July Mod Squad

[vlivengood]

July Mod Squad

Lg... If u don't mind what were yer troubles that brought u here?

[LibraryGirl]

July Mod Squad

Vliven, I came here because I was drinking too much. hahaha! Seriously, I was. Every night I drank about a half of a big bottle of rum, mixed with diet pepsi. I was having trouble getting up and going to work, and I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I had never had a daily drinking problem until about 10 years or so ago, and it just kinda escalated until I felt like I *had* to drink every night. Finally, one day I just decided enough was enough. I came here and quit for 39 days, the first time I'd ever tried to stop drinking. I had a few drinks on a few occasions after that, nothing much, but then decided to go AF again and went 49 days. At the end of that AF run, I decided I wanted to try moderating. I have drank 3 times (well 4, after the one glass tonight) since then...about a month now, I think. To be honest, I guess I am a bit stubborn and had to prove to everyone that I *could* drink moderately...I still believe if you are diligent about it, it can be done. Whether it's worth it or not, depends on what day you ask me.

[DfromCT]

July Mod Squad

LibraryGirl;1351837 wrote: Well, I decided to have a glass of wine. I asked bf if he wanted one and he said, no. He kept looking at me, and I said are you going to agree with everyone else and tell me I shouldn't drink at all? He said, I'm not saying anything, but you're just going to want more. So, that did it. I didn't finish the glass, and poured some diet root beer which I am drinking now. I may still go completely AF, but I'll be damned if I can't make that decision for myself, lol.

FD and D, glad you guys "made up". Notice I didn't say kiss, hee hee

LG

LG, glad you didn't go there! :eeew:

Good night, all!
Dave

[Eve11]

July Mod Squad

Hi all,
I have been reading bits and pieces of the drama posted here lately and as MM said, we're a pretty laid back group and find this mod thread a safe haven so we'll work on getting it back that way.

I did not read any of the posts in detail but picked up that some folks in Newbie's Nest had feelings hurt. I admit when I came here 5 years ago I thought this whole site was for moderators as that is what RJ's book was all about, believing in moderation as an option rather than total abstinence as the all or nothing believers think. However, I think what happened as time passed was that so many people discovered that they could not or did not want to mod. It's a lot of hard work as I believe everyone who comes here has a "drinking problem". We just have it in different degrees.

I will be totally honest (we try so hard to not be judgmental) but I worried very much about people who thought they could mod who posted things like "the smell of windshield wiper fluid makes me want to drink." Now do we really think they're a good candidate for moderation? Probably not but they needed to discover that for themselves.

I generally do not go to other threads as I do not want to influence anyone who is working hard to be AF to think moderation is the way to go. So for the person who asked about the general discussion thread, we can post anywhere we like but let's just be sensitive to those that are going 1 minute at a time, not just 1 day at a time and avoid "flaunting" how great moderation is. I say that because we had a modder about 4-5 years ago go to AF sites and boast how great his mod life was. At the same time we also had a hardcore AFer who would come over here, battle with him, and and tear down the belief system of a lot of moderators as she just didn't believe moderation was possible. So, we just play nice over here now that they are gone and support each other in our struggle to create harm reduction for ourselves as we try to moderate successfully. MWO is not just a moderation site so we need to remember that and respect each others struggle to be free with whatever that freedom means to them.

Welcome to all whom I haven't chatted with yet. I've been here a long time and keep coming back because it works for me.
:l
Eve11

[drinkingal]

July Mod Squad

Hi everyone, thought I would check in and hi to the new modders. :welcome:

I was a bit taken aback when I saw some non modders chime in to continue with a disagreement started elsewhere because I too see this board as the one place where we can talk about modding/harm reduction without getting jumped on so that was sad to see that happen. Hopefully things here will get back to normal now I think us modders do have enough respect for afers to support and understand that decision but I've seen a lot of open intolerance at the boards towards modders so I do understand where people like dfromct is coming from. It should be a two way street as far as respect and understanding but it generally isn't imo. what works or doesn't work for each of us is something only we can truly figure out for ourselves, that's what I believe anyway but some people feel the need to almost control other people's decisions and I think ultimately we need to find our own path.

Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well and progressing in some way towards your goals whatever they may be

[DfromCT]

July Mod Squad

Good Morning. Today is day 12 for me, and it will, once again, prove to be a challenge. After a very tough day of work yesterday, I know I'll have another one, and I'm playing golf (9 holes) later, and that was one of my favorite places to have a few beers. I'm committed to at least 30 days AF before evaluating whether to try to mod or not, though, so I must be strong.

I was a little surprised to see Eve with her post, and DG follow. While I appreciate any and all support, I've made my peace (and said my piece!) with those that ran me out of the NN. Perhaps they should be more forthcoming that it's not really a Newbie Nest, and that it's run by the "3N's" and discussion of moderation (or in my case fear of failing at moderation) isn't accepted there. Despite the fact that MWO was founded as a method to learn to mod (and RJ mentioned in the book that inevitably some will use it as a way to go AF which she eventually did for unrelated reasons) the Nest has evolved away from there, and as a result a newbie like me stepped into a hornets nest when I shared my fears. Thankfully I'm in a better place (for me) now.

With that being said, I urge us all to "stop the insanity" and move on! The bigger picture is about our individual goals and supporting one another. I lost sight of that b/c I got caught up in being right and trying to prove the 3N's wrong. Funny thing is after all that garbage yesterday, I had a dream last night about two cats fighting! One would attack the other, then walk away, and the other would ambush the first. Really, I'm not even a cat person, I can't make this crap up!! Talk about dreams....LOL... this one made me think about how petty and silly I was trying to prove that I'm right. That's something I have struggled with for years, and in this case being right has cost me the support of the NN, where I found a lot of support my first week. I need to move on as well. As Mr. Costanza would say (Sienfeld, a US TV show for those that don't know) "Serenity now, Serenity now".

Have a great day everyone, and good luck with your goals.

[LibraryGirl]

July Mod Squad

Good morning all. I'm so thankful it's Thursday. I have four more Friday's off work this summer before Fall semester starts. It goes by so fast!

I'm quite annoyed this morning, to say the least. I found a great deal on craigslist (yeah, I know) for a vacation rental in Charleston, S.C. Needless to say, it seemed too good to be true. I kept emailing with the man/woman over yesterday and this morning in the hopes that it might be legit, but I was highly suspicious. Finally today when he/she said to wire my money, that was the clencher. How in the hell do these people get away with this crap? I gave him/her a piece of my mind, and they had the nerve to write back (twice!) claiming innocence. UGH

I did not drink anymore last night, and truthfully the wine didn't even taste good. It was left over from Sat., so that might be why, lol. Slept ok, I guess, but still tired as usual. I never feel rested in the mornings except on the weekends. Why is that?

Thinking about getting up early tomorrow or Saturday and going to the beach for the day...What's everyone's weekend plans?

LG

[drinkingal]

July Mod Squad

dfromct, just to clarify, my comments weren't about anything to do with the NN, that doesn't surprise me because I've been at the receiving end of anti mod discussions myself on other boards. what I was disappointed with was that non modders decided to come here to this board and continue on with it, and this is the only board we have on this site where we can openly discuss modding, and I thought that was very disrespectful. This board is our sanctuary and I personally would like it to remain that way because otherwise I wouldn't come here. we simply don't fight over here, we support each other with our modding and harm reduction so I was just posting my personal feelings and observations. anyhoo, lets all take a deep breath and get back to our modding

LG, craigslist seems to have turned into such a slime fest, you have to be so careful. I guess if a few people fall for these scams the crooks are in front though so it's worth their while. It's like the nigerian scams, most people are wise to them but there's enough people who aren't to keep them in business. This still surprises me since they are using similar tactics to probably 8 or 10 years ago

This weekend I plan on doing some sanding and painting. so not fun, but it will be good to get it done with and the results will be worth it (or they better be! :H)

[vlivengood]

July Mod Squad

GOOD MORNING! Best morning ever, feel fantastic, so glad I managed to skip the liquor store last night. Had just a few lite beers with Hubby, ordered a pizza, watched Some Sons of Anarchy and went to bed (not passed out) woke up a lil groggy but not FOGGY, ANXIOUS, HUNG OVER..... Already got a ton of work done at the office, I love this feeling. I really think spending half the day yesterday reading the thread on why we hate and loath AL really did the trick for me.

LG, thanx for sharing story, you seam to be holding up really well, I hope this works for you

D, congrats on day 12 and I know you can make it thru the golf - watch you probably play your best game yet!

Eve, thankx for advice - nice to meet ya!

DG, nice to meet you as well and good luck on the weekend labor

I plan on doing whatever it takes to NOT spend my weekend drinking liquor! And catching up on all the chores I have been half assing or just plain not doing, would also like to fit in a morning bike ride before the scorching desert heat of 115 hits!

[Eve11]

July Mod Squad

Post Clarification to DfromCT

DfromCT;1351996 wrote:
I was a little surprised to see Eve with her post, and DG follow. While I appreciate any and all support, I've made my peace (and said my piece!)...Have a great day everyone, and good luck with your goals.

Hi Dave,
Just to clarify as you are new to the boards, modders generally don't read posts daily as they are not in crisis like some new AFers are. With that being said, an old spat appeared like a new one to me. I did not want to "stir the kettle" so to speak but just wanted to help you and others understand that it is difficult for people wanting to moderate to post on other sites.

You are right about NN in the fact that it doesn't seem to be the place to go for new modders and that is why I wrote what I did. In their defense, I do believe it was different 5/6 years ago but truly as time has progressed most people discovered they could not moderate and over time it has become a site where people who are finally admitting that they have a problem seek help but the long timers that remain there are mostly AF and it sounds like they are very senstitive to the needs of the people really struggling to quit and discourage thoughts of moderation as some people really do need to abstain or AL will kill them. As a nurse at a trauma hospital, I have worked with many clients who die from alcohol poisoning, suicide (because alcohol is a depressant) have destroyed their livers or pancreases, have bleeding varicies, or have cancer because alcohol is a poison and a carcinogen when it is being metabolized by the body. For some people, the next drink will truly kill them.

I understand your frustration because you were a newbie and thought you would get support there. I think I will contact an "oldie" member there or create a post myself where we are re-directing newbies to our moderation site where they will get the support they need while others (especially those who have life threatening issues) will get what they need there. I don't believe anyone was really trying to be bad to anyone and we will put this behind us all at this point in time. There can always be good from bad so we will see what we can do to resolve things so future problems like this don't occur. Welcome Dave and we are here to support you and each other!
:l
Eve11

[LibraryGirl]

July Mod Squad

Eve, I guess that's why I had a problem letting go of the NN. The fact that modders are not here regularly and don't post regularly, makes this kind of a "quiet" forum. I like the daily posting and hearing what others are doing, etc. I'm not in crisis, but still like to socialize this way...

[vlivengood]

July Mod Squad

LG, I agree and that is why I asked if other general discussions besides NN are accepting

[Eve11]

July Mod Squad

LG,
I totally understand. Sometimes I have felt quite envious of the relationship a lot of the AFers have because many do need that daily support and they end up having very close relationships. I have friends who go to AA and they socialize outside of AA, go to fun non-al events, do recreational things together, etc. Studies show that serotonin (the feel good chemical our bodies make) is actually raised when people go to AA meetings because that bond and support is a powerful thing. I created a weekly board here called Ruby Tuesday so that we could post on Monday or Tuesday how our previous week went and get good weekly support like people who attend face to face meetings do. However, that waxes and wanes so much that I even find myself not posting there as it's pretty quiet.

In the 5 years I have been here, there have been some strong bonds when a regular group of modders start posting. I have even become facebook friends with some so it can happen here. I may have time to come around more often as I am finishing a Master's Degree in 4 weeks. All of that research and writing has prevented me from coming as often as I had been, and as I stated earlier I don't need daily support but I do like to support and help others so I will try to make a commitment to post more regularly. Nice to meet you LG and *see* you soon!
:l
Eve11

[Eve11]

July Mod Squad

vlivengood;1352102 wrote: LG, I agree and that is why I asked if other general discussions besides NN are accepting

Vlivengood,
I believe other general discussion boards have support and help to offer us. It just depends on what the subject is and I am cautious with what I say. For needed support for moderating I always post here. I hope that helps.

Also, I just posted a reply to LG stating we can make this a strong board if we just keep posting. It has happened before where we have had modders who come often just to support each other so it can certainly happen again.
:l
Eve11

[Nuttmeg]

July Mod Squad

Hello, been a few weeks since I last posted, and I sat here thinking just that and I figured I would come by for an update. But when I read back through this thread, about what happened over at NN, I became fairly upset. That transitioned to anger when the AFers came over into this thread to continue the spat. But ultimately, I was saddened when reading the fallout, and the conversations about how us modders don't post often. That would be members like me, and I am sorry about that. We do need to stick together, support one another without judging them, evefrom members of the same community here. So I promise from here on out to try to post more often, try to help build our modders there'd into a stronger one!

Phew... Now for my update! Modding has been going good, the last 11 days have Ben very good. I was AF alll of them except for Saturday night, when I drank 2 bottles of wine while visiting family. I'm planning on 2 more days AF, but then Saturday night, when I get back home with my family, I am not sure. I will take it slowly.

Of course, even though these last 2 weeks have been good, I had a seriously bad 4th of July. I got very drunk on the 3rd with my best friend and that carried into the next day. I was AF Thursday, mainly because of a hangover, then drank again on Friday and Saturday before this current run.

Although that all sounds bad, and a lot, a few months ago it would have been nothing compared to what I was drinking. I am doing much better, I want to cut this down even more and rid myself of the benders that seem to build up over my AF weeks or light days. But taking it slowly and not beating myself up has allowed me to cut down from the near 6-7 bottles a week to 2 every 2 weeks, never mind the drinking before home and occasional work drinks.