I don't want to be totally AF......,

[frances]

That's great that your thinking seems to be changing! And 70% AF days is sure a whole lot better than none! I'll be rooting for you to reach your goals :happy2:

My church is housing homeless people overnight each night this week - I was there Sunday evening helping out and going back several times this week including this evening. The group is all men, and I was saddened by all of it but for some reason especially those that were so young. That took me by surprise. I don't know all of their stories but several are alcoholics and there was a lot of talk about making sure they're not drinking because sometimes that's when some get belligerent. This is the first time my church has done this but there is a group of local churches that do this every year all winter long (each church does one week) -it's really nice, they get picked up at a food place and then come to the church for a hot dinner, sleep, and breakfast and can take a packed lunch out for their day out. They are a very nice, pleasant, and grateful group - it was so nice to be there and I'm looking forward to the rest of the week.

[actiongirl46]

Thanks Frances. I so appreciate your support. I need to settle on some goals real soon. I would like to get my 30 days in . . . I think that will be the goal.

That is so cool that your church is willing to support people for a week. What a commitment! Have you read "Under the Overpass" by Mike Yankoski? The author and a friend went undercover as homeless in several cities for about a year. Very interesting read.

Hey Blue, how are things?? What's new on the job front?

Even as I go for the 30 days this month, I'll keep posting here. I like hanging with you guys : )

[frances]

Hi again - morning check in here! No AG I haven't read "Under the Overpass" but it sounds good - thanks for the tip I think I will check it out!

[Stewarts]

it's good to see everyone is doing so well. I'm pretty much the same. I'm modding ok, then I have like a night where I have one too many, meaning to feel crappy the next day, not stupidly drunk or anything like that. My fiance was having a rough day yesterday. All I wanted to do was go home and go for a run, but she had a happy hour thing to go to. I asked if she wanted me to go and stay over. She didn't drink that much, but because she was already upset. She was really upset when we got home. It was a little unsettling, but not that bad. She is feeling marriage stress, work stress, etc. She apologized in the morning. I said it was ok and not that big of a deal, because I truly feel that. She asked if I was hungover. I said, "no." because I didn't feel that. Now I feel a little sluggish. I've been having situations where I can drink light beer like water and really not feel much. Which is ok, but not healthy feeling. I like how you guys figured out how to quantify your drinking. I think that's what I need. I used to be pretty good at it. Now I kind of go with the flow. I think part of it is getting older too. We weren't out late, by any means, which is probably like, "eh, I'll be fine." haha.

My fiance says she doesn't want to drink - she was never a big drinker to start off with, especially when she's moody and not feeling well. Not to be stereotypcally, but we are all adults, she does get really moody around her "lady time" of the month... couple that with work and wedding stress... it's not pleasant watch, because she get so sad.

[actiongirl46]

Hi Stewarts good to see you. I love how you supported her . . . that's probably what she really needed, just you there and making her feel safe. good job!

[Stewarts]

Thanks I know

Hi Stewarts good to see you. I love how you supported her . . . that's probably what she really needed, just you there and making her feel safe. good job!

Yeah, there's a lot going on. She works for one of the Big Four and in that world you can feel under appreciated, undervalued, and underpaid, even though it's considerably higher than what people in most of the country make, ironically.

In that world, little weasels that play the game tend to get ahead, as well as sociopaths. She's a mild mannered Midwesterner. I grew up in New York, so I don't know any better, but politics, ass kissing, I just can't deal with - it;s why I chose the career path I did, despite the stress of it, and it's why I even left the place I never thought I'd leave several years ago - it became just that. Ironically, I think I'd do better now dealing in that world, but whatever... as "peculiar" as they are, I like the people I work with now.

Man I love Vitamin Water.

haha

Best,

j.

[actiongirl46]

Stewarts you inspired me to buy a case of Vitamin water. Good stuff.

What's going on this weekend? Frances? Blue?

Not much here which is nice.

[frances]

Hey there all - Stewart I work in management and I have managed to get along without participating in politics or games - but I'm not at the highest levels. I don't think I will be there because I hate that sort of thing.

You guys have me wanting to try Vitamin water!

Nothing much happening here this weekend - one more morning volunteering at our church - I really am fond of these guys and I'm sure all of us that have been helping out will miss them and surely do wish them all the best - it has been interesting and enlightening.

I'm taking my son to an interview for a scholarship at his school this afternoon. I don't have to drive far and I think it will be a very good experience for him, regardless of the outcome.

Having some issues with my teenage daughter wanting to do things my husband and I don't agree with - specifically, talking with a senior 'boy' (my daughter is a sophomore). 'talking' is what they call the thing that precedes dating. She told me this morning that they know it doesn't make sense to go out because he's going away to college but she says they have a lot in common and she really likes talking to him. I'm not sure how to handle it or even if there's much I can do other than offer my opinion. I can tell her we don't want her to see him and she really doesn't have much of a way to see him anyway. But who knows if she's really going to listen. Ugh.

[actiongirl46]

Hi all -
Frances, how did the last session with the homeless group go? Did you have a big take-away? My sons haven't started on the "girl" stuff here at this house yet which is just fine with me. I hate to say this but I think I did the exact same thing when I was your daughter's age . . . good luck!!

[frances]

AG- -Honestly it just felt good to help them and they were so nice and grateful. There were exceptions of course - - just like any group of human beings there were some super-friendly, some extroverted, some introverted, some grumpy and not interactive...but overall they were great. There were a few who were in there 20s and that bothered me - I just wanted them to be in a better place. Of course I felt that way about all of them but especially the young ones. I hope next year they aren't in the group and they've found work and have housing! I don't have any real big take-aways except that people should always be compassionate and not rush to judgement of others. I have always been that way anyway, but I know there were others in my church who were against doing this - I hope some of them learned something and opened up after this.

As for my daughter - I know what you mean about doing things when you were her age - if she was doing what I was doing at her age, I would be really having a hard time right now! I'm lucky to have so few issues with her. For me, at her age, it wasn't about boys but it was more partying. I just know that older boys are more mature and may pressure in ways that I don't even want to think about. And if she isn't honest with us about seeing him (because we don't want her to date him) then I can't necessarily deal with talking with her about sex and protection and those sorts of things. I guess I should just go ahead and do that since these things are bound to be happening in the relatively near future for her (assuming they haven't already). We have a pretty open relationship overall.

Hope everyone is doing well with their goals. Looking back, I've been having a drink when out roughly once every 2 weeks. This works OK for me. I do often think about the 'if only one, why not none' thing - and it's definitely true - but so far, I just like having a wine or a mixed drink every once in awhile. And it hasn't changed anything for me in terms of wanting it more, etc. so I'm not gonna stress about it. I've had a couple of occasions recently where I abstained when others were drinking and that felt good - I didn't want it or need it so I didn't have it :-)

[actiongirl46]

I have been thinking about the homeless issue a little bit more lately as we are going to San Francisco soon. One thing I've been reading is the idea that some cities are shifting from a "treatment first" approach to a "housing first" approach. It is working well. Interesting . . .

Oh boy, I guess you are right, its time to have (more) of those conversations. And more in-depth ones I guess. I probably need to have the AL conversation with my boys. It is certainly in their genetic line. I think they have noticed that all AL is out of the house since December (since it used to be around every night). TBH, I've been hesitating to make sure I am strong enough in my own behavior to point it out to them. Hubby is a different case though and we talk about it often!

I've been feeling really good about my goals lately. Lots of music, yoga and exercise really helps. Had a few beers out with friends on the weekend but didn't feel I needed more. I think my most dangerous time is when I am with myself! I'll have a chance to practice that again later this month.

Frances, you are doing so well! I'm really happy for you. Great job!

[frances]

Good morning everyone! Hope everyone is doing great. I am just waking up here and groggy but thought I'd check in. We are having very warm weather here which I am loving - my kids have had scrimmages every night this week and have another this evening - I'm enjoying getting back into it - ask me in July and I will be exhausted from all the games and travel! Right now it's just high school ball so that's pretty easy except trying to get out of work early enough to see the games.

AG I haven't talked to my kids much about AL but I have made a few comments about the genetic predisposition - we have a lot of pretty serious alcoholism in our family and quite a few others more like I was where it wasn't terrible but where AL is definitely a huge part of their lives. I should probably talk about that more. I'm pretty sure my kids noticed when I stopped too - how could they not - I had a glass in my hand pretty much at all times except weekend mornings! But they never said a word about it.

Glad you're doing well with your goals! Blue - how are you doing? Haven't heard from you in awhile!

Have a good day all!

[Stewarts]

So I thought I'd check in. My fiance and I went to a black-tie over the weekend. We definitely had too much perseco. I just know by how we felt in the morning. I didn't want to do anything Sunday and felt blue. I have been getting back in shape. We did go to dinner with a client of mine, he actually cooked, last night. We had a few glasses of wine.. I had some earlier at a meeting a few hours prior. Anyway, there's a bar in the east village that has old school video games, like the actually big arcades. I wanted to play some...so we stopped in for not very long and split a beer, while I played a few old school, I mean like early 80s old school, arcade games. Then went home. I didn't stop anywhere else. I got a good night sleep actually, with weird dreams though, I woke up feeling sad also.

I don't know if its the wine, or it's being married again or both. This morning I kept on thinking about my previous marriage, when things were "off", not necessarily "bad", but off. My ex wife would stay in out bedroom and play that second Interpol album... I think it was the second one, definitely not the first one...it was very depressing sounding, at least I thought so. I don't even know this one song name, don't want to know it, it just reminds me of how I should've known how bad things have gotten, or how distant and estranged we had become...

[blue1]

Hey guys.....how is everyone doing?
More sad news on my end.....
Our doggy passed away suddenly yesterday morning....his name was Bandid.
My hubby found him throwing up and falling around and we watched his belly get really bloated....we had to wait til the vet opened at 9am.....we were on our way and he passed away before we could get there....yes....in our new car....

[frances]

So sorry to hear about your dog blue - my heart goes out to you and your husband :hug: And so sudden too. I can't imagine how hard that must have been and continues to be.

Stewart - good to see you here. A black tie event sounds like fun - sorry to hear you weren't feeling well Sunday. Maybe if before events like that you could set a goal for no more than x drinks so you can try to limit feeling badly the next day? It does sound like you have a direct link to drinking and not feeling yourself the next day. I wish I had some advice for you on those memories you've been having - that sounds difficult. Maybe you can try to change up what you are doing when those start hitting you to try to get your mind off of it?

AG - hope you're well!

Saturday morning and heading out to a scrimmage at noon. I guess I'll try to do some laundry before then. I worked from home yesterday so got some basic cleaning done while I was here so at least I don't have to do that this morning. Last weekend I was going to get together with a friend to play music but then I did something to my back and it hurt so much I didn't want to do anything. I hated to miss that! I wish I had a little more going on outside of family stuff. I know when my son goes to college I'll feel that way even more. Maybe I'll try to sign up for something in the fall.

Stay strong everyone and have a good weekend!