Wednesday, Oct. 10th

[retteacher]

Dear Friends:

Sometimes when I read posts from newbies, I get flashbacks of my black-out days. I think those were the absolute worst part of the whole drinking experience. I'm just realizing as I'm typing this, that I haven't had a black-out in months & months. They used to be a frequent occurrance for me.

Today I have a busy day planned. I know I'll be in the fully there the whole time. What an enormous gift!

I hope you all are doing well. I never realized that living an abstinent life could be so gratifying.

Love, Mary

[Cinders]

Wednesday, Oct. 10th

Mary and all to come,

I am running late for work but the threads today have been really fascinating to me.

So many long term absters are starting to go through yet more changes and feeling better about their lives.

So many newbies joining and reaching out for help.

Many of us who are still working hard to get much AF time under our belt, some of us are doing well, others are having lapses, but everyone keeps on trying!!

It is so refreshing to feel your new outlook on life, Mary. You have passed yet another milestone, the one that says, "Life is good." I am very happy for you.

I still am on the ODAT and know I will be there a long time. Sometimes I white knuckle it but I have noticed each day does get just a little bit easier.

Everyone have a wonderful Wednesday and remember how good life is sober. I used to hate that word because it always sounded so serious and sad, now I feel much differently about it and relate it to serenity.

Love,
Cindi

[Hannah]

Wednesday, Oct. 10th

Good morning Mary, Cindi, and all to follow.

First day back at work for a few weeks, kick in the butt to have to get up so early! Hope everyone has a good AF day, and that it's a little warmer where you are! Brrrrr!

[Breez]

Wednesday, Oct. 10th

oooh I'm mad.

I just typed a heck of a lot & "poof"-my nails are too long & I hit some key & gone!

Ok-see if I can remember....

Mary-I found that with my AF route I had so many things to do (in a good way). Then I would wonder-how did I manage to do things in my blackouts? I guess I never really managed and even neglected things. Here's a secret:I would often check my caller ID on my phone to see what the exact date was because I sometimes lost days. UGH. Is that really what a life should be? I think not.

Mary enjoy your day. may it be fullfilling!

Today is my day off. My goal is to find my son's school library book which has come up missing. The school library will not let him participate unless he brings it in (yesterday I gave them anothet hardcover to take it's place-they took it but still did not allow him to participate). I'm pissed. He has his next library visit next Tues. & if I can't find it I'm going to give that lady a piece of my mind.

Well off to begin the day.

Have a great AF day everyone

[satori]

Wednesday, Oct. 10th

Hi Guys,

Cool greyish day here - but at least not raining today.

Not much to report really - just keeping on keeping on.

Alcohol rarely enters my mind these days and - like you Mary, I am loving the fact that I an "here" all the time, can drive any time etc. etc.

I was out for a meal on Saturday evening with my family (my oldest son's 16th birthday!) My wife ordered her usual glass of wine.
The kids and I went AF!
Well the wine arrived - must have been about half a bottle in the glass!

Anyway - After we came out of the restaurant my wife said to me "you had better drive" but then she added,
"Might as well take advantage of you while you are not drinking - it will never last"

I found that quite hurtful! I would have thought that after 83 or so days without a drink, she might have realised that something was a little different.

She has never made any comment like this before.
I just wonder if she is herself beginning to come face to face with the reality that she too might have a "little" bit of a problem herself - She does only drink one regular glass most evenings - sometimes two - but as I have mentioned before, I do see the some of the signs of dependence there.

Hmmm !

We shall see what she has to say after the next 80 days have passed I suppose.
I am in no hurry to resume drinking any time soon - I am having too much fun sober!

See you later

Love

satori
xxx

[Accountable for Me]

Wednesday, Oct. 10th

Good morning Abbers!

I think I had a brain fart as I can't remember all who has posted thus far on this thread and I just read them! ACK!

Breez - why in the world would the library take the book you replaced and then proceed not to let your son participate. That is utterly cruel. Gosh, kids loose stuff all of the time! Textbooks, library books, socks, shoes ;-) I would go and have a little 'discussion' with her myself. Kids are kids.................... and that was plain ol' mean!

Satori - I still get the 'hurtful' comment from time to time and it has been almost 10 months for me. Let it roll off your shoulders. Keep that positivity going - because we know what AF is like compared to the alternative and we will choose AF anyday!

Mary - good to see you are still ODAT! That is all you can do. Just for today, my friend.

Hannah - it is cold here too. Sending you warm vibes anyway.

If I have missed anyone, I do apologize. I usually don't list everyone while typing in this thread, but I had a few minutes this morning seeing my little one is still sleeping - which is a SHOCKER! :H

Have a great day everyone.

[Accountable for Me]

Wednesday, Oct. 10th

OK - sorry Cindi, I did miss you..................

How is that quitting smoking coming? How are those lozenges anyway? I am using Nicorette. How long do they last? I am curious because my hubby suggested I give them a try for something different.

[Breez]

Wednesday, Oct. 10th

Hi satori-
I'm just going to pipe in. First the wifey was under the influence & let the tongue a little too loose. But in reality-our significant others will take a LONG time to totally believe in our new life change. I've lost fingers & toes to count on as to how many times I have told my hubby "this is the last time". Time heals all wombs. All I can do now is show it day by day. Satori-I went 7 mo AF & had a drink because of too much on my plate. It brought hubby back to day 1. He was so dissappointed. I let myself & my family down. So can I blame him that even tho I had 7mo AF & have told him that was my last time I'd "slip" that he is to not to believe me? Sorry to be harsh & take wife's side but I really can't blame them. Yes they can be nicer with their words & be supportive. But I came to realization that this is my own fight. My family does not know what I deal with day to day. I come here for my support beacuse it's only people who walk in your shoes who know how difficult the walk it is. Others are just on the sidelines.


So from me- woohoo for doing a job well done! CONGRATS on 83+ days!

[Determinator]

Wednesday, Oct. 10th

Happy middle of the week ABoriginees!
it's raining bloody cats n dogs here in the normally dry desert and the winds have been howling all night....I'm about to run and get on a plane so that should be a really bumpy ride. At least I'll be taking the plane sans hangover oh I recall a few really bad plane rides thanks to making myself sick....ugh.
Very good positive reinforcements Breez! Only we have walked in these shoes.
My very carefull MODing has gone well...just being super carefull and trying to keep all the pieces together and being honest with myself.
this knee injury has reminded me how important exercise has been to my mental well being and resistance to acohol abuse....so glad to be able to walk hills again and do other light outdoor work....REALLY missed that.
off I go....be well

[retteacher]

Wednesday, Oct. 10th

Satori: I've found that when I make a change in myself (especially one as big as giving up booze), my marriage undergoes a change. My husband is accustomed to a very quiet, unassertive wife. I didn't feel like I could speak up, because I felt so guilty & ashamed of myself. I over-compensated for the guilt by doing too much & keeping quiet too often. Now that I've got my wits about me all the time, I can "say what I mean, mean what I say, but not say it mean" (an AA aphorism). My husband now has to make some changes...take over some of the chores that I've always done, step out of his comfort zone, etc. It's all good. After 35 years of marriage, I've found that the relationship is a dynamic thing...we haven't arrived at nirvana...we never will. Mary

[Newyear]

Wednesday, Oct. 10th

Good afternoon.
Satori - I can understand how that would hurt.
Breez makes a lot of sense and I like what you said breez : But I came to realization that this is my own fight. My family does not know what I deal with day to day.
I am super sensitive to criticism which generally leads me to not revealing a lot about myself to others - or at least I try to be careful about it.
Not one person knows of the extent of my drinking. Not One. I have only discussed it here. Mostly it is because I don't want to be criticized or judged. If I fail at quitting...no one will know but me
The bad side is .. if I win at quitting...no one will know but me. All the support here has been enough for me. And Breez, again, you said it, it is my fight and I have to do this for me.
There are so many layers to this 'recovery' we are all going thru.

Sorry...went off on a tangent ...
Actually, I am having a pretty darned good day. Not getting a lot of work done at work but that's ok.

:l
Lisa

[Chief]

Wednesday, Oct. 10th

Hi All!

Glad to see everyone is doing well. Today is day 61 for me! I've been so busy I didn't even realize yesterday was a "milestone". I think that's a good thing. Being sober just feels so normal to me now. Sometimes it's hard to believe the way I used to live. Cindi, I know exactly what you mean about the word "sober". I used to think of it in a negative way and now I think of it as being normal and healthy.

Satori- Don't let your wife's comment get to you. She had been drinking and it very well could have been "her Beast" talking to "your Beast" and trying to get a stir out of you. They are devious bastards...

Have a good evening everyone!

Don

[Determinatrix]

Wednesday, Oct. 10th

Satori, Ouch! Maybe you can ask her about that when she is not drinking. Sometimes I know that I have been afraid to have 100% hope that Determinator actually has this under control. If I don't leave a little cushion my heart will just break. I hope you are able have her understand how hard you have worked and that comments like that do not nurture growth. She may have misplaced resentment. xoxoxo Dx

[Finding My Self]

Wednesday, Oct. 10th

Hello - lovely to read all your posts.

Satori - ouch! But lots of good ideas here... I'm sure it was just the bucket of wine (yup, glasses seem to be getting bigger and bigger; do you remember the little ones you now only really see in Village Halls filled by the WI ?!?! Even they look big to me now!) I just don't think even our loved ones realise how 'that' spot will probably always be a little tender...you certainly have to walk in these shoes to not only know what it feels like to do it but to 'deal with' the stigma that abounds in the every day language of this world... A 'joke' about it is going to smart a bit even after a magnificent 83 days!

I remember being told by D that, "I was meant to be different now"...when I was sober but 'still upset' when he/someone said or did something that irritated me (as in like life does you know)... So being sober means we start taking schmuck with a big smile?!? It was a telling sentence...!

Mary - you're doing so well...such quiet determination and courage coming through.

Hannah-Deb I hope work was OK....getting back 'in harness' is good but a bit tough for a few days I expect...

I've lost the plot on getting to everyone too...keep losing the psot if I dance about! So, those on patches and lozenges well done! (And you'll do find another time Star!) Those with kiddos - sounding good and energised...grrrr to schools Breez...what is she ON?!?!
Weather changing - cold....but being Canada I guess it's going to get w whole lot colder?!
We've had a lovely day again - apparently going to get another 'Indian Summer' this week.....

My daughter's boyfriend has come down from Uni a day early to surprise her...he is just the best! Romance is certainly not dead! And he always washes up when he comes down....I mean, I don't say anything but I find he's washed everything in sight when I come down in the morning!! And he always bring her flowers! At 19! Sweetheart!

I've been battling a bit with my Aged P's still - just trying to check things are sort of 'in order' a bit for their 'dotage', them being 82 and 86....you know, health and well-being stuff. Sounds a bit heavy but I did find out what I sadly suspected.... I am their only child. I am 50 (nearly!). But they do not have me in their diary under the 'accident' place, or anywhere!...I do not have enduring power of attourney.....their Investment Manager does!!!! A man who is pretty business like (and why not!) but who "wears smart suits, speaks so nicely, privately educates his children and is so charming"... (my parent's words!) "He's become a dear and trusted friend" so knows everything and I know nothing.... He's 48 and they're in their 80's?!? He says he cannot speak with me coz of the Data Protection Act but I'm not to worry because if anything were to happen to them he is sure "someone would contact me when it was practicable". Yet he's looking after a pretty big lump of wealth on their behalf... anyone smell the same rat as me?! And is he really going to care about their health and happiness?! So, .........But they're adamant and I have to respect their wishes.......................It is a very old, established company this guy works for but... OK. Fine. Byeeeeee!!

End of vent. Not going to bother any more. Stalemate and time to let go. I kind of have to accept that I'm not wanted...despite their gushing 'devotedness'. (7 'darlings' in my Father's last letter to me!) But, in spite of typing this feeling just fine, sometimes it hurts so much...(and it's not about the money as my father says it is with me)...hence my typing it coz that's where I've sort of been.

I'm sorry to mention it coz it is so nothing in the light of what so many others are going through...but it's good to get it out even if (quite understandably!) it's not read coz I know that deep down it is the foundation of why I drank so perhaps is better 'out than in'.... I'd always worked on 'abandonment issues' but it seems it's more 'rejection stuff'.... perhaps? Oh, I don't know....boring!

Anyway, I feel I ought to hit delete...hope you left it out really! The great thing is to be feeling good about the firewater....I can't believe it when I think back to May!! This place is just the greatest. Thanks all. Going to hit post now and shut up!! Dog, what a ramble!

Love
FMF xx

[Newyear]

Wednesday, Oct. 10th

FMF.....taking care of your parents is tough. And I read your whole rant
I'm starting down that road now with my mom and stepdad. Mom is 71 step dad is 85.
Just remember that they love you - the rest is all paperwork.
:h
Lisa