Losing my mind?

[imatree]

I thought I"d feel more emotionally and mentally stable with each passing AF day. But today I'm a wreck. Not just emotional, but like I'm going a bit crazy, my brain not working right, anxious, scared....
Is this normal or maybe its due to excessive stress I'm under right now?

[Accountable for Me]

Losing my mind?

No, you aren't losing your mind and be rest assured what you are experiencing is fairly normal. The first while of being AF your mind will be all over the map. It will be anywhere from being forgetful to racing. I remember back when I was around the 14 something day mark I was feeling so depressed. My marriage was a mess, he was living in a different city, I was tending to our 1 year old and I was going sober all alone. And that is how I felt - alone. I completely empathize with you.

You are going through SO much right now. You need to do some calming exercises to keep you calm and from getting too anxious. Deep breaths, quick walk, hot tea, hot bath, read a book - anything to take your mind off of your thoughts.

If we didn't have to go through the complete nightmare of all of these emotional/physical changes there wouldn't be any relapses. It does get easier with time, trust me. Keep reaching out and keep breathing!

[Determinator]

Losing my mind?

good wise words from AFM.

Ima...how many days has it been now? are you taking your vitamins? especially Vit-c and B1 (thiamine) and magnesium?

how much L-Glutamine are you taking per day?

we'll get you fixed up by golly! Hany in there!

[Doggygirl]

Losing my mind?

imatree, the first couple weeks of AF for me I called "Nopa Dopa" - it seemed to me I had the symptoms some describe when they first start Topa - only I wasn't on Topa. I suspect some of what you are feeling is probably normal at this point. One thing I DID do was read carefully the withdrawl symptoms to keep on the lookout should medical intervention be needed.

Best wishes....I hope this passes quickly for you.

DG
Day 36 AF

[imatree]

Losing my mind?

Thanks - I'll try to remember.. it's normal. Not to mention the life stressors. BF stuff of course, and lots of work stress. And I have to admit - my ex-husband is getting remarried in a few weeks and it's really bothering me, and it makes me feel petty. I'm not jealous because of feeling for him, nothing like that. Mostly it's that my daughter is getting a new step-mom whom she loves and a little step-sister whom she adores, and there's a baby on the way - what my daughter has begged me for for years. And they have this nice house, nice neighborhood, lots of friends, he's marrying into money so while I haven't gotten child support for years all of a sudden he's got it made in the shade... See? Petty. But real feelings. And all of it is making me crazy - the feelings themselves, and the feelings about having these feelings. For hating the sight of the man I was so sure I loved. For missing my daughter when she's away then being impatient with her when she's around. For being angry at my dog. It' too much!!!

[imatree]

Losing my mind?

Det - I haven't been taking any vitamins and minerals. Gotta do that, thanks for the push. And need to start with the fish oil too. I'm taking about 3 grams L-glut through the day, taking 5-htp and gaba too. Have been up to 100 mgs of topa for a couple weeks, after 2 months on 50 then 75.

[Accountable for Me]

Losing my mind?

Your daughter will always be 'your' daughter. She will love you more than anyone on this planet. She is probably caught up in the whole 'wedding/baby' thing. You know how girls are? All caught up in the romance of it.

You are doing so well, keep at it. You have a lot on your plate right now, and you really need to focus on you. Try to take one thing at a time. Deal with it when you have to. You aren't being petty by any means.

If I were you I would be suing for back child support. One thing that bothers me to all ends of the earth is a parent not paying for their child. My oldest is living with her dad and his wife/family and I pay!!!!!! No court order to, I just do! Even when I have been home on Mat leave with my youngest and you get piddly squat I still paid. Now my husband does (temp) but we still pay. Sorry, just my opinion.

[imatree]

Losing my mind?

Det - thanks again for the shove. I just called the local health food store and had them set aside a thing of AllOne for me. I'll get extra Bs too.

I was in a meeting this morning with the owners of the company I work for. They praised me for a 4 page newspaper insert I created for them that just came out in the newspapers today. The CEO said, "Great job. How do you feel about this?" meaning the piece. Then he looked at me and saw tears streaming. All I could do was sit there and cry like a baby in front of the board of directors. Ridiculous.

[Finding My Self]

Losing my mind?

Imatree - hang in there...so much of what you said I empathised with.
Looking back (81 days) I know I felt awful for the first week and then I thought I felt fine but seeing it now, I too felt all over the place. My emotions were swinging wildly, I was irrational and very scared ...and blubbed a lot of the time, too!!! Anywhere and any time! I couldn't sleep, couldn't get my words out, didn't want to eat (and, sssh! got really bad constipation!!!!) It settled after the first month but hindsight still shows, and I am sure will go on doing so, the improvements as time goes on....we just got to hang in there inquisitively to see what they are, eh?!?!?

My ex never paid a penny either - grrrr, I am so with you. And my grown up daughter (29)from my first marriage is getting married in two weeks and I am nervous as hell really about 'going in there' with soooh much history (not bad, just ancient now!!! 27 years ago!) and with step mums and relatives etc. Who will sit where? and 'which Mum' (Judy's been there for 22 years!) gets to be in the Mum's car/seat/photo/etc etc etc! And I wondered if I was feeling petty even if I wasn't saying anything but I've decided that it's because we love our kids no matter how old they are and therefore we let things happen for their sake but hurt a bit (lot) inside...it's ok. We are only doing our best for them... (and with your ex's coming circumstances I think you're only human to tinge a little green occasionally! We all have the ability to be right or to be human!!)

Good luck - keep coming here - everyone here has saved me from goodness knows what today... they/we are all here for you too.
Love
Feet x

[YoungAtHeart]

Losing my mind?

Gosh, Ima, no wonder you're all worked up! Who wouldn't be in your situation??

Isn't it bad enough having these feelings without beating yourself up for having them? They are so completely human.

I wish I could hug you and make it all less difficult!

Hugs,:l
Kathy

[imatree]

Losing my mind?

I kicked myself out of abs again. Just couldn't take this unrest in my being and got some wine.
Maybe I'll just have to work on as many AF days as possible til he is out (not to be putting the blame on him and his presence, but I really need a change of atmosphere on the outside to make an earnest one on the inside). Is that a cop-out??

Tomorrow I have an appointment with my landlords - they are raising the rent that I can scarcely afford now. And I live in a community that is becoming increasingly affluent - to afford to stay here would be quite difficult, if I had to leave my current home. Which I LOVE. An old old funky house on the water... the water heals me, I know it does.

And I never spoke of this, but it is such irony, that my landlord who lives next door writes books and lectures all over the place about alcoholism. Claudia Black. Anyone heard of her? One of her books is "It Will Never Happen to Me" - I think she focuses on the impact of alcoholism on family members. She is quite successful - the property they have here on the island, including my house, must be worth at least 2 or 3 million. Anyway - tomorrow I have to decide - or it will be decided for me - whether or not I will have to move. Somewhere? Where? I can't leave the island! I won't!!!

Meanwhile there is hope blooming... i have been reading... gobbling... novels like I haven't done since high school. And tonight I realized why. I'm getting to that point of being able to write my own. I have known since I was 12 that I would write a book. Much more to say on that....

[Accountable for Me]

Losing my mind?

Don't beat yourself up. It isn't a cop out. You have so much milling through your head right now. A lot of life changing decisions.

I really hope you feel peace soon. You certainly deserve it. :l

[Doggygirl]

Losing my mind?

imatree, there is a LOT to be said in my opinion anyway for timing in life. Some things just are better/easier/smoother to do in some time frames than others. It sounds like you have some short term turmoil going on right now with BF and rent situation,etc. I sure don't think it's a cop out to get these short term things behind you first.

How exciting that you are feeling ready to start writing a book! I hope you will share more about that. (or maybe you have and I just haven't seen?) The island sounds beautiful and I somehow imagine a peaceful waterside setting that is good for creativity.

Hang in there...

DG

[Flip]

Losing my mind?

Welcome to experiencing the world sober!!! All this termoil and emotional crap that is in your head is the world coming back into focus after numbing it for so long. Learning to deal with it all, and the pain some of it causes is the big gig we are facing. Just remember how strong you are and face the world knowing that no matter what it throws at you, you CAN cope.

PS, I have a book that is starting to cook....what's yours about? Mine is going to be a book of funny stories from my motorbike riding - so much to laugh at - particularly the 'serious' boys on their harleys! lol

[Finding My Self]

Losing my mind?

Imatree -

Hi! Right behind you.... timing is crucial. Just don't go beyond help into hinder will you?...; you need your brain at the moment (and always!) Like Flip (thanks, Flip!) said, I had a face-full of sober world yesterday and it hurt!!! But I got through it and out the other side...with booze I would have thought I was through it but I would have just been numb and woken up the next day exactly where I was before.... Hey ho, pain it will be then coz at least that means progress AND being alive!!!

Good good good luck and keep coming here - we want to read that book; even those few sentences had me visualising your wonderful home (that I really hope you can stay in) and all you felt about it...

Water is just the best healer - I have the poem that starts, "The sea is the consolation of this our day" (The Guise by Hillaire Belloc) above my desk.... I can send the rest if you like... Sea, river, lake = healing.

Thinking of you love.
Feet x