January Mod Squad

[Emmy Lou]

January Mod Squad

Hi All,
Good to hear from you Stewarts. Yes, I think posting daily does really help. Have you thought about 'projects' that you can do at home when you're alone that will take your mind off yourself? Are there things that need doing? A kind of distraction? Even if it's only writing to old friends, planning the next vacation, sorting paperwork, bills etc. Rearrange the furniture, put your music in order, or get some books from the library? I find that this kind of stuff keeps me from wallowing and I tend to feel good about getting things done no matter how small. I know in your mood it can be hard to get the starting motivation so I break things down into steps and even starting them half heartedly will get me into it it fully by the end.
Perhaps the idea is to stop yourself from thinking too much in general?
Any of this sound like a good idea?
For me this week work has been problematic and I'm disappointed that I'm not finished yet. Some costumes are under a lot more violent action than they were ever intended to take and the quick changes are shorter than planned. It means a lot of time consuming reconfiguring if fastenings, openings etc and doesn't give the performer a chance to be as confident as they should be for opening night. I'm stressing right now that there is one dress being put to the test during a preview and I won't know until the morning whether it was a disaster or not...in front of an audience...but I am AF at least. In times gone by I would be well into the scotch by now to dull the worry.
Fingers crossed. It doesn't help that we have another heat wave in progress as well.
My sister is coming over for a long weekend and I'm hopeful that I won't be stuck at the theatre when I promised that I'd pick her up from the airport!
Bed time now, I'm thinking of all of you, and have read your posts, even though I don't have time to comment on each one.
Take care,
X
Em

[Stewarts]

January Mod Squad

Wow, thank you all for the support. DipGal, OMG you are so right! The last two years January has been just that for me. I want it also as a month to get my crap together, but it becomes...doldrums.

Good news. I am much better today. I was having too much fun with the youngins, I did leave early, but I went to pick up some food at another bar near me, had a beer, and started lamenting. I think I scared the crap out of my sister what the stuff I was writing, and she got that to my parents which freaked them out. One of them, my buddies friend had a certain illegal substance I haven't done in years, nor did I ever really want to again, but I did a little bit of it, I'm sure that was a factor as well.

I do take Welbutrin and Prozac, I should probably get that looked into, because it's obviously not working like it used to. I never thought about it, that it might just be "January".

EL, yes, I agree 100%. It has been cold as balls here in NYC and the motivation to do anything is nil. I think that is a huge factor as well.

I'll need to call my mom later, my parents are on the west coast, let them know everything is ok now. My best friend from college in Baltimore now thinks I'm losing my mind, as well as a young girl I used to date...

I need to stay strong. I think the loneliness is what creeped it and started effecting me. Then you have a day/night you feel like your in school again...and good...but then it comes crashing down.

j.

P.S. My birthday is coming up...that can't be helping!! LOL

[nonamegirl]

January Mod Squad

Stewarts, I am so glad you checked in! We miss you and want so much to help. Having just lived through a birthday I have to tell you that getting older is a wonderful thing - don't let it scare you. I feel so much better now than I did ten years ago and twenty years ago. It seems that perhaps some wisdom comes with age. Be patient with yourself, my friend. And do post more often, if only to let us know you are still here. We do worry about this deep depression you are experiencing. Sounds like many of us (myself included) have gone the route with different anti-depressants.

Crocus, I had my ears burning there, seems like someone was talking behind my back. Unfortunately, you must have been talking about someone else... I WISH I was that good a person. I am certainly not. Just ask my brothers. They will tell you I am sharp and short tempered. But they love me anyway.

Emmy, thank you for filling us in on Invasion Day. Terrible. Much like us here with Native Americans. Never, in all of history, has color of skin or type of religion made someone better than anyone else... but it is too bad that not many people realize that.

DipGal, you are on with the partnership. Step by step. Both Galloway and Bingham state that if it hurts DON"T DO IT. And small steps lead to great progress. I'm with you, Girl!

My birthday was lovely and quiet, but toned down a bit with my husband being sick, and then finding out that he has to go back to his parents in New York, as his dad is very ill. One way ticket, so I don't know when he's coming home. He leaves tomorrow. Now, I am going to tell you all that having him be gone is not a good thing for me. I know that temptations will be hard to deal with. But, I am still on deck and have promised him that February is my cleansing month. I will have to lean on all of you a great deal to handle February without him... and without my three glasses of wine. Yikes. Okay, I can do this I can do this I can do this.

Love to all.
K

[Emmy Lou]

January Mod Squad

Hello, Stewarts it's good to hear that you are feeling better than before. And it's actually good that your family are a little freaked out, it's important not to hide depression from them. My Dad worried terribly about me but he was also one of my few avenues of support. They'd rather be freaked out than let you suffer in silence, and hopefully they can help.
NNG we're all short & sharp with our families, it's our friends that bring out our best! You are great! Start to believe it won't you?
I started thinking about the advice I was giving in relation to keeping busy after work. So that's what I did tonight. I wrote a letter, sorted the spice drawer, filled up canisters in the pantry, ran the dishwasher, emailed my sister, paid some bills, re arranged the stereo leads (I now don't need to turn on the tv to play CDs in the DVD player!) & did a general tidy up. Then I watched a film & returned a phone call. I feel like I've achieved something. Tomorrow I'll set up a room for my sister & clean the bathroom. Sounds like what normal people do every day but I've always hated cleaning and am renowned for living in clutter!
Work was a little easier today, although I was racing the clock on one costume, it seems to have worked. Hopefully I'll finish this contract tomorrow & have Friday off!
NNG I feel for you that you will miss your Husband so much, and that he's had to go away because his Dad is unwell. Let's try & think of ways for you to keep to your plans? I have found that when I buy the lower alcohol drinks I tend not to drink as much if them because I dont like them as much. Would it work to only have a bottle of something light in the house? You could use the time in the evenings to call a friend each night for a catch up? What happened in the end with your basement renovation? Are you planning to do any projects down there? For goodness sake, I should be called Project Girl! Tell me if I'm getting boring...
Bedtime now,
Take care all,
X
Em

[nonamegirl]

January Mod Squad

Emmy Lou, I do not believe you could be boring if your life depended on it. Thank you for all the great ideas! I will definitely use them to keep busy in the evenings and late afternoons. And, my little scottie will no doubt help me by telling me she needs her walkies. With her three-inch legs she does pretty darn good on a two mile walk - and can do three as well. Now, if she can do that with three inch legs, I ought to be able to walk form here to kingdom come.

Husband off at o'dark thirty. Now, how to fill the first empty day. Hmm.... more snowfall than I thought, so I guess I'll go out and shovel.

[crocus]

January Mod Squad

Hi Everyone!

Emmy - boring? HAHAHAHAHAHAH! I think not!

I would love to see your costumes; are any ever broadcast?

I also do better if I get up enough energy to do small tasks involving organizing and tidying. Energy is the operative word, though, isn't it. For me, music will usually instantly get my blood moving. And if I'm blue, if I start off with that old one "Sad Songs" by Elton, as loud as I can get it, I will usually be able to get moving. (That usually means headphones, but when Hubbs is not home...watchout!)

I've had four AF days now. The incident with my beautiful daughter and her father really jolted me. She knows I often drink to escape the Hubbs-lonliness, and I can't have her worrying and feeling like she has to defend me. I actually am very grateful for what she did. Things I would / could never say or do. I MUST monitor my feelings more closely and stay busy, and confront Hubbs when he treats me that way. I can't have the boys calling to lightheartedly ask if he is being nice to me. I realize he is often just sealed up in his own habits, but this has to change this year.

Dip and Stewarts - Yup. January! Whoa! Stew. I too am glad you got in touch with the fam. Or that your sister did. Where did you go to school? My son went to school at Loyola in Baltimore. Some city, huh? We are all here and thinking of you. You have some kindred spirits here, I think. Stay with us.

Noname - Short tempered? Doubt it.

Love you all. Full day ahead. Let's see what happens when I try harder to pay attention.

[nonamegirl]

January Mod Squad

Okay, funny story here. On the way to the airport this morning my husband ran over a skunk.. His worry was "I hoped I killed it so the poor thing doesn't suffer." My worry is, with this dang snow storm will I find a car wash open to wash my dang car? Luckily the garage isn't connected to the house. PeeYOO.

We need this snow. I know we do. But why does this have to be the week both snow blowers give up the ghost? Four times I've shoveled, and thank goodness, the snow has stopped.

[DancingGirl]

January Mod Squad

Just out of curiousity - why do you need this snow?

[Stewarts]

January Mod Squad

Greyhounds

crocus;1620133 wrote: Hi Everyone!

.....

Dip and Stewarts - Yup. January! Whoa! Stew. I too am glad you got in touch with the fam. Or that your sister did. Where did you go to school? My son went to school at Loyola in Baltimore. Some city, huh? We are all here and thinking of you. You have some kindred spirits here, I think. Stay with us.


Love you all. Full day ahead. Let's see what happens when I try harder to pay attention.

Huh, Crocus, I am a Loyola College in Maryland alum, that is a little creepy and freaky that came up. Yes, Baltimore is quite a city and a lot of fun. Definitely a drinking city, I actually like it there a lot, much more than DC, at least Baltimore has some grit, I liked NYC much better when it had some grit.

I probably know your son, depending on the years he was there. Let's face it, all college kids drinks, I think greyhounds took it too another level, living on an urban campus...I know at least my friends did with all of our crazy shenigans...good times...
:-)

[crocus]

January Mod Squad

Hi Stewerts.

Wow. This is wild that we have this connection. See? There is always a plan afoot. Ignatius was right about that one.

Agreed, the Greyhounds were not amateurs! My son is 34 and just married a wonderful girl from Ipswich. He is my "bohemian" child, and we are close. He's the one who calls me with tickets to the House of Blues; we just saw Jake Bugg there; awesome. I've seen Clapton with him four times. He too had some times dealing with depression over the years., but that largely ended when he met his beloved. Maybe you need a beloved. I tend to think that people who are social and sensitive, and who have very high highs are also prone to very low lows. Let's stay in touch about this; If you are his age, he tells me I am a great Mom, so maybe I could help.

[Stewarts]

January Mod Squad

loyola

crocus;1620970 wrote: Hi Stewerts.

Wow. This is wild that we have this connection. See? There is always a plan afoot. Ignatius was right about that one.

Agreed, the Greyhounds were not amateurs! My son is 34 and just married a wonderful girl from Ipswich. He is my "bohemian" child, and we are close. He's the one who calls me with tickets to the House of Blues; we just saw Jake Bugg there; awesome. I've seen Clapton with him four times. He too had some times dealing with depression over the years., but that largely ended when he met his beloved. Maybe you need a beloved. I tend to think that people who are social and sensitive, and who have very high highs are also prone to very low lows. Let's stay in touch about this; If you are his age, he tells me I am a great Mom, so maybe I could help.

I'm a little older than your son, he was either a freshman when I was graduating, or graduating hs when I ws graduating college depending on the month he was born, I guess.....sounds like plan, will do. :-)


j.

[nonamegirl]

January Mod Squad

Hi, All, and happy Friday and Happy last day of January!

Dancing Girl, I chuckled when I read your question, as I know that in Canada you get a ton more snow than we do. Montana is and has been in a pretty severe drought for the last 15 years or so. If we don't have a good snowpack, our fire season is much worse.

Hey, how 'bout that, two of my favorite friends here have a school in common! Yippee!

I am having a lazy day here today, since my husband is away. Not even putting make-up on nor using the car. I did do my walk with the scottie-dog, and so far have shoveled a massive amount of snow twice and will do it at least once more, but other than that, I am a bum. Starting tomorrow, though, everything changes. Diet, projects, keeping busy. No more doldrums.

See you in February!

[crocus]

January Mod Squad

Hello All!
I am wishing us all a really good Friday night and weekend, whatever our moderate choices may be. I have decided to have three drinks tonight. Am watching a political debate between Dinesh D'Souza (yay!)and Bill Ayers (yuk). I'm a news junky, as is my hubbs, and so I am trying to choose something to do that we can both enjoy. I ordered Chinese for us to have while we view it.

I must confess, my daughter's outburst last week seems to have changed me for the better. I hope so. I hope things don't backslide. Going to give it my best shot.

How about us,Stewarts, for having that in common? Do you love music too?

Some snow here, but nothing like you describe, Noname. I love envisioning that funny little scottie dog ...with his "three inch legs," trucking along. So funny!

I reorganized my little laundry room today and installed a wall grate to hang all my paraphernalia. Very satisfying.

My love to all of us on this winter weekend. I would so love it if you were all coming over here to share a Friday night. Growing up, my parent's neighbors and friends did that every Friday night. Us kids would watch our only TV "Creature Feature" until they sent us all up to bed. They would drink rum and cokes and smoke, and dance to polkas on the "hi-fi." Nice memories!

[DipGal]

January Mod Squad

Crocus - love your memories of Friday nights! The "hi-fi" - there's a word we don't use much anymore! LOL.. Maybe we'll all come over for the Super Bowl! I'll bring chicken wings! So glad you are doing well! Keep it up!

NoName - we want to take a driving trip to Montana this summer. We've been told the Kalispell area is wonderful. I would have assumed that you'd always have snowy winters in Montana! I love scotty dogs, too. If I were ever to get a dog, that would be the kind I want. I have cats now because I am VERY lazy and cats don't need to be let out. I hope to change the laziness in February, too! I am so sick of whining and complaining about the winter.. I have another few hours to do so, and then as of Feb 1st - only positive comments.. LOL - well, at least I'll try!

Never been to Maryland, but I'm sure it's a great place! Waving hello to Stewarts!

We are waiting for the next snow event starting tonight. I'll just say blech.. Tomorrow I'll tell you all how pretty it is. (Which it really is where I live... it's like a winter wonderland!)

[-143]

January Mod Squad

Trying moderation

UHi everybody.... I'm a newbie... I posted in the newbies nest yesterday and some of the responces made me feel worse than before I found mwo. I felt like I was doing good with cutting back.... but they were saying I should just quit. But I'm not ready for that yet.

I have always drank... but I really started drinking heavy a little over a year ago. A couple of months ago my Dr. told me my liver enzymes were elevated and to try to cut back but I didn't even try. A couple of weeks ago she said they were higher.... so I decided to make a change. So... I ordered some milk thistle and and a few other supplements.....stopped drinking Paul Masson brandy and Bud light beer from 2pm-??????......to drinking 16-20oz of red wine and 2 Bud lights at night. Starting Mon. I'm going to try not to drink until Fri.

If this doesn't work and my enzymes don't go down I will work on being totally af. I don't want to stop completely cause it's the only entertainment that me and my hubby do.... we live in a high violence city. So it's safer to party at home. I'm doing my best right now.... I just don't want to be judged......