No Fools April Mod Squad

[nonamegirl]

No Fools April Mod Squad

Ah, EM. Dang it! I am so sorry about your friend. It must be a worry for you, knowing that when they need help they don't tell anyone. I also respect their privacy, but when things are the worst is when they need friends. Perhaps when you see them this weekend you can remind them that though hiding makes them feel protected, friends worry most when they don't know. I wish them and you my very best.

A dear friend of mine went through a similar experience. Lost her breast and then shortly thereafter her husband left her for another (harder drinking) woman. Her first round of chemo, my friend allowed help from her large group of supporters...but just recently I had heard from her that she has gone through another round and a bout with depression and did it all on her own. Now she wants no contact from anyone and it is frightening to me.
Not having gone through cancer myself I do not know how I would react. Perhaps withdrawing IS what I would want to do.

In any case, Emmy Lou, I send you prayers that you are strong enough to handle seeing your friend and lavishing her and her husband with the love and care you so obviously feel. Good luck.

[-143]

No Fools April Mod Squad

Awwwwww Em...I'm praying for all of you!!!

[ToMyHealth]

No Fools April Mod Squad

Hi everyone. Lots going on in our lives. We do so need to be thankful for our health, and do minimal damage to our bodies. Says TMH to self!

Em - thank you for posting that about 8 hrs sleep not necessarily being the end all. When I go for an AF stint it's the not sleeping that is the worst. And I do have the luxury of being able to take a nap. I always think No, do not, you just will not sleep tonight! But maybe look at it as a good thing and my body cleansing and so if I stay up later so what. So sorry to hear about your friend.

Eve - nice to see you!

NNG - I'm sure your dh surgery Friday will be just fine. He sounds like he is a very good husband to you. It's obvious how much you care for him. Good you had the recent communication.

-143 yep, think another AF day is in order. I planned to be last night, but the party atmosphere at BBQ took over (I allowed it to, of course). We did get rained out on our golf tourney but all got 9 holes in. Our team won so both dh & I won a dozen Callaway golf balls. It was a fun day despite the rain, and I didn't go overboard. Still.....

Until you walk in those shoes you don't know. My dh 1st wife had cancer and chose not to tell. Went through numerous surgeries and managed to do them when kids were away at camp, etc. She survived 5 yrs, I think family knew maybe just the last year. Fast forward. I marry the man and 5 yrs after we are married I'm diagnosed with cancer. I'll never forget saying to him. I know ______________ wanted to keep it private; I'm not her, I will tell people because I believe in the power of prayer. That was 11 yrs ago. Not criticizing her or your friend, Em. That was just the way I chose to handle it.

Does anyone watch The Little Couple? Love those little kids they adopted, and Jen, the Mom, just had a bout with cancer.

Ok, off to see dr. I'm behind on one of the "female" tests, and dr. was astounded to find that she never did the test when I had my Welcome to Medicare physical. So that and grocery shopping and a good workout and an AF evening and a healthy dinner is in order.

TMH

[-143]

No Fools April Mod Squad

NNG.....didn't mean to post without telling you I'm praying for your hubby's successful surgery and rapid recovery!!!

[-143]

No Fools April Mod Squad

Oh....and CONGRATS TMH!!!!!!

[Stewarts]

No Fools April Mod Squad

NNG hope your husband surgery goes ok. EL, that's sad news, I'm very sorry to hear it.

I had two events the past two nights, I drank during both of them, both were at my club, coincidentally. I saw my Dr. on Tuesday morning, and I told her, the funny thing, I drank like seven beers I think throughout the night and didn't even feel buzzed let alone drunk...I thought that was weird. From last night's event I felt a little groggy getting up, more in a bad mood, same situation...it was a later night also....so my cleanse isn't going to well...and I have another event tomorrow... I am definitely relaxing tonight...the depression is again what's creeping in.. I remember last night watching a squash match, and that is when I started drinking...I didn't know anyone around me anymore.

Also, I noticed something weird, not weird, but I think I said I felt like being an ass a few months ago and sent a linkedin invite to my ex-'s husband and he accepted it !?!?? Anyway, I noticed we weren't linked anymore and I was even blocked... now I can give a rat's a@# about him, but I thought it was peculiar. I then was able to find her cell phone number, I deleted it, but iphone remembers all...and called it and she had me blocked!

I know I shouldn't care. I know all I did was send self deprecating messages about myself, although I did call her out one time when I neighborhood acquaintance saw her as a serial cheater...but I am thinking these two must've finally spoke about this. Why did I feel bad? I was talking to my god squad partner about this and he does come up with some insight... resentment, dejection is ugly...if it doesn't make you vengeful or angry, it'll make you depressed. Whatever minor pleasure you got out of messing with her, him, or calling her out, doesn't make you feel good, because it's not you.

I called my Dr., because I couldn't help feeling really bad, embarrassed or both. She said I was better off letting it just die...nothing good can come of any interaction with her, but if I felt the need to apologize, and wanted to call her, for you (me), because it will make you (me) feel better, there's nothing wrong with that.

I did. I used my office phone and I got VM. I simply said, "Hey it's me. I just wanted to apologize for how some of these things have turned out. I want to remember you in a positive light, as messed up as our situation was, and I always wanted you to remember me in a positive light. There will always be a special place for you and I wish you, actually with both of you well. X, we definitely can't say that we did NOT live our lives.....again, sorry, I .... I know you blocked my cell, I won't bother you."

Something to that effect. I think it's the feeling of not taking the higher road.....and that leads me to the next part, I think that's why I have been drinking. Not to the point of getting drunk, but because I feel I'm not worth that much, and after the first one or two, I'm like "who cares, what do I have to stay healthy for?"

My therapist said there is a name for this, it's medical, and start's with an "a", can't remember, but essentially it means you've feel like you don't deserve anything and accept it. You might be sad, depressed, but you've basically given up the notion of any happiness.

All and all, I had a nice night last night, minus feeling a little tired....but I prefer to be fresh during the day.

I even downloaded a bible, which is big for me considering I don't have faith, but the one thing I did tell my god squad friend, I do think those stories were really stories have how ancient man dealt with his everyday...sh@# and how he decided to come to terms with conditions our of his control or didn't understand...and stuff can be learned.

Anyway, it's almost 5:30 here in NYC...I may call it an early day and leave soon.

j.

[nonamegirl]

No Fools April Mod Squad

Hey, Stewarts, my friend.
I am glad you posted and told us how things are going. It is always better to vent, even if it is only to us. I know that a good af evening and some rest will help. Good luck, and keep us in the loop. I have to say that reading the Bible is probably a good thing, even though I completely agree with you on the reasons of the stories in the Old Testament. I was raised gong to church, know the Bible pretty well still, and have found comfort in the New Testament stories. Good luck. Lest us know how it goes.

TMH, congrats on your golf tournament! Sounds like lots of fun even though you got rained out. I did not know that you had lived through a cancer scare... thank you for sharing that. I think I would probably completely collapse if I had had that news. I am grateful you shared, as it will give me strength if I ever need it.

-143, how did Wednesday go for you? It was my own first evening of dealing with cravings, but we ate dinner early and then I got out my knitting and got a lot done on it.

Happy Thursday, my friends. Keep up the good work, and be strong.

[Stewarts]

No Fools April Mod Squad

NNG, thanks, I was raised or not so raised Catholic. When you're Catholic, there's a common tendency to reject religion and the church...too much guilt and strict dogma. But in an odd way, most Catholics, and most are not religious, the orthodox ones are scary, tend to find each other and have some sort of bond... a lot of my childhood friends and college ones, are irish catholics, german-irish, Italian, etc.

It's probably kind of weird or not, maybe, I went to a Catholic college, a Jesuit one - well, that's not as unusual, Jesuits are the more practical and liberal ones, often called the "trouble makers", and now I will be going to a Jesuit grad school....again, there's an odd bond where we stick together, regardless of how religious or not you are.

Oh, I saw an interesting post on FB I was tagged in...someone posted a photo of me and two really good childhood friends of mine when we were 17, the three of us all played drums, it looks like it was in the field of my old HS...

[nonamegirl]

No Fools April Mod Squad

Happy Friday, All!
Today is surgery day. Hopefully this will fix all my sweetie's problems, and we'll be home soon in recovery mode. (It is out-patient, but that doesn't seem to mean much anymore. I actually have a friend who was subjected to an out-patient mastectomy.)

Stewarts, my husband is Catholic, and we were married in a Catholic ceremony on Long Island. I very much empathize with what you are feeling. There is much good in religion, as well as much bad. Take the good and leave the rest as the saying goes.

Be strong this weekend, and enjoy the spring, everyone.

[-143]

No Fools April Mod Squad

Hey NNG.....I didn't drink Wednesday!!! Wow!!!! 2 days af in the same week!!! Wasn't sure if it was possible!!!

How did your hubbies surgery go?

[Emmy Lou]

No Fools April Mod Squad

Hi All, thanks for the encouraging words. Stewarts it's good to see you expressing what's happening in your life. Years ago a doctor told me that drinking heavily (& many other activities that I got up to) were self destructive behaviours that are typical of depression where you lose a sense of self worth and don't really care what happens to you. I don't remember the name for it either but I remember those days and I'm so much happier now. If anything I'm completely the opposite, with an amazing amount of self respect, probably more than most other people. It feels good, and you can get there too.
I have a music festival next weekend, so I've a huge list of things to do today. I'll be sleeping in the back of my old wagon because the festival is set up in some fields of an old farm. It's a really beautiful place but I don't like camping at the best of times, so I must get my things sorted 'just right' and I have a few more on my shopping list, so it's time to get up and get it done.
Unfortunately I have picked up an annoying cold and so I can't visit my friend in hospital, my boyfriend has the cold too and we're both disappointed. I will phone her instead, she won't know her prognosis until Monday though.
Have yourselves a good weekend, take care and realise your self worth,
X
Em

[nonamegirl]

No Fools April Mod Squad

Emmy, what a wonderful post to Stewarts! I hope he reads it and takes it in. Perfect. I love hearing about the music festival. I also don't like camping, and can just imagine all the little steps you must be taking to make yourself comfortable. I hope you have grand fun, in spite of and even because of the unusual venue. Good luck with your cold, and take care of yourself.

My husband's surgery went well, though took much longer than we had hoped. He is home, well though uncomfortable, and all is fine. I will leave him for a couple hours this morning to get my training done, but will run right back. What a blessing to be able to bring him home. The last time he was in the hospital it was for three weeks.

Have a very good weekend, my friends. I know I will.

[-143]

No Fools April Mod Squad

Glad to hear your hubbies surgery went well!!!! You all have a restful weekend!

[-143]

No Fools April Mod Squad

Em....enjoy your festival!!!

[Lila]

No Fools April Mod Squad

hi Modders,
Eve and ToMyHealth, hi - I know it has been awhile. Other modders hello!
I want to check back in. Things are not too great for me now, but I feel like I am sort of on track to getting better. With the help of you all, I want to get back into balance.
I am glad it is spring finally - so glad.
L