Please write a brief introduction describing yourself in general terms, who you are, what you do, etc.
Well hello! :welcome: It?s great to be here today and many thanks to Rob for asking me to participate in this exciting seminar on how to get and stay sober??
I?ll just start off with a short PowerPoint presentation outlining the last 44 years and also what I have planned for the future.
Slide 1 is me at 3 days old in my bassinet ? you could already see signs of an addictive personality as I demand gripe water laced with rum instead of milk.
Ok, enough of that crud, here?s the real stuff. :H
My real name is Flip, although my mother calls me Felicity. I?m a 44 year old woman with two nearly grown daughters, nearly 17 and 18. I?ve been divorced for 10 years, at my instigation. At the time I kicked the husband out, after 13 years of marriage, I had nothing ? no money, no education, nuda?except the children. I went to University full time for 3 years and got a Bachelors Degree in Social Science. Half way through Uni I moved from one side of Australia to the other (literally ? 3000km). I finished my degree, got a year long contract, and then secured a full time permanent position in the Public Service. I?m still in it after 8 years, but have moved around doing various jobs, mainly policy and program/grant/funding management. I am currently a Research Analyst.
As a child I grew up in a restricted Methodist household, well at least half of it was ? my father was an atheist of the highest degree and had tricked my mother into marrying him by pretending to be a believer?He was looking for a ?good wife?. Well, he got one and they remained married until he died a year ago. He was ?eccentric? ? now I suspect he was bi-polar.:nutso: And at home, the world revolved around him. Mum was totally submissive.
By the time I was 14 I was drinking and being promiscuous. At 16 I left high school and got a job to afford my new found life style (at the pub with boys). At 18 I joined the Army and learnt how to REALLY drink. My drink of choice was Bundaberg Rum and Coke. I could drink a 2 litre flagon over a weekend. I met my ex at 20 and married at 21. He was in the Army too, but surprisingly he didn?t drink/smoke etc ? in fact quite the opposite, he was a health fanatic who introduced me to fruit and weight lifting (which I never really embraced!). I stopped drinking and smoking (and sleeping around) for the entire period I was married. However, within a month of kicking him out I was drinking again, this time it was red wine. I also dabbled in smoking (dope) again but only for a short time. I also started having sex again! Lol
After 4 years I was living in my own home (saved up and got some money from my grandmother?s estate) had a great job and the girls were going to a private school. Things were tight, but I managed. I managed SO well that I was now drinking nearly a bottle of red wine most nights. At this stage it wasn?t really a problem. But over the next 3 years it got steadily worse and I was then drinking in excess of 1-2 bottles every night, alone, to get drunk.
1. What event or series of events made you realize that your drinking was out of control?
I ?knew? I had a problem a long time before I really acknowledged it. I had started to drink and drive, sometimes with the kids in the car. ?It?s only 1km, I?ll be fine???
I also had occasions where I would get drunk while on the internet and invite strange men over for sex while the girls were asleep. This really frightened me once I sobered up. I was very ?lucky? during that time. I also knew it was getting to be a real problem when I?d rather stay home and drink that go out. And definitely not going to any school events where they would know I?d been drinking, just to get through it til I got home again.
2. How many times did you try to quit drinking before you were successful?
I thought about giving up for a few years before I really understood how much it was fucking up my life. I had two serious attempts before I succeeded ? I went to my Dr in 2005 and told her how much I was drinking and how much I hated my life the way it was. Mind you, the only health concerns I really had were about my weight! The Dr gave me Naltrexone and I took that for 6 weeks before I had a binge and then it never worked again for me. It was a hard six weeks too ? I really struggled as I still WANTED to drink. I hadn?t quite got to the point where I knew I couldn?t, or didn?t want to.
My second attempt was in Feb 2006, I went back to the Dr, and she told me about a drug called Campral. It?s a restricted drug here so I had to convince her I was serious. I took it for 5 months and stayed sober and then weaned myself off it as I was doing so well (I thought). However, I went away in June for a long weekend and decided to buy a bottle of wine to share ? which I did. But by 4 weeks later I was back to 1-2 bottles a night. So back to square one. Around this time I was diagnosed as Bi-Polar type ll.
In November 06 both my parents got very sick and I flew over to look after mum while dad was in hospital. (they both have/had cancer). Dad died 4 days after I arrived, we cremated him and mum went in for life saving surgery. I was drinking two bottles a night on my own to drown it all out. I decided during those few weeks alone at my parent?s house that I really didn?t want to die a drunk, sick and alone.
3. Which tools, do you believe, have helped you to remain AF?
I set a date to give up ? 1st of December (2006). That was very important to me as I needed to psych myself into it a bit, having ?failed? before. When I got home I went back to the Dr and got more Campral, I told all my friends, and my boss. I read EVERYTHING I could get my hands on ( I think I paid the wages of at least three shop assistants at the book store), I rang the health dept and got a free counsellor, I became very self focused on my goals. I set goals! I went to co-dependents anonymous for a while which really helped ... and last, but not least, I found MWO.
It was the combination of these things that got me sober. It took a lot of work ? by work I mean thinking, reading, analysing and talking. I was totally focussed on staying sober.
I no longer take Campral, I no longer see the shrink (actually she?s now a great friend!), and I feel myself moving on from here (at least as much I have been in the past). You MUST work out what is going on in your head. What are the issues you are trying to drown?
But the greatest tool that has helped me remain sober is my memory. I remember how crappy I felt, the stupid things I said and the friends I?ve lost. I remember not wanting to go out and have a good time as I needed to stay home and drink!!
4. How did you deal with sudden overwhelming cravings?
I never had any overwhelming physical cravings while taking the Campral, ever. I did, and still do have, emotional ones and I often feel ?hard done by? when everyone else is having a drink (?A? drink, not a bottle!). That said, I don?t think I will ever be brave enough to submit and have one ? I know that I just can?t have ?ONE? drink.
5. What was your biggest obstacle to remaining AF?
The biggest obstacle to remaining AF was ME. I had to work out what my triggers were, why I was drinking and deal with a lot of crap. It didn?t mysteriously disappear just because I wasn?t drinking. A lot of it is still there and I work hard to find new ways of dealing with it (guess what? Eating chocolate doesn?t work either!). I had to make a few changes in the beginning and avoid a lot of friends and places as I knew that it would just be too hard to resist.
Finally, if you could provide five holiday tips for remaining AF, it would be greatly appreciated.
If there?s one thing I can say to you it?s ?DO WHATEVER IT TAKES ? YOU CAN DO IT?.
Well hello! :welcome: It?s great to be here today and many thanks to Rob for asking me to participate in this exciting seminar on how to get and stay sober??
I?ll just start off with a short PowerPoint presentation outlining the last 44 years and also what I have planned for the future.
Slide 1 is me at 3 days old in my bassinet ? you could already see signs of an addictive personality as I demand gripe water laced with rum instead of milk.
Ok, enough of that crud, here?s the real stuff. :H
My real name is Flip, although my mother calls me Felicity. I?m a 44 year old woman with two nearly grown daughters, nearly 17 and 18. I?ve been divorced for 10 years, at my instigation. At the time I kicked the husband out, after 13 years of marriage, I had nothing ? no money, no education, nuda?except the children. I went to University full time for 3 years and got a Bachelors Degree in Social Science. Half way through Uni I moved from one side of Australia to the other (literally ? 3000km). I finished my degree, got a year long contract, and then secured a full time permanent position in the Public Service. I?m still in it after 8 years, but have moved around doing various jobs, mainly policy and program/grant/funding management. I am currently a Research Analyst.
As a child I grew up in a restricted Methodist household, well at least half of it was ? my father was an atheist of the highest degree and had tricked my mother into marrying him by pretending to be a believer?He was looking for a ?good wife?. Well, he got one and they remained married until he died a year ago. He was ?eccentric? ? now I suspect he was bi-polar.:nutso: And at home, the world revolved around him. Mum was totally submissive.
By the time I was 14 I was drinking and being promiscuous. At 16 I left high school and got a job to afford my new found life style (at the pub with boys). At 18 I joined the Army and learnt how to REALLY drink. My drink of choice was Bundaberg Rum and Coke. I could drink a 2 litre flagon over a weekend. I met my ex at 20 and married at 21. He was in the Army too, but surprisingly he didn?t drink/smoke etc ? in fact quite the opposite, he was a health fanatic who introduced me to fruit and weight lifting (which I never really embraced!). I stopped drinking and smoking (and sleeping around) for the entire period I was married. However, within a month of kicking him out I was drinking again, this time it was red wine. I also dabbled in smoking (dope) again but only for a short time. I also started having sex again! Lol
After 4 years I was living in my own home (saved up and got some money from my grandmother?s estate) had a great job and the girls were going to a private school. Things were tight, but I managed. I managed SO well that I was now drinking nearly a bottle of red wine most nights. At this stage it wasn?t really a problem. But over the next 3 years it got steadily worse and I was then drinking in excess of 1-2 bottles every night, alone, to get drunk.
1. What event or series of events made you realize that your drinking was out of control?
I ?knew? I had a problem a long time before I really acknowledged it. I had started to drink and drive, sometimes with the kids in the car. ?It?s only 1km, I?ll be fine???
I also had occasions where I would get drunk while on the internet and invite strange men over for sex while the girls were asleep. This really frightened me once I sobered up. I was very ?lucky? during that time. I also knew it was getting to be a real problem when I?d rather stay home and drink that go out. And definitely not going to any school events where they would know I?d been drinking, just to get through it til I got home again.
2. How many times did you try to quit drinking before you were successful?
I thought about giving up for a few years before I really understood how much it was fucking up my life. I had two serious attempts before I succeeded ? I went to my Dr in 2005 and told her how much I was drinking and how much I hated my life the way it was. Mind you, the only health concerns I really had were about my weight! The Dr gave me Naltrexone and I took that for 6 weeks before I had a binge and then it never worked again for me. It was a hard six weeks too ? I really struggled as I still WANTED to drink. I hadn?t quite got to the point where I knew I couldn?t, or didn?t want to.
My second attempt was in Feb 2006, I went back to the Dr, and she told me about a drug called Campral. It?s a restricted drug here so I had to convince her I was serious. I took it for 5 months and stayed sober and then weaned myself off it as I was doing so well (I thought). However, I went away in June for a long weekend and decided to buy a bottle of wine to share ? which I did. But by 4 weeks later I was back to 1-2 bottles a night. So back to square one. Around this time I was diagnosed as Bi-Polar type ll.
In November 06 both my parents got very sick and I flew over to look after mum while dad was in hospital. (they both have/had cancer). Dad died 4 days after I arrived, we cremated him and mum went in for life saving surgery. I was drinking two bottles a night on my own to drown it all out. I decided during those few weeks alone at my parent?s house that I really didn?t want to die a drunk, sick and alone.
3. Which tools, do you believe, have helped you to remain AF?
I set a date to give up ? 1st of December (2006). That was very important to me as I needed to psych myself into it a bit, having ?failed? before. When I got home I went back to the Dr and got more Campral, I told all my friends, and my boss. I read EVERYTHING I could get my hands on ( I think I paid the wages of at least three shop assistants at the book store), I rang the health dept and got a free counsellor, I became very self focused on my goals. I set goals! I went to co-dependents anonymous for a while which really helped ... and last, but not least, I found MWO.
It was the combination of these things that got me sober. It took a lot of work ? by work I mean thinking, reading, analysing and talking. I was totally focussed on staying sober.
I no longer take Campral, I no longer see the shrink (actually she?s now a great friend!), and I feel myself moving on from here (at least as much I have been in the past). You MUST work out what is going on in your head. What are the issues you are trying to drown?
But the greatest tool that has helped me remain sober is my memory. I remember how crappy I felt, the stupid things I said and the friends I?ve lost. I remember not wanting to go out and have a good time as I needed to stay home and drink!!
4. How did you deal with sudden overwhelming cravings?
I never had any overwhelming physical cravings while taking the Campral, ever. I did, and still do have, emotional ones and I often feel ?hard done by? when everyone else is having a drink (?A? drink, not a bottle!). That said, I don?t think I will ever be brave enough to submit and have one ? I know that I just can?t have ?ONE? drink.
5. What was your biggest obstacle to remaining AF?
The biggest obstacle to remaining AF was ME. I had to work out what my triggers were, why I was drinking and deal with a lot of crap. It didn?t mysteriously disappear just because I wasn?t drinking. A lot of it is still there and I work hard to find new ways of dealing with it (guess what? Eating chocolate doesn?t work either!). I had to make a few changes in the beginning and avoid a lot of friends and places as I knew that it would just be too hard to resist.
Finally, if you could provide five holiday tips for remaining AF, it would be greatly appreciated.
- commit to not drinking (really, REALLY decide)
- do whatever it takes to not drink (I mean WHATEVER it takes)
- only go to places that you know you can cope with (regardless of who?s feelings you hurt)take soft drink where ever you go (don?t let yourself get thirsty, bored, hungry or tired)Plan your own activities so that you are busy and don?t give in to other?s pleading to go somewhere that puts you in jeopardy (swimming every day, bike riding, gardening ? anything! ? I rode my motorbike every day ? you HAVE to be sober or you die!)
If there?s one thing I can say to you it?s ?DO WHATEVER IT TAKES ? YOU CAN DO IT?.
c: :heart:
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