I don't want to be totally AF......,

[frances]

Thanks blue. And to be honest, at this point, the wine doesn't even taste good to me now.

Your plan sounds good I hope it works for you - let us know if you need help!

[blue1]

One more day.....50....here I come!

AF Monday for me!

Have a successful day!

[Stewarts]

Hi, I've been a little absent...just busy with school and work stuff... I'll admit, I've been indulging a little bit. I need to watch it, because things are going well and this is when some voice or force inside tries to derail everything. Last week I stopped for a glass of wine inbetween meetings and ended up chatting it up with a Albanian hostess at some high-end steak place. She gave me her number, all I know is bad things can come of this. I went out some more before meeting my gf for dinner Downtown. We had a nice time, but I kept telling her these scenarios, kidding, of how much her family would not like me... she laughed, but thought it was weird, which it was... I know this game... its all fun and mischievous, then it will get really dark at some point. It's like theirs an inner being inside me that doesn't want me to be happy. I actually ended up telling my gf about this, which I was nervous about. She was actually very supportive and asked what she could do. I told her, not much, I just should probably not drink, or drink very little for awhile, it tends to be the trigger. She said, ok. I went away that weekend. Did some fishing, Saturday, again, indulged a little, not just with AL, but with food and desert, which I never do. Good thing, my mom said to me, "you look tired, you had a long day, whey don't you go down to the boat and go to sleep." I agreed, I was exhausted. I had a little night anxiety, but then I was fine. My mom asked how I felt, my parents know about my issues... I told her I was fine, which was true.. she told me she asked because that was the most she seen me drink in awhile... I told her it was, which was sort of true... truth be told, I felt more bloated and out of shape from all the summer time fun.. all and all, everything is good. I have to lose weight yet again...

I will be ok. I do need to watch this demon voice inside me that is convinced I don't deserve to be happy.

j.

[blue1]

Hey Stew! So sorry to hear about that ugly voice you hear. YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY!!!!! Stick around here a little more so you can get the support you need! We are here for you!

Well...my AF day fell through yesterday. It wasn't by accident...I just decided to start celebrating my birthday early....

Hope everyone is having a successful day!

[ToMyHealth]

Aw, sorry, Blue but have to admit I felt a bit of guilt as got handed a drink & thought oh no, did not pour out. Dh came home from long visit in dentist chair. I wasn't in kitchen when he mixed the drinks. Told him I meant to be AF. Too late. Not much harm done as there was something on 6:00 news I wanted to catch, and then we had dinner. Dinner with water. Watched a couple episodes of Dallas.

Hi Stewart. Sorry things are feeling a bit rough for you. Sounds like you have some caring people to help, that's a good thing.

Played golf today but stopped at 9 holes. Have other things I need to get done since tomorrow is a day totally out & about. Only have 4-6 weeks left working at hospital on Wed afternoon. Snowbird will be back & more than likely will want her regular shift. Hospital,wants me to pick a morning 8-12 shift.i know they need the help, but I am seriously considering stopping the volunteer work. #1 I detest early morning tee times, find it difficult to be 1 mile down the road much before 9:00 so having to leave for hospital looking good at 7:20a isn't too appealing. #2. I absolutely freeze there. I wear 3 layers & shiver. And I boycott high AC places. It took us a long time to find a church home as you could hang meat in all that we visited. The one we chose is a bit cool but a light sweater suffices.
#3 i promised myself I would give it a year. Started Labor Day week last year.

Feel kind of guilty. Things could change. I did throw out doing a 6 hr shift, like 9-3 but was not met with much enthusiasm. Hey, work with me here. LOL

Have a terrific Tuesday!

[frances]

Hey all - just checking in - having a great day - thankful for so many things. I love the gratitude is an attitude thread here that helps me think of all the things I'm grateful for - there are so many and it's good to be reminded of that daily.

I was at lunch with a colleague yesterday. We've had lunch with wine before so this time I wasn't having any and I commented that I've really cut back - he seemed surprised and I said that I just felt like I needed to. He said that he'd never seen me drunk and I said it's not that, just that I drank too frequently (of course I frequently got drunk too but he doesn't need to know everything!) - and he said he had the opposite problem - he doesn't drink too frequently but when he does it's too much. I don't know if I gave him any reason to think twice now, but I told him that I hardly ever drink now. It's the first open conversation I've had about it with anyone other than my husband. My family (mother and brothers) all knows but we are not the kind to discuss things much, so although I know it's been noticed, it hasn't been discussed.

Anyway that felt pretty good! I was looking at my 'numbers' today - if you take vacation out (January and July this year), my average #drinks per occasion is 1.3 and the average # days in between occasions is 23. I'm really happy about that. Vacations skew the numbers but even then I only had one drink, but it was one drink a night for a few nights in a row. And I don't feel badly about that either, since it was not out of control. I feel about as close to a 'normal' drinker as one can be! Fingers crossed I can keep this up! I'm tremendously grateful and happy about it.

I'm curious - what does everyone here really want to do? Is it just cut back, or is it moderate according to the definition, or what - what are your goals, if you have them? I know Blue wants to drink only on weekends eventually - anyone else have particular goals?

[frances]

Happy Birthday Blue! :happy2:

Hope you have a great day!!

[blue1]

TMH- I'm not a early morning person any more....I use to when my children were little...but I really enjoy getting up whenever now. You did good with the water with dinner!

[blue1]

Thank you Frances....I will!
You seem like a normal drinker to me.

I made it....I'm actually 50 years old....a half a century!!!! Thank You Jesus!!!!!

Have a successful day guys!!!!

[ToMyHealth]

Hope you enjoyed your 50th bd celebration, Blue! My next BIG bd will be 70. Yikes!
Check in & tell us all about it.

[Lizann]

Hope you enjoyed your day blue!
Frances good job on moderating. I know in the past when I have tried that I could mod for a few months and then I would just revert back to bad behavior. For me it seems it's all or nothing. Hope you can keep it up.

[blue1]

Well....I won't even talk about the drinking....I was suppose to go out to eat....but hubby made me a delicious dinner....shrimp....steak...and linguine salad...I was trying to post pics but couldn't....I'll try again after this post. No zoo tomorrow either....but I still have the actual party on Saturday!

[blue1]

And I love my new hairstyle....my daughter did an awesome job!

[blue1]

I really try hard not to complain....because of my religious beliefs....but I have to talk to someone...

I feel so depressed. I have been trying to keep a positive attitude about everything I planned for my 50th birthday falling through. Money....bills...etc...have gotten in the way again.

I. haven't gotten one gift...but my daughter just left to get me something for my get together tomorrow....that's what started the deal that has me in tears now.

My daughter and children left to go to the mall....hubby was on the porch smoking a cigarette....daughter locks the door....hubby is locked out....my bedroom is on the third floor with the ac on....I go down to go to the bathroom and just happen to hear hubby banging on the door. When I let him in...he's pissed! He said he had called my phone like eight times....I wasn't upstairs....I was in the bathroom. But...now he thinks my daughter locked him out on purpose. I'm trying to tell him I know our daughter...and yes she will lie and do things to benefit her cause she's selfish. I know that. I ask him how would locking him out benefit her???? It wouldn't!!!

So...now he says he's not riding anybody around tomorrow for my celebration....if he doesn't drive them they won't have a way there.

I have really....really been trying to be happy and make the most out of sad situation. God...I just wanted a happy week....so far nothing I planned has happened.

I don't even want to go tomorrow but it's too late to cancel....maybe it will turn out better than the rest of the week.....I sure hope so.....I've been sad all week....pretty much faking the funk. Hoping it would get better.....

Just needed to vent in a safe place.....thanks.....

[blue1]

By the way hubby kept saying she might be feeling some kind of way cause she's moving. Maybe he's sad about her moving and using this as a way to not have to deal with his emotions. But...I know he loves me and is always very supportive of anything I'm passionate about....