Sept Mod Squad

[nonamegirl]

Good morning, Everyone!
I woke up this morning feeling energized and excited, on this first day of September. The autumn is my favorite season, even though I have many reasons to dread it, and still have nightmares about previous Septembers. This month I am going to work very hard on choosing to think positively, not think about worries, stresses or fears.

Take care of yourselves, my friends. :l:h

[nonamegirl]

Sept Mod Squad

Check In, Everyone!

SO, how did the Labor Day weekend go for all the Americans? How are all the rest of the folks doing? Lasha? What's up with you, my friend?

In my part of the world we are living under a heavy pall of forest fire smoke... last week it was from local fires, this week it's coming up from California. Brings on headaches and depression for me, so I am trying my darnedest to fight it.

I am tired and sad today, but will get some exercise and go to my volunteer job and see if that doesn't help, and then if I still feel tired and sad I'll take a nap with my kitties and make a dinner fresh from my garden.

Ah, well. Happy Wednesday, everyone!

[Eve11]

Sept Mod Squad

Hi everyone,

I've been away again for a while. When others don't post often and my phone isn't notified of new private messages or posts, it becomes harder and harder to get back here, but I do think of so many of you here and on the other threads often. Have some very good AF friends that I continually wish the best for, and really care about all of those hoping that moderation can work for them.

My moderation plan is going pretty well. Most nights I don't drink at all, and nights that I do are usually no more than 2. As I've said many times before, the struggle with moderation is the fact that reintroducing AL creates cravings. For those who decide abstinence is the way to go, the cravings really do subside. However, when you allow that one drink and or the second one, the craving can really hit you and the bad decision to have more than two can ensue. I have had many circumstances of having one drink or two and feeling satisfied like a normal social drinker without issues. I have also had episodes of having one or two and I turn into one of the vampires that are so popular on t.v. and the movies now. Tasted a little blood (AL) and HAVE to have more! So, I know I am not a normal drinker. I know I have a faulty shut off valve that works sometimes and not others. I know that I don't know when it will work and when it won't. Many people who are like me decide it just isn't worth it to not know and they choose abstinence. As much as I'd like to put a plug in for abstinence, there are things about it that don't work for me. I enjoy the nice little buzz and the intimate romantic chats with hubby when we've shared 1-2 fine glasses of wine and call it a night. I enjoy the social interaction of meeting a girlfriend for a glass of wine and sharing our feelings about things (Starbucks just doesn't have the same effect sometimes). I enjoy pairing a good wine with the right food. So, I struggle hard to moderate my drinking and find support here in others who are trying to do the same. I do hate the fact that our moderation section may tempt someone who really should abstain, but I find solace in the fact that sometimes it takes baby steps for people and those who really should abstain eventually find their way out and discover that that was the intended plan for them, they just had to discover it on their own.

So, I am grateful for all who are here, no matter what path they feel is their path. I try not to judge, and hope that others do the same when reflecting on who I am and what I share. We are all here with the common denominator of knowing we have a problem and realizing we have to do something about it. We just all dance to the beat of a different drum (hugs to Linda and good energy for good health to Linda Ronstadt with that quote).

:l
Eve11

[rebirth]

Sept Mod Squad

Hi
Just want to introduce myself. I havnt been posting for years but I have still been moderating my drink successfully. I have had the odd bouts when I would drink more than I should but I have managed to get myself back into a healthy routine again.

[Lasha]

Sept Mod Squad

Hi All,

NNG, haven't been away just didn't want to depress anyone with my woes but suffice to say after 3 months in and out of mental homes at last my wife finally agreed to take her medication. How can this be? If she broke her leg the doctor wouldn't wait for her permission to put her in plaster but she can control psychiatrists as long as she likes.

Anyway she's now on the mend properly and coming round.

Had another bit of bad news, my best mate has come home as he's lost his pub and is in a terrible state. He's had two failed attempts at re-hab. and now asks friends to hold his pint glass to his mouth as he cant control his shaking hands.

He just wants to die and reckons the doctors given him 3 months, what is going on with this world? thank goodness we can mod or it could have been us?

Keep on modding

Lash

[nonamegirl]

Sept Mod Squad

Whew! Hey, Everyone! Glad I checked in.

Eve, once again, you hit the nail on the head for me. You and I seem to be sisters separated at birth or something. Your description of your dealings with alcohol go right along with what I have experienced. Thank you again for ALWAYS being supportive to me. You have such a loving way. I have been wanting to ask but didn't want to intrude... are things going okay with your son and the soon-to-be grandbaby? I think about you often.

Lasha, what a blessing your wife is at least starting to get on track with the meds. You raise such a good point about the broken leg vs the mental break. Odd how the medical world sees things differently, isn't it. And such a sad story about your friend. I can empathize. My husband and I had a good friend who we would meet with on Fridays with a bunch of other folks... at the local bar for a beer or two. Eventually this good friend, much younger than we are, ended up having his liver virtually explode. His best friend from out of town was the one to find him. These are good horror stories for us to keep in mind as we so very strongly keep trying to stay on the straight and narrow.

And HELLO and Welcome back, Rebirth! So glad you checked back in with us. This place is keeping me sane.

Tonight is the memorial for my lovely, sweet, gentle friend who died so young of a heart attack. He left a wife and two boys, and I am so very sad today. I am going to read a poem I have written... keep your fingers crossed that I make it through.

[Emmy Lou]

Sept Mod Squad

Hello, just thought I'd introduce myself, I'm pretty new to the forum thing. I've been reading and posting on Mod Hatters and was graciously invited to come on over by No Name Girl. There are some sad stories here, and on other forums, it brings to mind what I always try to remember...everyone has their own story, and each person has differing abilities to deal with stuff.
Good luck each with your own battles, I don't believe anyone is ever given any trial that they can't overcome.
Em

[Eve11]

Sept Mod Squad

Eve, once again, you hit the nail on the head for me. You and I seem to be sisters separated at birth or something. Your description of your dealings with alcohol go right along with what I have experienced. Thank you again for ALWAYS being supportive to me. You have such a loving way. I have been wanting to ask but didn't want to intrude... are things going okay with your son and the soon-to-be grandbaby? I think about you often.


Thanks for asking and for thinking of me nonamegirl. Ghandi once told a man if he felt prejudiced of another race, he should adopt a baby of that race. The lesson to be learned of course, is that the man's prejudice would certainly go away.

I am a pretty open minded person. But I have to admit that I had a prejudice against teenagers keeping their babies. I think it developed because I was in my late 30's, financially set, good psychological skills, and SO ready to be a parent after a 6 year struggle of a miscarriage and then infertility. I worked at a hospital and it was before all of the HIIPA stuff, and my computer screen's opening page defaulted to the list of women in the hospital who had just given birth. So many of them were teenagers and most of them were all keeping their babies. Actually it was rare to hear of one placing for adoption. Even in my own family, young teen nieces would become pregnant and would keep the babies. It was more important for my brother to be a grandpa than to encourage his 13 year old step-daughter to place the baby which would have been the best for that child as he wasn't in a financial position to help much and the girl was not emotionally ready to parent. So, the prejudice just kind of festered and then my higher power stepped in and said, "That's gotta go". So all of a sudden, I was in the situation of becoming a grandparent (Nana) and I suddenly understood how difficult it is to choose to have the baby leave the family. Prospective adoptive families would post how grandparents could have an open relationship, but I knew it would be different and would be difficult to feel as close when other parents would be raising the baby. Yet, I had to put my selfishness aside (liking the idea of buying baby things and getting ready for a baby) as I wanted what was best for the baby. I also never got to experience the happiness of getting ready for a baby as one son was adopted as a newborn but we were told about him 5 days before he was born so there wasn't a lot of fun prep time (it was franctic prep time!) and the other son was adopted at age 3 so there was no baby fun stuff at all! So, I have to admit that I was secretly happy when they remained adamant about keeping the baby and ultrasound pictures and visits to doctor's offices became a part of my life.

So, yes, the shock has dissipated, and just like the grieving process goes, we have entered into the phase of acceptance and are actually quite excited about the whole situation. They will remain in separate homes as they are too young to get a place together (he still needs a lot of parenting and guidance from us!). I am glad she is older and will be just shy of turning 18 when the baby is born. Certainly better than my 13 year old step-niece.

Anyway, that's my story friend(s). Busy keeping son focused on school and doing the right thing while not forgetting the firstborn son who is a senior this year and shouldn't be forgotten in the midst of the baby boy coming. When life throws us a curveball it's good to know we have a good catcher behind us. Guess hubby and I are playing that catcher position now.

:l
Eve11

[Emmy Lou]

Sept Mod Squad

Hi Eve, thankyou so much for sharing your struggles with us about babies of teen mothers, and for tellinf us about your family experiences since, in the same vein.
I felt an urge to tell you a little of my story. I was adopted in the late 60s in England and my new family emigrated to Australia in the early 70s. My adopted Father was wonderful, struggling but wonderful and we are still close. Unfortunately my adopted Mother was not fit to look after children, back then they didn't have the means to detect these things and so my sister and I were the victims of physical and emotional abuse for way too long. I got out as soon as I could, my Father having left my Mother already, took me in with his new wife. I know for sure that my drinking problems started when Dad left Mum, and we would sneak some of her scotch to prepare ourselves for her arrival home after work ( my Sister and I having to deal with her alone at that time with no support network) I am happy to say now though, that this website has made me realise that my reason for drinking to excess has gone away (i havent had contact with my Mother for many years now) and that it's just a learned behaviour these days...one that I've managed this week to curtail! How exciting, thankyou again for sharing such an emotional part of yourself. It made me think about a lot of things from the past and to see that there are now good things despite it all. x Em

[Eve11]

Sept Mod Squad

Thanks for baring your soul Em! Being adoptive parents have to be thoroughly screened and bio parents never do, odds are usually better that a person will have wonderful adoptive parents, but sadly that isn't always the case and sorry to hear it wasn't yours either. Sounds like adoptive mom had some psychological problems.

I do agree with your statement about learned behavior. Certain episodes in my life...divorce, miscarriage, infertility, etc. would have me "crying in my beer" (in my case wine-LOL) for a good year. Was just easy to try to forget my troubles by drowning them in liquor. So, with realizing that, I think a person can get beyond it, realize it just got to be a bad habit, and learn to shake it and find others ways to cope other than drinking. The silly part also is alcohol is a depressant so I would get very depressed while drinking sometimes and usually always be very depressed the next day. So, it's just a nice life to drink so much less and do it only on a Friday or Saturday night for me when there isn't work the next day and I can sit and relax and enjoy a couple of drinks but keep it to just that. Coming here gives me the support I need.

:l
Eve11

[nonamegirl]

Sept Mod Squad

My friends....
Wow. Eve, thank you for updating us on how things are going with your son. He is lucky to have such wise and loving parents to back him up. I remember the first post you wrote after finding out about the baby. The shock and fear, and yes, a bit of anger there. All so very understandable. I am thrilled for you that things are working out. You likening it to the grieving process is a very wise parallel. And thank you too, for sharing your drinking past with us. We are all in this together, aren't we. All on this same path. A tough path, but doable.

Emmy Lou, thank you, too for sharing your past. You must be a tremendously strong and wise woman yourself to have withstood all that and come out the other end. I admire you very much.

The memorial for my friend turned out just perfectly. The thunder storms that had been forecast were no where in sight, just beautiful blue evening sky. The mountains around us rang with the laughter of so very many memories. The crowd was huge. Not one other person there, and there were some pretty bigwigs in the group, not one other person there would have drawn such a crowd for their own memorial... and here is this sweet, happy, sometimes quiet guy who touched so many lives that people spoke at the mic for nearly two hours. Very humbling. Very touching. Yes, I read my poem well and without a tear. (And no, I did not indulge in the keg of very good beer afterwards. Silly even to mention it, but there it is.)

[Stewarts]

Sept Mod Squad

HI everyone, it's good to see some new faces, and always good to see the familiar ones.

Well, some of that was a lot to take in, but everyone seems to be strong. I was away with family for about a week and half in New England. I actually got back into a great mod behavior once again. I slipped up the last few days, nothing drastic. I met a girl on Saturday and had a few glasses of wine and nothing to eat, and I had just ran 18 miles. My goal was to have nothing, or one, but it was so nice out and I was walking in the East Village of NYC and kind of remembering my youth. Sunday I met friends to watch football. Kind of the same thing. I was fine, only drinking light beer, and I got home at a very reasonable hour and went right to bed, but I had another date meet me and this time, and this hasn't happened in a long time, I felt kind of nervous, so I started drinking more. Plus the bartender started giving us shots. Nothing crazy, like those weak, "girly" shots, which is fine, anything else I wouldn't have done. I did feel weird when I woke up yesterday and bloated.

So yesterday, I was at a work event and met Eli Manning - got a picture with him, even won a signed ball. Again, I went back to drinking the bud lights and went over my four limit.

I woke up this morning fine, but I said to myself, "Why did I do that?" I then also had late night pizza. As those who know me, for me it's more of health thing and I don't like feeling sluggish. I am not beating myself up over this nor am I feeling any anxiety (thankfully). I just woke up this morning and said, "ok, vacation is over, it's back to work." Ironically, I didn't drink that much while on vacation, kind of weird, I guess.

j.

[Stewarts]

Sept Mod Squad

Well, not sure what's wrong with me. I was fine after hockey game, but after that, meaning the next day(s), I slipped into old habits, I am not sure why. I think I need a long no AL stint.

I'm ok, meaning, no anxiety or anything, although my meds prescription ran out. I do feel some depression coming on. I was going to go to a party tonight, but I think I'll pass...I'm in a weird place. First, I went on vacation and got back on track. I get back to NYC, off track.

It's also weird, because it's not like I'm in a rock bottom situation....but I'm obviously not happy. I almost feel like if you are in that situation, it's almost easier, because it's obvious you need serious help and attention. :-(

[nonamegirl]

Sept Mod Squad

Hey, Stewarts....
How are you today? Sounds like you are struggling, my friend. September is a bloody month for me, too. Hard, hard, hard. I hope that you have a better weekend than your week has been.

I honestly think that, no matter what we choose to do long term, giving our bodies a time away from alcohol is always a good idea. It's hard, but as you know with your training, sometimes hard is good.

I really hope that we don't get a batch of folks from the AF threads chiming in here... not to say that I want to stop any discussion, but I really don't want to start the AF/Mod argument again. Last time it seemed to me we had some pretty hot AFers. As I have said before, we are all on the same path, just in different places on the path.

Happy weekend, everyone. Have a gentle and sweet Friday, and be good to yourself, no matter what you do.

[ToMyHealth]

Sept Mod Squad

Hi ~ 2/3 of the way through Sept. I was not doing well on my goal of just 2 drinks so I scrapped it and quit drinking - period. Felt much stronger in my workout today :duh: Plan to be AF for awhile. Sometimes you just say "enough".

NNG - some positive things to report during your AF month? Would love to hear.

Eve - hope you are having a great time on vaca!

Rebirth - Hi!!! Have missed you, please come back and update us. You always had such good control and good ideas to share.

Hi Stewarts, Lasha, Lila, anyone else who is lurking.

TMH