I don't want to be totally AF......,

[frances]

Thanks Kuya! Thanks for touching base - it's a little lonely over here sometimes :-( but when I post about having any AL and/or my moderation activities (which I like to do from time to time just so I can look back sometimes to see what I was doing when) - I don't want to say it on other threads.

I love everyone here (on all the threads) so much and I relate a lot to the AF mindset.

I realized I had written earlier that my cousin passed away at the end of September...it was the end of July. I corrected that on my post....I was posting too early in the morning I guess!

[Stewarts]

Frances, sorry to hear about your loss, but that was great work on the AL front. We all have our triggers. I was in Austria and Germany for my honeymoon. We definitely drank, but it wasn't that bad. The past few weeks have been tough for me. Last night I bumped into an old girlfriend and we were out late! I am paying for it. But even leading up to that, I noticed I was drinking more, even with my wife. I think it's because we are in a limbo period until tomorrow. We live in NYC and combining of households is not the easiest. I own my place, she leases and it's up the end of the month. We've been slowly getting her moved and organizing wedding gifts, but tomorrow is go time. The last big move day. Today I donated my old bedrooms set to charity, so that is out. The point, I think unconsciously I've been holding on to whatever last of "singledom" I have and independence. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy I got married... I don't want to get into what happened between me and my ex, but we misbehaved in ways the two of shouldn't have.

I think this state of limbo triggers me to drink more than usual and be foolish. I really want my wife fully moved in. I want out lives to really start. I know she wants to do sober October, I really should do it with her.

[frances]

Hi Stewart - with AL I think a big part of getting better about it is first knowing it is a problem - sounds like you've got that part and are already thinking about fixing it - that's good. I hope getting settled together and really starting your lives together will be just what you need! In my opinion, a sober October would be a great way to start this new phase together, especially since it's something she wants to do too.

Good luck with the move - I hope it goes well!

I've been hanging in there - my son went off to college at the end of last month which was a big milestone for us. Last weekend we went out to his school because the school's field hockey team was playing against another school where my best friend's daughter is on the team. So we went to watch the game and went out to dinner before with my friend's family and we picked my son up and took him out with us. It was great to see him - I miss having him in the house! He's doing very well so far and seems very well adjusted. I did have a drink with dinner. That's the only drink I've had this month. My new normal is not drinking - it never ceases to amaze me!

[Stewarts]

Yeah, sober October needs to happen. I've been drinking too much, which for me means when I do go out, it's more than I should, call it binge, I guess. When me and my wife are together we are fine, when I am with other people, not so much. Last weekend was the big move day and it was stressful. We got through it. I also took her out to dinner for her birthday, we only had two glasses of champagne. On Sunday some friends of mine were out watching football, so we met up with them a little later on in the day. Two of my big drinking friends, that was probably a mistake, meaning how we felt the next morning, not that anything bad happened. Rest of the week uneventful.

Last night I had a ski club meeting and it was quite tense. Apparently there was a lot of drama on last years big trip, which I was not on, but heard about. Apparently a group of very angry single middle aged women have hit out scene and they were annoying! Me and another buddy were making jokes about it, actually a few, one actually another woman who I do ski with. They serve alcohol at these things. Anyway, a bunch of us went to the tap room for some beers, no drama, then I don't know how one of them is in my face. I don't know what I said to her, good thing a friend of mine was there, I decided to just leave, which was smart. But on the way back home I stopped into a bar, and there was one of my grad school drinking buddies. Needless to say, I was out too late. I am not sure why I did this. Maybe i'm still adjusting to married life again. I don't know. I feel awful. :/

[frances]

Hang in there Stew. Sounds like too much drinking all around caused some weird behavior. I have definitely been there - where I've been out and one thing leads to another and I'm too drunk and doing things or acting in a way I regret. I always hated the next day after those nights.

Do you have a hungover 'feel awful' or a 'feel awful' because maybe your wife is upset? Either way, I say own it, and do what you know you need to do.

Like I said before, I definitely think a sober October along with your wife would be a great thing to do!

[Stewarts]

Hang in there Stew. Sounds like too much drinking all around caused some weird behavior. I have definitely been there - where I've been out and one thing leads to another and I'm too drunk and doing things or acting in a way I regret. I always hated the next day after those nights.

Do you have a hungover 'feel awful' or a 'feel awful' because maybe your wife is upset? Either way, I say own it, and do what you know you need to do.

Like I said before, I definitely think a sober October along with your wife would be a great thing to do!

I had just felt awful. My wife was not upset. She wasn't there, just knows I got home late, because after that I met up with a grad school buddy. We both talked about sober October after though. So that night was last Wednesday, Thursday and Friday were AL free. Sober October has kicked in. All is good so far.

[frances]

Sounds great Stewart - good for you and good luck! Come here for support whenever you need it!

Since a new month is starting, I'll check-in that I had a good September - I had a drink on two days in September (13 days in between them) - one drink on each of the days so two drinks total for the month. Yeah!

[Stewarts]

Yeah, thanks, all is good. We went to my parents for dinner last night. It was kind of my wife's belated bday dinner from my parents. They asked if we wanted anything to drink, probably champagne, and we both declined. So far, so good and thanks!

Also, good job on September.

[Stewarts]

It's been 8 days of no AL. My wife and I were out for a quick bite after some mutual work events, and I'll be honest, I wanted a glass of wine. She said I could have one, but I declined. Tonight I am going to go to the gym after work and then go see my friends band play, I'll be honest, I want a beer or two... let's see what happens.. LOL

I've been having weird sleep patterns/issues. Does that have anything to do with it?

j.

[Stewarts]

I may be having conversations with myself, but that's ok. LOL. So, I went to friends show and had a few beers...I look at no harm no fowl. One made a good point, it's sober tober, means just don't get drunk.. I know stretching it logic. The good news. After their show, yeah, I hung out a little bit with them. I got home at a reasonable hour. I made no pitstops, food al, or otherwise and feel fine. Also, a friend of mine is moving out of town and we're having a going away party for him somewhere. This just may be me, but, if I drink the night before, even if it's not a lot, it's easier for me NOT to drink the following day. Tonight, definitely would have more possibility of being a sh#4 show if feeling the need to unwind, which now I don't...plus I'll be with my wife.

[frances]

Hi Stew - I was out of town for a couple days and didn't get a chance to get online. I know how it feels like you're talking to yourself sometimes here! I always check in usually daily but sometimes when out of town I go more than a couple of days away from here. That is great that you went 8 days AF. Sounds like you were giving yourself the OK to drink before you did it when you went out to see your friends band play. I guess it depends on what your goal was. AL has a funny way of getting you to change your plans from nothing to something! It may seem weird to look at it like that but in a way it really is like it's something 'else' that's making you change from your original plans. When you are used to drinking a lot and sometimes too much, it is definitely very hard to get away from it. When you decide you want a drink (or another drink, whatever the case may be), maybe you could consider having something different - I don't know what you like but I'll get seltzer with cranberry and lime, or sometimes just water with lime or a soda...sometimes having the seltzer feels more like I have a cocktail in my hand so it's psychological I guess and helps me not want the real thing. Anyway, when you do that, and give it a little time, the feeling for wanting to have a drink will pass. It really does.

Food for thought anyway.

Hope you had a great AF night with your wife on the 7th!

I'm doing OK. When I travel and do social things around my daughter's softball schedule I usually will have a drink when out with a group. I did that this past weekend. We went to a nice little place in Jersey with the team and parents and I had a glass of wine with my dinner. I had another back at the hotel. I don't really know why I did that and so that is a little concerning. I will need to be very cautious - drinking like that for no social reason is not something I want to do.

[Stewarts]

Hey, yeah, my wife and I were good at that going away thing. NO Al for us. It was one of those really loud places, so it was tempting to drink, because you really couldn't hear anything. My wife and I left early actually. Funny thing, when we said we were calling it an early night, my one friend, who was getting bombed, saw that we weren't drinking or told him we weren't, he even said, "hell, if I wasn't drinking, I'd be taking off too!" LOL

[frances]

Hey Stewart - sounds like you're doing well. Glad to hear it!

No tournament this weekend so I won't be traveling - should mean no AL for me unless something comes up that I can't predict. Then the following two weekends after that I will be out of town again. My daughter wants to play softball in college and her team goes to showcases where college coaches can watch them play. Most are within 4 hours drive but at the end of October we'll be going to Orlando - which reminds me - I need to book my tickets!

Hey we're more than half way through the week - that's a good thing! Have a good one out there!

[Stewarts]

Yeah my sober tober hasn't been completely AL free, but it's been fine. Meaning I have no regrets. We went away to Upstate NY for my dad's birthday. The first day, at lunch, my sister and I had a glass of Cab. That night for dinner, no one had any AL. On Saturday, we did A LOT of hiking, that is my sister and my wife (and me). My sister wanted wine, so I got us a bottle of chianti, my wife didn't want any; my mom also had a glass. I the ordered an ice wine for desert for people to share. I DO NOT consider that drinking. Sunday, no AL at all. Now my wife is going to be away most of the week, so this will be challenging for me, but I think I will be okay. I feel myself getting back into my more ideal shape also.. so that is helping.

j.

[frances]

I DO NOT consider that drinking.

Sounds like successful moderate drinking to me! This is my goal...drink rarely, and when I do, don't overdo it. It is a good feeling and it is so nice to never wake up hungover! Good luck this week without your wife home - just try to get a plan in place to either avoid doing things that might cause problems, or to know what you're going to do if you get tempted to drink (or overdrink).