Can you moderate?

[Eve11]

Can you moderate?

Byrdlady,

With all due respect, NN doesn't sound like a "sanctuary" when numerous newbies start complaining about how they are treated, run off, etc.

And yes, I have taken your advice about room for improvement there and have stepped in to help remedy the situation by bringing this ongoing problem to the attention of the forum moderators.

With that being said, I feel it is finally time for me to use my ignore button for the first time in five years of being here as your previous comments to me on this thread were extremely unprofessional and rude and everytime you post something here, the same tone is displayed. Good luck to you.

Eve11

[Alcoholic]

Can you moderate?

Hi all:

My feelings are easily healed. Don't worry.

Byrdlady: I do appreciate your dedication to the Newbies Nest. You've spent time, energy and showed love, support, and encouragement to the newbies

And eve: you've provided balanced and fair information for everyone and I really would like to see more posts from you in the Newbies Nest.

Newbies Nest should not be a territorial war zone. We need to get back to just only want Renewal stated in the beginning: for us newbies to get together to lend support and share info. Nice And simple. That's all. Of course senior members' opinions are invaluable in helping the newbies but the original intent of Renewal was simply to provide a thread for us to share experiences and opinions. I know I'm new and I approve this message. .

[K9Lover]

Can you moderate?

Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is what? Insanity?

We don't "predict" failure, we speak from experience. We've seen it over and over. Red flags go up when certain comments are made. That's all. We've seen it before, and if we can help a Newbie avoid a pitfall, we're sure as hell going to speak up. We've never "run" anyone off....sometimes the truth hurts. When you come to an alcoholic forum and ask for help, you're not always going to like the answers.

[Eve11]

Can you moderate?

Alcoholic;1399319 wrote:
I know I'm new and I approve this message. .

Alcoholic,
:H I like that...I approve your message too!

:l
Eve11

[Alcoholic]

Can you moderate?

K9:

True. I may not like the answers that others give and I speak up about that too. And i do appreciate the encouragement but maybe I was over sensitive, the particular comment sounded that I was most likely to fail. I was not on the forum that long for anyone to judge/predict that and even if people have seen certain patterns of behaviors from others, the warning could have been done in a more subtle loving way. Everyone is unique in their history. Plus a comment like could actually discourage a newbie from trying quit. Just my opinion.

Personally, I would have preferred that the comment was worded differently. That's all. No big deal. I'm sure I've offended plenty of people in the past and will continue to offend others. And I will now apologize in advance and belatedly for any offensive comments I made or will make in the future.

[Sunbeam]

Can you moderate?

Learning to drink moderately, including posting with this group, helped me improve my life in regard to alcohol. I am now AF and plan to stay that way, but drinking moderately can be a helpful step in dealing with alcohol. K9 does not speak for everyone. People are entitled to ask and answer this question for themselves, especially through the use of the survey tool Eve has included on this thread.

[Eve11]

Can you moderate?

Thank you Sunbeam.

As you know, I personally feel people can fare better when given choices.

I have empathy for those that are overly concerned about new members failing, but newbies shouldn't be made to feel bad because they post comments that are considered "red flags". They are posting in an area that is not designed for people that have all made the commitment to abstain, but in an area that Roberta formulated to "encourage people to try to decide whether they want to stop drinking forever or change their habits and body chemistry so that they can drink moderately." Within the past few months we have had an influx of newbies who are posting how certain people really came down on them when they started to share thoughts of moderating, to the point that they felt uncomfortable to continue posting there.

Newbie's Nest was originally designed to be a site to allow people to try to formulate their own way out with what choices they want to make with their drinking problem and to support each other in that self discovery. Now if they're on a site for abstainers only, I can understand AF folks sharing their opinions about "red flag" statements.

But neutral territory should be just that...neutral.

:l
Eve11

[DfromCT]

Can you moderate?

Byrdlady;1399306 wrote: As everyone is entitled to an opinion, I will share mine. The Newbie's Nest is a Sanctuary of sorts. It is a landing sight for people just starting out, who are trying to get those first awful days behind them. People who are afraid of what the future holds. It's a place for learning coping skills and to see that you can survive without AL. We do not attack people there, for any reason. EVER! We also don't sugarcoat the truth. It's a safe place that should be free of controversy, because god knows there's plenty of that in life. People see what they want to see, but please keep the NN out of your controversies. If anyone sees where there is room for improvement, please let him or her step in to make it happen. We devote HOURS to this place, and to have it attacked like this is shameful. Either be part of the solution, or stop complaining about it. Byrdlady

I was a Newbie, and was run out of the Newbies Nest for discussing my thought process w/r/t a decision of whether or not to have a drink after I achieved 30 days under my belt. Seems like others have suffered the same or similar fates. What aggavated me so much, and has repeatedly since then is the fact that Byrdlady and K9lover both felt that I was "promoting" moderation. I was doing nothing of the sort. I was discussing my plan to make a run at moderation. Not only was horrified that they couldn't understand such a fundamental difference, but also insulted that they felt they had the right to tell me what I could or couldn't discuss in the NN.

Free from controversy? Yeah, unless you're someone that wants to talk about decisions that may go against the shared common perceptions of those the "rule" the nest. Then you're accused of all sorts of things. Again, I've never told anyone that moderation is better for them than abstaining. But that's the perception that Byrdlady and K9 not only have voiced repeatedly, but spread to others that "follow" them. So it was bad enough to be attacked by them for something I didn't do, but then the late hits and piling on (15 yard personal foul in the NFL!) by others that not only didn't bother to read what I said for themselves, but simply attacked me for fighting with those two.

Yes, Byrdlady, we are ALL entittled to our opinions. But we've decided to honor your request that we not share our thoughts about drinking in the AF areas. We've requested numerous times that you don't come into the moderation areas because each time you post here, you attack us for sharing our own personal thoughts. The personal attacks, calling people drunks, predicting their demise, and worse simply has no place in this forum.

In other words, Byrdlady and K9, we simply ask that you show the same respect for the mod boards that the modders show you.

[kuya]

Can you moderate?

Eve
As you may remember I am an abstainer who has no issue with those who can moderate. I also believe that the possibility of moderation will encourage more people to try to deal with their drinking.
RJ cannot possibly have anticipated the diversity of problems that would arise on this site due to the dual methods, so WE, the current members have to sort it out ourselves.

This is just a thought to try to resolve this conflict. Why can we not all agree that the aim for everybody be to attain 30 days AF in the NN. The method of attaining it can include drugs but do you agree that if such a short period cannot be reached future moderation is extremely unlikely.

I know how difficult it is to bolster one person's success at going a few days AF then in the next post feel compelled for politeness to say that a couple of wines on day 4 is better than nothing. It breaks my heart to be negative to anyone there but how can one do right for everyone?

I have never seen anyone post here for the first time saying they are here to moderate. That first post is always one of desperation because their drinking is completely out of control. They are then directed to the NN. Shouldnt this be where they GET SOBER before making any future decisions?

Newly AF myself, I am truly in awe of the seniors who give so much time to these total strangers. These are a diverse group crying out for help, those helping are unpaid, untrained with only the written word which is read by everyone. To expect them(and I include myself as I post there often) to be openly discussing moderation as an option is expecting TOO much.

[Alcoholic]

Can you moderate?

I just want to say I respect K9lover and Byrdlady and would love it if they would like to continue to share their vast experience w us in this forum. I would like everyone to get along. Everyone has good points to make and none of us is perfect. We all make mistakes. Even our opinions can be wrong at times. Lets all shake cyber hands and agree to disagree.

[kuya]

Can you moderate?

Alcoholic;1399426 wrote: I just want to say I respect K9lover and Byrdlady and would love it if they would like to continue to share their vast experience w us in this forum. I would like everyone to get along. Everyone has good points to make and none of us is perfect. We all make mistakes. Even our opinions can be wrong at times. Lets all shake cyber hands and agree to disagree.

With all due respect I don't think you understand how draining supporting Newbies is!

I only see Byrdie and Lola elsewhere on rare occasions when there is an issue they feel strongly about.

I have an abstainers thread I call home, I do not want to discuss moderation there. I only post on a moderation board if I feel I have something positive to add to this ongoing debate. I am too newly AF to stick around any moderation discussions for long.

[Byrdlady]

Can you moderate?

Thanks, Kuya....

This IS my point, this whole thread has created and fueled dischord. Eve, as was my orginal post to you, so is this one....delete this thread and let it die. Just let it go. You are right. K9 and I should be shot for trying to help people who come here in dispair looking for a way out. Either be part of the problem or part of the solution....right now, it appears that we both are part of the problem. You are never going to change my mind and I am never going to change yours....B

[Alcoholic]

Can you moderate?

Kuya:

Maybe we should start a new thread for abstainer only newbies nest? Because if I had known that there was a unwritten rule not to post anything potentially could be construed as being pro-moderation on the day I joined the newbies nest, I wouldn't have violated that rule. And last night when I talked about moderation, that was only in response to your question.

We are all struggling. But when the rules are not written down clearly for the newbies, how were we supposed to know? And again, the reason some of us were concerned was that innocent comments were thought as promotion for moderation. Like I asked Byrdlady that day and I ask today, WHY would I want to promote that? I don't sell liquor. I do treat substance abusers but I'm not here to drum up more business.

I know that Byrdlady and k9 lover have put in time and effort and love and encouragement. And that's what I said in my post. And that's why I would love it if they continued to post.

[kuya]

Can you moderate?

Errrrmmmmm Byrdie , maybe you should do the support and I will do the politics! :H:H:H

[Byrdlady]

Can you moderate?

I deleted it, Kuya....thank you. B