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**LibraryGirl** · August 6, 2012, 07:06 PM

The last time I blew it when trying to mod...

This is the first time I've tried to moderate, so I may have a handicap.

What I have learned is that I can go without drinking, and without craving. What I have also learned is that, when I drink I usually drink more than moderate. I don't black out, I don't do anything crazy, but I rarely stick to just one or two, unless it's beer, or unless that's all the wine there is left. I'm not sure if this will lead to something I inevitably regret, or if it means I should give up moderating altogether, or if it's pretty good to at least have 4-5 AF days a week.

**vlivengood** · August 6, 2012, 08:23 PM

The last time I blew it when trying to mod...

Last time I blew it, I came home on a Friday to find out hubby was at a bar pretty drunk and I had to forget about the plans we had made for dinner with friends..... I ran out to liquor store and bought a half pint...... I really have no problem actually moderating my beer at all I just can't moderate liquor so my plan is to stay away from it.... I would like to drink less beer overall but mostly for my health and weight......

**drinkingal** · August 8, 2012, 03:31 AM

The last time I blew it when trying to mod...

The last time I blew it I just got caught up drinking with a friend without really stopping to think about what I was doing, so I think being more aware when I drink is what I need to do.

**DancingGirl** · August 8, 2012, 02:53 PM

The last time I blew it when trying to mod...

Thanks for a good thread, Eve11.

The last time I blew it when intending to moderate was Monday. We were coming home from a holiday (where my goal was just not to overdo it, even if the count wasn't "moderate"), and I had wine with lunch. We were close enough home that I still had the buzz when we arrived, so out came the bottle.

I really must take responsibility about drinking at lunch. If I do, I drink more in the afternoon and then of course have to have something with dinner. If I abstain at lunch, I can really decide either to have 2 or 3 at dinner, or abstain completely. But lunch just does the day in!

**Eve11** · August 8, 2012, 03:37 PM

The last time I blew it when trying to mod...

DG,
I have found that drinking at lunch time just makes me tired and then I want to nap or if I can't nap I then feel tired and the day seems kind of shot. What I have done differently is to stay away from friends who like to drink at lunchtime. I actually stopped being friends with someone because she was a BIG drinker and ALWAYS drank 2 or more glasses of wine at lunch. For those of you trying to moderate knowing our triggers helps us. For me, hanging with people with drinking problems is a trigger for me to want to drink more (like them). Even in programs like AA, friends have to change. If we want to be serious about moderating, that probably applies to us as well.
:l
Eve11

**drinkingal** · August 9, 2012, 07:04 AM

The last time I blew it when trying to mod...

Eve Im not sure which dg you were answering (Im thinking it was dancing girl?), but I have found the same thing. drinking early in the day just makes me sleepy which leads to napping or just drinking away the rest of the day. It's like it totally saps your energy to be productive so one way or another the day gets wasted. One of the things I hate about drinking is wasted days, usually from being hungover or too tired to get much done beyond what I absolutely have to do. I've started pushing myself a bit now and decided even if I do feel hungover or not so motivated, I need to get my @ss into gear and do stuff regardless.

**LibraryGirl** · August 9, 2012, 07:28 AM

The last time I blew it when trying to mod...

When I have drank early during the day (not in a long time), I have found the same results. Either I have to take a nap and wake up depressed and not worth much for the rest of the day, or I continued drinking and we all know the result of that. I think sometimes if it's a very special occasion, or vacation, I would indulge at a lunch party. On the whole, it's not a good idea for me though.

**ToMyHealth** · August 9, 2012, 07:01 PM

The last time I blew it when trying to mod...

Very interesting thread, Eve! Thanks for starting it.

Every once in awhile dh & I have a couple drinks and then pull out the wine with dinner and that can get away from us. It's like the "off" switch flew away.

Agree about the lunch and drinks. Today I had a couple little turkey/swiss rolls with me that I ate on the golf course so I was not hungry for lunch when we went in. There wasn't much of a breeze today so it seemed much warmer than usual on course. I really wanted a beer. I ordered an O'Doul's and felt like I was gulping a cold beer on a hot day. Which I was, it was just AF beer.

Tonite I had 1 drink. 1 and I'm done for the night.

TMH

**DancingGirl** · August 11, 2012, 07:51 AM

The last time I blew it when trying to mod...

I've had another stream of thoughts about this question. We're all looking at "blowing it" as a day with too many drinks, or more than we originally planned. While this is certainly a feature of the mod journey, I've also been wondering about placing my ups and downs in a broader picture.

So - the last time I blew it when trying to mod and ended up not just with a number I was embarrassed to put in the Drink Tracker, but rather with a gradual return to an approach to drinking that cannot be called "moderate" was when I:

1) rather than aiming for a balance AL-Free days and days with moderate drinking (up to 3), slipped into a pattern of AL-Free days and Drinking days. The numbers stopped mattering on the drinking days, but I rationalized it by pointing to the AL-Free days.

2) gradually had fewer and fewer AL-Free days.

What I'm doing differently is recognizing this and being consciencious with the Drink Tracker. I sure don't look moderate compared to the other members, but I must not hide from myself.

I'm still not back to where I was before this happened.

**FarfallaP** · August 11, 2012, 08:54 AM

The last time I blew it when trying to mod...

habit vs. compulsion

Somewhere along the line, for me, the habit of drinking moderately - one or two a night, or at a social occasion - crossed over into a compulsion, where I HAD to have at least one or two, every night.

The first few AF days in many, many years somehow proved to my mind that it was possible for me to EXIST without daily drinking. (My liver had been trying to speak to me for years, via rosacea, but I was blind & deaf..) and the tools on MWO have helped me to break the habit.

So, I do NOT give myself permission to drink habitually at home, where I did the most damage to myself, but I do wish to continue being a "social drinker," therefore I DO give myself permission to drink at restaurants and parties.

What is annoying, to me, is that the doggoned compulsion is still there...and I have felt it re-awaken on several occasions! Then it joins forces with my left-over rebellious streak (no one's gonna tell ME what to do! Including ME!) and, I'm off and running...back to the drinks table for yet Another glass of wine...and, no more counting tonight! ??? will go on the drink tracker...

However, more AF days than not still count as a victory, for me...and I am trying to implement some of the ideas in Lance Dodes' books to help me come to terms with the underlying anxiety which I think is a component of my compulsion.

Sorry for such a long comment! FF

**DancingGirl** · August 11, 2012, 10:39 AM

The last time I blew it when trying to mod...

FarfallaP;1362787 wrote: What is annoying, to me, is that the doggoned compulsion is still there...and I have felt it re-awaken on several occasions! Then it joins forces with my left-over rebellious streak (no one's gonna tell ME what to do! Including ME!) and, I'm off and running...back to the drinks table for yet Another glass of wine...and, no more counting tonight! ??? will go on the drink tracker...
FF

Yes!! Thank you - this is where it goes for me too. "I don't care" is one silly mental refrain; the other is "I am choosing to drink" (thus I'm in control?? - oh come on....)

I wish I could stop drinking at home generally. My difficulty there is that my husband drinks (he has the problem too, but isn't at a place to try to control it) so there is always wine in the fridge. He also sometimes gets a little miffed if we're out and I don't have a drink. Not seriously and it certainly has something to do with knowing deep down he should be abstaining too.

So we struggle on. I like this thread because I need to talk about this. It's not that I'm antisocial or that I don't care about all of you, but the how my tomatoes are growing is not what I need.

Writing that, I feel very self-centred. Sorry.

**FarfallaP** · August 11, 2012, 12:17 PM

The last time I blew it when trying to mod...

OH, DG, yes ... "I am choosing to drink!" ... what an annoying little "con job" I pull on myself sometimes! But, once the compulsion is pushing me around, I can/could stop it by eating, including a taste of something sweet to end with, but...I then find the food - unappetizing! I dull my "pleasure sensers" with the AL, then only want more AL... FF ..

**DancingGirl** · August 11, 2012, 12:41 PM

The last time I blew it when trying to mod...

I just had an interesting little struggle two hours ago as I wrote that last post. After I wrote "So we struggle on" I went on to say that it was almost lunch time, but I wouldn't be drinking because I still wanted to do some more writing this afternoon and wouldn't do it, or wouldn't do it well, if I had that "one glass" at lunch. Then I wrote: "As I write this, that little voice is telling me that it's Saturday and why not." Then I thought - "well it IS Saturday, so...." THEN I deleted the whole line.

I went upstairs and found my orange juice from breakfast (I hadn't drunk if for some reason). Good - wine does NOT work after orange juice. My husband was making sandwiches out of the last of the cold meats. I then thought: "this is not food that needs wine." I thanked him profusely (which confused him slightly, he thought I was happy he was using up the meat but didn't see it as that big of a deal) then got some Arizona green tea. We ate outside and I realised that my tea looked like a glass of beer, which struck me as pretty funny after the argument I'd just had with myself.

But honestly, there really seem to be a little devil on one shoulder and a little angel on the other at certain times of day.

The point of all that, FF, was to agree with you about the stopping (or even not starting) by having something sweet, or citrus-y, or minty.

**FarfallaP** · August 11, 2012, 02:26 PM

The last time I blew it when trying to mod...

Oh, Dancing Girl,

That certainly counts as a victory! The same little scenario, voices and all, has gone on for me for years and years...and, I must admit, that even now, if my dear husband had offered to "treat" me with one of the little bottles of Lambrusco he recently bought us, I probably would have acquiesced.

At one point, in an effort to make my problem "go away," I wrote out all these little dialogs in my journal, and actually drew little devils on one side (as on, say, my left shoulder), with little angels on the other! Nonetheless, my dialogs continued...

So, congrats on REALLY taking good care of yourself at lunch. FF

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