344293 wrote: Happy July 1st. I have decided to make July an AF month. So far so good :bigwink:

Very interesting to shoot for a whole month. Hubby and I have been deciding that drinking isn't what it's cracked up to be. I have found myself in the "habit" of drinking every Friday and Saturday so it's almost like a pattern of "looking forward" to and "thinking about drinking" and all of that stuff that they warn you about in programs like AA. I don't like that constant thinking about "when I can drink again?" which in my opinion does NOT make me a normal drinker. I know I have a problem but I try to moderate to my best ability but continue to fail my goals here and there. My newest plan is to get off of the merry go round of thinking I need to have a drink every week-end. Hubby and I discussed when on vaca it's a fine time to relax and imbibe moderately or if out with another couple who know we enjoy a glass of wine (or two) with dinner. But we are starting to think that on a Sat. (for example) if we go out, we may not partake in the wine but enjoy a nice seltzer. We just find we sleep better and are much more motivated on mornings after non-AL days and nights. Haven't read any posts after this so will catch up on how everyone is doing. Welcome to any new modders that may be here and anyone lurking who is considering joining us. Come on over...the more the merrier.
:l
Eve11

[Eve11]

July Mod Squad

FarfallaP;1349579 wrote: However, I must confess that sometimes the somewhat constant "thinking about my ISSUE" gets pretty tedious...I wish it would all go away!

FF

Just replied to this post and lost it. So discouraging when that happens!! Anyway, wanted to say I can SO relate to this statement. I know I am not a normal drinker because of the "stinkin thinkin" about drinking as they say in AA but as others brilliantly stated after this post of yours (read all of them today) we are programmed differently. Yes, I can say no to dessert, I can say no to overdoing it with gambling (my limit is to lose $20 LOL!)...I can say no without a problem to many things that are considered addictions for others. But for some reason, when I drink AL, it seems my body processes it differently and I develop cravings (sometimes) for more. Wish I could just have one and think "Oh that tasted good and I have a nice little buzz but I usually want two once I have one. Sometimes I'm totally happy with two and feel normal and satiated like a normal drinker. But other times (like my dear friend Sarasmiles said) I struggle with wanting a third but know that having three is too many for me. Yet, sometimes I REALLY struggle with that. That is the hard part as I never know when I will have intense cravings for more or when I will feel satisifed like a normal drinker. That is why I need to come here. So when I am struggling with having that next one that is too many for me, this board and the online friends here will prevent me from overdoing it. Will close for now with that and *see* you all soon!
:l
Eve11

[ToMyHealth]

July Mod Squad

Hi guys. Went "off the wagon" Fri nite. It was a fun evening with 4 couples and the dinner/drink special being $10/bottle of wine. We decided to have it. We got teased a lot, thoroughly enjoyed the evening. Didn't make the AF July goal but still feel we did well. Is that strange? I don't know.

Having broken the streak, we had 2 drinks last night. Discussed as we had the 1st drink which dh wanted that and a glass of wine. I told him I'd rather have 2 drinks and then switch to water with dinner. That is what we did.

Today we were in a Golf Couples Survivor Match (means though of us who stay in FL for the summer). I'n fairly new to golf and very new to tournament play, find it stressful. The first time we played I carried us; dh had a terrible day and we lost by Hole #17. Today dh carried us, we went to Hole #18 tied and dh made the winning putt! Yay!!!

Anyway, that's where it's at.

Eve - nice to see you mid month ;.) Will read more closely later and comment. Always love to see you here!

Ok, ready to update Drink Tracker. I'm ok, hope everyone else is ok.

TMH

[Sarasmiles]

July Mod Squad

Hi TMH and All...

It sounds like you didn't over-do it last night, even though you broke your plan for an AF July. Was it hard to stop at 2?

I'm already having some doubts about whether I should be trying "moderation" again.

Last night was fine. I went to a baseball game/birthday party with my son, and didn't have any desire to drink. I thought about it when I came home, but it was late and I was fine with just going to bed. Happy to wake up this morning with the "I didn't drink last night" feeling.

Today I thought about alcohol a lot. I spent a lovely day with my youngest (I have three sons. Hubby went away for the weekend with the two older kids, and I got to enjoy a weekend alone with my sweet 8 year old, since he had a party to go to and didn't want to miss it.) We went to a big antique/flea market this morning, and a movie this afternoon. All through the movie I kept thinking, "can I have wine when I go home? If I wait until 5? I'll only have two...but I'll be home alone with him. Is that normal? Sane?" Ugh. This is what I HATE about "moderation". It takes so much mental energy!!! I KNOW I was more at peace not drinking at all. But I don't want to give it up. I really don't...I am sipping my second glass of wine and will stop now. A moderate amount, but not a very "moderate" or healthy attitude...

Sara

[DancingGirl]

July Mod Squad

Hi Sara,

Just a thought - moderation does include the decision to go AF. I've read posts here where someone is agonizing about whether to stop at 2 or 3 drinks at a party, and someone else has said "Why not just go AF?"

So a mod day could be an AF day, no?

I do sympathize with the agonizing though.... Can I drink? Should I drink? What if I wait 'til 4? What if I wait 'til 5? I'll just have 2, well maybe 3... I may not do it as often as I should, but I feel a great weight roll off with the answer - "I'll drink tomorrow (maybe), but today the answer is AF.

Love,
Dancer

[LibraryGirl]

July Mod Squad

Hello all. My little overnight trip was a lot of fun. Bf and I connected in a more intimate way than we do with the t.v. and internet distractions we have at home. Plus, it was an absolutely lovely little cabin. Even though there was no phone reception, no t.v. and definitely no wi-fi, it did have central air conditioning and modern appliances, lol. We grilled steaks on the provided, old-timey permanant standing grill, and I baked potatoes in the oven. It was delicious. We also had wine before dinner and it was good, and fun too, lol. It was funny to see bf get a little tipsy, because he rarely drinks. After we ate dinner, we didn't drink anymore AL, and were in bed by 10:30. Unfortunately we are used to a larger bed, so that was the only drawback, but not nearly enough to keep us from wanting to go back! Loved the little back porch with rocking chairs...we brought a radio and listened to music and danced. Enjoyed our little get-away.

Hope everyone is having a good Sunday/Monday.

LG

[Sarasmiles]

July Mod Squad

Thank you, DancingGirl. You're right, sometimes the best way to "mod" is to not drink, rather than trying to count the drinks and limit them. The next time I start "agonizing", maybe I'll take that as a cue not to drink that day. After all, if I'm going to agonize, what's the point?

LibraryGirl, your get-away sounds wonderful. I must admit the addition of wine to the scene sounds nice.

Take care, everyone!

[ToMyHealth]

July Mod Squad

Hi ~ so ready to be back on AF days. Like the feeling of control. I just plain like it better. Last May I had 9 AF days and had planned for more in June, and it didn't happen. So the positive thing here is it's happening this month!

LG - So glad the retreat was fun for you!

Hi Dancer and Sara. Yes, AF is the way to go if decision brings angst.

:wavin: to a good week for everyone!

TMH

[Sarasmiles]

July Mod Squad

Hi Everyone,

This may seem weird, but I had an epiphany today. I don't want to try this moderation thing again. I can't. It's too stressful for me! I wish I could do it, but I don't think it's going to work for me. Not that I can't control my drinking, with a lot of effort and thought. What I can't control is the obsessing about it, and I hate the cravings for it. I know they go away when I'm feeling committed to being AF instead, so that's where I'm headed...at least for now! I've been back and forth so many times, I feel worn out from it. Yesterday, I drank two glasses of wine. Not much, huh? But why did I want it so badly? Home alone with my sweet 8 year old? Why did I get buzzed, instead of just being fully present and real with him? It wasn't "social" drinking. It was drinking because I craved it. And today, as I have so many, many days, I woke up feeling guilty and regretful. I am really, really gonna try not to do that any more.

I wish you all the very best!!!

Be well!

Sara