No Fools April Mod Squad

[Lasha]

No Fools April Mod Squad

Hi all.

NNG Glad to hear you hubby is home and doing well and you're sounding so positive.

Stewarts I too sometimes find the bible unbelievable but it's better than the alternative and my depression comes after drinking so I'm not going overboard any more. I'm meeting more and more people who have packed it in as it's too painful for them as they get older.

Emmy as the sun comes out for Spring the talking point is always about which festival to go to. Glastonbury just up the road from me. Isle of Wight, ferry near by and all the festivals in London Oh how I love this talk. You cant beat walking up in the morning in festival land.
Apart from the dreaded TOILETS!!!!!!!!!

Lash

[nonamegirl]

No Fools April Mod Squad

Lasha, I love to hear from you. How is your wife doing? I have thought of the both of you all winter, hoping that things would get better for each of you. Such great festivals you mention! You never know, there just might come a time when I pop over and visit one... of course would then have to stretch out the stay to go to your guesthouse as well. Not this year, though.

Lila, welcome (welcome back?) Tell us how we can help you. We have such a great group here in Modders' Land. If there is anything that we can do to help, we want to. Just let us know.

I so much enjoyed a quiet day yesterday, after getting my 6 miler done. Just being quiet with my guy, getting him little treats and rejoicing in him being home. Such a blessing! I think today will be much the same. I hope that all of you have a wonderful Sunday as well.

[ToMyHealth]

No Fools April Mod Squad

Hi Lila! I've wondered about you. Know you along with many others have had a tough, tough winter. What's going on? How can we help?

NNG, good your husband is on road to recovery. Mine is in need of some TLC right now also. Yesterday his former MIL passed away. She was 98. This morning dh got dressed to go for a run, and with tears in his eyes said if she had lived one more day, she would have died on her daughter's birthday. So between the death of this lovely lady and remembering his wife/her daughter, kind of a tough day for him. I assured him she was there to greet her mother. He smiled.

Hi Lasha! How are you doing on the modding? I could be better. Much better (((sigh)))

Ok, need to go for a workout so I can post some progress on my thread. Golf takes a lot of time! Last night was our Champions Dinner/Dance. Collected my 3rd trophy and don't say that in a bragging way; it's part of reward for being somewhat of a newbie. Handicap has gone down so in this past 2 day tournament I only had one stroke, and I lost. Just was out of sorts yesterday. NNG, even had thought "I'd rather be running". Time for a break. Will watch The Masters today.

Have a nice Sunday!

TMH

[Lila]

No Fools April Mod Squad

TMH, thanks!! Yes, it sure has been a tough winter. I guess I just have a lot going on - mostly regarding family. Health and mental health issues, theirs i mean. Being winter, and being stressed, my happy place has been crawling into bed with more than a few drinks. I guess I just want to get centered again.

[ToMyHealth]

No Fools April Mod Squad

Ok, Lila, maybe you can start getting outdoors for a little exercise, walk around the block, whatever. I seem to remember you felt exercise helped you. The hardest part is the first step out the door. Think of what else helps to center you. Alone time? Or maybe the opposite? Hear you on the going to bed after drinking. I think I enjoy the going to bed completely sober over the waking up with no hangover!

TMH

[-143]

No Fools April Mod Squad

So.....I'm not the only one that has trouble leaving the house??? My dad was like that too.... and a couple of my siblings too. I use to make fun of them.....but now I'm one of them! I don't even know when it started! Once I get dressed and comb my hair and get outside I don't want to come back in... it's just getting outside that's challenging. My dad had a drinking problem and smoked Pall Mall cigarettes for years and passed away from heart disease at 54. And...both siblings I'm talking about had drinking problems and are now af! One for like 25 years and the other for about 8 months! How do we get stuck in the house???

[nonamegirl]

No Fools April Mod Squad

Happy Monday, my good friends!
A whole week af for me, actually 14 of the last 17 days. This is good! I have a few more things on my plate this morning than I'd like, but the afternoon is clear so I can come home and take a break. Bad migraine yesterday, so I'll probably be pretty quiet for the pm time.

We were able to sit outside yesterday for a good chunk of time - it was sunny but very cold. I know that spring is coming, I just don't see it as soon as I want. Here, springy springy springy!

[Stewarts]

No Fools April Mod Squad

it begins with an "a"

Emmy Lou;1647810 wrote: Hi All, thanks for the encouraging words. Stewarts it's good to see you expressing what's happening in your life. Years ago a doctor told me that drinking heavily (& many other activities that I got up to) were self destructive behaviours that are typical of depression where you lose a sense of self worth and don't really care what happens to you. I don't remember the name for it either but I remember those days and I'm so much happier now. If anything I'm completely the opposite, with an amazing amount of self respect, probably more than most other people. It feels good, and you can get there too.
I have a music festival next weekend, so I've a huge list of things to do today. I'll be sleeping in the back of my old wagon because the festival is set up in some fields of an old farm. It's a really beautiful place but I don't like camping at the best of times, so I must get my things sorted 'just right' and I have a few more on my shopping list, so it's time to get up and get it done.
Unfortunately I have picked up an annoying cold and so I can't visit my friend in hospital, my boyfriend has the cold too and we're both disappointed. I will phone her instead, she won't know her prognosis until Monday though.
Have yourselves a good weekend, take care and realise your self worth,
X
Em

Yes Em, it begins with an "A", I'll ask my Dr. again tomorrow. I sent my ex, as well as a bunch of other people, my 17 year old pic. She responded, please take me off, I wrote back, I didn't realize you were on, but of course, if that is what you want....and asked her to talk....she did not want to. She said the last few emails I sent her were disturbing. I figured they were from awhile ago, but she said one was on a Monday, one was last week... I haven't even been drinking much...I didn't care to ask what they said, I really don't remember doing this, not because of AL related, I think it was more an emotional black out if that makes any sense. Anything I wrote, would've been self-deprecating of myself...probably something like, "my ribs are still busted, now's your husband's chance to take me out, I won't be able to defend myself." I then told her a little what was going on, that I couldn't force her to talk to me, nor do I want to (it's probably better we don't have a lot of interaction), I just wanted to make things right and even told her about my spirituality endeavors... she wrote back nicely to respect her wishes, she didn't want to see me, she didn't need explanation for my disturbing emails, but that she hopes I come to terms my depression - or something along those lines. Now, although she doesn't want to talk to me...I found interesting she kept writing back...most women in my experience would simply not respond at all. I simply said, I understand, I hope she reconsiders, but of course I can't force her, and she doesn't need to see me to talk...honestly, I'm not sure I want to see her, I rather speak over the phone...

My weekend started out good. I had a lunch date on Friday with a woman I had been pursuing for awhile, who wasn't sure about me, but appears will give me the time of day. Another girl I used to date, or started dating about a year ago, who I liked a lot, but got back together with an ex -bf, I met, well at the same event I met her at last year and it appeared her BF was out of the picture. We had a dance, told her it was good to see her and then I even texted her the next day I'd cook dinner for her, which she responded, that sounds great! this led me to day drink on Friday...which was ok, because I then had a date with our receptionist who is my assistant, kind of, we had a good time. She is separated and she said she wanted to go out again...now she is separated, separated, her and her husband do not live in the same residency and haven't for awhile. She did said she was going to talk to him on Sunday, because they need to decide if they are getting divorced or what's going on...I said, "Yes, please figure that out...I have been down that road before and it doesn't end pretty..for anyone." Honestly, I can't see anything really happening with her, she's really sweet, young and very adorable...but very...simple....I think she even lives up in the Bronx somewhere with her parents....our worlds are completely different.

I was home before 10pm. I must've mixed the wrong alcohols, because I felt terrible. I wasn't out late, felt fine all Friday, recall everything, but I had bad anxiety and couldn't do anything on Saturday...it really sucked. Sunday I woke up to buy ingredients for dinner, which I finalized with the girl I met at the event, she seemed still very excited about this, she had my address, time, etc., some goofy emails, I told her if she wanted something to drink, AL wise, let me know what she wanted or bring something, because I wasn't drinking..I have a long day on Monday...she didn't want anything..which was cool.. Then I get a text, sorry, I all of sudden am not feeling well, I won't be up for this, thanks for understanding.... ?!?!? At first I thought, maybe I send something...in some of our playfull texts, eg she said, "yeah I better not drink either," I said, "why you get too frisky?" she laughed, "no same as you, I got a long day as well on Monday," I wrote back, "good to know you don't need alcohol to get frisky..." I didn't think that was bad.... then I got the "not feeling well" txt and hour or two later... I eventually wrote back it was a joke, and then let her know, subtly, all these tuna steaks I got...but if there was anything I could do for her, and hope she feels better...and should we reschedule for later in the week...the fish can stay for a day or two in the marinade....she said she was going to be away a lot this week...which I remember her job caused her to travel...now I am starting to feel depressed...I was actually looking forward to this.... I said, well, feel better, safe travels and talk when you get back? She responded, I'll contact you when I get back...

I honestly think I am getting blown off here and I totally did not see that coming...she was so excited to see me...we had a good time, I didn't crowd her, she even said she was upset she missed me for the last dance, was excited about having dinner, knows I had to put some effort in...and then.... that....?!?!

Good news. It made me NOT want to drink. Even after whatever made me sick from Friday night....I didn't want any AL.... this just starting make me feel like, nothing normal will ever happen to me...the whole X stuff really was the last thing on my mind... I have now have no desire to follow-up with my receptionist/assistant, even if she chooses the path of divorce, and the other one, I see now as a pity date and I don't think I will call her again...ever.

This all just wants to make me be by myself again. I have three nice tuna steaks I need to cook, will probably have to over cook, or at least medium so they'll stay, the roasted veggies will stay. it's my mom's birthday dinner tonight, so I am meeting my parents and my sister out....

Oh NNG, as for Bible stuff, proverbs is what I am really into now... especially Proverbs 2 verses 16-19:

"Wisdom will save you also from the adulterous women, from the wayward woman with her seductive words, who has left the partner of her youth and ignored the covenant she mad before God..Surely her house leads down to death and her paths to the spirits of the dead. None who go to her return or attain the paths of life."

At least I'm busy with work...

[nonamegirl]

No Fools April Mod Squad

Oh, my friend Stewarts.... I am so sorry that your dinner didn't turn out. I think you have made a good decision about your receptionist and your no-show date for Sunday. Now stick to your decision and don't text them. This is my advice - unasked for, I know. You are a good man in a rough time, dealing with depression. Take some time to yourself. Continue your running, a bit each day. Eat some good foods. Take a break from women for awhile. You deserve someone who just can't wait to be with you, and I know that woman is out there. My philosophy is that things happen the way they do for a reason, but sometimes the reason is pretty well hidden. Perhaps now is just the time for you to focus on YOU: your new classes, your health and your exercise. Keep us in the loop on how your are doing. We really do care, you know.

On a personal front, my husband is having some pretty severe problems following his surgery. Hopefully this is all temporary. We aren't doing much other than staying close to home. I get out for training each day, but ...

Hope everyone else is doing okay. Take care and be gentle and tender with yourselves!:l

[Stewarts]

No Fools April Mod Squad

Classes haven't started yet, every time I run my ribs hurt, I actually have been eating pretty well lately, hell, I'll be eating a lot of tuna this week.... I have been staying away from women for awhile, that was my first real interactions in a long time...maybe I'm just not meant to be with anyone... I was married once before...

j.

[-143]

No Fools April Mod Squad

Morning all! Didn't make it af Monday..... so I'm doing af Tuesday! I knew when I woke up yesterday that I didn't want to be af Monday but I felt obligated. So I was sad all day.
Today I want to be af......so I will!!!!

Have a great day!

[-143]

No Fools April Mod Squad

Awwwwww I feel for you Stewarts!!! But I also agree with nng. Maybe it's time for you to do some me... time. Love and get to know your.... self with no distractions!!! Enjoy your..... self!!!!!!

NNG....still praying for your hubby!!!!

Have a great day!!!!!

[Stewarts]

No Fools April Mod Squad

Well, I went to the gym to run 5 miles, treadmill, it's raining here in NYC. That was the roughest and slowest 5 miles I think I ever ran. I finished up getting closer to my 10K time and it felt like I was in a dead sprint, not good. We shall see how my ribs feel tomorrow.

I'm 39 years old, when she start up again, when I'm 60????

My past three days have been AL free and I anticipate today, day four will be AL free as well.

[-143]

No Fools April Mod Squad

I think you'll know...... 39???? Your still a spring chicken lol.....you have time to enjoy your....self! Journaling really helped me get to know myself and sort out my feelings. You can say mean stuff....cuss somebody out.... all without hurting any bodies feelings! :durn::thumbs::thumbs::thumbs:

[Emmy Lou]

No Fools April Mod Squad

Hi there,
Stewarts you won't meet the right one for you until you love yourself. But it will happen.
Work at doing things that you love and make sure that you truly believe you are worth the effort.
NNG I'm sorry to hear that your husband is having a rough time, he must be so glad that you can be there with him. You do sound happy though.
My friend's operation got what they think is all of the tumour, but they're recommending 4 months of chemo, which is not so good. I still haven't been able to see her, my cold is worse. I'm dreading the cold nights at the weekend festival too. I'll just have to take a million blankets. I've paid over $200 for the ticket so I'm just going to push myself and go along for the ride.
Bedtime now.
Have good days all tomorrow,
X
Em