Hello Friends!
Thought of all of you often while away. Got home yesterday, actually, and the rest of the day and most of today I felt terribly depressed - my hubby says that?s because now that I am no longer ?staying strong? for my sister, I can allow myself to ?feel? everything. So I just rode it out, and although I am up at 2:30 in the a.m. typing this, I feel better. I did pm one of my good friends here last night, and rather than try to tell the story again, I am basically going to copy that post:
The last 10 days have been very tough, dealing w emotions, helping Wendy w arrangements, etc. We realized that arranging a funeral is much like arranging a wedding; you need flowers, a church, food, a minister, speakers and readers, organist, soloist, etc - except that the arrangements must be made in a much shorter time, and without any of the joy. It was a week to put her first, and not myself, and I was determined to do that, and do and be what she needed most in each moment. Much emotion, many tears, many hugs, gut wrenching talks, memories, some laughter, sharing, and quiet reflection. Very little sleep. HUGE crowds at the prayer service (400) and the funeral (300), vast quantities of food that no one felt like eating, a floral shop worth of flowers delivered to the door, phone calls at all hours, and stacks of sympathy cards. The gut wrenching experience of cleaning out Guerrino?s office. The healing process of creating a photo collage and power point presentation for the services. And seeing people at the services that I haven?t seen for 20 years or so.
And now I am home again, and feel awful that Wendy is now at home alone to deal with the rest of her life. As she said, I could stay with her for weeks, and it would just prolong the inevitable - being by herself and dealing with it. So with many hugs and tears I left her to it. Life is so cruel sometimes.
I tried to encourage her to find an online support group for widows. She said she didn?t think she was the type to participate in something like that - and I said that even if you don?t participate, sometimes it?s nice to be able to just read and feel like you are not so alone, when it?s midnight and you can?t sleep, and you feel it?s too late to phone anyone - and she said, well, maybe that?s true - so I hope she does.
And - confession time - I did have a few drinks. Really, really, wanted to hang on to all my AF stars - but if any of you are Italian or have married into an Italian family, you will understand that drinking wine is part of any social gathering. The first few glasses that were pressed into my hand I just walked around with until I could stealthily pour them down the drain. After a few days of this, though, I caved. Didn?t go overboard, but still and all, blew my nice AF run. So will be starting at square one again, don?t know if I?ll aim for a full 30 days because I do think I will allow myself to have some wine if I go out for supper w Hubby - we?ll see how it goes.
Glad to be back, looking forward to participating here again. Sorry this was such a book! I realized when I was away, just what an important part of my life this forum, and all you folks, are. You are just the best.
Thought of all of you often while away. Got home yesterday, actually, and the rest of the day and most of today I felt terribly depressed - my hubby says that?s because now that I am no longer ?staying strong? for my sister, I can allow myself to ?feel? everything. So I just rode it out, and although I am up at 2:30 in the a.m. typing this, I feel better. I did pm one of my good friends here last night, and rather than try to tell the story again, I am basically going to copy that post:
The last 10 days have been very tough, dealing w emotions, helping Wendy w arrangements, etc. We realized that arranging a funeral is much like arranging a wedding; you need flowers, a church, food, a minister, speakers and readers, organist, soloist, etc - except that the arrangements must be made in a much shorter time, and without any of the joy. It was a week to put her first, and not myself, and I was determined to do that, and do and be what she needed most in each moment. Much emotion, many tears, many hugs, gut wrenching talks, memories, some laughter, sharing, and quiet reflection. Very little sleep. HUGE crowds at the prayer service (400) and the funeral (300), vast quantities of food that no one felt like eating, a floral shop worth of flowers delivered to the door, phone calls at all hours, and stacks of sympathy cards. The gut wrenching experience of cleaning out Guerrino?s office. The healing process of creating a photo collage and power point presentation for the services. And seeing people at the services that I haven?t seen for 20 years or so.
And now I am home again, and feel awful that Wendy is now at home alone to deal with the rest of her life. As she said, I could stay with her for weeks, and it would just prolong the inevitable - being by herself and dealing with it. So with many hugs and tears I left her to it. Life is so cruel sometimes.
I tried to encourage her to find an online support group for widows. She said she didn?t think she was the type to participate in something like that - and I said that even if you don?t participate, sometimes it?s nice to be able to just read and feel like you are not so alone, when it?s midnight and you can?t sleep, and you feel it?s too late to phone anyone - and she said, well, maybe that?s true - so I hope she does.
And - confession time - I did have a few drinks. Really, really, wanted to hang on to all my AF stars - but if any of you are Italian or have married into an Italian family, you will understand that drinking wine is part of any social gathering. The first few glasses that were pressed into my hand I just walked around with until I could stealthily pour them down the drain. After a few days of this, though, I caved. Didn?t go overboard, but still and all, blew my nice AF run. So will be starting at square one again, don?t know if I?ll aim for a full 30 days because I do think I will allow myself to have some wine if I go out for supper w Hubby - we?ll see how it goes.
Glad to be back, looking forward to participating here again. Sorry this was such a book! I realized when I was away, just what an important part of my life this forum, and all you folks, are. You are just the best.
c: :heart:
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