I've been there so many times before when I was drinking, and it was overwhelming, so eventually, I would leave. I did so again tonight, but I was sober. It wasn't as overwhelming when I was sober, and I thought, "This is NUTS!" a lot sooner. I'm sure they will all be embarrassed in the morning, knowing that I was sober. I feel embarrassed for them, and also embarrassed for me, because it wasn't long ago that I was right in there, whooping and hollering too, and I really don't feel in a position to judge them, but part of me can't help feeling disconnected because they were so drunk. I feel guilty about feeling disconnected, but I also feel very grateful that I was able to drive home sober to my home and have a regular drink of iced green tea and not be longing for a glass of wine.
It was a good experience in the sense that I am really beginning to feel in my bones that this sort of stuff really isn't for me any longer. I am READY to let go of my "Party Girl" self. I don't want alcohol to "lubricate" my social life any more. It feels better to be in control of myself. I thought I would be struggling all night, so it was a really nice surprise to find myself feeling more committed than ever to sobriety.
Thanks for reading.
Hugs,:l
Kathy
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