Sun. Oct. 28

[retteacher]

Hi Everyone: It's 1:30 AM, & I just can't sleep. We went to a Halloween party this evening, & I'm happy to report that I stayed AF. I'm getting the hang of staying AF at parties. I start w/a big glass of soda while everyone is having their cocktail. I felt a twinge when I saw the alcohol displayed on the bar (it was serve-yourself), but I avoided looking at the bar & the feeling passed. I forgot all about the booze after a while.

Being at parties AF while others (normal drinkers) are drinking takes some familiarization. It isn't always easy, because instead of talking gibberish (which is what I did when I was drunk), I was having to think about making real conversation. The holidays will soon be upon us. There will be more & more opportunities for me to be sober while others drink. I feel very committed to my goal of an AF lifestyle & will continue to make my sobriety a number one priority.

Mary

[Hannah]

Sun. Oct. 28

Hi Mary - I also am still up. Trouble is I always sleep in on Satruday mornings & then just am not tired enough to go to sleep on Saturday nights. I wish I had the self disipline to make myself get up early on Saturdays, but not gonna happen!

Yes, the Christmas season is fast approaching isn't it? It's not been a particularly good time of year for us for a long time - my hubby's brother hung himself on Christmas Eve of 1995. So brings back lots of bad memories.

Also, work just gets crazy - I work at the Post Office, pretty much a one girl show - the work triples and I don't get any extra help, and every year I wonder how on earth I can do another Christmas. Not as young as I used to be, for sure.

Well, didn't mean to be so gloomy. Christmas does have it's nicer side too, of course. I try to remember that, too.

You are doing so well, Mary. We don't do a lot of social functions, so I don't have to be "as strong" as you are. I'm not sure I could, so I really admire you.

Have a good Sunday, Mary, and all who follow.

[The Londoner]

Sun. Oct. 28

Hi Mary and Hannah and everyone
Yes indeedy, being AF at parties does take thoughtful planning. I have commited myself to another 30 AF as I agree with FMF and others who say don't think of moderating until you have 90/100 AF days under your belt. I have been in several situations where others were drinking and it was very interesting. First off was a champagne tea birthday party (without the tea!). Only a very dear friend whom I had not seen in years noticed I was drinking sparkling water in the champ flute -her 21 yr old daughter who is a sweet girl said that she wanted me to have the champagne and choc cake because and I quote, she wanted me to be happy not sad. I was v surprised to hear myself say I was content on my detox!
My only annoyance was that there were work colleagues present and because I can feel shy at parties i was extra loud and talkative and felt they probably thought I was tipsy! So next time there is a gathering I intend to be quieter and think before I speak rather than being the clown. I have been out for a meal with my best friend who knows I am AF and we talked it through. Unsure whether to have a glass of white with her, she ordered, tasted and said it was not worth breaking AF for such an inferior wine! Later I asked her how she felt after the one glass (it was lunchtime) and she said tired. So I really felt I hadn't missed anything. Last Thurs my beautiful stepdaughter took me out for am expensive veggie meal in Primrose Hill, North London. I told her I was AF and she was cool around it. She then ordered herself a glass of white, took 2 sips and left the rest! i asked her why and she said while she liked the thought of having a glass of wine, most of the time she doesn't actually want to drink the wine! Great! My other close friend is happier drinking tea with a meal, so I feel lucky that most of the people who are dear to me are not hard drinkers. I have to work out how to deal with those I love who do put drink before a lot of things. Especially when holiday get togethers start to happen. Have any of you guys hosted parties at yours where you are offering others booze whilst not having any yourself? Am ready to think about this but not sure if I wouldn't prefer to host an AF party instead? Gotta prove to myself and others AF can mean a fun time. I don't feel like hitting the drink aisles and buying for others! They could bring their own and drink their own? Dunno. Confused about this, as might be ready to mod myself come chrimbo.If i decide to stay AF don't want it to mean I cannot have my family here for a celeb meal. All thoughts appreciated, folks.

I agree with Mary about the need to offer real conversation instead of drunken words at a party-quite an art! Thanks for the ODAT thread, Mary, I look forward to it. You sound just great with AF and daily reminders really help us all to keep going.

Anyway, love to you all, hope you got through Sat okay and for us UKers, enjoy the extra weekend hour with the clocks going back!

:h Anna

[wonderworld]

Sun. Oct. 28

hello all-

Mary, you always seem to hit the nail right on the head. You put words to much that I experience, too. Thank you.

Hannah - Thank you for giving me an excellent reason to NOT send Christmas cards. I'm not a huge ba-humbug type, but honeslty I could do without the whole thing and be very happy.

Londoner - I've served alcohol in my home at times when I was AF (though I would find it very difficult/impossible right now for various reasons). One thing that worked for me, was having other people deal with the whole issue - whether people bring their own, or maybe co-host with someone who does drink (and knows you're wanting not to), and let them be in charge of that whole department - from the shopping for it, to setting things up, to serving, and to disposing of everything after. And you do the food, decor and such. As far as AF parties - if people come who are expecting to drink and then find out when they get there that there's no alcohol, well, good luck. I have found that people find this grim and shocking, even if they dont' have a 'problem'. It's not just 'us' who get loosened up with a drink! If they know in advance, it's a (little) better. Oh, and stress! When I give a party I tend to get really stressed out with the preparations. That's a trigger bigtime. Slowing down and not getting too crazy about it helps (easy for me to SAY!).

For me during the holidays - the hardest is being with my "family of origin" as they say. I'm the only one who doesn't drink in that lot and well, some of them make me feel desperate for anesthesia. lol!!! God help me......

wonder xx

[retteacher]

Sun. Oct. 28

Hi Again: I'm a person who cannot drink moderately. There were a couple of heavy drinkers at last nights party, but nobody that I would characterize as an alocholic drinker. I really can't think of anyone in our circle of friends that drank the way I did. I've found that most of our friends don't even notice what I drink. I usually say that drinking brings on a headache now that I'm older, so I'll just stick to soda. That works for me. Mary

[Finding My Self]

Sun. Oct. 28

Wow, I'd really like to come back on this later - busy day.... I thought I was doing so well but it's jsut hit me that i have absolutely no idea how I would function in the 'real world'....as in (true but not 'playing violins' here) I can't honestly remember the last time i went to a party. I really cannot remember the last time I GAVE a party. (about 10 years.) I don't have anywhere to host a party now and I would have no more than 3 people to invite... I mean how sad is that? What have I let myself sink to (nothing to do with the booze either - no wonder I b****y drank!) My Christmas is looking worrying about drinking for completely the opposite reason... To date my kids are with their Dad, my eldest is with HER Dad and new hubby and I haven't spent Christmas with my parents siince 1992 (for very good reason - it would be more than drink that got consumed...cyanide comes to mind...yet I am very sad about that and always have been. They'd rather spend it just together or with my cousins...??)

How'd I get to this mess? I love people. I used to welcome any body and every body into my home... I would now but where are they?

Sorry, end of vent - but am I kidding myself that I am happy with just an AF lager or 100mls wine with soda occasionally? I think I am but now I am wondering... Actually I think I would be OK as I drank cos I was bored and lonely (hmmm, Xmas...) It's always been give me people and I don't want it.... but I have no idea now. People disappeared 8 years ago and drinking only came in 2 years ago....

Well, much more cheerfully, I hope everyone is able to find their own levels and places of courage and groundedness around this with the holidays approaching... I am thinking positively for you but 'fraid I have absolutely nothing I can suggest for, now, obvious reasons!!

Sorry - probably shouldn't hit 'post' but...

Love and hugs
FMF xx

[Determinator]

Sun. Oct. 28

Good morning ABerooos!

whew...crappy day/night yesterday. ended up drinking 5 beers over a 6 hour period...now I'm bloated and unhappy. not hungover but do believe I'm coming down wiht a cold. something was wrong with me yesterday and Dx noticed it too...guess I haven't been sick in so long that I didn't realize the feeling for what it was. oh well...not going to let it drag me into a depressive/drinking cycle. not falling for it!
congrads Mary on the AF party...that's not easy for me.
be well everyone, off to dose up on vitamins

[indigosky]

Sun. Oct. 28

Hi Everyone,
sorry I haven't been too good about writing lately. I have been in alot of pain with my back, neck, ankle and hand. I bought a brace for my hand and ankle. Maybe I over did it with the walking bit...i had gotten myself up to 4 miles a day there and dropped 20 lbs since august, it's been such a beautiful fall. The cold rainy weather is bringing with it all my aches and pains from years of beating myself up and letting others do the same unfortunately. Physical therapy starts tomarrow..hope they can help me some.

I've been working hard on the custody situation with my daughter. I got a good book at the library and it really makes me feel less powerless. My ex's wife threatened me that if I went to court I wouldn't get any where. I don't know how she thinks that the biological mother has no rights to her own child. I never gave mine away. He stated that he would never keep her away from me...it's right on the court papers. Only trouble is that I can't afford a lawyer....if only. It's been two years come January since I have seen or spoken to my little girl. I will never give up.

I'm going to an AF birthday/halloween party tonight so must get dressed up and make the dip...then go downstairs to get my neighbor made up for the party. It's her grand daughters sweet sixteen party. It's a surprise party..her boyfriend is going to blindfold her and drive her over there...should be interesting.

I'll have 60 days on the 4th of november AF God willing...so far so good. Don't want to let anything jeopardize me getting my baby back. What they are doing is considered parental alienation and it is grounds for losing custody. I don't want to do anything that would cause my daughter unhappiness but I do want a relationship with my daughter. I won't be bullied by his wife any further. Enough said....Hope you guys have a good rest of your weekend.:h

[The Londoner]

Sun. Oct. 28

parties

Wonderworld-thanks for the advice-good idea to get my husband to do the drinks side of the party whilst I do the food etc. That's if I can deal with the stress!

FMF-I am only thinking of a small family gathering, husband, my 2 wonderful stepdaughters and their charming newish husbands and it wouldn't be for christmas day as such as they also go elsewhere/prefer to be by themselves.
Bet you will still celeb with your children when the time is right, just like your special b'day.
The whole season is overrated anyway-my friend's daughter put it well last year when she said christmas should only last for 2 hours!

wonderworld my family of origin, as you put it,are out of my life completely-my parents are dead and I am estranged from my only brother and my blister in law-who needs misery? who needs selfishness?who needs lack of respect? who needs to be invisible? Not I! All we need is love! Sing along guys! I think the party has begun and I'm sitting here all on my own, feeling happy thanks to you all. Singing to a computer=mad or what?


:h :l Anna

[Finding My Self]

Sun. Oct. 28

Indigo - I am so sorry about your daughter...been there a bit... hurts...(understatement!) You're doing so well and I hope it all pays off big time with your daughter...(ex's wife sounds @#*&%$?@#?"'!!!) and that at least you're feeling so much better.

Sorry guys, was just out and wishing I hadn't posted that - talk about raining on everyone's parade! I'm so b***y lucky really... just had so many crappy Xmas's since childhood that ONE DAY I am determined to have a happy, peopley, family, loving one!! There's always 2008!) I guess, well, I don't know...there seem to be so few times that people get together in a year that I wish Christmas would at least pull people together instead of being such a time of, quite honestly, pain for so many... Doesn't seem to be quite the message of Christmas. Perhaps we all need to work harder at bringing it back....you know, cutting all the sh**ty commercialism and hype and just 'being together'. Proper Christmas cards that take time to make and send and not just a hastily thrown together e-mail if anything at all... If we don't have people in this world we have nowt - we know that here!! I believe we must make time for other people... slowly and surely or it will be a sorry world in another 10 years.

God, banging on again - sorreeee! Think it must be 'worrying' me!

I'll go and make a coffee!!

Anna - good to 'see' you! Did you get to Italy recently?

Deter - hope your cold goes away...mine seems to have disappeared for a few more days! Tons of zinc? Just the one beer now eh?!?

Hannah love - Crimbo...hmm...we're all having a bit of a 'thing' about it...I am so sorry about your BIL...(s). You've had it really rough. Hugs. We'll have a MWO Crimbo Tree anyway? Loads of graphics? You're soooh good at them?!

Right, daughter needs printer and son on my laptop...def. time for coffee and to stop being neggy...!

Love
FMFxxx