May Mod Squad

[Stewarts]

May Mod Squad

2How long must I wrestle with my thoughtsand day after day have sorrow in my heart?How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Psalms 13:2

(Not for long)

[nonamegirl]

May Mod Squad

Hey, Stewarts. Sounds like you are blue again. King David also suffered from depression, so you have found the right spot for help, reading in Psalms. I am so glad you post when you are down. Much better than trying to fight it alone. I forget (so sorry!) are you taking antidepressants? They definitely helped me when I was in the black years. It is always so frustrating to be exercising, eating correctly, not over-indulging in drinks, going to work, meeting friends, and STILL be depressed. Just know that I am sending you thoughts all day that today will be better.:l

We had a killing frost last night, but luckily I had covered my new plants. The covers came off this morning stiff, with the shape of the plants remaining. But the sky is clear and we should see some warm sun before too long.

Happy Thursday, everyone!

[-143]

May Mod Squad

Awwwwww Stew......I know very well too about the ugly depression bug! Sending you lots of hugs and happy thoughts!!!!! Hope you feel better!!!!!! :groupluv:

[Stewarts]

May Mod Squad

Hi everyone, thank you for your thoughts. I feel like I am being a bad person here hogging the Board, but I am having a real bad day. I went to my club last night, had a few beers and then some young woman starting talking to me. I find myself being very anti-social when I go out. I don't make an effort to talk to any of my friends when I am at the club. Anyway, she was a guest and getting pretty lit. She asked me if I wanted a margarita, I said, "no." But then buckled when she kept bugging me (which I am convinced is why I have anxiety). She then got a little too drunk and was talking crazy stuff to me. I eventually finished my beer I had left and went home.

I texted my friend, not the ex, the nice young one I told you all about, that I kind of dated and was very wise for her age, that things will be better when I'm gone. I was obviously in a depressed state. Apparently, she called or texted my business partner who is about 10,11 years my senior.

I had a busy morning, but he gestured me in and said, "j, sit down, M, called me last night she's very concerned about you." I responded, "G, I'm fine, there's nothing to worry about," he said back, "I know there's nothing to worry about, because I am going make sure your ok."

I texted M to lose my number. I was a little pissed, actually very pissed. She responded back, are you ok. I said I was fine, but I didn't appreciate someone confiding in my business partner making me look bad and weak. Don't speak to me again. I've already deleted your number from my phone, please do the same.

She responded back, "fine, done. I was worried about you, you should think about that next tike you text someone about killing yourself." I simply, said, "well, you won't have that problem anymore."

Amazing, writing a little bit right now is easing some of my anxiety. I'm not sure how I feel about this whole m situation. I'm not upset about it. Actually, I'm starting to think now I want to erase her from my life, more because I don't her to see me weak and be reminded of it.

Was a I little harsh? I'm starting to feel now that I want to lock myself in my apartment again. I'm not so upset with myself because I drank, I am more upset that had some little skank talking me into drinking something I knew I shouldn't because I know how it could make me feel. All I wanted to do was watch the Rangers game and have a few beers.

I think it is a little bad I don't want to talk to anyone, or need to be forced into conversation, even by people I rather not talk to.

I don't know, it's just not getting any better. I had a lot of good thoughts about this week. Now I'm scared to do anything. I am supposed to go to a birthday part on Saturday, and I'm thinking of bailing.... it's probably something I should go to. I just don't know.

[-143]

May Mod Squad

Stew you gotta hang in there!!!!!! I've been suicidal a big part of my life and I know when someone says they don't want to live anymore they are telling the truth!!!!! Rather they intend to act on it is a different story! But I believe you!!!! Maybe strong alcohol makes you a little different!!! But it's probably allowing you to feel the way you really feel. Stew.....I haven't been here long but I know you are a loving person!!!! You have just got to learn how to love yourself!!!!!! YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!!!!! And when we tell someone we don't want to live we are really saying.... PLEASE HELP ME!!!!! Your friend heard your cry!!!!! She was only trying to help the only way she knew how.

Did you get the book I told you about yet? In the Meantime by Iyanla Vanzant? I really think it will help you!!!! WE NEED YOU STEW!!!! You have been so helpful to me!!!! Keep Your Head Up!!!!:yourespecial:

[nonamegirl]

May Mod Squad

Hey, Stewarts! This is pretty serious, my friend. I have to chime in with -143.. don't worry about, as you say "Hogging the board." This is what we are here for, we all come here for help and you help others when they need it. This is what friends are for.

And, yes, M did exactly what she should have (well, with the exception of, she probably should have come right over to your apartment ... and spoken to you.) However, I don't think it is a bad thing to have your boss looking out for you. The more people the better. Keep posting here, and let us know how you are.

[Stewarts]

May Mod Squad

Hahaha, first, when I said my business partner 11-12 years my senior...that's in age, he is not my boss, we are equals actually.... but he is also a good friend, as you know NNG.

Thanks -143, yes, I normally steer clear of hard alcohol and hard drugs, the latter, I'll admit, I used to like, but those days are over. .... funny the drug of choice depending on where I was in that aspect of my life...anyway... Maybe a shot of vodka once in awhile.... but yes, hard alcohol can do weird things to me. In retrospect, one of the few mixed drinks I will ever drink is a margarita, so perhaps that might have been why I buckled.

I did write my friend back and said I was may have been a little harsh. I know I didn't say anything derogatory and mean, curse, etc., but I thought I should do that. I didn't hear back....I might, I might not, I feel kind of neutral about it in a weird way.

chat later.

[ToMyHealth]

May Mod Squad

You sound better today, Stewart. Good to see.

-143 I got that book per your recommendation, not too far into it, but think I'll like it.

Busy today. Having friends for dinner tonight. House is clean although am cleaning out frig now. Good thing we have company now & then! Dh is making spaghetti sauce. We're having an early 70th b.d. Celebration. Yest he & dh played golf. He told dh I should be happy, am not. Multi million $ company, 2 homes up north 2 homes in FL. Family issues. Just goes to show money does not buy happiness. Hopefully, we can lighten his load a bit tonight.

Have a great start to weekend!

TMH

[Stewarts]

May Mod Squad

Speaking of King David .....

6I am bowed down and brought very low;all day long I go about mourning.7My back is filled with searing pain;there is no health in my body.8I am feeble and utterly crushed;I groan in anguish of heart.

Psalms 38:6-8 (NIV)

[Stewarts]

May Mod Squad

143 regarding in the meantime....I hear it's more of a book for women, nothing wrong with that, of course, but men's thought processes can differ in many aspects. Is it relatable to both sexes?

j.

[-143]

May Mod Squad

Yea Stew I think so!!!!! It will be worth a look over regardless in my opinion. I just want you to feel better!!!
Glad you got it TMH!!!!!

[Stewarts]

May Mod Squad

-143;1659294 wrote: Yea Stew I think so!!!!! It will be worth a look over regardless in my opinion. I just want you to feel better!!!
Glad you got it TMH!!!!!

Ok, will do, if you think so.

[bear73]

May Mod Squad

Hi Just whizzing by, two drinks last night and that's it,I've started beginners running programme too,second sesh on Tuesday after work.dinner at team mate's tomorrow. Feeling anxious and trying to remember CBT to deal with it and focus on alternative more reasonable thoughts.
Happy with alcohol intake and new focus on weight and fitness.

[-143]

May Mod Squad

Good job Bear!!!!!! Keep up the good work!!!!

I over drank yesterday day..... but it was Mother's Day after all.... lol
Today is a new day!

[Eve11]

May Mod Squad

Thinking Stew is back on track and feeling better I hope. I have been blue myself but more about struggles with the teen dad son and the havoc he creates for the family. Older son gets forgotten in the negative attention the younger one demands. Hubby absolutely doesn't want to go on vacay with the younger son this summer and it saddens me that we are not one big happy family. Doesn't everyone want that fantasy. Younger son decided to not apply himself this last block of school and has 2 failing grades so has to go to summer school. His ulterior motive was to be transferred to a larger school nearby so he could play football but he is not realizing you have to have a C average to play! GF isn't too happy that he not only does NOT have a job, but now has to repeat 2 classes. This is supposed to be all about getting through school quicker not slower as there's a baby to help support.

On the plus side, I am not letting my trials and tribulations leading me to drink my blues away. Have to admit that when shopping, the wine in the grocery store is calling my name, but I just keep saying NO! Did enjoy a controlled 2 glasses this last Friday and Saturday. Other than that, nada.

Have a good night and better tomorrow friends!

Eve11