Thinking about an AF June.

[nonamegirl]

Thinking about an AF June.

Hiya, Byrdlady.
SO, yep. I've done the 30 day AF. Did it earlier this year --- even started my own thread to get support for it. Did it late last year to cleanse myself before the Winter Solstice/Holy Period. Did it mid-summer last year. Did two straight years AF before that. And now I am feeling quite comfortable with my moderation. Yes, I have to keep on top of it. Yes, I am honest with myself (and quite obviously with everyone here at MWO, not just the modders to whom I was speaking,) when I feel I need to get myself back on the straight and narrow.

Byrdlady, I have a very high level of respect for you and for the advice you give folks. I have never heard you speak sharply to anyone, and I know that you always want to offer people a heads up if you see problems in the offing. But just so you know, I have read "Controlling Your Drinking" twice and am following the advice therein, Roberta Jewell's book several times and have her cds. I am in full training for a run/walk half-marathon in early July. This will be my third half-marathon. I have also done two full marathons, including the New York City Marathon. Even with all this blinkin' physical exercise, I am still dealing with depression; in full consultation with my GP, have come to the conclusion that the ONE medication that helps the depression better than any Rx (which cause me such side effects that I really don't care to ever go on them again) is an occasional couple glasses of wine. My doc agrees... WITH, of course, the understanding that I control it.

Now, I certainly do not mean to sound sharp nor crabby here. As I said, Byrdlady, I have a great deal of respect for you. However, some folks CAN moderate. I am considering myself to be in that group. Have I failed in my quest in the past? Oh, goodness, yes, as you no doubt can read in other boards. But, for right now, I do not feel one tiny bit bad about ditching an AF June. Feel free to follow my progress on DrinkTracker.

BY the way, please also feel free to join me in running 13 miles... I did it on Sunday. Come on along any ol' time. I enjoy the company.:l

[Byrdlady]

Thinking about an AF June.

Part of the power of MWO is charting progress. This disease of ours is so insidious as to make us see black when it's clearly white...to make us think nothing is wrong, when indeed, it is very wrong. My words are irrelevant, but your own are not. I found this from 12-12-12. This isn't your first time at MWO you have been at this a while....
I'm not here to get into a tinkling contest, but this disease kills people like us....if there is something I can do to prevent that, I will. Have your moderation and all the best to you. If there is ever anything I can do to help, I'm as close as a PM. Byrdie

nonamegirl;1425819 wrote: Hi, all,
I was a member under a different name a couple years back. I followed the program, listened to the hypnotism cds, read the book a few times and stayed sober for a good while. And while I was doing that, I lost weight, ran my first marathon (at the age of 54) and my second one six months later. And so, I felt pretty dang good about myself for awhile. But here, this past summer, I just wanted to see if I could moderate my drinking. Wine was calling me, like a lover. I remembered feeling elegant and adult having a cocktail on a Friday night. Surely I could moderate, right? Surely I was now strong enough to know that one was good, two was delicious, but three was definitely NOT going to happen. Ever. Yeah, right.

Somehow, sometime during that second glass, someone else gets into power. I call it getting in the driver's seat, though I really do not EVER drive after a drink. Someone else makes the next and the next drink happen. I go from being a perfectly respectable woman to someone who hides a bottle in my closet, who sneaks to the liquor cabinet while my husband is in the bathroom, who pours the drinks so that no one else but me knows just how much I'm really drinking. I turn into a person I do not like. My sweet husband had tried to talk sense to me, let me know how much my drinking was hurting him, but I insisted that it wasn't such a big deal. Until this past weekend.

Now, six months after my big experiment of trying to moderate, I realized that the wine wasn't tasting good anymore. It hit harder faster. I was still feeling drunk the next morning, even when I really didn't have all that much to drink. And then, it happened, that thing I promised myself would never happen again. A night with my head in the toilet. Sitting there being so miserable because even laying in the bed is worse. Oh, lord. What a lovely sight. So, yes, I have finally finally finally come to the realization that alcohol is not elegant FOR ME. That I can not handle one glass of anything. It looks, now, like poison to me.

Today is only three days in, so I know very well there will be hard days coming when the craving starts, when I want to be "elegant" again and wonder why I can't. But Topamax and l-glut will help. I'll come here and check the mail. And I'll start training for another marathon. 57 isn't too old to start again. Thanks for listening, and thanks for being here.

[nonamegirl]

Thinking about an AF June.

Hi, again, Byrdie,
Yes, I was fully aware of that particular email when I was writing yesterday. It indeed was forefront in my mind. I in fact did refer to it when I said that I had failed in the past at moderating. But for right now I am succeeding. As I have said in other posts before: we are, each of us, on this path together. Some of us are at different places. Some of us started farther down the path. Some of us choose different routes. But we are on the path together or we simply wouldn't be reading this particular website. What works for one of us might not work for others. And guess what, not any of us has the answer for all of us.

One of the reasons I came to the modders' boards was that I have always had supportive comments here. One of the reasons I left the General board and the Newbies board was that I had some very sharp responses from some Senior Members (again, not you, Byrdlady but others,) when I was expecting/hoping/needing to get the type of supportive comments that other people were getting.

And I did get your reference to the tinkling contest. No one wins and everyone ends up stinking. I chose to answer you publicly instead of the PM you suggested because I know that other modders have experienced sharp retorts from abstainers, too, and just needed to say it one more time. We each work our own program. Same path, different routes



I just feel more comfortable down here with folks who are accepting of others.

[LibraryGirl]

Thinking about an AF June.

NNG, I hope the month of June has been good for you. I, too, have had success at moderating and no longer think about drinking every day. I did drink 5 beers yesterday, over a five-hour period, but never got tipsy. It seemed like a waste of calories, lol. Some weeks I don't drink at all, and "forget" that I can have a glass of wine if I want one. I've been diligently trying to lose weight (although, like with drinking I've taken the laid-back approach, and have lost 30 lbs in 10 months), and also count the calories in alcohol. Obviously, I am unable to consume 1000s of calories at a time, and I prefer food if it's one versus the other.

Oops, I didn't mean to ramble on, but I do understand where you're coming from, and I hope the moderating has continued to be successful.



LG

[nonamegirl]

Thinking about an AF June.

Hi, LG!
Thanks for your sweet comments. Yep. Moderating is going fine. I am learning new techniques that work for me, and I don't spend nearly as much time thinking about AL as I used to when I was trying to abstain. White-knuckling it was getting really boring. Now, more often than not, it will be my husband who suggests we have a glass, rather than me. Whew! What a relief! He is my rock... and doesn't have a problem with alcohol. And luckily he loves me enough to have stayed by me through the dark times.

[LostSoul33]

Thinking about an AF June.

nonamegirl, I am going to do it with you!