New 30 Day group

[Almostfamous]

New 30 Day group

!

[Arial]

New 30 Day group

Hi Buffy,

I really admire your honesty and openess here and I'm sorry that you're facing this challenge. I agree with Almostfamous that your honesty opened the doors for your daughter to share and be honest with you - if you can keep those lines of communication open then I think you're well on your way to being able to face the problems together - I think it's fantastic that your daughter and you have such a trusting and open relationship - she'll need it to help her get back on track. I also think it's fortunate that this is caught now so that, as you say, she doesn't waste the valuable years that we have...

However, I know it must be a very hard, worrying and confusing time for you - how to handle it?? The fact that she sees you making these efforts of your own is a wonderful start. What about asking her what she wants to do - how she thinks it should be handled? If she has no answers could you suggest seeing medical people, councellors, etc together to gather information, look at options and then jointly decide the best route forward? - if she feels she has control of herself and her own situation, she may feel more committed to the changes etc. I also wonder if it would be easier if there is an objective third party who works most closely with her and your role is supportive? I say this only because when my daughter had a break down a few years ago she needed psychiatric help for a year - up until she accepted she needed help (actually she had no choice) it was me trying to deal with it all and try to work out what to do, what not to do, how to handle it... When I found a psychiatrist she agreed to see, the sense of weight off my shoulders was enormous - It was such a relief to feel that she was in the hands of a professional and then my role became a very supportive one - this way our relationship wasn't threatened by me being the 'director or operations' so to speak and we actually became even closer during that time.

I can also fully understand your wanting to keep MWO as your space and I think it is important that you do have this safe haven to come to at the moment. Maybe that will change in the future but don't feel bad for keeping your support group at this time...

Anyway, just initial thoughts - I'll try and think more...! You sound like a lovely person and with your obviously close and open relationship with your daughter I'm sure that you will be able to work through this together and will come out the other end even stronger.

Thinking of you - and don't forget where to find us! :l

[music man]

New 30 Day group

Oh no! Buffy... I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter.

Don't worry about your slip up... We'll still do 30... You can do it. just jump back in.

My only daughter turned 21 this year... she's just a baby and all grown up at the same time.

What a tough situation... I definitely would not want my daughter or my wife reading any of my posts here on MWO (or anyone I knew for that matter), but you certainly want to help her anyway you can.

It sounds like you and your daughter have a good relationship, and it's great that you are able to talk honestly with each other.

My daughter has never had any substance abuse issues (she's the one always telling me to stop drinking), but she has had other issues that have been tough for me to deal with, and there is only so much you can do as a parent, no matter how close you are as friends.

I suggest that you talk to her about her friends if you can... find out if she has any friends that she thinks are really cool, but don't party, or seem like they are more together.

She is hanging out with a bad crowd right now, and she needs to be around some people her own age that would have a positive influence on her.

Try to think of any social activities she enjoys that would allow her to connect with some new people, or things you can do together and as a family.

Hang in there kiddo.

MM

[Janice]

New 30 Day group

Morning everyone, thank you all for your words of encouragement yesterday, it really did help me to achieve my first AF day for a while, certainly since dad died so thank you. Yesterday was the first day I felt there was a point to getting up and facing the day. I know there will be hard times ahead but staying off the alcohol will make me stronger and able to deal with all the emotions I'm having to cope with. I know its an old cliche but... a day at a time.

I am so lucky and grateful for having you guys and MWO to bounce back to. Buffy, I think you started this thread with Music Man so thank you. I know you're having a hard time too at the moment with all the worries about your daughter and have had a slip but don't be too hard on yourself. Losing dad I felt "entitled" to drink, "I deserved it", "look what I was going through", but I know we have to be strong to cope with what life throws at us sometimes. Alcohol does not make us strong, it poisons our mind and body. So, treat it just as it was - a slip - and get back firmly on that wagon. Hope everyone has a good day, aiming for Day 2AF! love Janicexxx

[Paddy]

New 30 Day group

Count me in guys, I would have been on day 30 AF tomorrow, if it wasn't for a slip 5 days ago. So now I'm on day 5 AF.

So here I go!

[music man]

New 30 Day group

welcome aboard Paddy!

BTW I love your avatar. I think that's the scene where they are bowing down in front of Alice Cooper chanting "We are not worthy"

I watched a documentary on Alice Cooper, he had a severe alcohol problem but eventually got it under control and has been AF for many years now.

[Guest]

New 30 Day group

O.M.G.!!!

Hi music man,
O.M.G.!!!.........really can`t believe I`ve decided to go AF (am hoping it`s permant!!!)........am so excited!!!!

Happy to join you all.

Buffy, have only just read your post telling of your daughter`s problems........am thinking of you both. She`ll come through all this.......she`s got the best support she could possibly have in her loving Mum.

Starlight Impress

[Doggygirl]

New 30 Day group

Hello 30 Dayers!! ((((Hugs)))) to all who may need one or more today.

Gold stars http://www.mingara.com.au/media/gold%20star.jpg for all who are celebrating another day of victory over the BoozeBeast today!

Welcome Starlight!

Yesterday was another victory over the beast. I was a very fun day (although a bit mentally exhausting), and a day of some "firsts" for AF activities.

Saturday is always dog training day. Mr. Doggy and I have a really good trainer who comes to our place, and a bunch of other people come here to train. Mr. Doggy handles our two Shepherds for training, and I do the coordination and communication with the group, greet new people, keep order on the field, yada yada. Especially after i quit smoking and the early drinking got out of control, I stopped having fun at training as I was mainly just trying to cover up the early drinking and all that bad crap. Last week Saturday was my first AF time, and it was difficult, but went fine. Yesterday I thought of drinking a LOT!! But each time the thought came round I asked myself WHY I wanted a drink? Shoot - the weather was perfect, everyone was in a good mood, there was lots of laughter and I was right there enjoying it all to the max. As I kept asking myself "Why" - as expected there was no good answer. The only reason to drink would have been to give my ever shrinking BoozeBeast a much desired fix. I could not have laughed any harder or had any more fun...that's for sure. In fact I'm VERY sure that if I had chosen to drink, I would have put a damper on my own fun somehow.

Before I list the firsts, I must PROFUSELY thank Pinkie for sharing that story about the bicycle cop busting the guy on the motorcycle. ALL the macho dog training guy types, and especially the two who are Harley riders fully agreed that getting ticketed while biking, by the "Schwinn Cop" (their new term) would be absolutely the worst, most embarassing thing EVAH!! Much laughter over that one.

Firsts:

I made the beer run for the guys. Not only did I not by any booze for me, I avoided the Ben and Jerry's icre cream and selected one of those funky new diet ice tea thingys I've never tried before. It was green tea with citrus (at least it was labeled that way LOL!). I saved it for after training and cracked it open when the guys started on beer. It was good!

I told the first person other than Mr. Doggy, face to face, that I am not drinking for now. That felt good.

I discovered the joy of being a Guilt Free Bitch!!! (hee hee) I know you will find this shocking but at times I can be rather out spoken. In the past I often feel bad or "I shouldn't have said that"...or "geez I said too much because of drinking..." etc. Well, I WASN'T drinking yesterday and WAS outspoken on a particular issue pertaining to our group and I have no reason at all to doubt myself and what I said. YEAH!! That felt good too.

I was mentally exhausted by the end of all that, but feeling good. I will be very, very glad when my stinkin' sleep gets settled in!! That is still hit and miss, even with the melatonin. Patience is a virtue. Too bad it's not one of my virtues!

That's all for now. I'm thrilled to be on AF day 12 and no matter what happens, I will NOT drink alcohol today.

OH WAIT!! Geez how could I forget this part. The first I always do in the morning is let the doggies out. But the SECOND thing I did this morning was spend a little time re-learning how to operate my treadmill. That's a MAJOR first in a long time.

OK - enough! Have a great AF day everyone!!

DG
Day 12 AF * * * * * * * * * * * * (my gold stars) I'm OFF to the drink tracker!

[buffy]

New 30 Day group

Hi to everyone and thanks for all your encouragement. I am doing so much better this morning and have made the commitment for real today. My daughter and I had a good talk last night and we are going to work on this together. She even stayed home and read last night instead of going out with friends....I do have a challenge today. I have to go to a funeral....althought it is called a Celebration of Life....I am sure there will be Champagne, but I am determined not to get tempted. I am nervous about going due to the well known people that will be there. I am prone to panic attacks, so I will get on my tread mill before I go and get some endorphines pumping...that seems to help me alot. I do not want to slip up and won't! I have to be a good example to my daughter. MusicMan, your daughter sounds great! I wish you all lived closer so she could have a talk with mine. Welcome to all new people and all your wisdom. DG amazing on the beer run...Starlight, you are so sweet..I am glad you are joining us...Arial, AlmostF, Janice, Paddy MiMi, Cloudjocky..love that name, I was a flight attendant.....hi to Pinkie, N2itiv...we all need to get together for morning coffee in your backyard,...determinator and Lucky.....I will be thinking about all of you tonight and hope to gain strength though you all...Buffy

[Doggygirl]

New 30 Day group

Hi Buffy. I'm glad both you and DD had a nice evening yesterday. Good for you that you have decided to work on this together. I'm sure being a good leader for your daughter will help keep you motivated, and being able to look up to Mom with pride will help keep her motivated.

I spoke this morning with my friend I mentioned. She was dealing with big issues (both drugs and alcohol) with her son as a minor, and as an adult. She mentioned that in her opinion, the options geared specifically for the younger generation are lacking. Of course each geographic area might have something that other areas do not. My friend is an AA person, and in her area there are no AA groups geared to the younger crowd. Her son had zero interest in hanging out with the "old farts" that he could not relate to. In her experience the private in patient type programs are very expensive (she blew her retirement savings!), and of course nothing is effective if the teenager or young adult does not BADLY want to quit.

She said that the NA (narcotics anonymous) groups tend to have a younger audience, which can be positive, but the other side of the sharp blade is that these are young people who all know how and where to get drugs.

One thing she did suggest that you might want to do is search in your area for any program through NA or AA (in her area NA is the more likely) or even other programs if they exist geared towards parents who are trying to help either teenage minors or young adults with these issues. She got a lot of help and support from such a group.

I was hoping for something more positive, but at least it's one person's feedback who has been down the rocky road. Hope that helps a little bit in some small way.

Mean time, maybe you and your daughter will just do this together and life will be good!!!!

Beth
Day 12 AF * * * * * * * * * * * *

[Hannah]

New 30 Day group

Music Man, count me in. I am on day two, and had one AF day earlier in the week too. I am also not subscirbing yet - think I probably will, but for now I would just like to know how to get the picture (avator) to go with your handle?

[buffy]

New 30 Day group

Hi everyone, I am sitting here at the computer sober as a judge. I had Ice Tea....I hate to say it, but I actually enjoyed the funeral...it was uplifting the way they did it. It made me think of what I want to be thought of after I die....not trying to be morbid....but we all know its going to happen. This person was an artist and very well thought of. Her friends were poets and writers and musicians. It made me feel like there are things that I need and want to do and I know nothing will happen if I drink too much, or maybe at all. I didn't want to go, but so glad I did. Day 2 for me and feeling good. I hope you all are doing well too. Thanks DG for the info. I am going to do alot of thinking and talking to her about things. It is some of the friends that she has been around lately that have not been good influences on her. We talked about that. She does some modeling and those girls are bad about the weight loss that coke will give them. We will be trying to work out together when we can get our scheduals worked out. 'night...buffy p.s Hi Hanna...go to the top where it says User CP and you should see something for avatars....

[Janice]

New 30 Day group

Its a dreary Monday morning here in England but I'm up early and ready for another AF day! Buffy, well done for resisting at the funeral! You and your daughter have been in my thoughts, I am so pleased you are working on this together -I hope things work out.

I have an 18year old daughter and a son who's just turned 21. She's about to start Manchester Uni in September if her results go okay and my son goes back to uni for his last year, this year he has been at home as he has had a placement year. I am really apprehensive about them both going away, it will be the first time neither of them will be at home, the house will be so quiet - very strange! But, the new me is going to be positive and look forward to some quality time with hubby....oh and a not so full washing basket! Anyway,I hope everyone had a good day yesterday - I'm not going to hang around today for long - I just have to tackle this house, its such a mess, haven't done hardly anything for weeks. Whats this flylady thing Doggygirl???? Love to everyone and goodluck for today......Janicexx

[music man]

New 30 Day group

Hi all,

Welcome Starlight and Hannah!

Buffy, congrats and turning down the champane. I'm glad you and your daughter are working things out.

Janice, my heart goes out to you, I hope your heart will heal soon.

Ariel, My thoughts are with you and you your daughter too. I'm glad you are are here with us.

Hi Doggy Girl ! , I can relate to your buying beer for the boys story. My wife sent me to the store twice this weekend for wine (Red wine for Friday's dinner and white for Sat). Now she is out of town all week on business, and there is an almost full bottle of chilled white wine staring at me everytime I open the fridge... *sigh*

Day 4 for me Woo Hoo!

[Arial]

New 30 Day group

Good morning everyone!

Glad to hear people so upbeat and positive - welcome to Paddy and Hannah as well - the more the merrier! Many congratulations on 30 days, Paddy - don't write them off! just put your one relapse down to experience, learn from it and move on - you're doing brilliantly! And Hannah - good start - it's amazing how quickly those days can start clocking up!

DG - is that a hint of excercise ??!!! - I found it really helps me keep motivated.

Buffy - glad things are moving ahead positively for you and your daughter, sounds like you have a good handle on things now so hope this continues and as mentioned before, that this will actually give her invaluable tools to deal with life at a young age...

Everyone else, congratulations on all your achievements! Let's keep this wagon rolling!

I had a good af weekend - which included a meal out and a visit to 3 bars with friends - and not a touch of alcohol! I have to admit the temptation was there, but at the back of my mind was having to come here and 'fess up! So thanks guys - no headaches or regrets for me this weekend

Happy Monday everyone! :l