October Mod Squad

[nonamegirl]

Hello, Everyone.
I had thought we had an October thread started, but maybe not. Anyway, here we are. Is anyone else frustrated? I guess learning a new format will be okay. I'll get the hang of it soon, no doubt.

All is well in my corner. I am happy with my life, happy with my choices of drinking or not drinking (mostly not ... in fact I am currently in the third week of a 30 day AF, and very happily so.) I am looking forward to a very good fall. The leaves are beautiful and even though the weather is supposed to get a bit yucky, I am fine with that.

So, everyone, how are YOU? Stewarts? Lasha? TMH? Emmy? -143? everyone? I miss you!

[guapo]

All good here,, NNG. Getting this drinking under control has been the best thing ever. EVER !!!

[nonamegirl]

Me, too, Guapo! I really am happy with my new determination and new goals. All is well here in the north country. Are you back home from your trip? It sounded lovely. I haven't been out of the country in some years, but am very happy with that. Did enough traveling when I was younger.

It is a beautiful autumn day here. Very pretty colors this year.

[Stewarts]

Oh I thought replied...I'm still here, back...need to get a little back on the health track but I am ok. Not having the site was actually a noticeable detriment.

[guapo]

Thread is quiet, and did I mention quiet

Owing to renewed optimism in the future, a boat was purchased in my household.

Also working on expanding the home business.

Yep, things are good

[Stewarts]

Good news on the boat guapo, I am a boat owner myself.

I think the whole change of the system has people finally getting back to the swing of things, slowly, but it's coming along. Whatever additional changes they made to the site, I think were warranted and well-needed, the last version was not very user friendly.

I can share some things. I was going on a 30 day AL quest. I got through three weeks and then some events came up - a date, a concert, but nothing where I was like, "wow, I drank way too much!" Getting close to about a month, I did have a slip up where my depression came in and AL fed me to break it off with a girl I was starting to date, who I can tell definitely really liked me. I don't anticipate I'll ever hear from her ever again, and I am ok with it.

As you know I am studying for an MBA and those three days a month, Friday, Saturday and Sunday, more so Fri and Sat. are like a mini-vacation of being back in college for us all, which is both good and bad - especially Friday and Saturday night. We are all adults, so it's not like anyone has any stories of staying out to 3 or 4 am and coming to class, we all are responsible, but they definitely feel like college nights and people take "liberties". I will be honest, it's actually kind of fun, but I do not like going to class hungover. So after my school weekend I got things back on track and I even got my miles under, not only back in the 7 mpm range, but I even broke 7 mpm and did my last 2.5 mile run averaging 6:36 mpm. I'm not expecting that too be a norm, but it's cool.

OH, I know why going up to my school weekend got a little crazy. I met an awesome person at my club on Thursday. I person I idolize. The man, the myth, the legend, Broadway Joe Namath! I almost started crying like a girl! I got some photos with him, in which he requested my friend (a good looking young lady) be in the middle...pimping as always, the pics are CLASSIC! the rest of my week became like a Joe Willy week between the booze and the girls, sixties Joe Willy of course...these are times I need to watch myself. My rebel brain is telling me to live it up Namath style while you still can, my rationale brain is like, you know how this will all make you feel in the long run. My week going into school was like a combination of being Namath, Mick Jagger and Keith Richards, minus the drugs, which I am pretty confident I can keep out of my life, ten years ago thought, sh#2, it will of be all full on!

I have a charity event, and my date is, I can tell, this pretentious platinum blond. I know a girl I used to date, or was trying to date, but blew me off quite quickly will be there and I think even wants to see me (!?!?) - nothing bad happened between us, I guess she just wasn't feeling it, which is fine and I had no issues with, but we all know what happens when women get together.... I can already tell, this woman I am going with is clingy... Because of the fireworks that may arupt, and I'm on the Board, I am definitely having a NO AL policy tonight... LOL!!!

[nonamegirl]

Hi, All,
Stewarts, you always write such interesting posts. Joe Namath, eh? Wow!

We had a full day of rain yesterday, and I had the blues along with it. To be honest, I kind of enjoyed walking the dog in the rain, letting my thoughts be sad and lonely (husband gone to take care of his dad, will be at least three weeks) and just really settling in to a Rainy Day kind of mood. Today will be better.

I haven't decided if I am going to stick with the new MWO. If I decide to leave, I'll let you all know ahead of time, not just drop out. I enjoy the e-friendships we've made here, but maybe it is time to move on.

[Stewarts]

Hi NNG, well, if you leave, you definitely need to let me know ahead of time. I hope you don't though.

A good thing happened to me last night. I kind of fell of my mod trail, but nothing bad, meaning no anxiety, no depression, just me being like, "Eh, I want to be healthier, why I am doing this?" My runs have got back to what they should be sub 8, I even ran a 2.5 miler sub 7 average!

Quick continuation to the story, the plastic coug bailed on me for a lame reason. I think it was because I wasn't going to get a "private car." My business partner was like, this is a good thing for you. She's a residential broker and claimed a client needed to see an apartment, and was "stressed" because she never showed an apartment herself. Assume she is telling the truth, that breeds "loser", this is a 40 year old woman stressing out doing a job a monkey can do. And she could've met me after. Honestly, I think she got a better offer. I was pissed because these were comped tickets and I'm on the board and look like a jackass if someone doesn't use them, and I stated this, when she pulled this crap at 5pm the day of.

I emailed a hs friend of mine, with the caveat if you never want to speak to me again, I understand, I explained the situation. She said it looked like a lovely event but had some commitments, which I totally understood. I then went to my receptionist who is a sweetheart. She's very simple, in a bad marriage she's dying to get out of, but can't afford to leave by herself (we had a sloppy hook up once) and I asked, I need this favor. She agreed, but what she was wearing, wasn't suitable. I told her I'd buy her an outfit, which I was more than happy to do. This is a poor girl, and I know she'd genuinely appreciate it. So, after buy her an outfit and new shoes, we went and the night went well.

We were drinking, she wanted to. I told myself I wouldn't, but paced myself. She was having a blast and it made me happy. She was seeing a world, she never gets to see. (Oh, this is going somewhere). So the night ends, I take her to the subway, oh, the private care to take the coug would've cost a lot less, but I was so much happier buying this nice girl and outfit, which she is actually wearing today. I definitely tried to make a move, which she blocked, as she should. I said, "you're not happy." She said, "I know, but as long as I am married, I need to be like this. I do need to get off on my own, but this is where I am now. If you and I were together, and we were in this situation I wouldn't do it to you." Oh, I probably should've added, her husband gave her the ok to do whatever...I am glad she didn't...now the story gets interesting......

I get back home to the upper east side, I should go home, but I got to this dive bar, I don't know why. I am a little hung right now, but I am actually kind of glad this happened. I think I needed it. I think is secretly wanted this to happen to move on, and it did...

I see this flash of red hair sit down next to me and I knew right away who it was, I said, "Hi Dana." She looked over, shocked, she was trying not to talk, but said hi. I told her, I don't want to bother you, I just want things between to use to be ok. She then brought up how I linked in her husband, who accepted my invite, and I thanked him as a fellow eskimo brother (guys who have woman in common), which granted, wasn't one of my proudest moments, but I'm not losing sleep over. I asked her to talk. She was ok with it. She did go on this rant about me being "threatening." I said, "Dana, I would never threaten you." She claimed to have proof, I said, "well, then you know I never would, I'd hurt myself before hurting you, granted, that's not healthy either, but it's a detriment to myself, not you." She answered, "That's it, I don't need to hear stuff like that."

We have had no contact since April, I actually deleted all her contact info. I said, "well, ok, but that's not me threatening you, that's not my style, as you know." She then accused me of being "narcissistic" ??? Oh, at this point, I start ordering beers. I said, "Dana, I don't think we could ever be friends, but I do want us to be ok. When I told you I will always love you in some way, I was telling the truth. If something ever happened to you I'd be devastated." She tried to show Irish, cold, non-emotion, but I could see she heard me. I then asked her if she really did hate me. She said, "X, I could never hate you."

Then her friend showed up, I agreed to buy them each a beer, and was given the "ok" to hang with them for a little. When Dana went to the bathroom, her friend, who I know, asked me how we knew each other, I told her the truth, and said, we shouldn't discuss any further. Then her husband was in route. She looked at me and said, "You need to leave." I looked at her and smiled, "You realize that is not happening. I understand if YOU need to change venues, and it's probably a good idea." Before they left, and I think I did this twice, I asked her, "DO you still care about me?" She looked at me, I could she was trying not to smile, and said, "Maybe." Which I knew was a yes.

So, I got back to the actual physical bar and the owner and bartender are still there. Oh, I ordered a bunch more beers, the bartender said, "I thought you were done with that?" I don't tell bartenders my business, I looked up at both of them and said, "You know?" The owner said, "no we don't know anything" and we all laughed. The bartender remembered the exact moment 2 years ago when she walked in the bar and we spoke. He told me he was hoping I would leave, because he knew she was trouble. He then realized we were together when he saw us in there together, he knew she was married, and she would get drunk (not with me) and complain about her husband being with a 20 year old...which if it's true, if anyone deserves that its him...

I told them, Oh, she told me I had to leave because her husband was coming. They both laughed and the bartender said, "X, you never have to leave, you're one of our most polite and respectful patron....if something bad happened and we had to ask you to leave, you'd still be welcome back." I answered, "Damn, if I did something bad I'd be mortified!" He added, we both think it's unlikely it happen, just saying.

He then said something I always thought, he said, "I'm surprised she's still here." I said, "yeah, X, I'd think all that has gone on, they'd move to another part of the city when there lease came up."

So, why am I sharing this all with you... it has to do with me drinking more than I wanted to do last night. But more importantly, I know why. The reason why I didn't go straight home after the event, was, I'll be honest, I was secretly hoping for this moment and it happened. it ironically had nothing to with AL, just what do you do in the bar, and more with my own stuff. Yeah, after she left, I had a few more beers, just, well, because...

Several things happened last night which made me feel good...1.) my receptionist...it was nice to take someone out, even if plutonic, even spending money on her, knowing she truly appreciated and will never forget it. 2.)The Dana bump in... first, while I was first concerned I had a little, I didn't embarrass myself or do anything stupid. I got to say what I wanted. As said as it is, when she said, "X, I could never hate you" and more importantly, when I asked her if she still cared about me, and loved me and said, "Maybe" which I know was a yes, it just made me feel like I mattered...

On a selfish level...everyone on the UES of Manhattan thinks this woman is bat shit crazy...and apparently, everyone, including random bartenders have my back... I know this was a rant... but in an odd way, I think I can move with my healthy life style, which was already on its way.

Thanks for listening.

j.

[ToMyHealth]

Hi guys. Took me until a couple days ago to get on here. During absence I found myself thinking of alcohol issues less. And right now I am abstaining, on 5th day. And it just isn't any big deal. From my anxiety about it in the past, you would think it would be. Well, just wanted to say hi. Have a fun Friday!

TMH

[nonamegirl]

Hey, all.
TMH, glad you checked in! I am also not really comfortable yet with the new format, but I guess I'll learn.

Stewarts, you ought to write a book. Your long posts always are so interesting, it's like watching a tv show almost. (Hope that doesn't offend you ... it is just that your life in the Big Apple is a far way from life here in western Montana. ) I hope that you feel better after all that happening. Sounds like your receptionist had a good night on the town, and that all turned out well in the long run. And you're lucky that coug is gone - you really don't need that kind of treatment.

Have a good Friday, my friends.

[Emmy Lou]

Hello! I'm so sorry that I just dropped off like that. My work is way too much and I got to the stage where I had to start culling other commitments. Most people would say that a commitment to my health is more important than work but I would beg to differ. My health won't be supported by homelessness either...gotta pay them bills!
Anyway I won't be logging on in a regular way as before, it's just too much commitment, and too hard to do when I only have access to my phone and not the laptop. I just wanted you all to know that I do think of you with great care for how you're doing and I wish you all very well.
x
Em

[nonamegirl]

Emmy Lou, we will miss you! Good luck with all you do, and thank you for sharing your verve and energy with us. Come back once in awhile just to tell us how you are.

How's everyone else doing? I am hanging in there, with my husband now half-way through his three week absence. Lonely, and brings back lots of very bad memories of being a new widow, but this time around there is a happy ending coming. I try to do a project everyday, just to keep busy. That, and lots and lots of walks with the little dog. She keeps trying to tell me, "Hey, notice anything missing in the house?" Yep. I do. Ah, well. Day by day. Thank goodness for all the moderating skills.