January Mod Squad

[Stewarts]

January Mod Squad

So, I have been AL Free since Sunday. Like I said, I was out Saturday and in a safe environment, but still, the anxiety the next day is not a pleasant feeling.

I still have no desire to drink, but I have no desire to really do anything...not sure which is worse....not drinking, not doing anything....drinking and actually doing stuff.

anyway...

j.

[DancingGirl]

January Mod Squad

I'm sorry you feel so unmotivated, Stewarts. Maybe just chalk it up to the January blahs. I might play the piano this evening - there are a number of reasons I got away from it, but one was certainly getting tipsy after work every day. I'm AF today :-)

[Emmy Lou]

January Mod Squad

Hi Everyone!
NNG you are so lovely! I would really like it if you popped down under, I'd take you with me on an adventure for sure! But I'm sorry that you're not well, I know you will look after yourself, & your hubby. Get well soon.
Work has really ramped up yet again. I'm tired and have stupidly taken on a small contract for tv while I'm full time at the theatre. I'm always trying to cover my unpaid breaks. Anyway, I did some work tonight, only to discover a mistake that took two hours to fix...two hours that I can't charge for that will make me tired for work tomorrow. So I sat down to unwind and in the process had two scotches. Not what I'd planned.
I was doing so well after last nights dinner party. The food was amazing if I do day so myself, and I only had three small proseccos. I got up early as it wasn't a late night, feeling fresh and did a long walk before work. I won't be doing that tomorrow!
Life goes on,
Goodnight all,
X
Em

[Jazi's Mum]

January Mod Squad

Hi Emmy Lou. Sorry that you are struggling a bit.

The past is gone...if only we could remember that we only have this very second in which to live. I bought myself a very cheap clock at Walmart for my den - cost I think $4.77 so it is CHEAP, but the reason I bought it is that it TICKS very loudly. Now this would drive a normal person nuts - but for me, i really like it because it reminds me that I only have each second - or each TICK - in which to live.

What you drank yesterday is GONE. Those moments don't exist anymore. And the moments that are to come don't exist either - yet.

This may sound patronizing but I don't mean it like that - live for each moment as it comes and don't worry about the rest. Have a great day, and I hope you get lots of work done :h

[DancingGirl]

January Mod Squad

I teach later on Thursdays and thought, good chance for AF day. Then I decided to have some wine with dinner. I had one glass. Just one. A suggestion I read on DrinkAware was to cut down by only drinking with dinner - not before and not after. So I finished dinner and the wine at the same time and thought - okay.

I haven't had "only one" for a long time. I'm so happy! And I'm satisfied with my only one.

[crocus]

January Mod Squad

Hey There Emmy, TMH, Hi to Jazzy, NNG .Who am I forgetting? No matter, I appreciate you all.... soooo glad to be back to you all. What life savers you are!

Just back from my vacation (first in 39 years) with hubbs. We went to Turks and Caicos Island; our kids sent us after a year full of their weddings. Simply GRAND!

Discovery: Over 8 days, I was never even tempted to overindulge. I had a BLAST ( 60's phrase) just dancing, drinking and eating on the beach with the islanders. I was never even close to drunk. I received so much conversation and attention from all around me,that I didn't fully realize how much my husband does NOT need such interaction. He was content to let me go. I was at once sad and happy.

Now I am home. I learned a lot. My husband is a lot older than I am; not years-wise,( I m 64 and he is 65), but life-wise. He's had cancer twice. He's tired. Why wouldn't he be? I was tired too. Chemo 7 days a week and learning to administer morphine (terrifying), and controlling the feeding tubes attached to his belly. Goodness me. Any advice is so appreciated. I think I don't know how to be up or down.

Yet...Happy New Year NNG, TMH, Emmy, Stewarts,Strong, Lasha,
Gosh you're all going to keep me going; love you!





We had a great time on this vaca, and he got drunk a few times, but so what? Like I've never done that? While it is true that he rejects me entirely if I drink too much, I now see that he depends on me to be the "in control" person, and that is that.

[nonamegirl]

January Mod Squad

Hi, all.
I am still above ground, I guess. Bad sore throat today. But I had to tell you all that I loved reading your posts. My dear Crocus, goodness, how unfair. I wish that you would be able to enjoy an equal partnership. But I am SO VERY GLAD that you had a wonderful vacation. Tell us more!

Stewarts, take care. I think about you often.

Emmy, you are so sweet! Thanks for your nice comment. Don't work yourself too hard. Step by step, you know.

Sparkles and DancingGirl and J-Mum, I look forward to getting to know you better.

[crocus]

January Mod Squad

Hi Everyone. And greetings to Jazi, Sparkles, and Dancing girl...I love your name because I love to dance!
I'm so glad to read all the posts from last week, and hear how everyone is doing with modding plans for this new year. Happy New Year to us, and we will hang together and help each other out here as much as possible. I appreciate you all so much.

"Never trade what you want the most for what you want in the moment." Thank you thank you! FANTASTIC quote.

No Name - Both of you sick. Gosh I'm so sorry. I hope you stay snuggled in until you feel well.

Stewarts - Perhaps when this weather passes, you will feel a bit better. This time of year is notorious for the blues.

Emmy - The banana hat sounds like something I could use too. I can imagine you out in public with it. That's enough to make me smile.

TMH and Eve- I am very talkative and outgoing in a social situation, but it takes a crowbar to get me to go to a social situation. Odd, huh?My husband and I have often spent entire days or evenings saying very little. We both love to read, and I often crave quiet. Hubbs loves having talk radio on ALL DAY since he works from home. It drives me nuts. On the weekends, however, I can usually get a good block of solitude or quiet. Also, there is a 24/7 chapel near me, and I often go there for a dose of quiet and thought.

I drank every day on vaca; rum punch in the islands ...they just keep bringing them. But I'm in the January fresh start mode. I also like the "didn't drink yesterday" approach. I may pop in to drink tracker too. Going for an AF today.

[Jazi's Mum]

January Mod Squad

Hi Everyone! crocus your vacation sounds wonderful. I can relate to what you said about your husband. I think I have to keep up a constant barrage of chatter to keep Husband entertained, when he'd like some peace and quiet. I always 'feel' when he's down. That makes me very uncomfortable and I do anything to get him out of that mood. Comes from being the child of an alcoholic - everything depends on US controlling everything - even how others feel from moment to moment.

Then by 5pm I'm usually so wound up that I crave a drink to calm myself - and to be able to stand Husband if he seems down. Does that make any sense?

We've got the winter blues here for sure! But how I admire your courage given your home situation. And your chapel sounds wonderful. Husband and I go to Adoration at our Church every Wednesday and it is a wonderful source of peace.

noname, get better soon - definitely no fun having a sore throat - we gotta swallow!!!

DancingGirl, good for you with only one. I'm struggling with that myself but the more I pressure myself the harder it gets. Come on baclofen do your thing!!!
JMum

[Emmy Lou]

January Mod Squad

Hello there friends!
Thanks JMum, such nice support, and your thoughts on living life for every second are spot on. It's one of my mottos...live now!
NNG I think I've caught your sore throat! It's warm weather here though and I'm having an early night. A favourite band is playing tomorrow evening and I'm planning to go with my friend whom I met in the supermarket this morning. Hopefully I won't be sick!
JMum you've said something that made me really understand why I started drinking heavily all those years ago...being the child of an alcoholic. My Mum wasn't always, and isn't now an alcoholic but she is out of control emotionally. Drinking for me was a way to block out my thoughts. I must admit it doesn't make sense for me to be in a role reversal with my parent and then to decide to drink... But it does explain wanting to dull my brain after having to control every little thing during my childhood. My sister and I had a lot to do at home, Dad left when I was seven and Mum got even more out of control in her anger at him. We had to watch everything we said and did in order to avoid her roth. It was soooo stressful, and whenever we could we'd sneak a drink. There was a lot of it in the house at the time.
Now that I'm able to go AF whenever I choose, my brain has woken up, and I must say, it's impressing me! He he he he he!
Coming here to chat and read what you all say is such a good thing to help also.
Thanks for being there!
X
Em

[Jazi's Mum]

January Mod Squad

Morning all. Emmy Lou you have described the control issues that surround being in a household where emotions are out of control - or are suppressed to the point that there is always tension, but no release. My poor mother, God rest her soul, was very repressed and unhappy, and my Dad was a drinker - he would be very controlled though he had a very bad, short temper, so the tension was always high.

I learned to feel I had to control everything too. My dear departed brother was a terrible alcoholic and suffered all his adult life from the effects that his drinking had - ended up with cancer and seeing him suffer was terrible. But it did not stop my sister and I from drinking!!! We had learned the lesson of using booze to medicate feelings too well.

Thanks for sharing with us. It's important to get some of this stuff out and I appreciate your thoughts.
JMum

[nonamegirl]

January Mod Squad

Hi, my dears.
I am still here. Thought I was getting better, but now I'm not sure. Emmy, I am so sorry that my danged cold traveled so far! Poop! Take care of yourself.

So, another day to hunker down and recover. One would think I'd get cabin fever, but honestly it has felt good, when it takes all the energy I have to get from the bed to the couch.

[ToMyHealth]

January Mod Squad

Ahhhh, NNG, sorry you are still sick. You too, Emmy! Be good to yourself.

Just turned tv to local news and it gave a teaser of stay tuned to learn how to hit your golf ball farther, learn from local pro. It's our head pro. Dressed for my workout but will wait to see what Nathan has to say since he charges $100/hr for a lesson.

Have a great Sunday Modders!

TMH

[DancingGirl]

January Mod Squad

Happy Sunday to all,

I was feeling a little down since yesterday pm, but I think the endorphins from exercising have just kicked it! We had my sister and her two kids visiting and a nice time was had by all, except (sigh) I went back to the habit of sipping all afternoon as we watched a movie. I am still much more moderate than I was three weeks ago but must be AF or very temperate today. Tomorrow is definitely AF Monday.

My sympathy for all the colds - 'tis the season...

Love to all:h

[sparkles143]

January Mod Squad

I stuck to my plan or " goal" for wine drinking last week. Thursday and Friday...it's Sunday night I feel well rested and prepared for the week!
This weeks goals:
Wed evening moderate drinks 2 to 3 glasses.