Friday - Oct. 19

[retteacher]

Hi Everyone: I had trouble getting to MWO last night & this AM. It's a little scary when I can't come here. Anyhow, the site opened up for me, & I wanted to start the daily thread, albeit a little late. I just read through yesterday's daily thread. It was great...very uplifting.

I've been looking at the reasons why I liked drinking alone so much. Escape...from myself & from the vicissitudes of life. There is no escape, & drinking only makes matters worse. Now, I'm concentrating on throwing myself into each moment life has to offer...good or bad. Love, Mary

[buddha27]

Friday - Oct. 19

Hey Retteacher,

What are you doing with your AF time?

Buddha27

[LindZee]

Friday - Oct. 19

Yesterday's thread

Good morning Mary, Budda and to all who follow.

Mary, I also read the thread from yesterday and agree it was so uplifting. The insights from all you successful AFers ?Anna, Barry, Mary, Deter, Kathy, Lisa and Rustop?were very inspiring and so timely for me. I need to decide whether to continue mods or go back to a period of AF. I am really struggling with this.

I started moderating only two weeks ago after completing 30 days AF. The first weekend was a big success as we were on a trip out of town. Last weekend we were home and I had a few more glasses of wine than the previous weekend, but nothing like I used to drink and didn?t get drunk. Yet I had this curious nostalgia for my AF weekends.

At the beginning of my 30 days I was quite impatient and irritated with my husband because he was still drinking heavily. I didn't like the temptation in the house and wanted so badly for him to magically cut down. As the weeks passed it started not to bother me so much. I felt so good with myself and less impatient with him. I had this attitude that when the time is right for him he will deal with his problem, I just had to deal with mine. I felt very close to him in spite of being very sad to see him drift into that zoned out place he went to while drinking.

Now that I?m drinking moderately I?m finding myself irritated with him again. I just don?t understand it. Anna, I think what you said about being more supportive to your husband now that you?re sober sheds some light on my feelings. I wonder if the alcohol is creeping into my system and already affecting my moods and emotions.

I almost wish I had continued on the AF path so I could experience those two month changes you and Barry speak of. I am seriously reconsidering going AF for another extended period. I?m on day 5 right now but I?d have to get through that first AF weekend all over again. And there?s a Halloween party next weekend, the holidays coming up?etc. etc. So much to think about (?so many excuses).

Anna, I hope you have a wonderful birthday! I am so happy for you and you give me so much hope for the future. I had a good laugh at your math --hubby and I also have about 80 years of drinking between us ?though in reality I guess it?s not a laughing matter.

I love reading all your posts, whether you?re long time abstainers or like Wonderworld, so enthusiatically beginning your journey. Thanks to all of you:thanks: .

LZ

[The Londoner]

Friday - Oct. 19

Lindzee!
It is so lovely to have you back! In a dash-beauty preps for the Big Day Out tomorrow-stay with us for a while won't you? I so understand your current thinking. A tough one.Stay strong.
Annax

[barry]

Friday - Oct. 19

Hi absters: already daydreaming about the weekend, lots of stuff to do around our house to "finish" our remodel, I don't think you ever really finish. Mary, I used to do most of my drinking alone, my wife would go off to bed after a couple glasses of wine and then I would stay up to all hours and drink a couple more bottles of wine and of course feel like a wreck the next morning. I have my own business otherwise I probably would have been fired many times for being late or showing up hung over. I honestly don't know what I was looking for in those bottles or what I was hiding from. After getting out of the habit, the daily mental reflex to open the wine, whatever it was that made me drink somehow seems to have left me (hopefully for good).
For me, moderation was never an option, first of all I don't understand the point, why drink at all unless you are going to get numb, then moderation is just too complicated for me to even contemplate, all the planning what to drink, where, when and how much, it makes my hair hurt.
I never thought I'd be where I am today, not only because at first I didn't think I could do it but because I had no idea or experience of what it was like to live sober. I thought it would be scary, boring, I'd be a lame-o, an outcast of sorts "the guy that doesn't drink". It's ridiculous. My life has never been so full, refreshing and happy. I never want to go back to how it was.

[Changeling]

Friday - Oct. 19

Lindzee
I too have a husband that loves to drink. He drinks way more than I do even at my bad times. The big difference though is that he doesnt see it as a problem.
I managed 8 months sober this year Dec - August and he carried on drinking all through. I can't tell you how difficult that was at the beginning - BUT - it did get easier.

He was quite supportive of what I was doing and seemed to understand that I really needed it.

However, when I started to think about drinking on Holiday, he really encouraged me.
He could not wait to get some wine down me and have his old drinking buddy back.

It has given me a lot to think about regarding my future.
I am heart broken to even consider that perhaps he really prefers the drunk, staggering, sick, hung over me to the sober one.
(or perhaps is just more comfortable with the drinking me)
Lots of food for thought.
Thanks for the insight and honesty in your post.
Very best wishes to all
Changeling

[Changeling]

Friday - Oct. 19

Hi Barry
Think we were posting at the same time.
I like your post.
You are a really good guy and I am glad your life is so good.
Best wishes
Changeling

[YoungAtHeart]

Friday - Oct. 19

Hi All,

I have so much admiration for those of you who have gotten AF time under your belts while having a drinking spouse. I didn't even go around anyone who was drinking for two months, and now I don't go unless I am armed with AF wine! I'm such a wuss, and I admire those who can face social occasions with sparkling water, etc. My hats are off to all of you!

Hugs,:l
Kathy

[paula]

Friday - Oct. 19

Hi everyone,
I also have a husband that likes to drink, the difference between us is he knows when
to stop, I can't. I do find it difficult because we have wine/beer in the house all the time.
The strange thing is I never touch it, when I had a drinking episode I always went out and
bought my own wine ! How odd am I ?.
Best wishes to you all. Paula.

[LindZee]

Friday - Oct. 19

Changeling, my husband is exactly the same! He drinks more than I ever did but doesn't seem to think it's a problem. I guess he figures we work, own our home, go on vacations, haven't had any DUIs or trouble with the law, etc...so what if he wants to have a few (quite a few) drinks every night.

Barry, he's like you used to be --he stays up drinking long after I go to bed. He'll fall asleep on the couch, then wake up and pour another drink. Did you always knew you had a problem or did you lie to yourself for some time before you faced your drinking problem?

Changeling, your husband probably didn't mean any harm when he encouraged you to drink. Like you said, he misses his drinking buddy. And I'm sure he's more comfortable too. After all, if you're drinking with him he doesn't have to examine his own problem. My hubby likes me to drink too, he thinks I'm more fun. Oh the memories we have of the wild and crazy times when were were both drunk, things we'd never have done sober.

If only couples went through changes at the same time, how much easier it would be. Now we have a stocked wine rack and the whole weekend looming ahead and I am so afraid of falling back into the old patterns.

Kathy, what kind of AF wine do you get? I've seen grape juice in the bottle but not AF wine. That might work for me since I love to drink anything out of a beautiful wine glass. I might be able to trick my mind LOL.

Anna, what do you have planned for your big day? And do tell more about the beauty preps --I love to hear the details! You sound so happy

LZ

[LindZee]

Friday - Oct. 19

Paula, we were posting at the same time. That is odd Do you mean that you don't drink at home, only when you're out?

When I'm out I'm a little more cautious --I don't want to me a fool out of myself. But at home, it's a lot harder to stop...especially with hubby pouring continuous refills.

[paula]

Friday - Oct. 19

Lindzee I only drink at home, but I go out to buy booze, if I drank what was in the house
hubby would probably notice. When I go out socially I drink juice or iced water. He knows
I have a problem with booze once I start drinking, so I don't drink when he's there.Does
that make sense.?

[retteacher]

Friday - Oct. 19

Hi Everyone:

To answer your question Buddha: I do mostly the same things I did when I was drinking, only now I don't have to push myself through them, & I remember what I did afterwards: cook, knit, watch TV, babysit the g-kids, etc.

My husband drinks but very, very moderately. I'm not sure how I'd deal w/him opening a bottle of wine every night. My goal is clear: abstinence for life. I've tried mod enough times to know I can't do it. I start off OK, but my drinking soon progresses to the huge proportions that drove me to stop w/MWO.

Methods of mod I tried:
-counting drinks.
-not starting to drink until a particular time.
-only drinking wine.
-only drinking at home.
-etc. etc. etc.

Nothing worked. I always ended up w/a bottle stashed somewhere in the house that I could guzzle when I thought no one would notice. AF is just so much easier for me. I'm developing a taste for diet sodas of all sorts.

Love, Mary

[Chief]

Friday - Oct. 19

I'm so glad to see you doing so well, Mary. You seem to have a handle on it. I agree with you, being AF is so much easier than the constant work and worry of trying to Mod. If I could moderate my drinking I wouldn't be here in the first place!

Don

[vinophile]

Friday - Oct. 19

How all your posts have hit home with me tonight. As the weekend looms ahead staying sober becomes so much more difficult,especially if we have a partner who is involved(and what partner wouldn't be involved in some way) with our dance with the drink.

My husband usually encourages me to join him if he is having a glass of wine. Perhaps he doesn't want to lose his drinking partner. I think he believes drinking relaxes me and makes me laugh....which is true. It loosens me up,and I tend to be uptight. I'm probably a lot more fun to be around,initially, when I start drinking.

What he probably doesn't understand,and neither do I completely, is how it eats away at my very soul. As I get older,with regard to my drinking, I feel that well known economic law of diminished returns. It used to work really well but I'm getting less and less out of it. It's time to close down the drinking factory for good.

It's tough to change a behavior. It's even tougher when other people are intricately involved in that behavior with you. I suppose we are ultimately reposible for our own behaviors only.

On Monday morning it seems so easy. Fridays and Saturdays are another story.

Good luck with your weekend eveyone. Thank you all for letting me know, once again, that I'm not alone in this struggle

Janet