Please read from MM..

[meditation mama]

I drank last night.. I won't be attending my 30 day party this week - 4 days short. I think it has all just been too much right now.. I'm having to work so hard with a broken back (had to go to the hospital yesterday to get a shot of Torodol in it just so I could work!), in the middle of moving and having to take vicodin just so I can get through the pain to do it - thn there's my hubby not being being able to help, but manging to be an bossy pants on how it should be done and how I should carry the boxes, my daughter's first week of school, she's in an upset place - can't find any of her stuff, and on top of it I lost my assistant at the spa yesterday - she is my everything (but it's a good thing, she's an actess and got a great job she's been waiting for). Then, to top it off, I had to cancel my meditation retreat I had been planning on for 6 months because hubby will be out of work and we need the money. So long story short - I was feeling very deflated... So, my best friend offered her nice clean house and garden to come over for a quiet moment and have a glass of wine - and I accepted. I only had 2 glasses in a very quiet plave, with flowers and birds and happy things all about for a few hours. I did only have 2 glasses, said no to more, so I guess that is a good thing. I don't feel like killing myself over it. I know my pressure has been building, but I don't want to drink over presssure. So, I need to evaluate this a bit more and start anew...

I am sorry if I have disappointed any of you. I am glad I can come here and be honest. This is a place I want to stay and keep on, keeping on.

MM

[irishlady]

Please read from MM..

Oh MM, you did nothing wrong at all.. Having just read what you have gone through and are still going through, you are a pillar of strength.. It seems as if you are having one boulder after another piled on your back, and if you can find a wonderful peaceful place to relax in for a few hours with a couple of glasses of wine and a friend to talk to where is the harm in that??..

I can honestly say that if that had been me, I wouldn't have been able to stop at the two glasses, so you have much more strength and self discipline then you give yourself credit for..

You haven't disappointed anyone here, although I can understand your disappointement as you were so close to your 30 days, but, in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter.. I do hope that things get better for you soon, and we are all here to offer you support..

With love, Louise xxx

[Flip]

Please read from MM..

You have done two amazing things Mama, firstly you successfully moderated and secondly you have recognised that it's not the end of the world.

Unbelievable progress!!!

So what if you keep an agreement to us, we love you no matter what.

[Guest]

Please read from MM..

Sorry you haven`t made your 30 Days, MM, but please don`t be so hard on yourself.......rejoice in the 26 consecutive days you did get through without a drink........you`ve achieved so much.......be proud and hold your head high.

Life seems so very unkind to you just now........little wonder you felt you needed a wee respite, and as Irish has said, many of us, indeed probably myself, wouldn`t have stopped at a couple if faced with your troubles. Sometimes it`s just so very hard to deal with whatever life throws at us without seeking comfort in the booze. We just have to learn how to handle stressful situations without our treachorous "friend".......sadly, easier said than done.
Hope you feel better soon.

Wishing you love and renewed strength,

Starlight Impress x

[slightlysuze]

Please read from MM..

Hey MM....26 days was a massive achievement under all those circumstances......and you didn't run riot...you had 2 glasses and said no to anymore. That's a fantastic example of moderation.....for that I say :goodjob:

Things sound really tough for you at the moment. All things pass, though. Try to wind down a little bit if you can (I know...easier said than done!). :l

Suze

[meditation mama]

Please read from MM..

Thank you ladies.. I'm will be happy to get this move over with and be settled! Movers come to move the large items tomorrow and then I have the weekend off to get setttled. We have the Spiritual Film Festival this weekend. It is usually AMAZING!! I will be watching films from all over the world off and going to lectures - this goes on for three days straight! We actually had the Dalai Lama here 3 years ago - that was incredible. So, this weekend will be inspiring and a fresh begining, I can feel it. Fall is a good time for me - these challenges just make us stronger - right?! I know I will OK, - I have a strong resolve and I have YOU GUYS!! . Glad I didn't keep drinking - maybe the topamax helped..??

Anyway, thank you for being here for me -

Namaste,

MM

[YoungAtHeart]

Please read from MM..

We are here for you MM. Sorry that you had a slip, but it seems like you have a good attitude about it. You've been going through a lot, and it was probably very GOOD for you to spend time with your friend in peaceful surroundings! Don't worry about letting us down either. That's why we have a group here. We all support each other, and it's just unrealistic to think that no one will ever have a slip.

You've been doing great. I have no doubt that you will continue to do so.

Hugs,:l
Kathy

[Finding My Self]

Please read from MM..

Dear MM - let us down?!?! No way. Let yourself down? - I don't think that either. I think you are amazing to have coped at all with everything going on .... AND been here for us so many times. :l

Pain is sooooh enervating and tension-making and I am glad you had a lovely time with your friend in a beautiful place with two glasses of wine. May I say that I am so glad you had 'normal' two hours!!! I mean, from another angle you acted like we all darned well used to and still wish we could...and you did it like a star lady! You stopped at two and enjoyed yourself and aren't beating yourself up too much - now that's what I call dignity! :bow You go on remembering the lovely surroundings and a chance to re-energise..you need those memories!

So, I am right with you. Love you to bits and hell, those stars still count - they're just Chapter 1 of your great story!! Right behind you to start building those stars again!!!

Looking forward to reading the next chapters!

Lots of love and hugs and luck and strength and joy for your move and new home and to your hubby...

FMF xx :h

[july232007]

Please read from MM..

MM,

No disappointment to any of us here. We are here to share the 30 days AF goals, but so too to share the other paths we all take at times. Your decision was just that, a decison at a moment that seemed to be the right thing for you. Your friend was offering you a time and place to share.

You are now doing what is sensible--questioning your decision. We are a safe group to discuss your choices with you if that is what you want. Or simply to accept you as you are and support you.

Be positive.

July

[Hannah]

Please read from MM..

MM

MM, you are not a disappointment to us. I think it is amazing that you had two glasses of wine, and then stopped. That is called "moderating". The 26 days you were AF were a great "training ground" in how you handled yourself when you did take a glass of wine to sit and relax w a good friend in a time of great stress. I would probably have stopped on the way home and bought a big bottle of wine and then promptly drank it. Or, maybe not -maybe 55 days AF now has made a difference for me too. We all handle these things differently.

So anyways, there is nothing to beat yourself up for. I think you have done a tremendous job. You can decide for yourself whether you want to attempt to moderate, as many here do successfully, or whether you want to jump back on the AF train. There is nothing wrong w either choice, and we wish you all the luck in the world.

I also think that after a person has done a stretch of AF, there could be a "proving ground" where a planned attempt at moderation, within certain boundaries, might be attempted. This also would be highly individual, and some people plain couldn't do it. Myself, I have a weekend away planned w my husband in October, and I have been contemplating whether I might allow myself some wine at supper while we are there. If I can manage to pull this off, it would be great. It's not like we "go away" more than 2 or 3 times a year. The catch would be whether I could leave that weekend of "having a few glasses" behind and carry on AF when I get back? Don't know. Haven't made a final decision as to whether or not I am going to even attempt this, must do a lot of thinking first.

Best of luck to you, MM, whatever path you take, whether it be AF again, (in which place, we'd love you back in the Booze Buster's Thread) or moderating, or a mixture of the two. We will always be here for you, love ya :h

[Accountable for Me]

Please read from MM..

You know MM - I think you are something pretty special around here!!! You have not let anyone down at all. You have a lot on your plate at the moment and you are doing so well considering!!!!! I can't imagine what it must be like to have a broken back. Just be careful of that Vicodin!!! That apparently is pretty addictive...... Thinking of you!

[meditation mama]

Please read from MM..

Thank you everyone for your kind words today! I actually haven't beaten myself up at all today like I used to, so that is a remarkable improvement in my psyche. I am not going anywhere. This place has become so important to me, and all of you have become so integral in my new life I feel completely blessed.

I have decided to take a few days and give myself some time to contemplate what I want to do. I, of course would love to be able to moderate, but I have never given that a real try - with help, goals, supplements, etc. I also don't know if I even want to try - will it be too much work? I do know that I have thought about both scenerios - what I would do after the 30 days were up, but I didn't come to a conclusion. It just came 4 days sooner, I guess.

So, right now.. I am not going to drink.. finish up my move... help to heal myself and my husband.. and stay in touch with my new friends here. Oh, and keep it light!

All my love,

MM

[Chief]

Please read from MM..

MM, You slipped and had 2 glasses and came back to this site immediatley instead of being missing in action for days in a druken haze. This speaks volumes. We're here for you no matter what you decide. It's totally up to you. Hope the rest of your move goes smooth and you and hubby feel better each day. Keep coming back, this place would not be the same without you... Don

[Benno]

Please read from MM..

Hi MM,

You've had a really tough time recently and you did very well to do 26 days. I was glad to read that you only had 2 so that you felt OK the next morning and like Don, I thought it was great that you came back here straight away. It's really good that you're jumping back on the wagon too.

Benno

[retteacher]

Please read from MM..

MM: Don't give up on MWO. When you're ready to go AF, you will. I started here in April, & I can't count the number of times I started & slipped. There was one time I actually left MWO & got in my car & went to the liquor store. How crazy is that? I could never have had only 2 glasses either. Once I start, I cannot stop until the bottle is empty. Please don't be too hard on yourself. There is no point to that. Keep coming. Mary