Thursday, 19 July

[thought2much]

Howdy everyone :l

Everyone here has a unique story.... we all ended up here for different reasons and our paths to sobriety are all going to be different.

I feel today like sharing a little about where I am at.... hope I dont bore you all

I have had a very easy life. I cruised through school, I have always received promotions at work easily, I got married young to a truly amazing girl, I have a nice house and am financially secure. I couldnt/ shouldnt ask for more...

The only sad part of my life was that I couldnt control my drinking. Every beer on a Friday night ended up in an all night binge. Every party I went to ended up in me being plastered.

I didnt want to be a drunk but I couldnt help myself.

3 or so months ago I met this girl who has had the biggest impact on my life. I havent had an affair with her but meeting her and getting to know her has been like having all these doors inside me being opened for the first time.

This has placed an enourmous strain on my marriage as I am now trying to understand all these new feelings.

I have started seeing a relationship counsellor to try and find out more about what I am going through.

What is coming out is that I have never taken the time to work out who I am. The counsellor says I am an 18 year old boy in a 35 year old mans body. I got married young, got into my career young and have just floated through life without finding myself.

Because I dont know who I am I have had difficulty in making strong emotional connections with people. I have always had a large circle of friends but have always craved more meaningful relationships but have not been able to form them.

I think my drinking was a part of all this. I drank to be the life of the party. I drank to be funny. I drank to be one of the guys. I drank because I didnt know how to love my wife completely and didnt know what real love was. I drank because I liked being drunk and not having to address the fact that even though I was married and had lots of friends I still felt alone.

I stopped drinking about 6 weeks ago.

I am now starting to learn who I am and what I want to be.

I dont want to be a drunk. I dont even crave alcohol at the moment.

I am working with the relationship counsellor to see if my marriage can be saved. Right now I want to run away from my marriage and start afresh with my life.

My life has been turned upside down..... I am reassessing everything.

I will be making some big changes to my life over the next year. I have no idea exactly what those changes will be, but I am optimistic that I will be a more balanced and centred person. I will be able to make more complete relationships in the future and I will able to be funny, and the life of the party without waking up sick the next day

Have a good day everyone.

[Arial]

Thursday, 19 July

Hi thought2much -

It was good to read such an honest post. I think many people go through a life change to greater or lesser degree when they stop drinking - it is definitely a transition time, a soul-searching time, a time of change, re-evaluation,loss and healing. I'm glad you're approaching it so open-mindedly and maturely - I think I have to question the 18 year old mind, as he may well have just bolted - you're taking professional help/guidance, and you're taking time ... whatever happens in the future will be a considered decision rather than a scared reaction to this period of change, so good for you. I wish you all the best...

To all to come, vary warmest wishes for this Thursday xxx

[YoungAtHeart]

Thursday, 19 July

Thanks for sharing so much about yourself, t2m. Many people have said that drinking stops our emotional development, and I think that this is true for me. I have so much to learn about myself now!

It's nice to see you back Arial!

I'm just checking in to say hi. I'll be back again later. I think it's Day 38 for me. I guess it's a good thing that I'm losing track? Or maybe not. I think I should still be more aware at this point.

Hugs to all to come!:l
Kathy

[Doggygirl]

Thursday, 19 July

Hi thought2much and Arial! Happy AF Thursday. It's Day 9 AF for me, I'm thrilled to be making this progress in conquering the BoozeBeast and thinking about my future which is now EVER so much brighter. My new cleaning lady is here and I liked her right off. If she does a good job, which I suspect she will, we've got a deal. (I'm not all that picky anyway, as evidenced by the current condition of things around here) WHEE Life if a bowl of cherries today. I haven't felt this good in years. Thank you MWO!!!!!

thought2much, thank you for sharing your heart felt post. It sounds like you are taking a very mature and considered approach to your situation. I applaud that since the changes you are making inside yourself will definitely impact your marriage. I hope this doesn't sound petty in the bigger picture, but I am so happy that you have not taken that last step into an affair. I don't know how all other women feel, but no matter what rough patch my husband and I might go through - and we've had a few in 9 years - I would be DEVASTED if he had an affair. If he ever feels we need to part, I hope we address that before other romantic involvements enter the picture. I hope I haven't over stepped any bounds by saying that. Mean time, congratulations on 6 weeks alcohol free. Congratulations on seeking a counselor to help guide you as you work through finding yourself.

Hi Arial!! Looking forward to getting to know you better.

MWO just ROCKS and I am so happy I can't stand myself. Where's the puking smiley when you need it!!!!

DG
Day 9 AF, can't wait til 4PM when I official go double digits! * * * * * * * * * (my 9 gold stars - yes I am in touch with my inner child)

[Breez]

Thursday, 19 July

I just wanted to say hi. I think I have food poisoning (or whatever). I just want to lay down.
thought~you touched me. I, too, have been given a wonderful life (beautiful house, loving hubby, babes to adore, etc. etc.). The trump card...why was it given to me?

ok...gotta lay down Feeling soo blah.

[sammys]

Thursday, 19 July

Hi everyone going to go abs for a while so I thought I would stop in and say Hi. Thought2much you sound like you are happy even though you are having some life changes at this time, I wish you all the best. Arial, Doggygirl, Young at heart have a good day.
Breez that sucks hope you feel better.

Sammys

[Doggygirl]

Thursday, 19 July

Breez, very sorry to hear you are still under the weather. ***waving to sammys***

DG

[Determinator]

Thursday, 19 July

heya AB's crew....late check in for garlic breath. So nice to see you strangers (Arial and Sammys).
Very nice introspective post T2much...glad you are taking the time to delve into your mind with such discipline and dig for answers.
I'm really gratefull to be AF today...I'm so stressed out. Business is in trouble and I just don't know what to do about it. Doctors appt this morning confirms my shoulder is screwed up but they don't know yet what to do for it so I've got a follow up MRI about 10 days from now....arg! I hate waiting and worrying. oh well.
I'd be on my way to the store to buy several bottles of 7 dollar red vino if this were happening last year at this time. Then onto a a binge that would last through the weekend and then I'd be home detoxing for several days and suffering even more at work. Damn I'm glad NOT to be taking that bait right now. Sorry to be a downer today..it will be fine somehow. Nomatter how crappy things might seem in a given moment garlic is still garlic....a cold odouls is refreshing, chocolate is always sweet and you all are the best darn freinds a guy could hope for. thank you all.
D

[vinophile]

Thursday, 19 July

Hi Thought2much,
Sounds as if you have done a lot of soul searching in the 6 weeks that you've been sober. I do believe that we stop maturing as soon as we seriously start drinking so if you started drinking at about 18 you very well could be an 18 year old in a 35 year old body. I also think that once we stop drinking we realize that some of our relationships are not as healthy or satisfactory as we imagined them to be while drinking.
While I applaud your honesty I'm sure you realize how painful a marriage breakup could potentially be.
Good luck with your self-discovery. Indeed it is impossible to stop drinking without making some discoveries about oneself; often unpleasant discoveries.
I guess the important thing to remember is........Save yourself, but be mindful of the hurt you can cause others.

Congratulations on 6 weeks
Janet.

[Kitty]

Thursday, 19 July

Hey all,

Hope you are all having a good day.

Sad day today, my PIL's dog was put down. She was a lovely old gun dog and lived to a grand old age of 16. She had cancer and recently a tumour had developed in her nose making it difficult for her to breath.

Still ok with the Topa, no word loss today just a bit of pins and needles but then I do sit with one leg under the other alot so maybe I would have it anyway. I think I may be just imagining it. I'm terrible for thinking I have side effects of things.

Kitty

[Doggygirl]

Thursday, 19 July

Hi again. Determinator - sorry to hear about your shoulder and also business being bad. I hope both situations improve soon. What do you/they think is wrong with your shoulder? Sorry - I'm sure I'm asking for info you have already shared but I probably wasn't here then. Good for you on handling the situations AF though.

Hi vinophile. You sure have a good way of putting things. Wish my words would come out like that!!! Looking forward to getting to know you better.

Kitty, I am so sorry about PIL's doggy. They are so easy to love and hard to lose - even if they live to be older. Of course thanks as always for the Topa update. Even without topa and just being in the early part of AF (after 16 oz of vodka per day on average) I get paranoid too about withdrawl related stuff v. my very normal goofiness. (typos, mixing words up sometimes, etc.) Nopa Topa Dopa.

For the first time in a very long time, I'm getting behind the wheel of my vehicle after 5PM. Heck, after 3PM and often after Noon. Life is GOOD!! See you all tomorrow.

DG
Day 10 AF started for me 2 hours ago. WHEE for double digits! Feels SO good!

[Determinator]

Thursday, 19 July

right on for double digit Doggy!!!!

scheduled for an MRI now...wont' know for sure what's up with shoulder til about 15 days from now.

thanks for the nice wishes

[vinophile]

Thursday, 19 July

Felt like having a glass of wine tonight but thought the drink through...... one drink is too many and one hundred drinks are never enough.
Phew.... the urge passed on its own. I keep thinking I shouldn't have such urges on day two. A bit discouraged I guess.
Anyway, will put a 0 in the drink tracker and look foward to the morning.

Have a good night all
Janet

[zincityzen]

Thursday, 19 July

thought2much - great post, not boring at all. Yes, I think alcohol
does stunt our growth, but now you have the opportunity to use
sobriety to go places you never thought possible.

Arial-that was a thoughtful post

YoungAtHeart-Congrats on 38 days

Doggygirl-Tomorrow onto double digits AF! Good for you!

Hi Breez-take care of that tummy. Exactly, we are blessed in so
many ways, why is it that we are so bedeviled by booze?

Sammys-sorry you're sad - looks like we'll be starting abs at the
same time.

Det-sorry you're stressed and with a painful shoulder. At least
these troubles are easier to deal with sober, that's for sure. And
Booze ain't the only game in town, when there's garlic, chocoloate,
etc.!

Kitty-16 is a long life for a dog, but stll sad to lose a freind.
what does PIL stand for?

Vinophile-It feels good to be in control of those urges? It's 5:30
pm on this side and offcially time to have a drink. Luckily I
don't have anything I like in the house!

Hope to be back on the ABBER thread for the rest of the summer,
God willing, I'll post a loooong string of yellow zeros on the
DrinkTracker!

[Hannah]

Thursday, 19 July

Though2much - What a lot of turmoil you are going through right now. My only piece of adivce, is don't give up on building/repairing your relationship with your wife. You describe her as being a really great girl, there must be some reason you say that - and every marriage is tested to the max from time to time. This is a journey that you are both going through - and obviously she is still there with you. It's not unusual for a person to meet a memeber of the opposite sex that does something for us, what is important is your commitment to the vows you took when you got married, so I am glad that you never stepped into a sexual relationship with this girl. All I am saying, is give it time, don't jump to any hasty decisions, and do what's best for everybody, including yourself.
Determinator, sorry to hear about your shoulder. Shows how far you've come that you aren't going for the 7 bottles of cheap red vino. What kind of business do you have? Myself, I think you could make it as a chef, ever considered it?