Sunday 30th September

[Finding My Self]

Morning Sunday-ers!

I guess on to the next thread...I never know where to 'reply' like now to yesterday's posts so hope this is and OK way for you to see my thanks....Paddy and Cindi....et all!! Thanks for your support! Means a lot. I'm smiling though now as I think of Goth Girl.... (at the restaurant.) One coz it's quite strange nowdays to see someone with THAT much eye 'disguise' !!! and two coz, well, she's got a lot to learn eh?! And I'm rueful for her in a way...shame we can't learn about life and become bigger people by only good things isn't it?

Also, I remember now to consider how little we know about strangers in the street.....we hoped that no one knew how bad we were feeling when drinking and I have now become more sensitive to the fact that when I jokingly think, "What are they ON....???", I may actually be right. (Duh! Sweet innocence here...! (?!)) And when I saw the sailor guy who gave the talk last week who had been faced with death in those huge seas.... I first saw him in the cafe with people before the talk, then realised he was the guy, then saw him walk and saw the vestiges of brain hemorrhage, then saw him speak (and cry) about such a staggering experience and THEN saw how we know absolutely nothing about people across the room despite our first impressions.... so what was this girl on?!?!.... (I will say that the sailor remained a very good looking, charming and interesting guy......!!! With his lovely wife...)

SO, Paddy I'm glad your whinge helped!!! Yup, we need them! And Cindi, she was definite! You woudn't have to start looking to see it so it's rare and if you got my daughter being the waitress she is while at college you'd be treated with manners, charm, sincerity and a big smile!!

Off to our Cathedral for some people and beautiful music (why has it taken me soooh long to realise that (well, to me definitely) that people are not just 'nice' but totally necessary for balance, boundaries, sanity, connection....the only child in me got too used to isolation....not good. So, I'm practising my socialising muscles; I never knew just how nervous I am! Manners cover up a wealth of emotion!!! And things like yesterday's waitress don't do me any favours! Got to 'get back on the horse'!!

Sorry, rambling here! SO many discoveries being made here at MWO!

Have a good, lovely, restful, happy, fruitful, fun, cosy, invigorating, peaceful, sober day! I know it's a bit of a trigger day for some so an extra prayer for you will be winging it's way from me to you this morning...

Love and hugs
FMF xx

[ChangeAgent]

Sunday 30th September

Hope you enjoyed the music and people FMF. I must travel more...I thought everyone in the UK had good manners like you.

[rustop61]

Sunday 30th September

Hi fellow abbers

Hope you are all having a great Sunday. I'm feeling great as I have reached my first 30 Day AF goal. I plan to continue tomorrow with another 30 Days and so on. You have all been instrumental in helping me achieve it and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

Rustop

[retteacher]

Sunday 30th September

Hi: I really like to post here at this thread every day. It gives me a good start to the day. If there is anyone out there who is just reading, feel free to join in. If you've been an active member of MWO & then for some reason became inactive, don't feel shy...share here. I've slipped twice this month after many AF days. My inclination was to stay away from MWO...especially from sharing my downfalls. I forced myself to come here & confess (so to speak). It's the best thing I could have done, because I was then able to go right back to my program w/the support of all my friends here. WO/all of you out there, we wouldn't have this wonderful site. Keep coming. Mary

[Finding My Self]

Sunday 30th September

Mary - it's so great to have you here....you 'out there' on your ownsome feeling guilty? I don't think so..... there but for the grace of God..... etc. Don't gp anywhere will you?

Love FMF xx

[Determinator]

Sunday 30th September

Good morning AB friends! Beautiful Sunday in the cold desert...ha!
Mary, very succinct post. I try not to think of it in terms of a confessional since we are not generally judgemental. it's true for myself that we I must be honest and open for MWO to be the excellent tool it has been for me. In that vein it may be appropriate to say that I had two glasses of wine last night. no stress triggers of any kind...just an experiment. Went just fine..analyzed how I felt and put a cork in it. So I'm learning how much my brain has or hasn't changed....time will tell. My goal now is not mods but sod (special occasion drinks) and I don't know for sure how possible that is. I do know how risky it is though so keeping my eyes wide open. I wish to maintain a primarily AF lifestyle and if anything doesn't feel right I will be right back to strict AF. whew! lots on my mind. Debated whether or not to even post this as I didn't want to be a bad influence to many folks here. Dx reminded me of something very important and that is I have to be true to myself and that if I am honest it will be respected. aslo that I have to place my own "work" first here even though I like to help others very much.
off to a busy and introspective Sunday....

Be well friends.

[Finding My Self]

Sunday 30th September

Take Two....b***** pootas! #1 gone in to space!....aagh!

Deter, I welcome your post and have big respect for you and the way you put it.

I agree that each one of us has to find OUR way out and each post, as long as it is posted respectfully and gently like yours (unless a k*** up the b** is in order! but even then...) then it is good to read all the ways and routes to feeling 'comfortable' around this alcohol stuff. Genuine 'look the guy in mirror in the eye' stuff comfortable...

I think your post was put brilliantly and I thank you - if I had read that a while ago I might have felt stuff that reminded me that there was much work to do but that would have been a good thing too.... I believe that the support and love here gives us all the chance (and even request) to be really self responsible (is there any other way...response-able!) in our decisions. No sliding off with excuses about 'the group wouldn't want....' This way we make our own minds up (instead of when the booze seemed to do it for us) about how we act with the self-knowledge we've gained through the journey and being here. That seems to me to be a strong way to move forward... I am soooh grateful for the gentle way in whicheveryone at MWO has asked me to trust, yet work at, my decisions on a daily basis... and God willing, will continue to do so no matter whether I AB, Mod, Sod, ODO or a combination of all of them including the ever possible 'Messy Version' of OTT!!!

I am very glad for you that the two glasses was good and all... good on you. I LOVE your term 'sod'... I may do ODO (occasional drink only) for, funnily enough, that was one time I didn't want to drink....at an occasion; you know me!!! Far too busy talking!!!!! (Who, me?!?) But I would like to be at a place where when wine is poured to everyone I don't have to say, "No thanks..." but just sip and leave if I want to....or even enjoy! (At the moment, it is really weird, I just don't want wine....??????)

I do want to relax though without the pissed feeling (I know, I'm weird!) coz I am rather uptight about so much at the moment - money, studio, family, the weather.... So, I have just taken my first GABA.... 500mg...we'll see. I know I might need 1g at a time but I'd rather start slow.... I sleep ok but wake up feeling like I've slept on a plank so it would be nice to wake up feather-bedded one morning!!

Right, back to the infuriatingly silent TV.... we have that dank, limp rain going on here - the type that is wet, blowing on a messy wind and wouldn't be drawn like a child draws rain... BUT is messing up the satelite dish no end.... I have picture now but still no sound and frequent signals telling me that 'No signal is being received'...No?!?!? Really?!?! I don't like it; wet dark Sundays with no one in and no TV has always left me feeling like The Bomb's gone off and I'm the only one left alive.... even since I was little. ?!?!... I can watch a movie but I like to hear the odd, "This is the BBC (:H !) on ...date... time..."...keeps me in touch. Wonder why I have such trouble relaxing on my own...? I can be in a doing something sense on my own and even in sort of meditation but just the sitting room with the paper on a wet Sunday? Most people's dream!!

Right, end of my Sunday ramble... I do hope today is going OK for everyone. Thinking of those with much on their plate like Hannah... And those just starting out... and 'agains' too...

Love and hugs all round.
FMF xx

PS - feeling a bit 'tingly' now...ugh. Maybe the GABA's not right either.... hey ho. All the way from across The Pond too...!!

[retteacher]

Sunday 30th September

Deter: I'm glad you shared what you did. We are all different, & what makes MWO unique is that there are no rules, judgement, etc. That's why we can come here after we drink a little (as you did) or slip completely (as I did last Sunday). MWO is absolutely the only place I'm completely honest. I know in my heart that I could not have done what you did last night. I would have wanted more, more, more. Please keep us informed of your thoughts about all this. I really value your experience, because your insights are right on. I had a great AF Sunday. I needed to do that...stay sober. Thank you everyone, Mary

[Finding My Self]

Sunday 30th September

Well done Mary - good on you especially as, coz if I remember right, Sundays are hard for you.... well, harder even! Feel very pleased with and for yourself wont you...

Big hug
FMFxx