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[fickle]

Thought i would be fine today, back in the saddle.. back at work.. thought things were going fine..... However, boss had a little suprise for me :b&d:
I do not know if I want to be there any more. I've realised there have been some people working against me behind the scenes. I was up for the end of my 3 month probation and expected all was well, but apparently not. Everyone's been nice as pie, no complaints so far, just positive feedback. But today there was a long list of complaints by other members of my 'team'. All of it was unfair, but then my boss has not been paying attention. Long boring story and loads of rubbish. :blah: Leading me to edge of abyss financially. He's given me till tomorrow to decide what to do.
Needless to say Im on my second light beer and am going to bed early.
I want to kill myself but wont.. will take valium instead.
Hopefully wake up and go for long walk in morning to try to be cool when I go into work.
Just wanted to let you know I'm jumping ship to the monthly mods board as I don't think I can manage AF right now.
Love & gratitute to you all and hope to have another go at AF next month.
Keep up the good work.
:h

[maxman]

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chin up fickle, take it easy, you will make the right desicion

[Suzanna]

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Fickle, just do the best job you know how, and document the good feedback. At the same time you can look for something that will make you enjoy going to work. Work is just that, work, not a reflection on who you are as a person. Other people may try to get you down, but they don't have to succeed, that's your best defense, is holding your head high! Big :l Suz

[fickle]

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grrrr

Thanks guys,
It is late and I have tried to go to sleep but am too angry.
Will go and try to read again. Appreciate your positive thoughts. :l
Once again i teetered, but did NOT go SPLAT.
old saying here: NEVER LET A MUG GET YOU DOWN.
O I hope i wake up tomorrow with guns blazing (quietly) and dignity regained..
how humiliating that i actually cried in front of my boss.
Im not sure if i'm angrier at him or myself!!
it was a shock to be sure.
Love & Hugs to all and thanks for letting me vent!

[rob]

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Ah, Fickle, this is so tough, especially when in your view you were doing a good job. It had to be a huge shock.

Is there any way you can repair the situation? Did the problems arise from your not understanding or misunderstanding what was expected of you?

I know your in a lot of pain right now, but if you can take a step back and gain a bit of objectivity, you may be able to turn this situation around.

Just my 2 cents worth.

Whatever you decide Fickle, please reconsider remaining AF, now may not be the best time to attempt moding.

Best of luck to you
Love and Peace
Rob

[YoungAtHeart]

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Good to see you again, Fickle. I'm sorry to hear about your work situation. Unfortunately in many situations work just isn't fair. I am praying that you figure out what is right for you and keep your head high. You're a good woman. Don't let anyone else make you think otherwise.

Love,:heart:
Kathy

[Chief]

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Hi Fickle,
It's an unfortunate situation you find yourself in at work, and I'm sure things will work out, they always do. However, trying to mod right now is a big mistake. If you can stop right now, stand back and look at the big picture,you will see this is classic Beast. The problem at work will still be there whether you drink or not. Drinking will not solve anything, it will only add to your stress. Why would you want to do that? YOU don't really want to drink...The Beast wants you to, and is using work to get you to do it. Who's running the show here?
Whatever you decide, we'll be here for you, but just give it some thought...

Don

[fickle]

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:l Hey Rob, Kathy, Don, (hello K long-time!) thanks for your posts. Days here are night after there. I got home to computer malfunction & v. stressed.. could not get online, shopped, cooked dinner, got kids to bed.. wine. took a long while to find a place that sells 1/2 bottle. spent a while cursing & fiddling and finally got online to find your posts. Had a very good cry and thank you for being real. At whatever time warp, you told me so!
Weirdly enough, I did not crave to drink whatsoever today.. merely wished and hoped for a feeling of comfort of some sort. very lonely, miserable and sorry i am. Yes it is all a misunderstanding with my boss, but I now face a weekend of trying to explain why in writing.
Being alone some times is just a fact of life. I can not strike a match and find a friendly face in the dark. I just have to keep plodding on. I get so tired of trying and failing all the time. wish things would go right for a change. I did think things were going really well, so well that I was brave enough to go AF again!
Anyways, enough of this post.. Too many boohoos :upset: Glad you were there!
Love to all

[rob]

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Oh Fickle, I know its hard now. But just keep moving forward. We're here for you.

Love and Peace
Rob

[YoungAtHeart]

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I'm sending you big cyber hugs, Suze :l :l :l :l

xxx Kathy

[Finding My Self]

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Fickle - oh that plodding on feeling!! Soooh tiresome....(sometimes read %*tty!!!!) but rest assured I'm plodding with you! (If it helps!) I hope a skip comes back in to the plod soon for you...

I hope the weekend/letter/ideas go well for you...

Love and hugs
FMS xx

[Justin Time]

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Fickle,

I had things blow up at work a little over 2 months ago and know how tough it can be. Had all kinds of intrigue, betrayal and subterfuge going on behind the scenes and now I am out after 12 years! Happy to talk about it in a chat or private email sometime if you want. Keep the faith baby and try believing whatever happens will be for the best.

[satori]

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Fickle,

Whatever happens - remember - who knows what is good or bad?

I had a job many years ago that I enjoyed - but I was made redundant at a time of financial difficulty for me and my family.
It felt like the end of the world at the time - but three weeks later I was working for the company I am still with twenty years later - and I love what I do here - MUCH more than the job I thought was so good way back then.

Satori

xxx

[Chief]

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Hi Fickle, Hope you're feeling better today. You said it was all a misunderstanding with your boss. What do you mean? Is everything o.k. at work now? You're not alone, we're all here..

Don

[fickle]

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Misunderstandings, Wierdness.. Saturday evening here!

Hello,
I just want everyone to know that i am over my 'killmyself mood' and don't know what posessed me! I have thought long and hard about why it hit me so hard and I guess it is all about my putting my trust in someone who turned out to be completely untrustworthy and a huge let-down. You see, I have a long history of this with disastrous past relationships with family, ex-partners and bosses. From all your support (and many, many thanks:l :l ) I thought I should explain further.... sorry if i write a book now.. those faint of heart should tune out as I may ramble incessantly and apologise in advance.

I finally thought I was getting wise and I had made a good choice to take this job. I turned down a really terrific high-pressure career job in return for this one because they promised me they would support my parental responsibilities (being single parent this is huge). Now I find they take all that back, so am re-living feelings of extreme hurt, humiliation and self-hammering over making-wrong-choices - being complete dumbo who can't see obvious signs sky is falling till it hits me. Realising I made the WRONG choice, I also felt that there is no way I can go back and ask for the terrific job I turned down.

I have been bored to tears in this job for past 3 months, but kept telling myself it was worth it for the time-off they allow me for kid stuff (illnesses, kerfuffles in the mornings, family court stuff & school holiday leave). All of this stuff my boss approved & allowed in writing and or verbally. Nobody ever said anything was wrong until this moment the other day when my boss just dumped on me. He suddenly announced that I took too much time off and was late too often!! I might add I am doing exactly what everyone else in my office is doing.

In all of my experience I would expect that if a person had a problem with me then they would say something within the timeframe of when the issue arose. The first 3 months on the job are a 'probation' period where they are supposed to coach and train you, including giving feedback. So normally if there was anything bothering anyone it would come up. However, my boss has been ignoring me because he is so busy. I'm supposed to be his PA but he was on leave when I started, I had no training but just went in and winged it. He travels a lot and then he went away for another month in the third month. Within that month his father died. I have managed to learn everything with very little help from anyone and covered for the other secretaries while they were on leave.. did bloody well everything and never had anything but good vibes & thanks from everyone!

He got back Friday and someone handed him some 'negative feedback' and hey presto, my probation period is up as of monday so he basically said I had 3 options: (i) leave now (ii) look for another job and he'll support me while I look.. or (iii) go on extended probation and offer to work on the problems. That's it. Leading up to xmas, no job security. All this was such a shock as I'd received zero negative feedback so took this to mean my probation period would breeze through into permanency.

I read all the policies around the business and realised he has no clue about how to go about things. I then discovered I have a human resources manager so discussed it with her. She agreed it is all a complete mess and utterly mishandled, but at the end of the day he has the right to fire me without notice because I'm still in probation period.

Like Hippie mentioned, I'm up to my ears in huge unpaid bills and so this is an incredibly scary time for this to all happen.. thus the momentary suicidal tendancies.. I must keep reminding myself about the guy who went bankrupt 7 times before he actually got rich and now owns his own private island! :H Oh I am a mere mortal.

Anyhow, I've spent time searching for other jobs online and something will have to happen over next 3 days.. I will either stay or I will go.. and none of it is worth torturing myself over. Thank you all for being so supportive. I do have loads of skills I am not using in this boring job. Just wish I could afford a nanny or a cleaner or something!!

I MUST go AF again as I am old enough to look haggard if I do indulge my morbid habits and will not cut the mustard in my next job interview! Time for the suit & the warpaint!! :H

Lots of love to you all!