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    #46
    The last time I blew it when trying to mod...

    drinkingal;1380215 wrote: Zax and slay, modding has been a bit of a hot topic at times here at the forums and caused a fair bit of conflict so there is some history to the posts. Some people at the forums are very against anyone attempting modding, and it has led to some very intense fights.

    I can see that (and have seen it in outpatient programs i've been in combined with copious #'s of AA meetings). In my own personal experience whether im abstaining, modding or binging it makes no difference. Ultimately it always came back down to my own decision. I also appreciate for a lot of people there very much is no decision which is why I can see people so vehemently oppose modding. However, an abstainer can fall off the band wagon just as fast an hard as a modder.

    My personal take away from these forums (as a whole) is seeing the journeys people have taken to having a healthier lifestyle. The analysis of the alcoholic brain. The habits and patterns people fall into and corresponding methods of breaking them. The trials and tribulations. The successes and failures. And most of all the diversity of approaches to doing as such. I whole heartedly reject a one-size-fits-all approach. All you have to do is look at the number of failures people have. If there was one recipe for success then we wouldn't have a problem in the first place. Alas, to err is human.

    Philosophically the closest thing that mirrors my own feelings is what's stated here, i think its a very powerful, positive and realistic world view on dealing with addiction (Harm Reduction for Alcohol--HAMS)

    WHAT IS HARM REDUCTION?
    Harm reduction is a set of practical strategies intended to reduce the negative consequences of high risk behaviors such as overdrinking or drug use. Harm reduction is a nonjudgmental approach that attempts to meet people "where they are at" with their drinking or drug use. Instead of demanding perfect abstinence, this pragmatic approach is supportive of anyone who wishes to minimize the harm associated with a high risk behavior such as drinking or drug use. Harm reduction accepts that high risk behaviors such as recreational alcohol intoxication are part of our world and works to minimize their harmful effects rather than simply ignore or condemn them
    . Harm reduction does not attempt to force people to change in ways which they do not choose for themselves. Harm reduction is a compassionate approach whose primary concern is the increased well-being of its constituency. Moreover an overwhelming body of scientific evidence shows that harm reduction works!!

    FYI, thank you whoever referred me to the mywayout book. I'm still reading and digesting it

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      #47
      The last time I blew it when trying to mod...

      Hi zax, I totally agree with you. The all or nothing approach just doesn't work for me either, and I really can't accept the whole "powerless" concept with alcohol that you spoke about earlier. for example I used to think I had no willpower and no control when it came to alcohol, but over time I saw that I did have more than I realized, and it is about the choices we make.

      I actually started using harm reduction about 18 months ago and it's been really helpful to me. The reason I started using it was because I was unsuccessful at quitting and I reached a point where it was making me feel like a hopeless failure so i decided to try something else. It hasn't been a quick fix for me but it's been a definite process where I have had to work on myself, and my attitude towards drinking has changed so much that I don't even recognize the drinker I used to be. For me now, getting drunk every night like I used to is such a weird idea that I can barely wrap my head around it. That's not to say I have it all figured out, and I really am still a work in progress, but I know I've come a long way and it hasn't been a struggle because it happens over time that you gradually get used to things changing.

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        #48
        The last time I blew it when trying to mod...

        I think every alcoholic is a work in progress for the rest of their life

        Habit changing is the biggest one i'll be working on going forward. Abstaining for a while for now since i was such a bad boy the last 6 months. Gotta drop some lbs while im at it and alcohol is not very to weightloss goals

        Just pondering, its actually sorta funny on a cosmic balance perspective. I'm an extremely *in control* person (even when drunk im the responsible one). Got all my ducks in a row, do everything your supposed to do, there's really nothing bad in my life i can come up with, good childhood, ect. It just fricken figures my dark streak is that i like to drink because i have a very poor toolbox for making my brain shutup and stop thinking about everything that needs / should get done. Even that sounds like a pathetic reason ha. To be honest the anxiety meds helped a bit... but all of them had this nasty side affect of making it so that it took about 2 hrs to, uh, climax lol.

        I think this thread inspired me to rewrite my trigger list and see what i can change/add to it.

        Comment


          #49
          The last time I blew it when trying to mod...

          "I think every alcoholic is a work in progress for the rest of their life"

          ah well see I don't believe I am an alcoholic, an alcohol abuser yes but the label alcoholic to me is like buying into the "powerlessness" and "you have a disease" mindset, and I found that really didn't help me at all. Then again, I could just be in denial!

          It's funny you mention that you drink to make you brain shut up, D from CT mentioned that in another post here at the modders board and I was asking him about it because I have the same problem and that's something I'm trying to figure out too. Al definitely numbs out the brain and stops the noise so I know exactly what you mean.

          Good luck with your journey, figuring out your triggers will really help you to get a handle on this.

          Comment


            #50
            The last time I blew it when trying to mod...

            I would like to point something out and then I am done talking about this and going back to our regularly scheduled programming:

            No one accused on these boards has been a 'Nazi' or intolerant regarding abstaining or Modding- The TOPIC of those discussions are Not Now nor have they ever been the ISSUE...

            Having never commented on this ongoing discourse before and having only popped in last night out of curiosity over the threads title, I believe whole heatedly that real ISSUE or PROBLEM is entirely in the MANNER i.e. the name calling, the nastiness, the barbs, that serve as the vehicles for the discussion- NOT the discussion itself.

            In other words- It's not AT ALL what's being said. It's THE WAY it is being communicated-

            Sorry for all the Caps. I had to go back and forth to my Thesaurus to get all the right words....

            :l

            Now back to our regularly scheduled programs : Lassie Come Home. :h
            On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
            *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
            https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
            https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

            Comment


              #51
              The last time I blew it when trying to mod...

              Ha, i see what you mean Drinkingal. I guess what i meant by work in progress is that no matter where I end up, the reality is I dont think the "alcohol chatter" voice in the back of my head telling me alcohol is always there for you will ever shutup. Whether its telling my brain, no you will not have a drink period. Or telling my brain, no you will not drink to excess. Or telling my brain, fine you can get drunk on saturday but ONLY saturday. Or hey stupid, your having a really really bad month lets just get wasted everynight so you dont have to worry about it for a few hours. I just dont see it going away. Admitting that doesnt mean im not powerless over it. It just means its my (our?) cross to bear

              As for the white noise. It's lists, things to do, things i havent done, things i know i should be doing, worrying about the 1 month/1 year/5 year life plan, cater to every whim of your ex-wife, ect. I think all type-A people have it to some extent. Some worse than others. It's not always a bad thing though. It's honestly the thing that lets me achieve great things, be successful and a good person to others. The downside is, it creates a butt ton of stress and anxiety for me and I fully appreciate that it is "the single reason" i ever want to drink.

              Alcohol, for me, was just the ultimate shutoff valve. I drank it, and poof, i could just vegitate and shut that noise off and simply enjoy nothing. For me, my salvation lies in behavior and habit modification, i know this in my soul. So down the road i stumble.

              Comment


                #52
                The last time I blew it when trying to mod...

                DG and Zax,

                The way I used alcohol to quite the noise was really not effective. Yes, it helped me sleep, but in an unhealthy and unnecessary way. Once I learned that I could sleep without alcohol being a factor, that was a big burden off my shoulders. LOL..."Calms Forte" a natural/homeopathic sleep aid certainly helped too!

                What I noticed was that my thoughts were still there when I drank, but my thought process was less clear, so I'd think some problems were unresolvable. Alcohol is a depressant, so it made things look worse, causing me to drink more to forget what I'm trying to escape from. Nasty cycle that (knock on wood) I've been luck to break.

                I do agree that we all take our own paths. Some like to succumb to the powerless approach. That's not me, and I sense not either of you, too.
                Well the 1st are the hardest days don't you worry anymore.
                When life looks like easy street there is danger at your door.

                Comment


                  #53
                  The last time I blew it when trying to mod...

                  :goodjob:Agree with you there, dg...the whole post!


                  "I like people too much or not at all."
                  Sylvia Plath

                  Comment


                    #54
                    The last time I blew it when trying to mod...

                    K9Lover;1380220 wrote: D-
                    Sorry you feel so threatened by us. You can ignore me, that's fine, it only works if I try to send you a PM...which I NEVER have, so please stop implying that we are being nasty "behind the scenes". Anything I have to say I am comfortable saying here, because I am not being mean and rude.

                    When you have successfully moderated, I would love to hear your story. As of yet, you haven't even tried, so right now you're actually an Abstainer. Are you confused about that? You're preaching something you've never achieved. When you actually walk the walk, then you can speak from experience. Right now, you're simply guessing.

                    Take care in whatever you decide, it honestly doesn't matter to me. But in the meantime, NO SOUP FOR YOU!
                    Just curious, where did Dave preach about modding? I thought he was just saying that he felt like he couldn't entertain the idea without being shot down by AFer's. Also, all he cautioned Dax about was talking about thinking he was in control of AL and that he could go back to drinking on the AF threads. I agree with Dave. I don't believe he would get much support for those kinds of ideas...am I wrong?


                    "I like people too much or not at all."
                    Sylvia Plath

                    Comment


                      #55
                      The last time I blew it when trying to mod...

                      Zax;1380260 wrote: Ha, i see what you mean Drinkingal. I guess what i meant by work in progress is that no matter where I end up, the reality is I dont think the "alcohol chatter" voice in the back of my head telling me alcohol is always there for you will ever shutup. Whether its telling my brain, no you will not have a drink period. Or telling my brain, no you will not drink to excess. Or telling my brain, fine you can get drunk on saturday but ONLY saturday. Or hey stupid, your having a really really bad month lets just get wasted everynight so you dont have to worry about it for a few hours. I just dont see it going away. Admitting that doesnt mean im not powerless over it. It just means its my (our?) cross to bear

                      As for the white noise. It's lists, things to do, things i havent done, things i know i should be doing, worrying about the 1 month/1 year/5 year life plan, cater to every whim of your ex-wife, ect. I think all type-A people have it to some extent. Some worse than others. It's not always a bad thing though. It's honestly the thing that lets me achieve great things, be successful and a good person to others. The downside is, it creates a butt ton of stress and anxiety for me and I fully appreciate that it is "the single reason" i ever want to drink.

                      Alcohol, for me, was just the ultimate shutoff valve. I drank it, and poof, i could just vegitate and shut that noise off and simply enjoy nothing. For me, my salvation lies in behavior and habit modification, i know this in my soul. So down the road i stumble.
                      Zac and other Type A (can't quiet the mind types), you may wish to see the Research section on Neurotransmitters and do continuing research on GABA and Glutamate. Zac, the relief you get from AL is because it stimulates GABA (inhibiting) and that is, also, why benzos worked for you in regards to quieting the mind. I plan on adding to that section, but things are really busy for me right now. I haven't had time to get back to more research.

                      In regards to the ongoing battle. I have no problems with anyone, but it would be nice if the 'fighting words' could be removed from the equation. People often become defensive when such words are used. Isn't there a nicer way to disagree and/or communicate? JMO, even if it is a long standing battle. Peace is always better and more productive than war, imo...well most of the time. (G)

                      I think it is important to understand if someone has tried to moderate many times and failed, which I think you will find with those who choose to abstain, they feel very strongly about their position because they know the harm/damage it has done to their lives. It becomes important to them to share that with others. On this website, after years, I'm sure they've witnessed a lot of failed mods and a lot of continued shame, physical and emotional damage and broken lives, so can we cut one another some slack? How about a truce? Peace? I love to read everyone's viewpoints. Even the ones I feel are wrong because I learn from those too and how our minds work in various ways...even lying to ourselves at times.

                      Best to all on their journeys. I take no side, but the side of the peacemaker.
                      Rule your mind or it will rule you. It is from a thought that an action grows. :bat

                      Comment


                        #56
                        The last time I blew it when trying to mod...

                        DfromCT;1380325 wrote: DG and Zax,

                        The way I used alcohol to quite the noise was really not effective. Yes, it helped me sleep, but in an unhealthy and unnecessary way. Once I learned that I could sleep without alcohol being a factor, that was a big burden off my shoulders. LOL..."Calms Forte" a natural/homeopathic sleep aid certainly helped too!

                        What I noticed was that my thoughts were still there when I drank, but my thought process was less clear, so I'd think some problems were unresolvable. Alcohol is a depressant, so it made things look worse, causing me to drink more to forget what I'm trying to escape from. Nasty cycle that (knock on wood) I've been luck to break.

                        I do agree that we all take our own paths. Some like to succumb to the powerless approach. That's not me, and I sense not either of you, too.
                        That supplement supports increased GABA levels and inhibits the excitation factors in the brain. Our brains are often deficient in GABA, and I believe that can be a big factor in the craving for alcohol if one has been accustomed to training the brain in such a way. I used to drink Passionflower tea before bed to induce sleep and turn my brain off. Also, catnip tea for a bit. Now I use Ativan. It's crazy how people are so anti drug, but alcohol is in fact a drug. It effects our brain chemistry.
                        Rule your mind or it will rule you. It is from a thought that an action grows. :bat

                        Comment


                          #57
                          The last time I blew it when trying to mod...

                          More for Zax...also on the Research board with more.

                          Ativan is a benzodiazepine (Xanax, Valium, Librium, etc.) It acts by binding tightly to GABAA receptors in the brain (the same ones stimulated by alcohol) which potentiates the inhibitory effect of the available GABA, leading to sedatory and anxiolytic effects. GABA is actually an amino acid that is the primary inhibitory neurotransmitter in humans. It controls excitability/relaxation and also muscle tone (which is why Valium is sometimes prescribed for muscle spasms).

                          Basically, Ativan wraps tightly around these GABA receptors and elicits a sense of well-being and lowers anxiety mimicking and enhancing the body's neurotransmiiters that control stress and anxiety at these receptors. (Ativan is also used for seizures but I'm not sure about the pharmokinetics there.)

                          Read more: How does ativan work
                          Rule your mind or it will rule you. It is from a thought that an action grows. :bat

                          Comment


                            #58
                            The last time I blew it when trying to mod...

                            Slaythefear,

                            The problem with benzodiazepines like Xanax, Valium, Librium, etc. is that they are addicting. Actually I like your remedy of the herbal teas for a healthier anti-anxiety regimine. Dave mentioned Calme-Forte as well and I have heard that is very good too. The more natural, the healthier is how I feel.
                            :l
                            Eve11
                            "Control your destiny or somebody else will"

                            ~Jack Welsh~:h

                            God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me. ~Author unknown, :thumbs:

                            Comment


                              #59
                              The last time I blew it when trying to mod...

                              Hi eve, glad to see your input on this. I'm more of the natural alternative type too, I'm not against medication but keeping meds to a minimum is really important to me if there are other ways. I bought a couple of herbal teas, tension tamer and sleepytime but I'm not loving the way they taste so I think I need to keep looking on that front.

                              As far as the benzos, that's just not my cup of tea, DH takes valium a couple of times a year when his back is really bad and spasm-ing like crazy, but he only takes it for a day usually and then he's able to go off to get a back massage, and honestly, he does get a bit stoned when he takes it, and on those days he's not mentally functional enough to do much, although he certainly feels relaxed!

                              Comment


                                #60
                                The last time I blew it when trying to mod...

                                The Calms Forte has really helped me relax enough to go to sleep, especially at first, when I was getting used to going to sleep without martinis every evening! FF
                                . "It is only with the heart that one can see clearly; that which is essential, is invisible to the eye.". Antoine de Saint-Exupery

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