February Mod Squad

[Emmy Lou]

February Mod Squad

Hi All,
I'm so happy for you that Hubby is back NNG! You really missed him and I know it's been hard but you made it!
Stewarts I am often sitting on my couch feeling like something is terribly wrong in my life, a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Then I remember that it's probably simply because I'm not drinking. Just finding a cause for it is usually enough to relax me again, it's a relief to know that it's just chemical. And usually it's after a day or two of drinking more than I'm currently allowing myself. That's all it is I think.
I was talking to my boss today about sugar intake and we agreed that wine is the largest proportion of sugar in the diet for both of us. I told her I'd cut down recently and then we discussed how much we drank and what we felt was either safe or normal. She never drinks more than two glasses and has at least one AF night per week. We both agreed that what my doctor previously told me was absolute scare mongering. We thought that she probably gave me very limited ideas about what should be normal because she knew it would work better as a tactic to get me at least to the 'real' normal. So in a way it worked, but I'm determined in the future not to freak out about such things and to drink as much as I want to in a reasonably controlled way. I think my doctor uses such tactics because most patients don't tell the truth, so when I did, she imagined my drinking to be even worse than I'd let on.
Life's funny but I'm glad I did cut back in the end,
Goodnight all,
X
Em

[Stewarts]

February Mod Squad

Em, I hear you...you just want to feel normal. Like I said, I just don't like anything effecting my next day and such....no likes to feel like crap.

[nonamegirl]

February Mod Squad

Morning, all!
Stewarts, I am glad you are home and had a fun trip, and I do understand all the feelings of being ill at ease that you are going through. This winter is sort of a killer that way, isn't it? You are dealing with such a lot of bad weather outside, can't help but affect your inner climate as well.

Emmy Lou, your note shows such care and thoughtfulness. You are a strong woman, in control of yourself, and willing to make changes that are necessary while still living the life you want for yourself. I am in 100% agreement.

In my own life, I know that what I am doing is a good thing. Once in awhile it is necessary to cut way back to clear out the garbage, both in mind and body. Moderation takes very strong control, but is worth it. The best of both worlds? I have found that mornings are so very much nicer, my energy and creativity very much stronger, when I do not have more than two drinks.

After my guy came home, we decided we needed a break away from house, critters and worry, so we've booked a week in Vegas. Hurray! Something lovely to look forward to! I will spend a bit of time at the slots, a lot of time at the pool, and the rest people watching and such. Such fun! Our daily life is so quiet that this is a rest for us to go to Vegas. My sister is exactly the opposite, needing a quiet week of no people for her rest. Different strokes!

[Stewarts]

February Mod Squad

NNG, believe it or not, you can actually relax in Vegas and it's a very outdoorsy community, if you live there. There is a lot of golf, hiking, cycling, horseback riding, etc. My parents live out there in the winter and when I go out there, my days/nights are quite calm....last time I even wanted to go out to the casino and hit some tables, when got around that time, I was more content staying home and going to bed.

[Eve11]

February Mod Squad

Hi all,
Haven't been posting for a long time so figured I needed to come back and visit my online friends here. Sadly, I am behind in reading the posts about what has been happening in your lives but will try to catch up. I was alerted to new posts with my old phone and am not getting them on my new I phone so I tend to not be drawn to come here as new posts would always interest me to post. Does anyone know how I do that...set it up so I am alerted to new MWO messages?

Life is going well with the new grandbaby. See him almost every day and am not dumped on by the mother which is nice. Kids are still together as a couple and focus on school for both continues so that is all good.

Suspended a very long friendship which has been very painful. Just like the song "Say something...I'm giving up on you" I have been waiting for her to try to make it right but she refuses to look at herself and her drinking problem and rationalizes that it is stress that makes her forget things when it is really black outs. Decided I can just not continue to have a friend like that who is in such denial and refuses to talk one on one to try to make things right as she doesn't think she is wrong in any way. It has been very painful to let the relationship go so I have been very sad about that for months now. "Demon alcohol" as the song goes.

Moderation varies for all of us. For me, I really do not feel good the next day if I have more than 3 drinks and try to limit it to 2, yet I continue to "white knuckle" it at times when I really, really want more once I have started. I know that is why some AFers give up drinking completely, because they get so tired of the fight. I think one of the AFers posted something about this to someone new one time who was struggling to quit and she was pointing out that it isn't as easy to moderate as some people want to think...and for me her statement rings true. So, I really do need to keep checking in here to put up the good fight and stay strong to not overdo it. What is weird for me is that at times I feel like a normal drinker. Can have my two and be satisfied and have no desire for more. But, unfortunately there are the other times where I have an intense craving after my desired two drinks and I either over do it and have a hangover the next day or fight it but don't like those moments of going through the battle. So, I still struggle with the thought of "Should I just give it up?" There is far more support and a whole great life with abstaining versus continuing to use, doing well at times but battling at other times, and not having as good a support group as those moderating number far less than those abstaining. For me the battle continues...Will spend some time now catching up on how all of you are doing.

:l
Eve11

[DancingGirl]

February Mod Squad

Hi Eve!!

I've been wondering how you are - and hoping that not posting meant all was well.

Congrats on your lovely grandbaby, and really nice to have you here again.

XO

[nonamegirl]

February Mod Squad

Hurray! Welcome back, Eve! We have missed you. I read your post with great interest, as I also have tossed around the fact that it is easier to abstain than to successfully moderate. No one has said moderation is easy. It takes constant vigilance and work, and true desire to adhere to the lifestyle of moderation. But, for some of us, it is the way we want to live. And there are many many of us who are successful at it.

I am glad that things are working out with your son and his new baby. Speaking of hard work to maintain the life, I believe he has "chosen" one of the hardest. He is lucky he has you to be a support system.

Have a lovely Sunday, everyone.

[Lasha]

February Mod Squad

Hi all,

I've been away for a while up in bonny Scotland trying to sort out my GH and didn't have easy access to a computer. Been so busy with lifting floor boards fixing water leaks, decorating, replacing old TV's, fridges etc. and buying new furniture. Spent a fortune and have now handed the place over to my Sister. Good job I have taken the GH back from rental as the old place was going down hill, people just don't look after other peoples property no matter how many references they give me.

The drinking habit up there can so easily lead you astray and I am easily led so it's good to be back to normal. Back to work tomorrow and looking forward to it, it'll be a rest from the manic organising.

Google Up helly Aa 2014, I was there! Had 2 Americans and 1 Australian staying and they were gobsmacked at how much detail and work goes into it. They had a ball and I had a good laugh with them. Didn't get any complaints about breakfasts either, cooking's all about timing and it all came back to me, I started the place up 10 years ago and ran it for a year.

Keep on modding
Lash the egg poacher

[Eve11]

February Mod Squad

Lasha, Were you running a bed and breakfast there? What a great event the helly Aa 2014 looks like. We travel a lot and I have to pay more attention to the big festivals and events that go on as we just missed a great celebration in Thailand by a day as we weren't aware of the yearly festival there when we made our plans. That event you spoke of may be on our bucket list. What is the weather like in Scotland that time of year?

Noname, thanks for your response to my post. Yes, you are right. Some people can moderate. They are the ones who do not have poisoned livers where one more drink will kill them but folks like me and you who are aware that sometimes we can go over our desired amount and pay the price with a hangover or not feeling so great the next day. And there is the social aspect where it is nice to have a glass of wine with dinner like everyone (or almost everyone else), or toast a glass of bubbly on New Year's Eve or at a wedding. In this day and age of such extreme social media, also best to not embarrass oneself with drunk facebooking, twittering, etc. Part of the reason my recent long time friendship got put on suspension is my friend sent a rude text message because she had been drinking too much and had stinking thinking. So, if one can drink and not make a fool of themselves or have remorse the next day of what they did, and at the worse, know that they had just one too many where they have a headache or slight hangover the next day because they didn't follow their plan to a T... then moderation can work for them, as long as the severe consequences aren't happening.

Saturday night is usually our drinking night of the week. Did a flight of wine at a wine tasting event (over the course of an hour and a half it's probably a glass and a half of wine). Then stopped for a nightcap and had 1 glass of wine. When she asked if we wanted a second, have to say I could have, but thought about how that would put me over my limit of 3 and how I would probably feel it a bit the next day because of that one extra glass so said no. Happy with my decision and the fact that it was a successful moderating night.

:l
Eve11

[nonamegirl]

February Mod Squad

LASHA! Welcome back! We missed you! Make sure you read back through old posts, 'cause I was trying to channel you, and sent you a few bands. Can't wait to google the festival!

Eve, you have been such a friend to all of us. If my response to you was a good thing, I am so very pleased to return the favor. You have been my mentor and role model from the beginning.

So, all my lovely friends, Sunday night, snow is snowing, the wind is blowing, but we can weather the storm. This winter has been a very interesting one weather-wise, in so many parts of the country. It is absolutely beautiful outside my window. We have deer tracks, mountain lion tracks and bear poop in our yard. And honestly, we live in the city. Gotta love Montana.

[crocus]

February Mod Squad

Good Morning Everyone.

Lasha and Eve, so good to hear from you both.

Eve, your post rings true. I went overboard last night, and feel crummy today. To say nothing of the emotional guilt etc. that goes with that.

I often feel like it's the old two steps forward, one step back. If I were to quit, I don't think I could stick to it, and then I would triple-down on the guilt if I messed up.

Long day ahead, here. Best get to it.

Love to you all.

[Stewarts]

February Mod Squad

Well, I went skiing again last weekend. Problem with skiing is I tend to drink and eat more than I normally would, more so eating bad, and drinking, a little more than usual. Oh, and I received a gift from a commercial landlord I did a deal with... 3 month subscription to the beer of the month club, just got my first shipment to my office today...I'm like what do I do with this?? I guess I bring them home.

Oh, I have some big news.... Well, apparently it looks like I am going back to school the Dean at Fordham already told me I am accepting to their EMBA program, assuming I sign the letter of intent.
so I am one of 35, I think I actually may be the first to get accepted.

This will be interesting...

j.

[Eve11]

February Mod Squad

Congrats Stewarts regarding your EMBA program and funny story about the beer of the month club. We live in a high populated Morman community so that is almost like bringing the new neighbor a bottle of wine to welcome them to the neighborhood.

Feel better Crocus, I hate it when that happens! A big hello to everyone else.

:l
Eve11

[nonamegirl]

February Mod Squad

Morning, all my lovely friends!
Stewarts! That is great news about your MBA program. Congratulations! It will be challenging, no doubt, but so good for your self-esteem, your focus, and even your health-related goals. I am tremendously proud of you, and hope that you accept.

My dear Crocus, since you told me in the PM how much you drank Sunday night, I know for certain you didn't go totally off the rails. You are doing fine and shouldn't beat yourself up about it. I have a sneaking suspicion that you weren't the only one in your house who over-did a bit that night, and probably that contributed to you feeling low. DO NOT LISTEN to that other voice. Don't let anyone be mean to you.

Emmy? How you doin' with work etc? I love hearing about your costumes, and so much wish I could see them in action.

DancingGirl, DipGal, check in. Hope all is well.

Lasha, now that you are back home, we want to hear more about your time in the far north.

Eve, stay close by. We miss you when you leave us!

[Stewarts]

February Mod Squad

First, thanks for all the congrats. This is going to sound f;d up, but I'm really not proud of myself. I even got quite a nice informal acceptance letter from the Dean.

I stopped by my favorite british pub, that I haven't stopped by in MONTHS. I was only going to have one or two...but had about four which is my limit. I then started feeling bad about myself, I even texted my ex-wife, who was very supported of my academic pursuit and asked her if I was the biggest loser she dated. There was a ne bartender there, a cute South American girl...I guess I was flirting with her a little bit, nothing outlandish, she even commented to me that the girl next to me was quick to talk to me after her guy friend got up to the bathroom...I just responded, calmly, that would be very disrespectful.... I then told her that I knew I was an ugly guy, and she looked at me cross-eyed. That was when I decided to say my goodbyes.

Crocus, I was reading something today about drinking, or trying to quit drinking and guilt...you have to let the guilt go, was essentially the short answer.

For me, I guess it's self-loathing....anyway...