October Mod Squad

[Eve11]

October Mod Squad

Hi guys,
I'm a mess so haven't been posting. Apologize as I haven't even read any of your previous posts this month and don't know what I should be addressing to you my friends.

Sadly, for me, life is the pits at the moment. So after reaching the acceptance phase in our teenage pregnancy crisis and getting excited about the baby being born next month, teenage son states he has had a change of heart and wants to break up with his gf who is 8 mos. pregnant. Absolutely, sweet, wonderful, girl who he is luckier to have than she is having him! He has always been the person who flits from one thing to another, always thinking the grass is greener on the other side. Sadly, neither would consider adoption placement where a family emotionally and financially ready could provide a quality life. So, now little baby will be born to a single mom, who will meet another guy who will become stepdad and son will miss the joy of being a real dad. Granted, he was too young to be one to begin with, but both sets of grandparents were going to help them through this and I would personally rather see the baby (at this point) be in a loving two parent home than with a young single mom who will have to struggle with all of that childcare on her own. We ofcourse will make son be financially responsible (although our state law would allow him to be a slacker for 2 years he if chose to be). He states he wants to be as involved as possible but we all know how life works. Out of sight, out of mind...so to speak. So, once again, I am totally devastated as I was now envisioning a wonderful extended family. I am truly heartbroken.

Not drinking over it however. That's a plus.

:l
Eve11

[nonamegirl]

October Mod Squad

Oh, Eve.... I am so sorry. I remember when you were first dealing with the whole idea of the new baby, and then when you were feeling good about the decisions the new parents were making. I know you were happy about things at last. And now.... oh, you poor thing. I wish there were something to say to make things better. Well, here's one... congratulations of sticking to the "not drinking over this" thing. That is HUGE, and you are very strong to be able to handle it the right way. Gosh, my friend. You will be much in my thoughts over this next month. So sorry.

Emmy, how lovely that you view your dad as precious. I also did. Now when I see a small plane flying over, I always take time to smile at it and wave... my way of saying "Hi!" to my dad, who soloed at age 81. How's the work going? You kind of seem a glutton for punishment, going from one really hard workweek to begging folks to send you more. I am not sure I was ever that motivated!

Crocus, so good to hear about the wedding! Hurray! I know just what you mean about not having problems with large gatherings, but rather our demons lie elsewhere. Hmmhmm.

Stewarts... hiya! I'm thinking about you in taper madness, and can't wait for race day!

TMH, how is it going with all your reading? I know what you mean about the "something nagging". I think when we disappoint ourselves it really plays with our sense of who we are. Not saying that you DID disappoint yourself - I'm inserting myself where perhaps I shouldn't. Anyway, share which books you find most helpful. Good luck with the game on Sunday. Diet tonic with lime does it for me. Oh, you know what else I enjoy that really feels like a splurge? A wine glass of pomegranate juice. Spendy but yummy.

Everyone else who checks in.... thank you for being my support system. It is amazing how much having virtual friends feels like friends in the flesh. :h

[ToMyHealth]

October Mod Squad

Oh, Eve, yes how heartbeaking for you. Such difficult decisions, changes. Remember we are here for you. You have always been such an encourager, let us be that now for you. Do you know the sex of the child? Wouldn't it be great if after birth you could say to your son, oh he looks just like you. FWIW, I actually know of a very young couple who had chosen the adoption route. A baby boy was born and that is what my cousin said to the father. They married, had yet another son and that has to have been 25 yrs ago. Granted, they were a bit older than your son. My point is don't be surprised if it changes again. So hard..... Awesome on the not turning to drink. Huge plus!!!

NNG, I kept thinking yesterday where did I lose last week's peace? I can't even put a finger on that. Did not sleep well last night, then woke ip to 68 deg for golf. BBBrrrr, blood has sure thinned out. Note to self: if below 70 - cancel or at least wear winter clothes. Book: Ice and a Slice by Della Galton. Quite thought provoking as you can see.

TMH

[ToMyHealth]

October Mod Squad

Ok, back to feeling great again. Was up early, have a full day ahead. Used ET for 150 calories, R/W 2.5miles, biked 3.

How's everyone? Where's everyone?

TMH

[nonamegirl]

October Mod Squad

Hi, TMH and everyone.
All is well here on a beautiful Friday morning. Had a very frustrating day at work - well, my volunteer job - yesterday. Came home ready to tear into that bottle of wine and since my husband was working late, I almost did. But I did what I had promised you I'd do... I ate a banana, some pretzel rods, some cheese, had a big glass of diet tonic and then brushed my teeth. Did some chores. And THEN, sat in the last sunshine of the day and enjoyed a glass of wine. I had a second one after my dinner, but that is all. I really really hate my husband's new schedule. He doesn't get home until late, and it is throwing the whole household out of whack. Ah, well. He doesn't like it either, so maybe soon he'll retire.

I hope everyone's Friday is lovely and calm. :h

[Emmy Lou]

October Mod Squad

Dear Eve, it's a mess now but it won't be forever. I've several friends who were in your sons place many years ago. Don't give up in his decision quite yet. Give him the option to change his mind ( as I'm sure you already have) leave the option open. The young make rash emotional decisions when they feel cornered, and he's got an amazing opportunity to take part in the life of his child. Albeit not in the best circumstances. I was adopted, it was a terrible childhood . My birth mother was 19. My birth father ran away. He and I reconnected when I was 21. We have a wonderful relationship now that I wouldn't change for the world. I really hope that your son doesn't wait that long of course. My younger sister also had a child at 21, out of wedlock. He is 21 now, and has had a great relationship with his father since he was13. Time heals all wounds. My adoptive father told me that ( he wasn't the abusive parent it was my adoptive mother, he and I are very close, I have separated from her though)
I hope you don't feel that I am telling you what to do out of place. I just really don't want you to despair. I've seen it a million times, things change with time, and you then find yourself in an amazing place that you could never have seen at the time.
On another note. Ive discovered that I can dilute my wine! Isn't that silly not to think of it before? I've been pouring in half water. It tastes much better than the low alc wine because it retains the original taste, but has half the alc!
Life is full of discoveries!
NNG yes, I am a glutton for punishment, but it's because I love my work so much. I'm going to now admit that I make costumes for a living. (NNG already knows this) For tv, films, theatre etc. I was stupidly worried that someone in my town might put two and two together if they saw my posts because it's an unusual occupation. But now I realise that these posts are really hidden away in obscure threads. So dont worry about me suffering. I get really tired, but it's a labour of love. And I'm happy to say that I was offered two months work yesterday, right in the middle of a time that is usually too quiet, yay!
Eve I really am sending you my best positive vibes. And I'm thanking everyone for being there.
I hope everyone is having a calm happy time, enjoy the weekend,
X
Em

[Emmy Lou]

October Mod Squad

Hey NNG! I keep missing your posts! I think we're typing at the same time. Anyway, I think you did really well to put off drinking the wine and I'm going to take on some of your tactics. Teeth brushing is a good one!
It's a shame that your husbands new job is having such an impact on you, it makes it harder for you, but tell me, what's your volunteer job? I've iften thought that I would love to do that,
X

[nonamegirl]

October Mod Squad

Hmmm..... lots of food for thought, there, Emmy Lou, my dear. You have given Eve such good advice. Here is my way of saying what you said, "Things happen the way they do for a reason." I came to this way of thinking after living through the loss of my first husband, two years after we were married. It took a long time for me to actually GET to the place where I could say that, but I finally realized that, though it was horrid and heartbreaking at the time, my life now is the way it was supposed to be from the beginning. And I believe my sweet first husband is pulling strings for me in heaven. Eve, listen to what Emmy Lou is saying. Give TIME time to work its magic. :h And always come here and use us as a shoulder to cry on. You have helped us all so much. As TMH says, let us return the favor.

So, one of my volunteer jobs is at our local historical museum. It is generally lots of fun, lots of interesting old stuff. But, as with any job there are frustrations.

Emmy... sometime I am going to have to pay attention and note if you are online at the same time I am... We could chat! PS I am going to try your idea about adding water to wine. Sounds kind of yucky, but I'll take your word for it. I will try!

[ToMyHealth]

October Mod Squad

Hi guys. Happy Sat eve. Been quite the couple days. We have had a deadbeat neighbor and yesterday he got evicted. With stuff all lined up out in the driveway, things he didn't get out, he came back to sift through. Fine, but he ended up kicking the door down. Security, police calls etc. anyway, after 5 yr of not paying ass'n dues, etc. a bunch of us met for a BYOB, pizza party to celebrate his leaving. Then had to be at water aid station at 7:30a today. Passed out water to the runners, then played 18 holes of golf.

So early night tonight. Hope everyone's weekend is going well!

TMH

[Eve11]

October Mod Squad

Emmy, Yes great words of wisdom and thanks too for your support NNG, TMH and all of my mod friends. I am already seeing a shift where he is with his gf tonight and went to a Halloween party last night, so it is not a final break but a young kid getting scared in the final stages of the pregnancy. I set up a counselor for him so he can talk to a person who is totally non biased. His gf is wonderful so I am biased. He is too young so my husband is biased in that regard and wishes they would place for adoption. So, it would be good for him to be able to vent to a totally objective person, so am hoping he'll take advantage of it.

When I was around 9 I saw a plaque on a wall that said "I had no shoes and I complained, until I met a man who had no feet". That saying left an impact on me. 2 days ago I found out a good friend had lost her 20 something son to suicide. He was battling severe alcoholism and depression. I was feeling bad about my situation that day until I heard about hers. Even though our situation isn't ideal, there will be a beautiful little baby boy being born and there certainly is joy regarding that.

Well, late my time so going to say goodnight. Mild week-end with only 2 drinks each week-end night so that's good!

:l
Eve11

[Emmy Lou]

October Mod Squad

Eve I'm so glad you've arranged a counsellor for your son. I didn't even think of that, but I'm sure they will help him to think more clearly.
NNG you are always such a surprise, you do such interesting things! And TMH you have so much energy! You seem to fit a lot in to your time!
I went out with friends last night, to see some music. Is planned to drink but I really noticed how much more slowly I was consuming. I was way behind the others. Over about 8 hours I had about 10 drinks. I was counting while I was out and they were poured at the bar so I know they were standard sized. I had 7 at the bar (2 bars actually) I met up with my boyfriend at his place (after he finished work) and I had 3 small wines. I didn't have a hangover thankfully. Today I was making some drop sides for my work table and I started making up some trophies for our friendly footy tipping competition winners. Totally productive, it's late again, so I will say goodnight.
Take care everyone,
X
Em

[crocus]

October Mod Squad

A goodnight hug to you all.
Emmy, Eve, NNG, and TMH, and Stewarts...just reading through your posts and realizing what a treasure you people are. Each one so dedicated to doing the right thing and living life in a moral, careful, JOYFUL, thoughtful way.

Emmy...Costumes!! What could be better?! All great theater helps us to do better! What a jewel you must be! Last year I say C.S. Lewis's "Screwtape Letters" in Boston and marveled at the skill and perception costume makers have. THANKYOU!

Eve...a teen mom and dad. Such an old story,and it still brings out the best in most people, as it does in you. I think that with you involved, the world will be a better place having this wonderful (un-aborted) child in it. I don't fault folks who feel otherwise, but I know and love so many who are here and happy and making the world wonderful because of people like you! THANKYOU!

NNG- Yup! Pretzels etc. really cut back on my drinking too. I guess it's not rocket science, but anything that road-blocks over-indulgence, I will use.

TMH - Golf is a killer influence for the bar scene; my hubby does it, but I don't golf. How he manages to stay reasonably sober over there, I will never know...good job an hurray for you!

It's late here in New England (almost midnight) and I just want to send out a big hug to all of you who have welcomed me into this group. What a life-saver you all are!

The last of my 3 weddings went great last weekend, and today, I have managed to keep my glasses of wine down to 5 over a 1pm to 11:30 time span. Pats won, but I was and am not drunk. Yaaay!

While I was at church this morning, I made a special point of asking God's grace and blessings on you all. You are SUCH good good people. Thank you for being there when I am in special need of forgiveness and direction. Good nite all.

[crocus]

October Mod Squad

Well, I'm still up.....NoName, remember I told you about this night owl thing of mine. Not sure why I am re-checking in exccept to say that this is when I am most vulnerable. I LOVE the solitude and the quiet, but I know that booz is not a good companion. Good nite again. Do love this beautiful quiet solitude.

[crocus]

October Mod Squad

Well, here I am, headache in hand. That's a whole bottle of wine I finished yesterday. Rats.

[nonamegirl]

October Mod Squad

Ah, Crocus. Don't beat yourself up about this. You are doing fine. Hey, you have had one heck of a big week, with the wedding and all. Do NOT worry. Just allow yourself to be gentle with yourself, treat yourself to something nice today, and treat yourself the way we would treat you. You are okay. A headache? Aspirin and lots of water. Here is a hug from me to you. :l

Emmy, I'd love to see your costumes! You must be so creative and talented to make a living doing what you love. I do not know anyone else who loves their job. Congratulations! That is fantastic!

TMH, how goes it this week? You have such a busy schedule... and LOTs of exercise! I need to follow your example and get back on track.

And speaking of exercise, let's hear it for our current marathoner! Stewarts! HURRAY!! One more week until the NYC Marathon! WOOWOO!:wave:

So, last evening my husband and I had our drink. And I had my second glass of wine while I was making dinner. And then, while he was out of the house, I poured a BIG glass of vodka and tonic (more vodka than tonic). I sipped on it once, and decided, "You know what? This doesn't even sound fun." So I poured it down the sink. I owe my decision to you all, as you are such a strong support system. Thank you! :h

Have a great week, everyone! Happy Monday!