My Brother-in-Law

[retteacher]

We just saw our brother-in-law on Thanksgiving & found out that after more than a year of sobriety, he had a relapse. He's well on his way to his former (copious) level of consumption. I mention this because: 1. a large amount of time does not immunize us from slippage & 2. his personality traits (many of which I have) led to this relapse. He is a great guy who:
-has created a killer work schedule for himself.
-never, ever says "no" to anyone who asks for a favor.
-keeps most of his thoughts & feelings inside.

Let this be a warning to me! I must:
-set any necessary boundaries on my time & energy.
-speak my mind, as needed.
-do what I want to do & not do what I don't want to do.

Mary

[Chief]

My Brother-in-Law

It's too bad about your brother-in-law, Mary. Hopefully he will realise how unhappy he is drinking and be able to catch himself before too long. It sounds like he is an example of someone who just quit drinking but did not continue to grow and try and find out why he was drinking so much. I think for us all, there is something we were trying to hide from or drown out. The trick is figuring out what that may be.
You continue to impress me with your honesty and self analysis of what makes you tick, what triggers you to have Beastly thoughts. I'm so glad you're with us.

Don

[CaptJBean]

My Brother-in-Law

That all sort of goes back to Albert Ellis and REBT.
Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy
or also known as SMART Recovery
you can find it on line.
There is a work sheet that you can use when ever you want to refigure what you are thinking that leads
to a break down into a path of using alcohol.
It can be frustrating and work. But, well worth it.

[Finding My Self]

My Brother-in-Law

Mary - I too, am really sorry about your BIL.....

But thank you for your strong post....you have put it sooooo well (as ever!) One to paste across to my 'Important Things To Remember' file if I may!!!

The very best to you - you're doing so great.
FMS xx

[retteacher]

My Brother-in-Law

Capt: I have Smart recovery on my favorites. I'll have to take a look at that worksheet. If I can root out any type of toxic thinking, I feel it will give me a good advantage to staying sober. Thank you very much. Mary

[Breez]

My Brother-in-Law

There are success stories that go bad if you let them. At 7mo AF I put too much on my plate & over stressed myself. I let my guard down. But I didn't let that spiral me down to the abyss. I realized that having a drink to settle my stress was not the answer. I learned from my mistake. I realized that even after 7mo I was still a work in progress. Where I normally would have binged-I didn't. So here I am at almost a year and am looking forward to another year with no "oops" in there at all. It all comes down to how badly do you want it & how much are you willing to do for it.

I, too, feel that the statistics are against me. But for today I am AF. I just take it one day at a time.(words from AA~:H )

[retteacher]

My Brother-in-Law

Breez: You said it so well. I too get scared when I hear relapse stories after a long AF stretch. However, I too take my sobriety ODAT. I also realize that I must be aware of the reasons I became an alcoholic. I mentioned my BIL's character traits. I have them too. I just have to do what's necessary, in terms of self-maintainence, to stay sober. Breez, thanks for your words...they contain much wisdom. Mary

[go2goal]

My Brother-in-Law

Ode to those who walk in front of us..........thank you for all your successes and sharing them to inspire us. Any 'failures' aren't failures because they teach, they are real, and they can only be moments in time. Keep the big picture in focus and put one foot in front of the other. Hopefully, there are moments to celebrate along the way.....like the SUNDAY SHOUT OUT!!

Thanks EVERYONE for sharing their path - we ALL benefit. Don't be afraid, be observant.

Love Y'all,


Go2Goal Attached files [img]/converted_files/374199=2540-attachment.jpg[/img]

[CaptJBean]

My Brother-in-Law

I guess that's why it's still One Day At A Time....

[CaptJBean]

My Brother-in-Law

SmartRecovery.Org
Look for Tools or REBT. ABC
The work sheets on line are extremely helpful. Especially when you feel the urge to drink or feel anxious.

[rob]

My Brother-in-Law

Mary- Thanks for starting this thread. At one point I had gone three years without drinking. It had become a non issue. It had become such a non issue I decided it really wasn't a problem after all. Guess where that got me?

When I look back over that time, I can see the progression that lead me back to drinking. Mostly, I had just quit growing and taking care of myself, I had slowly fallen back into my old patterns of putting myself last. Trying to please everybody else and just plain negative thinking. Then trying to blame others because I was so miserable. Poor, poor, me!!

Capt-Smart is a fantastic website, loaded with tools that focus on taking responsibility for yourself and your behavior. Their toolbox expecially gets the old brain focused on how you think about any given situation.

Mary- I hope yor BIL, comes around soon. I think someone has already said that you can provide him with an excellent example of calm and happy sobriety.

Love and Peace
Rob

[retteacher]

My Brother-in-Law

Thank you all so much. For those of us that are in the beginning stages of sobriety, it's a reality check to hear about those that have come back after a relapse. I'll be looking into SMART soon. Mary