August Mod Squad
I fell hard Tuesday, worst ever
Modders,
I apologize for not reading your posts, but I had an episode the other night. It resulted in a work/friend getting a text from me she didn't like (which wasn't that bad, she'll get over it and I even asked my therapist why she got so pissed, and when she explained it, it made sense, but I'll get to that later) and a long overly boozed night with, well, safe to say my girlfriend, who is married, but separated.
I think I need t give some background for this to make sense. Over the last weekend, I told the woman I've been seeing that I'm starting to fell in love with her. She blushed, which is off, she's not a blusher and told me she kind of knew, that I was looking at her, touching her and holding her differently.
Tuesday afternoon she asked me to meet her for "a drink" around 4:30, I was able to. She's also was supposed to make dinner for her now husband. They "trying to work things out" but that is not working. They are both in a sort of denial. Every time she's supposed to spend time with him, she blows it off to spend time with me. I also told her she needs to make a decision soon, for her own (and his) benefit, whether she stays with me or not. Well, this led to her drinking more and me staying with her. She blew off her dinner and called her friend who's a big partier. She then tells me how she he (her husband) hit her once and aI lost it. Oh, at some point during the night I got a message from this work/friend (different office) how she was glad my scenario was working out...I told this work friend that I'd for her to meet her, my girl, next time where up near her, this is important you'll see later.
I'm going balistic about the hitting thing, she even says the "it was once and I deserved it, you know my smart mouth" My girlfriend is a touch chick, this is the last sort of thing I'd think I'd hear from her, I told her I ma going to take care of it. She is pleading for me not to. We get to her party friend's place, me begrdugingly, I even told her if he has any cocaine, I'm doing it, apparrently he's big into it, thankfully, he didn't. He had no booze she wanted so we went out to a bar. He only stayed with us for a drink, but she kept me out much later. At this point I see the text from my work friend, "well let me know the next time you're at....." I respond back, definitely, hopefully some drunk irish mcnasty attorney hasn't taken me out by then." My friend responds back, "if you talk like that, I'll stop talking to you." I respond, "grow up, my smokin' hot irish girlfrend even thinks its funny."
So, my girlfriend has me out later than I want, and I am drinking, who knows how much by this point, but I remember not even being able to put a dent in the last pint she ordered me, I had enough.
We then get back to my place, she starts having, well, it looks like a heart attack, but not, she has a heart disorder and this was apparently a type of attack can have, I
m freaked! I'm asking if I should call 911, she said no, she just needed to lay down and have some water. At this point, I'm like what time is it? It's after 3am !?!?!? She's like suck it up, your girlfriend is sick, you can go in later....she's obviously a little disoriented between the attack the drinking. She then has to call her husband, and says she's staying at her party friends, he apparently knows the type of nights he brings out. We sleep. My alarm wakes up, I can't deal with anything. I see a text from my friend that simply says, "Stop it. I'm not doing this anymore." I respond back with, "X, I'm so sorry, I had to deal with a real disaster last night and it took me to a very dark place, I never should've involved you, I am so sorry." That's really all I could say.
I figure I'll go in late, but I'm popping like 3-4 Xanax's, my gf goes home. I sleep the entire day! I mean all of Wendesday, I have never done anything like this in my life! I woke up once to a client call on my cell phone, I spoke to him, then went back to bed.
My therapist session was this morning, I told her all this. She said the reason why my work friend got upset, we have some history, not dating, but flirting in the past that crossed the just "friends" lines, that she probably felt that I was comparing her to my gf, which I wasn't. I mean my friend has a bf. She said the "grow up" implies she doesn't have a sense s humor, and "my smoking hot irish gf" implies she's not attracttive. It was not my intent. My therapist said my apologetic text was perfect....give it a few days and call her, just let her know you appreciate her. If she's still pissed, she never was your friend then...my gf even said she needs to lighten up. I'm happy she was a bf, I'd think she'd be happy I have a gf (and she knows the situtation and gave me some excellent advice!). OH just so you all know, I was the aggressor our "flirting days" so its not like my work/friend has a crush on me, if anything it was the other way around.
So, I have like 8 million texts from my gf, she's worried, etc. I've been tempted to txt my work friend simply, "he hit her" so she understands my behavior, but I held off, like I said, I call her perhaps this weekend...I don't want to interefere with her work, maybe I'll call tonight, see how I feel.
My gf says I'm beating myself up too much. My therapist even agreed with her. She said its not like you do this all the time, and your intentions were to protect "the damsel in distress" so to speak. You (meaning me) knew she was going down a bad path and didn't want her by herself, the hitting thing also was not sitting well, even if it was awhile ago.
Needless to say, I didn't mod well..... I'm feeling better, although I don't know what the hell I got myself into. We were doing so well, no drama, I guess I knew this situation was going to get dicey at some point. OH, she didn't have to work the next day either...
My therapist also said one day like this in an entire work career, is not the warning sign of a problem. You were overwhelmed. Your friend you sent the stupid text to should realize that as well.
Anyway, I'm starting to feel less of a mess, but still feel very emotional. I'm very happy here at work. But I just needed my fellow modders, I feel so alone. I mean one the reasons I even feel like contacting my friend I pissed off is because I don't know who else to turn to, and perhaps a fellow woman would understand, but I think I need to leave her be for awhile... I apologized, I mentioned enough (disaster, dark place) and she's no angel either.
Anyway, thank you for reading and any encouragement is appreciated.
j
I fell hard Tuesday, worst ever
Modders,
I apologize for not reading your posts, but I had an episode the other night. It resulted in a work/friend getting a text from me she didn't like (which wasn't that bad, she'll get over it and I even asked my therapist why she got so pissed, and when she explained it, it made sense, but I'll get to that later) and a long overly boozed night with, well, safe to say my girlfriend, who is married, but separated.
I think I need t give some background for this to make sense. Over the last weekend, I told the woman I've been seeing that I'm starting to fell in love with her. She blushed, which is off, she's not a blusher and told me she kind of knew, that I was looking at her, touching her and holding her differently.
Tuesday afternoon she asked me to meet her for "a drink" around 4:30, I was able to. She's also was supposed to make dinner for her now husband. They "trying to work things out" but that is not working. They are both in a sort of denial. Every time she's supposed to spend time with him, she blows it off to spend time with me. I also told her she needs to make a decision soon, for her own (and his) benefit, whether she stays with me or not. Well, this led to her drinking more and me staying with her. She blew off her dinner and called her friend who's a big partier. She then tells me how she he (her husband) hit her once and aI lost it. Oh, at some point during the night I got a message from this work/friend (different office) how she was glad my scenario was working out...I told this work friend that I'd for her to meet her, my girl, next time where up near her, this is important you'll see later.
I'm going balistic about the hitting thing, she even says the "it was once and I deserved it, you know my smart mouth" My girlfriend is a touch chick, this is the last sort of thing I'd think I'd hear from her, I told her I ma going to take care of it. She is pleading for me not to. We get to her party friend's place, me begrdugingly, I even told her if he has any cocaine, I'm doing it, apparrently he's big into it, thankfully, he didn't. He had no booze she wanted so we went out to a bar. He only stayed with us for a drink, but she kept me out much later. At this point I see the text from my work friend, "well let me know the next time you're at....." I respond back, definitely, hopefully some drunk irish mcnasty attorney hasn't taken me out by then." My friend responds back, "if you talk like that, I'll stop talking to you." I respond, "grow up, my smokin' hot irish girlfrend even thinks its funny."
So, my girlfriend has me out later than I want, and I am drinking, who knows how much by this point, but I remember not even being able to put a dent in the last pint she ordered me, I had enough.
We then get back to my place, she starts having, well, it looks like a heart attack, but not, she has a heart disorder and this was apparently a type of attack can have, I
m freaked! I'm asking if I should call 911, she said no, she just needed to lay down and have some water. At this point, I'm like what time is it? It's after 3am !?!?!? She's like suck it up, your girlfriend is sick, you can go in later....she's obviously a little disoriented between the attack the drinking. She then has to call her husband, and says she's staying at her party friends, he apparently knows the type of nights he brings out. We sleep. My alarm wakes up, I can't deal with anything. I see a text from my friend that simply says, "Stop it. I'm not doing this anymore." I respond back with, "X, I'm so sorry, I had to deal with a real disaster last night and it took me to a very dark place, I never should've involved you, I am so sorry." That's really all I could say.
I figure I'll go in late, but I'm popping like 3-4 Xanax's, my gf goes home. I sleep the entire day! I mean all of Wendesday, I have never done anything like this in my life! I woke up once to a client call on my cell phone, I spoke to him, then went back to bed.
My therapist session was this morning, I told her all this. She said the reason why my work friend got upset, we have some history, not dating, but flirting in the past that crossed the just "friends" lines, that she probably felt that I was comparing her to my gf, which I wasn't. I mean my friend has a bf. She said the "grow up" implies she doesn't have a sense s humor, and "my smoking hot irish gf" implies she's not attracttive. It was not my intent. My therapist said my apologetic text was perfect....give it a few days and call her, just let her know you appreciate her. If she's still pissed, she never was your friend then...my gf even said she needs to lighten up. I'm happy she was a bf, I'd think she'd be happy I have a gf (and she knows the situtation and gave me some excellent advice!). OH just so you all know, I was the aggressor our "flirting days" so its not like my work/friend has a crush on me, if anything it was the other way around.
So, I have like 8 million texts from my gf, she's worried, etc. I've been tempted to txt my work friend simply, "he hit her" so she understands my behavior, but I held off, like I said, I call her perhaps this weekend...I don't want to interefere with her work, maybe I'll call tonight, see how I feel.
My gf says I'm beating myself up too much. My therapist even agreed with her. She said its not like you do this all the time, and your intentions were to protect "the damsel in distress" so to speak. You (meaning me) knew she was going down a bad path and didn't want her by herself, the hitting thing also was not sitting well, even if it was awhile ago.
Needless to say, I didn't mod well..... I'm feeling better, although I don't know what the hell I got myself into. We were doing so well, no drama, I guess I knew this situation was going to get dicey at some point. OH, she didn't have to work the next day either...
My therapist also said one day like this in an entire work career, is not the warning sign of a problem. You were overwhelmed. Your friend you sent the stupid text to should realize that as well.
Anyway, I'm starting to feel less of a mess, but still feel very emotional. I'm very happy here at work. But I just needed my fellow modders, I feel so alone. I mean one the reasons I even feel like contacting my friend I pissed off is because I don't know who else to turn to, and perhaps a fellow woman would understand, but I think I need to leave her be for awhile... I apologized, I mentioned enough (disaster, dark place) and she's no angel either.
Anyway, thank you for reading and any encouragement is appreciated.
j
Comment