Tues~Oct 9th

[Breez]

Morning All-

Got up early today so that I can fit MWO in my day. Didn't get much sleep as my daughter got scared because we had a passing fall thunderstorm last night & then my son decided to wake up at 3am & join us as well. I slept like a corpse.

Not much to say today. Off to work-STD clinic today. Now I dread Tues. because we get sooo busy during clinic. It seems everyone has sex all weekend & then panic on Monday & all come flying in on Tues. to get tested. Stop having unprotected sex for crying out loud-we provide free condoms, take them! LOL. Not only being busy lately but they decided to change protocol regarding testing females which gives me more paperwork & lab prep work to do.


Oh well-Have a great AF day everyone.
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[retteacher]

Tues~Oct 9th

Hi Breez & Everyone to Come: I'll be back later as I have one of the g-sons running around & need to get ready to take him to story hour. See you all later. I'm staying sober today. Mary

[rustop61]

Tues~Oct 9th

Hi everyone

Feeling much more positive today. Am on a cleaning, cleaning spree. You know the ones, where you pull stuff out, wash everything down. Have decided to do a room a day and maybe one of these days I'll catch up!! Live in hope and AF for today.

Rustop

[karma7171]

Tues~Oct 9th

Mary

Mary your "Aha" moment really struck a cord with me today. I had so many of those moments...yet sometimes for me they would get lost in society's high value placed in this drug. To make a long story short...I had a lot of AF time (several months)...then I decided to wean off of my anti-depressants. I felt so much better off of them that I really wondered how much they had contributed to my downfall with drinking. There definitely was a big link. Off of them I could drink like I had only dreamed of a year prior. I couldn't believe it. As time wore on...it wasn't so much the amount I drank...as the number of nights I would drink. I rarely had a hangover and didn't do one stupid thing...as I did in the past. However, I began to notice a low mood and anxiety becoming a constant companion. I realized a few things recently.

Once a relationship with a drug goes bad...it really is hard to have a "normal" relationship with it again. What I wanted it to be, got projected onto what it really was. I would see how much better things were compared to the past...without seeing that I was in a low mood, low energy and the growing anxiety level.

Also, my measuring stick was somewhat flawed. I was amazed how much better things were in regards to this issue. But what is "better" when your measuring stick a year ago was stuck in a pile of poop.

I have decided that long term AF is where I want to be. There will be hills and valleys...but I liked life much better without alcohol. At least I always knew my valleys were not a direct result of alcohol.

Karma

[YoungAtHeart]

Tues~Oct 9th

Good morning Abbers!

Nice to see you bright and early Breez! The kiddies sound cute. I remember how scared I was of thunderstorms I was when I was a kid. I'd climb in bed with my sister, though. I hope the clinic goes well. I have to laugh though--what a concept--PROTECTED SEX!! I'm glad that when I was younger, we didn't have to worry about HIV/AIDS.

Good to see you Mary, I read about your epiphany on the other thread. Terrific work! Tell you what, I even cherish the sad moments now (well, as much as I can...). They are more real, and I'm not stuffing them into the "numb room" in my head. Dealing with pain makes it more possible to truly enjoy pleasure and beauty as well.

Good for you, Rustop. I think that cleaning has a profound spiritual meaning too. It's like cleaning out the extra junk and cobwebs in your head as well. I'm doing it with my papers. Let's get our internal Feng Shui set up right, eh??

It's good to see you Karma. You have learned so much on your journey, and I appreciate your sharing some of it with us. I hope you will hang around regularly with us.

As for me, I'll be sorting out papers again, until I have to go to work later today. I'm just keeping on with that slowly but surely, until I get 'er done!

Hugs to all,:l
Kathy

[Hannah]

Tues~Oct 9th

Morning, Kathy, Karma, Rustop, Mary, Breez, and all to follow. Karma, enjoyed your thread - a lot of truth there.

Still feeling very tired today, still carrying a lot of emotions w me from the last few weeks. It's tempting to drink, especially since I fell off the wagon, so to speak, and blew all my AF days last week. However, I realize that would be a slippery slope back to where I was only 3 months ago. I think it's just the emotions speaking, though. Last night, I actually went out to the fridge in the garage and got a bottle of beer (not even a beer drinker, my poisen of choice has always been wine). Almost drank it, but ended up putting it back. I think now I am going to do a period of AF again, and go on from there.

Was reading on the mods board last night, and found someone's definition of being mods as "regarding myself as abs, but having the occasional drink". Wonderfull if you can do that. That would allow me to have wine w hubby on the few occasions that we go out for supper, or on a weekend away. Would be a good balance, I think. That may be my future goal, but those periods of abs will always be important to me.

[Determinator]

Tues~Oct 9th

heya AB'erooonies! I'm back!
had a great AF visit in Oregon and now back to the house project and my new work...busy busy!
Karma, the measuring stick analogy rings a chord with me as well...our relativity to this issue changes as we do better.
Hannah, are you doing a good dose of vitmins and Lglutamine etc? that really helps me when I'm down. and exercise is a HUGE difference for me. I really felt almost a depression setting in after I hurt this knee and had to stop my regular workout...hit me like a sledge hammer.
be well freinds

[retteacher]

Tues~Oct 9th

Kathy: I loved what you said about enjoying the sad moments. None of our emotions are bad. We just have to work through them. That's what I'm learning to do now. That whole process was short-circuited when I started drinking heavily.

Today I feel incredibly grateful to be alive. I work hard at b-sitting my grandsons while my daughter is at work. It's hard work but very temporary. In a few short years, they'll be in school full-time. I want to capture this experience while it's available. I wouldn't feel this way if I was drinking or hungover. I just wouldn't be able to. Drinking & its aftermath takes up too much energy. Why would I want to sacrifice my g-children for a poison?

Mary