August Mod Squad

[vlivengood]

August Mod Squad

Ok so totally not caught up at work as planned but I can not focus really worried about my sister and anxious about the drive - - I am a nervous nelly driver, I have done the trip a hundred times its just over 3.5 hours but still get anxiety about it.

I have really been meaning to get out to visit her, I use to go a lot more often and we would just have fun weekends together doing whatever we felt like. I text and or talk to her all day long every day. She is 34 and has been a wreck since her mid teens, she is the baby of a family of girls and struggled with her sexuality and did not come out to the family (not sure why we are all very close and non judgmental, even the parents) until her mid twenties. As a teen she struggled with a meth addiction for a short period and since her early twenties she has struggled with alcohol. She has done it all as a drunk, car accidents, DUI's, arrests, jail, total embarrassments made the family sick with worry time and time again. She even worked for me for a year or so and on my birthday left to go run a permit at the building department and decided to stop at the bar GOT OBLITERATED, got in her car, driving god knows where and got pulled over after a highway patrol witnessed her passed out at a deserted stoplight with car running and still in drive (managed to keep foot on break?) Needless to say she ended up in jail.... I was worried at work having no idea what happened to her and kept calling and texting her phone til finally a patron from the bar said Nicole's is not here she left her phone here at the bar, called the bar they told me they tried to stop her from leaving and she took off.... my good buddy at work finally decided to look her up on the inmate search and that's how I found out.................

Gulp that was tough to relive just writing that. Well that was a year and a half ago and she left Vegas to go back to Palmdale where it is safer for her, she has no car they have no bars, the couple she lives with lets her drink so she does not feel she has to sneak out to do it. I had hired her a lawyer on this last charge and she manged to get off easy.

Anyway she is not doing well drinking heavier than ever and on a ridiculous amount of meds (Seroquel 300 mg cymbalta 90 mg prazosin 2mg doxepin 20 mg mirtazapine 30 mg) She has been begging me to visit for ever now and I had noticed from her texts that it appeared her drinking was getting worse so yesterday I texted her that I was going to come visit, she called me crying with tears of joy, said she needed me so bad and was so excited I was coming and then went on to tell me how bad things were getting for her.

Not exactly sure what I am going to do for her just be with her, talk with her and maybe help her set up a plan...

Ok, I soo did not mean to have this post be all about this, had every intention on chiming in on some of your guy's posts but this is what spilled out........... Sorry, I will be reading and checking in all weekend but not much more than that....

Thanks for listening

[DfromCT]

August Mod Squad

:wazup: Hellooooo moders!

Thanks for all the advise, it all makes sense and is logical. That being said with a little sleep deprivation in the heat of the moment we all lose perspective at times. The key is that we're both overjoyed with the blessing of having the twins. As much as they sleep pretty well, there is the aspect of one has a little bit of fusiness then he settles down and the other one starts up! Unfortunately the feedings I did last night the first one fed, despite getting 20 minutes of cuddling and coddling mostly upright (as recomended by the Ped doc) kept spitting his paci out and throwing hissy fits while I was trying to feed the other. MIL was on the porch having her glass of wine (she only has one, or else I wouldn't let her near the kids!) and oblivious to the distress, so I had to let one cry it out! Anyway, all ended well in Binkyville, and my wife was grateful, I think, to get the 5 hours sleep before she took over after the midnight feeding, and I got to sleep from 1 am to 7:30, WOO HOO!

Vliv, hope your trip goes well and that sis is better for your visit. Also hope you have 'net access so you can keep us entertained and updated. Might have to make the WTC this weekend!

LG, the joyousness of these days, especially when holding the babies in my arms, outweighs all the other crap, for sure.

FarfallaP, thanks for the perspective. I truly think my MIL is a saint for all she does, but the disrespect for the AC drives me nuts! She goes to the bathroom and at 83 is planted there for somewhere between 5 and 10 minutes, leaving the door to her room open. I closed it and she had a hissy fit. It's not an actual door, it's really a closet that opens to the hall and her room, and it's directly across from the AC which cools both rooms. I told her to consider if it were -30 and the hallway was outside, trying to keep the heat in and she said "I just can't do it. I'm only going to the bathroom across the hall I just can't close the door" I don't get that but then asked "well could you use the door in here, so it doesn't let out as much cool air? and she just repeated that she "can't do that." She's got OCD according to all her kids, but I've never seen that side of her.

Shue, thanks for all the advice as well. Most of it we're doing, though I got seriously shot down by the pediatrician w/r/t sleeping on their sides. These guidelines change, and this week they're (Amer Acad of Peds) saying babies need to sleep on their backs exclusively! I thought they slept great on their sides, but that's a no no these days! I'm all about minimizing SIDS risk, so I follow orders! The swaddling is definitely dead on, too. My boys somehow practice Houdini acts, and are usually arms free (even sleeping through their maneuvers often!) within an hour, despite how tight we do it!
I like the ignore button suggestion a lot, I need to put one on my belt or something!:thumbs:

Tonight I'm getting a break and playing cards with my buddies. I'll be drinking the Arnold Palmer again, hopefully cashing in on their drinking mistakes! Either way, it's low stakes and a few hours out with the guys, then I'll come home and give my wife a break and do the late feeding again.

Have a great rest of your Thursday. The weekend is almost here! :clapclap:
Dave

[vlivengood]

August Mod Squad

Hey guys!!!!

Made it safe.... Sis n I just catching up.... The real reason I am here is kinda the pink elephant in the room right now but hopefully we'll have some dinner relax and get to talking....

LG- what are you doing with your "Friday" night and I have been meaning to ask you what you thought about maybe u and BF setting up some schedule or designated times that he plays the golf??? Sounds a little childish but might work....

D- hope poker night was fun and profitable

Hello to everyone- have a nice night

[LibraryGirl]

August Mod Squad

Hey V!!! I'm glad you made it to your sister's safely. Let us know how it goes.

This is my last "friday" nite. Back to regular work schedule next week. No more Friday's off till next summer. Not doing anything special really. I had a few glasses of wine, and now I'm drinking diet pepsi. Was not the best evening and once again got into it with the bf. His "working from home" seems to involve sleeping whenever he feels like it and staying up all night playing games if he feels like it. Hate to keep talking about the negative aspects of my life. sheesh

But, guess what? I got the gosh darned tree removed! Ran into a fellow who works on the grounds at the univ where I work and asked if he knew of anyone who did that on the "side". He said, I'll do it. LOL, got it done for much less than any of the other quotes I'd gotten. Yay!

Probably going to bed here soon...just wanted to see what was "happening".

[DfromCT]

August Mod Squad

Vliv, glad you made it to your sisters house. Sounds like she could really use a great sister like you to lean on. You might think of I introducing her to MWO, but then again, I could understand if you didn't for personal reasons too. Does she admit she has a problem and or want to address it? That would be a huge step in the right direction.

I feel better after a night out and some sleep. Took the 12:30 and 1 feedings, but got to sleep fairly soon after Wifey got a couple of hours solid sleep in middle of night she wasn't expecting, and I'm doing sat night overnight with night nurse starting Sunday (Sundays through Thursday for two months). From her standpoint she only has to make it through tonight, and the worst is over until late October. That will be heaven!

LG sorry your last long weekend got off to bad start, you can both turn it around quickly today, though, and have three fun filled days. Ask him and discuss what type of weekend you'd like to create, and then make it happen. If he's like me, and you've been fighting, fool around and then you both can't be mad anymore, and he'll probably agree to whatever fun weekend you want to plan (hoping for more!)

I'm going to get ready for work, will check in later.

[Lila]

August Mod Squad

hi modders
I haven't been here in a long time - i keep showing up and dropping out. but...i would like your help and encouragement.
For years, I was at about 2 beers a night. now i am at like 4. that, and/or or a few shots of something harder.
There are some difficult things in my life right now, things that make me afraid. Plus, I am taking an antidepressant, which can make one drink more, so I have read on this site from people's experiences. Still, I don't like how i am living right now. Last night I ordered Kudzu from this site. It is the only kind that seems to work. And I am going to take a lot of L-glut with that.
I see there are new people here - so to reintroduce myself - i am a single mom of 3 teenagers. And I am looking for a job. And, I would like to start working out again - I have a health club membership, but never go.
So, I am hoping through all your support to get healthy again, and get thinner!
L

[LibraryGirl]

August Mod Squad

Welcome Lila.:welcome: I know you aren't new to this site, but welcome back.

Since you say you are having beer (and/or shots) every night, does that mean you don't have any AF time? Maybe getting some AF days would improve your outlook, and maybe reduce your cravings. It seems paradoxical, but trust me, abstaining for 30 days (ideally), really helps put things in perspective. You may even decide to remain AF, or you may decide modding is what works best for you. For me, 30 days was essential to modding. I was in the daily habit and could not get out of it, I thought, until I just quit. You can get support from all of us if that is what you decide to do. DfromCT just finished his 30 days AF on Monday, and has decided to go another two weeks AF.

Let us know what you decide.:l

[LibraryGirl]

August Mod Squad

D, glad you got some good rest and feel better today. It really does make all the difference, doesn't it? I feel pretty rested myself. I usually fight going to bed on nights when I don't have to work the next day, but last night I just went to bed at 11. I woke up thinking about what I might do today and had the luxury of just laying there for a while. Now, I'm on my second cup of coffee...admittedly is IS 10 am, lol. Thinking about going to the mall and doing some (light) shopping. I really could use a couple pairs of shoes. I don't like shopping, which is odd for a woman (some say), but love having new things once I've made the effort.

V, I hope you're enjoying your visit with sis, and that it is going well for both of you. I'm sure you can give her the support she's craving. Check in and let us know how you are.

Hope everyone is having a great Friday. TGIF!!

Lg

[Lila]

August Mod Squad

thanks LG. A month sounds like such a long time. I just ordered L-glut powder, so in a few days, i should have all the supplements. maybe i will start small, like just a day.
and i would need another way to relax and calm down.

[LibraryGirl]

August Mod Squad

It does sound like a long time, I agree. I started with 7 days, counting each day as a milestone. And it was, after drinking every day for over 10 years. Yes, you would need something else to relax, and it's been suggested to me, and I will suggest to you to change your routine. If you always come home after work and fix a drink, don't go home. Go to the mall and window shop for an hour, go to a friend's house or family's (that doesn't drink). If you must go home, do something you normally put off till after drinking...say, fix dinner earlier and eat. Eating enough to fill you up greatly reduces cravings. Those are just some suggestions.

[DfromCT]

August Mod Squad

Hi, Lila, and welcome.

I agree with what LG says above, and also think you should consider an extended AF period. I personally am doing the whole nine yards w/r/t the MWO program, not just Kudzu and L Glut. I'm seeing a doctor (who gave me an Rx for Naltrexone rather than Topamax as the MWO program entails) because, like most of us that drink or drank regularly for an extended period of time, our brains have specific synapses that fire regularly and either create alcohol cravings, or make us feel good when we feed it alcohol. The meds make the brain ignore those synapses (I'm using laymens terms and explaining as I understand, be sure to know I'm no expert, just telling you what works!) and really have made it a lot easier to string together 33 or 34 days (and counting) than I thought it would be. I'll also admit that 30 days seemed like eternity when I started, but once I cleared the beers out of my fridge and settled into an AF routine, it was easier.

You may not go 30 days, or may not feel the need to do so. I'm now considering going longer, as I don't think my brain and body are totally cleansed, and fear returning to drinking a bunch of beers daily, coupled with a few shots of tequilla 3 or so days/week and wine with dinners. Holy cow I was drinking a whole lot! I actually purchased the Extreme Starter Kit here, and found that the items that help me the most are the Kudzu, Calms Forte (great homeopathic sleep aid) L-Glut and the hypnotherapy CD. I highly recommend the Hypnotherapy. You need a quite place to do it once or twice a day for the first week or so, it only takes 30 minutes, but REALLY helps.

Good luck, and please keep posting and keep us up to date.

Dave

[vlivengood]

August Mod Squad

Ok guys...... I finally go out of town and can't get the time in to make my usual hundred posts and check on u guys every twenty minutes just to find a post now and then..... And now u guys go crazy posting luv it.

Lila- howdy and welcome ...... Looking forward to getting to know u and support U on your journey....

LG - stoked about the tree u are all about the wheelin and dealin these days... I too hate shopping - my favorite store is Ny and Company and I am very familiar with their sizing so I can shop online and they send me awesome discounts in my email.... What are u n BF's plans for the rest of weekend..... I actually miss my hubby

D- my hubby calls me Wifey too..... The nurse sounds like a perfect solution.... Sounds like u guys are going to be just fine you seem to really work together.... Did you have any trouble with cravings or anything at poker? Good advice for LG there I use that technique often.....

Gotta run write more later about visit..... Going well though

[LibraryGirl]

August Mod Squad

Hey D and V. My ikle family online.:l Well, I didn't go shopping (yet), and have been doing some spring cleaning. Well, late summer cleaning. Gotten as far as three loads of laundry...washing dog's bed now, ugh. Cleaned my bathroom, cleaned out some dresser drawers and put some clothes in trash bags to take to charity. I have lots more I could bag up, but have made a start at least. Vacuuming a little now, and going to start dusting in a minute. Also cleaned out the fridge, but not completely...again, made a start. Whew, I'm sweating!!

[Lila]

August Mod Squad

Dave - thanks - so you actually recommend the CDs. I have had them for years. Maybe I will dust them off and use them. I would hate to talk to a doctor....
V- thanks for the welcome!
LG, cleaning really does make a person feel good. I always think an orderly house = orderly mind. (my house is messy and neat, depending on where you look!)
okay, off to go swimming, although it is getting cooler outside now.
L

[DfromCT]

August Mod Squad

Hey, vliv, I hope you saw the post I had earlier, w/r/t you and your sister. As far as wifey and I (I call her that here, only for privacy reasons, her name is unique) are concerned, we've been at each other a lot lately, and I'm trying to make peace. I posted about this on the Subscribers thread, so forgive me for cutting and pasting from that post, but I have to get back to work...

The last few days have been increasingly difficult with my wife and I at each other and no longer the team that I felt we were before the boys came home. This morning I had a good long meditation about whom I'm being with regard to the relationship with my wife, concern with protecting my babies, and trying to be the perfect father and husband, and realized that I needed to change perspective and start from common ground.

We both (wifey and I ) love and cherish our babies and want to care for them and protect them to the best of our ability. Maybe I'm scarred from losing my daughter (her mom and I divorced when she was 3.5, and there's real pain from the loss of her not growing up under my roof depsite having a great relationship with her.) Maybe I have feelings of unworthiness and fear I'll lose the twins. But for some reason I was trying to take every measure possible to eliminate any SIDS risk, and that created tension when my wife wanted to let them sleep in the rocking cradle next to the couch she sleeps on in their room from roughly 1 AM to morning, as she takes those feedings by herself. I also was hyper critical of the temperature, as the AAP recommends 67-71 degrees, and the Mayo and Cleveland clinic recommend even colder to reduce SIDs risk.

After a lot of meditation I realized that my wife will never do anything to put the kids in harms way, and I was overreacting for my own insecure reasons. I apologized and am trying to re-create the team feeling we had when they were born and the 10 days before they came home from the hospital.

The boys are changing and growing every day. 10 days ago the Pediatrician said they should eat 50-75 CC's per feeding, roughly every 3 hours. The last few days they've been eating close to 90 most feedings (with one and sometimes two a day where they eat much less, anywhere from 35-65) and often want to eat closer to two hours than three! That's typical of a growth spurt, and they're certainly growing! I'm anxious to see how much weight they've gained when we go back on the 16th.

The boys are such a source of joy, I think I just glow when I hold them. Feeding and diapers don't bother me, sleep is over-rated (unless your just totally exhausted, which I was on Wednesday) and it's only really tough when both are crying and no help is in sight! I can't wait for the weekend to start (and I'm leaving work after a conference call that should end at 4.) so I can go home and be with them. Hopefully my peace offering has been well received by my wife, and we'll have a good weekend enjoying the gift we've received from the Universe and celebrating the joy of these beautiful babies.

Dave