Thursday 5th

[Determinator]

Good mornining Aberooos! what loverly night last night barby-q overlooking the city at a friends house and eating til we nearly poppped. I did something that really has me bothered although I'm glad Im ok. I tasted a very special wine that someone brought...nowwhere near even half a glass, but the fact that I did kept me up last night furtively trying to understand myself. I just so badly wanted to know what it tasted like and it was everywhere around me at the party and on everyones breath. At least I didn't continue...didn't get sucked into the black hole. My last accident is still very much on my mind and Dx was with me so I knew I would not fall, yet still it was potentially reckless....sigh. much to ponder. it was a picture perfect evening thoughand we laughed and ate and enjoyed the company like a holidy should be and no hangovers.
Hope you are all well.

[ScoobyDoo]

Thursday 5th

Det, I have no words of wisdom right now but can say I can imagine I'd be lying in bed tossing and turning if it had been me too, so I ca relate. The important thing is that you are thinking about it instead of letting it slide on by.

I fel like I haven't been here for ages, but it's actually only been 3 days. I have still been working 16 hour days... literally working eating and sleeping. It's school hols here so my son has gone to my parents place for a few days so I can just focus on work. It'll ease up in the next week or 2.. THANK GOD! :H I'm thinking of getting out of Sydney on Sat morning until sunday night. We might just head to the holiday house but I actuially feel like doing something completely different. I think I really need a proper holiday now!

I'm still pondering wine and in fact this past week it has sort of intensified a bit... I think I'm not as positive about being permanently sober as I was a few weeks ago. I've spoken with my sisters (one is a psych) who've both said they think it would be a phase and it'll get easier. I hope they're right! It's hard to explain... it's like I am really hap but my spirits are a bit low at the same time. So anyway, I am now on day 32 (I had to count that. losing track of AF days must be a good sign, right?) and am just trying to remember to keep it simple. REALLY simple! :H

I hope everone's well in the land of Abs. I'm going to go and catch up on the news and see if Breez got the job and see what Lisa thought of Mountain man #1

Scoobs

[YoungAtHeart]

Thursday 5th

Gee, Mr. D., I can sure understand the temptation. I really want to say not to overworry about it, but I don't want to sound like an enabler. I guess the biggest thing is to get right back on track and don't let it make you feel complacent! I'd probably feel just like you do and spend a fair amount of time analyzing it.

I went to a party too, and I brought AF champagne. Many people at the party weren't drinking anyway, mostly the kids that were of age. The host and hostess were drinking beer. No temptation there for me. The only wine was sangria and blush wine, no temptation there, either. So I had my AF champage, and it was okay. I guess the bubbles must have made it feel more like the real thing. Deter, I struggled too, though, wondering if I was "cheating" a bit. I felt a little awkward and shy for most of the evening, too, not socially lubricated with alcohol. I've always been a life of the party type (without getting excessively stupid--at least I've not heard any such reports!). I called it a night before the fireworks, which was fine, because we ended up having a cloudburst when the fireworks were going on. Instead I visited Maddy at the restaurant where she worked and had some coffee and left her a great tip while the rain pissed down.

At any rate, I'm off to get ready for work now.

I hope everyone in the US had a good fourth. Hope everyone else here had a good day. To everyone to come today, I hope you have a great day today!

I'm on Day 24

Gosh that was long-winded!

Hugs,:l
Kathy

Hey Scoobs, we were posting at the same time. I have had a period like that too where it's hard to think of permanent ABs. I just keep putting on foot in front of the other, one day at a time. Also I try to think if there is something else I might be needing, other than alcohol, which I am needing the alcohol to replace. I'm wondering in your case if it might not be some rest and relaxation, as you've said. You've really been burning the candle at both ends these days. Getting away from it might really help a lot. Anyway, hugs to you, sweetie!

[Breez]

Thursday 5th

Hi Everyone~

Kath has a good suggestion-bringing your own AF drink to a party. I believe that's what Popeye did once and I thought what a great idea.

I think what your feeling Deter is justifiable. I think deep down inside you know abs is the way to go and when you steer away from that path it leaves you feeling guilty. This is still relatively new-going to social situations with alcohol all around & you are not drinking. I still go to social things and still stare at people drink. But then there are times I don't even notice. It's a process. There was a moment we went to a family restaurant & sat near the bar (about 2-3 months ago). I could not stop staring at the bartender making the drinks. That never bothers me but this one time....I was obsessed. I think I was in a bad mood or some kind of mood. And I think that helps in social situations where you have a pep talk to yourself & get yourself pumped that it's ok that others are drinking, you won't & you're not missing out on anything. Ok-that's enough of me rambling!

Kath-that was so sweet of you to think of Maddy. Good job on the bbq and we also got a rain out yesterday evening. Buckets by 10 pm & most fireworks got postponed.

Hi Scoobs~the ho-hums happen. After my initial quiting I developed what they call is the honeymoon phase (I have to search it again-I found this article once on it). Everything is fun & lovely & then it ends & leaves you with the "so now what feeling". Is this it-how boring. But it does pass-mine took 2 weeks & during that time I had all kinds of thoughts about how thi is such a permanent decision etc. But I changed my thought process to "keep it simple". One day at a time-there's no point in looking to far ahead cause life changes at the drop of a dime. Cravings also happen when we're tired, stressed & hungry. I hope you enjoy your little holiday & i'm sure you will be back to happy you in no time.

Today is a quiet day-except for unexpected laundry due to the fact that my son (5) drank too much water before going to bed (I watch him after he brushes his teeth & yesterday I didn't) and well he climbed in bed after he heard thunder last night & I woke up to yellow rain in my bed.

We're going to take the kids to the movies this afternoon. Oops-hubby just said he's not in the mood. We'll probably think of an excursion of some sort (hubby took 2 days off this week).

Have a great Thursday everyone!
You guys are the best!
Keep up the awesome work-we inspire each other!

[Paddy]

Thursday 5th

Well, Det, careful with the wine, ey ... but I understand. It's exactly as Breeze said, we're more vulnerable when we're in a bad mood or tired to drinking.

As to Scoobs thought on whether or not to AF permanently ... well, quite frankly, I must say after 3 years studying and trial/error of my own case, I opted for permanent AF. I quite honestly did a study on myself. I never was at the stage where I had to be wheeled to the emergency ward. But I was fully aware of the fact that drinking a bottle of wine a night was not the right measure. And that my liver function tests, well, were not optimal for my age. I had tried Campral to stop drinking. I had a stint of 6 months AF that had been triggered off by an initial success of Campral. I lost weight, and the 'beer belly'. Good news. But once I got used to that, I sort of 'thought I was in control', and fell right on my face, and only now (after nearly 2 years) regained control, thanks to MWO.

So Scoobs, frankly, think twice, thrice, or 10 times before you start drinking again. Because people like us, sorry, can't control it. We might, initially, hold our booze, but comes the stress and fatigue, we just relapse ...

Sorry, sounds negative, but here speaks trial and error. Actually, more error, grin ...

[Kitty]

Thursday 5th

Hi, Det, Scooby, Kathy, Breez, Paddy & all to come,

Just a quickie as I take a break from cleaning, it's parents minus 48 hours so I'm against the clock. Getting a little bit anxious because of the socialising that this weekend will entail but hopefully all will be ok. I'm trying to steer everyone away from the "pub" idea and more towards going out for a meal.

Hope you are all having a good day,

Kitty

[Bella]

Thursday 5th

Oh D......how lovely to read your post! You had a great night without drinking! So what if you had a taste of that wine. You did not continue. You are learning from experience arn't you. Well done for that. You also had your lovely wife with you to support you all the way. Don't think too much about that sip. Think about the fact you stopped. Wonderful. You are the best Garlic Man. Bella xxx

[Determinator]

Thursday 5th

Bella you are a sweetheart (you all are you know!!) I'm just suffering a mental hangover because no matter how small the ammount it's still technically modding. True at least this thick head may be learning something.

[Determinator]

Thursday 5th

I posted this link also in general:

Bipolar and Alchoholism

[jane rees]

Thursday 5th

Hi det

I think you should be proud of yourself for stopping after a couple of sips, cos i know for a fact i would have downed the whole glass and then held it out for a top up....and that would have been my slippery slope. BUT YOU HAD THE WILLPOWER TO STOP!
I have just finished Jean Kirkpatricks book called Turnabout ( she founded Women for Sobreity) , she makes a good point about drinkers abstaining for a period of time. Drinkers start to tell themselves they no longer have a drinking problem...because they now feel so damn good. But, of course drinkers will always have a drinking problem. That is the catch ! do not be lulled into a false sense of security.
WE CAN NEVER DRINK AGAIN.

Jane
ps. Depressing, isn't it! :upset:

[YoungAtHeart]

Thursday 5th

I don't know whether it depresses me or pisses me off that I can't drink safely again. Probably both. I think that drinking masked my depression, as well. I feel pretty blah a lot of the time, except when I am working, but if I work too much, then I feel pissed off too. I definitely need to make some changes in my life. I definitely have not gone through any pink cloud stage with stopping drinking this time.

[Paddy]

Thursday 5th

I have to agree with Jane, and I'm not a woman in sobriety, grin ... Once a drinking problem, it's for always. Unfortunately, our mind remembers well. The drinking problem will be a dormant demon, waiting to be resurrected at the first drop of alcohol.

I doesn't depress me, though, I must say. Well, I'm not happy at the prospect of not being able to enjoying a good Chardonnay or Champagne. But frankly, last Monday I sat in a caf? at midnight accompanying a visiting mission. I was sipping happily on my water watching everyone getting drunk. At the bar, there was one old bloke (some Vietnam war veteran, poor devil) with ONE BOTTLE of whiskey trying to chat up a girl. And she was trying to be polite and listen to him. I thought, oh my ... Would I want to end up like this bloke? I mean, what an existence? People not taking you seriously anymore ... Me, losing all my dignity and credibility. People talking behind my back. And all for enjoying booze. Is that this really worth the sacrifice?

And as I saw over the past few months or so, my moderation breaks down when stress and fatigue comes in, despite the topa ...

Am I depressed? No. But as they say in French: Une homme averti en vaut deux. Which translates as - A man who is warned about a danger is worth double. So that's my motto.