October Mod Squad

[LibraryGirl]

October Mod Squad

Thanks! I see people here having terrible problems with AL and I don't relate, and I wonder how do you think you can give advice to someone in trouble like this? I can't. I feel helpless because I see that they need much more than I know or am qualified to say...Along with that, I see others who are judgemental and dismissive of anyone with a differing point of view and it makes me think twice about being here. Especially as much as I am. I do think I need to be more careful, and give some grave thought as to what I say from here on out. I am sometimes too eager to get my point across, come hell or high water and this is not the site to do that. I would appreciate honesty from all of you if you feel I have overstepped. Thanks again for all your support.

[vlivengood]

October Mod Squad

A struggle is a struggle and we have all been thru many and have much to share from them. Support is support and we all need it!

LG some people are just sensitive and it is hard for us to judge others frames of mind by reading posts....

I really don't read too much outside of our Mod threads... But I have never seen u post anything even remotely inappropriate.....

But if you get bothered by responses or other posts in general then stick close here for now....

Please don't sensor yourself for any of us modders. I think I speak for all of us when I say we enjoy and appreciate all you share with us.... Your witt, compassion, intelligent advice, compassion and especially your own experiences as we all can learn something from eachother!

[drinkingal]

October Mod Squad

LG I've only just caught up on this thread but I'm glad you've decided to stick around. I feel the same way at times with some topics at the boards, and I'm trying to choose what I read and respond to more carefully as well, because I have to remind myself sometimes that I have my own crap to deal with, and I don't need more angst in my life.

I can identify with some of the things people are going through because i was a heavy drinker but lots of things i can't. Like alcohol never did any major damage to my relationships, I never got arrested, my life just wasn't falling apart from it so I don't think I ever had the desperation that some people feel. I didn't function that well but I got by, I just knew it was very self destructive.

I think there are lots of us here like you and me who were drinking too much and wanted to stop that, but not necessarily alcoholics who live and breathe for the next drink where nothing else matters. It's one of the reasons I don't post that much on the other boards because I wouldn't have a clue how to help a chronic alcoholic who feels hopeless because their life is in ruins from it and they still just want to drink all the time.

anyhoo, this is a really long post to say, I'm glad you stayed and you do belong

[LibraryGirl]

October Mod Squad

Good morning. Thanks again, and both of you are right (dg, V)...we do all have our struggles with AL. I have been told, more than once on here that this is a site for alcoholics (and please don't give the wrong advice). That's what made me take a step back, especially when I was furious with another member for her callous remarks. I tried to reign in my comments, but I did go ahead and have my say.

I feel like most of us in here (mod squad) are heavy drinkers who want to put a stop to over-indulging, but not so down and out that we cannot function without AL, as dg said. I have gone through some times where I was drinking with impunity and far more than I should've, but I have never, ever drank at work, at lunch during working hours, etc. etc. And no I'm not "above" anyone, just different in my path.

I hope everyone is having a great Tuesday.

[HabitualDefender]

October Mod Squad

I'm glad you're hanging around LG. I agree with all the sentiments others have expressed.

(Thanks to V for calling out my stupidity in such a tactful way, that's a great example of being non-judgemental. No more silent treatment at home, LOL.)

Happy Tuesday everyone.

--HD

[vlivengood]

October Mod Squad

Really glad to hear that HD..... Marriages, like our lives, are a work in progress. Like I said Hubby and I can still get to that silent treatment point now and then but I always hate how I feel when that is going on.... I cant focus at work, I'm not in a good mood, I dread going home and playing the silent game, I would much rather eat crow and be happy then deal with all the side affects of that SILLY nonproductive game

How's the tapering going, you still shooting for an AF day and maybe a few more this month?

[Eve11]

October Mod Squad

LG and all,
I am in the process of starting a new thread called "Can you moderate?" and it will support the fact that there is a difference between alcoholics and problems drinkers as studies show that 80% of folks with AL problems are not dependent and possibly can moderate. The sad part is most addiction counselors and others in the field want to hang on to the all or nothing approach as most problem drinkers don't find help because they don't want to go to AA and abstain, they want to do as Doggygirl so brilliantly reminded us on another thread that harm reduction is the key. Let's face it, studies show most alcoholics who try to abstain relapse at some point in time, and most moderators drink more than they intended at some point. But the common denominator for both groups is harm reduction!! Anyway, compiled this great post yesterday explaining it in detail and the computer did something quirky (I stupidly was writing it from my personal yahoo) and it erased it all somehow. So, I will compose it again as I have had a couple of newbies ask the question...can they really moderate? I do believe some people can and will fight that belief to the end. Look for it later, new thread. LG, you are a plethora of information and a mod friend and defender. Glad to hear you are reconsidering staying. I would have missed you. :-(
:l
Eve11

[drinkingal]

October Mod Squad

HD I'm so glad you two are talking again. DH and I have done the silent treatment thing many times, but I think we ended up resenting each other more from that than what we were actually arguing about in the first place.

[drinkingal]

October Mod Squad

eve, I've been thinking we could do with a faq in the mod section, and it sounds like your post would be ideal. But I don't know how you go about organizing a sticky thread? anyone know?

[LibraryGirl]

October Mod Squad

All I can imagine is the AFers jumping in the thread to say, WHOA, stop trying to recruit, LOL... I am looking forward to seeing the thread, Eve, and I think it will be interesting and helpful to many.

Not sure how to do a sticky...I kind of thought it was forum mods who did those.

[Eve11]

October Mod Squad

I guess we have to be prepared for AFers coming over saying why moderating doesn't work for them but in reality, it doesn't work for a lot of people and they will probably provide good insight as to why they weren't successful. Remember, many AFers did try to moderate (babysteps) before they came to the conclusion that they can't.

Also, this is our safe moderating section where posting about moderation is perfectly acceptable...so no guilt here. Sticky thread is a good idea but not sure how to do that either. I'll compose the post and we'll see if we can figure it out or maybe a board moderator will read this and can come help.
:l
Eve11

[DfromCT]

October Mod Squad

Hello Modders!

I'm taking a bit of a break from frequent posting, and wanted to let you all know that I'm doing fine and have not been banned. I have agreed to not use the "N" word when referring to the people that rather maliciously run folks out of here for disagreeing with their view. I also want to apologize to anyone that took offense from a religious standpoint, as that wasn't the intention. It was more to compare them to the Sienfeld character the Soup N---. It was wrong of me to assume that others would see that I didn't mean to compare anyone to the German regime from the 1930's and 40's. Whatever the case may be, I'm sorry if I offended anyone with what may have perceived as anti-semitism. That was not my intention whatsoever, please accept my apology.

For the record, I have nothing against abstainers, nor against those that choose the path of going to AA or other traditional treatment programs where the person declares powerless-ness with regard to alcohol. I am very close to quite a few people that chose that path. (I am also married to someone that has successfully taught herself to moderate, and has been doing so for 15-20 years! She has been VERY supportive, and likes that I haven't been drinking.) I know that path (total abstention and admission of powerlessness) is not right for me, which is why I came here in the first place, to seek a path of moderation. Have I benefitted? Yes, no doubt. That's why I think it's critical that others not be run off for thinking they might be more comfortable with moderators rather than the all-or-nothing crew.

BTW: Great point by Eve w/r/t both groups having similar challenges and failings. Almost everyone I know that has tried moderation has had incidents where they didn't moderate, and virtually everyone I know that has gone to AA or the abstinence route has had a "slip." To me, it's not the slip or overindulgence that matters, it's what you do afterwards to either get back in control or back on the wagon. Frankly, if someone stretches together a long period of time without a drink, then fails at moderating, then goes and strings together more time without drinking aren't they better off then heavily drinking straight through? Maybe that's a scarey viewpoint to some, but to me where I was coming from looks a whole lot worse now than it did when I got out of there. That's why it's MY WAY OUT. I will drink again, I don't know when. I also don't know if I'll be a successful moderator. To some, that's not good enough. I just wish those people would keep their judgements of MY JOURNEY to themselves. Period.

That's my piece, probably all you'll hear from me this week. I will look for Eve's thread, and post my 2 cents worth there as well, but will not be drawn into any arguements in the thread, in private messages, or elsewhere. If someone replies to my posts in an arguementative manner, take my non-response as a powerful choice to let them have the last word, similar to the powerful choice I make not to have a few drinks when they get under my skin!

LG, glad you stuck around.
V- Great advice about the silent treatment at home, I used it myself, THANK YOU!
Eve, thanks for reaching out to me and urging me to ignore and set free the need to prove I'm right.

Everyone else I failed to mention, thank you for continuing to post, and know that your support is helping.

Hugs to all,
D

[BondGirl]

October Mod Squad

Just want to say I second all the points above.

I am so over being told whether or not I can drink by those basing their judgement on THEIR experience..

My total drinks in the last MONTH: 3 beers, 1 tequila, 1 glass wine

[drinkingal]

October Mod Squad

Hi D, I didn't respond to your message because I haven't been on as much and have been dealing with a bit of stuff but I haven't found anything offensive in your posts. I've started using the "no modding for you!" with my DH just joking around You have a quirky sense of humor that some people don't get IMO.

Bondgirl, that is fantastic modding! thanks also for the links you posted earlier, I've had a chance to go and read some of them and I only wish I'd read them sooner instead of having to figure out so much stuff for myself. I'd like to get a faq going here at the mod section and I think some of your links would be so helpful for modders/harm reductionists in working towards controlling their drinking

[Chaaku1]

October Mod Squad

Hello All

I hope you don't mind me jumping in here, but you all seem like my type of people...

I joined MWO on 20th August (2nd time - first was 5 yrs ago and only lasted a month). I have been 'lurking' mainly since then, reading lots of other members posts etc. Whilst I have found all of them inspiring it has taken me a while to work out how the boards work and to find a forum of 'like minded' folk.

I too want to moderate! I have followed RJ's programme to the letter for 30 days and have subsequently had the odd drink on a couple of occasions when out for dinner. Having been someone who drank at least 1 &1/2 bottles of wine a day over many years, I am very happy with this so far.

I am also aware that I could 'fall' tomorrow.

Together with the MWO programme, I am seeing a therapist and my GP - both of whom I have been completely honest with.

You all seem so supportive of each other and knowledgeable. Am I in the right place?

Best wishes to you all

x:thanks: