January Mod Thread

[guapo]

Well, this makes plenty of sense to me. His blog is certainly worth a visit.

Moderation Manifesto: Appetites

You and your appetites can live together as long as it’s clear who’s in charge. Your love for each other is unquestioned, but at the same time there need to be rules and routines, places where certain behavior is okay, and others where it is not. Keeping your appetite on a leash when you leave the house is a good way to stay out of trouble. Some house training is in order as well.
Remember, you have an obligation to pay attention to these appetites. Neglect them and eventually they will erupt in a frustrated destructive fury. (I could belabor the metaphor to the breaking point by suggesting that checking into a rehab center is like sending them to the kennel–eventually they come home after being cooped up, but I’ll think stop with a mere mention of that.)
So, if you’re trying to reform your drinking, think of it as training something that you love, rather than fighting something that is your enemy.

[Lasha]

I like that guapo, I love it when someone asks me if I'd like a drink and I can say no thanks it's a bit early for me.

Once upon a time like you all I'd have bitten his hand off, it's good to change!

[nonamegirl]

HI, All!
Guapo, I also like that quote. Makes perfect sense to me - and most of the time I feel as if I am keeping my little critter under control quite well.

Sorry that I have been gone from the community for so long. It is not that I don't love all of you - I really do. We are family, in a very weird and wonderful way. But, I did just need a little break, I guess as all families do from time to time.

I am doing well, after the holidays. It was a beautiful and lovely, restful season here, with plenty of snow and both of us healthy. All is well in the north woods.

Take care, my friends. I'll check back.

[Lasha]

Hi Nonamegirl,

Good to hear from you and like me it's good to be in control. I haven't had what I call a blowout for about 3-4 months WOW. Just need to keep my foot on the pedal, for some reason I forget from time to time but it seems to be disappearing.

100 mph winds up in Shetland, my sister has lost power and phone so I'm taking bookings and relaying to her mobile. Thought I was on a day off but never mind.

Wife is fine, Jobs going well, GH is ticking over and my wee dog is getting better.

He cant quite jump into the back of my car yet so I have to lift him in but he's trying, wee man.

Lash

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

Hi everyone,
I'm not really sure where to post the question: "what are the rules to successfully moderate?" I know that there are many stories on here of people who have tried and failed to moderate, and they ultimately decide to not drink anymore, BUT....

I am thinking about drinking. I was not in a "bad place" when I stopped, but I had a young niece that was going through detox and I felt like she needed an AF relative for support. At the same time, my dad was living his final days, and frankly, I had no desire to drink.

I posted this question in one of the Newbies threads and was basically TOLD that there is "no such thing as successful moderation, as proof by the lack of activity in this part of the forum." Perhaps this is true, but the other reason may be that people that are successful at moderating don't feel the need to raise their hand and check in every day.
Perhaps there is less dialog because it's not needed?

If you are successful moderating, will you share your best practices?

Thanks in advance.

[guapo]

Here's a start

** Moderated drinking is not for everyone. Some will find the counting intolerable, and the constant attention it requires can become emotionally draining to the best of us. Many prefer pure abstinence for its grace and simplicity. But for those who’ve struggled with bad habits, wrestling them back under control is about so much more than “getting to drink.” It’s an exercise in self-control, an affirmation of our sovereignty over ourselves, and it can exert a profoundly positive influence on seemingly unrelated areas of our lives. We eventually discover that our reduced numbers actually bring us more pleasure and satisfaction than our previous consumption patterns ever did. For those willing to accept the task, the count becomes a record of achievement, marking the path away from the mechanical habits of the past and towards a mindful, responsible, and healthier future." **

The moderation manifesto is a fantastic insightful blog about moderation.

Members of the MWO forum trumpet their satisfaction with being alcohol free, count the days they are alcohol free, and are absolutely certain there is absolutely no other way to deal with previous over drinking. Much like AA.

That's fine, if you believe that, and want to spend the rest of your life getting through each day, and counting the days you are free of the prison of alcohol.

Moderation is certainly possible, I've been doing it for over a year, have not been over the legal limit, and can see that drinking for its own sake, accomplishes nothing, , but in certain occasions like dinner, or holidays, Is fine.

There is a website, moderation management, that Deals with this issue.

Have a visit there, and see what you think, it sounds like you know The views of the abstinence crowd.

[guapo]

A few ideas (not all mine)

1. Don’t drink on consecutive days—Essentially, this strategy keeps me from falling into any regular drinking routine. Moreover, it promotes better planning about when (and why) I’ll choose to drink. For example, as the weekend approaches, I need to consider if and when I will opt to drink. If something is happening on Sat night where I’ll want to drink, then I plan my Fri to not drink. Related sub-strategy: don’t drink on Sundays. Combining these two approaches ensures that I’ll never drink more than 3 days per week.

2. Enjoy a drink for at least one hour—This helps keep my BAC lower, allowing me to sense and enjoy the benefits of a drink, without leading to impaired behavior and judgment. Plus, it’s hard to drink a helluva lot if you are only having one per hour.

3. Always, always count drinks—The awareness associated with counting (and subsequently recording) my number of drinks undoubtedly promotes moderation. Related sub-strategy: set planned number of drinks for the day before drinking starts.

4. No sneaking—Not surprisingly, sneaky drinking is bad drinking.

5. Be done when changing venue—This approach helps me choose to not drink before going out, and keeps me from having a nightcap when I get home.

6. Use only one type of alcohol during any drinking day—Beer while cooking, wine with dinner, after dinner whiskey…just a bad routine that inevitably leads to too many drinks.
Would add:

Listen to wife who asks how much I've had (while out). Don't get mad, just be honest.

Never in car

Nevet get BAC over legal limit

Never to destress after work.

NEVER alone

NO shots, repeat, NO shots

Never more than 3 in a day ( except Christmas or Thanksgiving)

[Lasha]

Never drink before 8pm seems to work for me but I think you've got the right ideas.

I've been a moderate drinker for 12 years apart from a blip when my wife was ill or a special all day wedding etc.

And if you fail always wake up the next day and say no I will not go back there.

[guapo]

Wow Lasha, that's great!.

I've been moderating around a year, and it's my new normal.

Did you say you were from Scotland? I was in Edinburgh, and down through Wales to London over a two-week period this summer. I moderated (maybe 8 drinks in 2 weeks), but had a glass of super good Scottish whiskey. Also tried some very good English and Scottish Ales and Ciders. No abstinence for me, no sir.

Otherwise I wouldn't have enjoyed that taste treat.

Watching everyone stand around outside the bars in London getting sloshed was a little repulsive though.

[Stewarts]

Wow, those were a lot of posts. Oh, here's a book for you all to read, "Search Inside Yourself"

I had one of my school weekends where we go away. This tend to be non-modding events. I was good Thursday night in that I got home at midnight, there was definitely some sh@# showness that went on into the wee hours. Friday Night however, got weird. Definitely drank too much, but think I got drugged. This was really upsetting to our Cohort. Apparently, someone from the other Cohort either got his young slutty girlfriend, or she was a flat out prostitute to try and engage one of the girls in our cohorts to take a "drink of this." Now this is up in Westchester, all Fordham grad students, you don't think anything bad can happen. I really didn't know what was going on. I remember seeing the slutty looking girl at the bar, talking to her, I didn't think much of it. She said she was meeting family. She was then hanging out with us in a conference room in the hotel we took over for a party. I still didn't think much of it and she was talking to one of my friend/girls. when she had the "Drink" I said, "I'll take a sip of that" and did, just a little sip, like Guapo said, I steer away from shots also. It was kind of sweet. Apparently one of our other buddies like chugged half of it!

I am not going to get into detail, but apparently, a guy in the other Cohort was trying to get this girl to drug one of our girls and bring her back to his room. My friend, thankfully never drank it, but her and few others went to confront this guy, where they found this girl there in her bra and panties and all hell broke loose (I wasn't there). My friend that drank half of whatever, was starting to feel really woozy and had hard time standing, and his ex military.

We all didn't get the whole story afterwards, and as for me, I was fine, but felt a little jittery and anxious. My one friend asked me I needed to tell her, a secret apparently, that conversation I have no recollection of. I asked her I was acting, and she said fine, normal, you had nothing to worry about you seemed like X, just having fun.

I don't know what the truth is or was. If this is true, it makes me sick and it made me sick (mentally) all day Sunday. I took it easy Saturday. It makes me not want to see anyone anymore. When I got back to NYC, I went for a walk with a girl I guess I am now kind of dating. I told her about it, it felt good.

I am, we all are, just relieved nothing bad happened to the girl in our cohort. Honestly, I felt guilty because I feel I should've been able to pick up what was going on.... I was just so oblivious, like I said, I think all of our guards were done considering the people around and the location. :/

[Lasha]

Hi Guapo,

I know what you mean about boozy Brits, when I go abroad I tend to stay away from boozy Brits abroad, they're an embarrassment. You don't get that in other countries as much. The French and Spanish make a meal last for hours and take it easy with the alcohol it's more of a family meal.

Lash

[Stewarts]

Something good happened to me yesterday. Unfortunately, I was drinking, and quite a bit and not feeling it. Nothing bad happened, and I think it was kind of good I was drinking because it told me something about the other person.

I started dating this girl, who honestly, I wasn't sure I even wanted to go out with. We've been out four times I think, and last night, it's kind of obvious this may be leading somewhere. Why it's weird now...

1.) She doesn't drink. I remember on our second date, as I was drinking a glass of wine, she told me that. I looked at her and said, "You know, I'm actually glad you don't. Truth be told, I'm usually a lot happier when I don't"

2.) She looks good, but very understated, which is usually not what I got for, but I do see things that our physically attractive. I like the way she hides what great shape she looks like she's in.

3.) She's kind of granola, and liberal...I mean Vegan, and forget about Obama, I wouldn't be surprised if she voted for Ralph Nadar.... I keep quiet I voted for W., twice.

Ok, so last night we were out to dinner. I ran a lot yesterday and ate good, and sometime, for some reason, that boosts my tolerance to wine. ?? I sometimes will feel a little crappy the next day though. Anyway, not only does she not drink, she told me she's in the program....so she's never going to be a bad influence on me. We were then playing this game where you ask a bunch of questions to each other and they get deeper and deeper and then you have to stare at each other for 4 mins.... well I remember there were a few I said, "you're not going to like to answer." But she wasn't judgmental about it..she even kind of understood....Oh, and she was ok, that I was guzzling down wine last night. not that I want to make that a new habit, but she wasn't judgmental, and I'm sure if I was misbehaving she would have said something...

So then the four minute stare, which was eerily intoxicating. I notice she looked like she was about to cry, and I'm thinking I look smooth, and saying go myself, "I definitely go this girl..." The four minutes went quicker than we both thought, and we talked about it. I told her she looked like she was about to cry at one moment, and she said, and this freaked me out, "because I thought you were, you're right eye looked very...well, sad..." it was like peering into someone's soul...

Anyway, not sure why I am sharing this. I did drink more than I wanted to last night, so that was kind of a failure, if anything, it makes me NOT want to drink....I guess... we shall see...

[Eve11]

Have been away for too long

Hi Nonamegirl,
Like you, I have been gone from the community for a long time. So long in fact, that it has changed quite a bit and I feel brand new. So many beautiful old posts that I have no idea where they went! Well, I will take a look around another day. Just wanted to say hello and see how my old friends were doing and who may still be posting that I know. Things are going well for me. So well in the mod world that I wasn't really feeling the need to post here but as you said, we are like family in a weird way and I started to miss my old posting buddies.

Hugs,
Eve11

[Stewarts]

Thanks Eve, I've actually been doing well... I really can't report anything....bad...

j.

[Eve11]

NotHappy...I have to say that I agree with the last two sentences of paragraph three. I have been moderating for many years now and only recently quit coming here. We don't have the tight knit bond that a lot of abstainers do as we usually don't need to post daily or even weekly so sometimes it makes it easier to fall away than someone who is trying to abstain and needing a lot of support. In the past I admit I have had times of struggling with trying to maintain my moderation goals and have found myself coming here more often. Recently however, I have been doing so well that I just found myself not inspired to come as I have shared a ton of thoughts, posts, and blogs, and in some ways it felt like I was just rehashing everything and not bringing anything new to the table. One does get emotionally connected to the strangers who become our online posting friends however and I have recently found myself missing everyone so wanted to check things out. The board changed a lot so am getting reaquainted. Welcome and look around. You can look up posts I have started by clicking on my naming and looking for threads I have started and you'll likely find some answers to your question.

Hugs,
Eve11