Thursday, Dec. 6th

[retteacher]

Hi everyone: I didn't get to MWO yesterday. It was an incredibly hectic day, but today I feel fine & am ready to attack the day sober & AF. I'll be back on line when I have more time. In the meantime, have a wonderful day. Mary

[Breez]

Thursday, Dec. 6th

Morning Mary-
Have been MIA due to techy issues. Darn kids killed the power cord on one & the power switch on the other is broken (actually pushed way in & I have to take it apart). So as of last night I took my daughter's "ancient" laptop so I could check my e-mails etc....hate the thing. Got it thru e-bay (real cheap) & it broke a month after purchase. Goes to show you-buyer beware. But as of now I feel like I'm on a type writer.

Well gotta run & send kids off to school.

Have a great AF day everyone.

[retteacher]

Thursday, Dec. 6th

Hi Breez: Ah...life's ups & downs.
Everyone: I have my grandson parked in front of a video temporarily & thought I'd share some thoughts. I had a wonderful 60+ day run during the late summer that I ended up breaking in Sept./Oct. I've been asking myself why so that I don't do it again.
-I think I gave lip service to the idea that I had an AF committment. Today, I tell myself every day that I will not & cannot drink.
-I think I was indulging in drinking fantasies. Today, even if a glimmer of a drinking thought comes into my mind, I turn it away.
-I think I wasn't taking care of myself in some basic ways. Today, I'm trying to get enough sleep & eat properly.
-I think I was letting a lot of issues go. Today, I'm trying to clear up issues & conflicts expeditiously.
I don't want to let anything happen to my sobriety. It is an entirely different way of living to the pit I found myself in. The worst part about alcoholism for me was the way it sneaked up on me. Over the last 5 - 8 years, I went from being a (fairly) normal drinker (with a few bad binges thrown in) to being an almost daily drinker. The path I was on would have taken me to worse places. Thank you MWO. I feel that I can look into a future that is hopeful. Mary

[charlee]

Thursday, Dec. 6th

Mary
I so look forward to reading your posts...they reinforce all the positives of being AF, yet point out the obstacles that could potentially get in the way....This is life.. For those of us who are abstaining or for those who have just started AF journey, your posts are truly an inspiration. With the right mind set...we can all look forward to a future that is hopeful. Thank you

[laura anne]

Thursday, Dec. 6th

Thanks for the insight retteacher. I'm on my 11th AF day and I've noticed I've been thinking about and craving alcohol a lot more these last few days. I was getting a little relaxed about the whole thing but now my guard is up again. In the past I would have just drank and not resisted the craving. Its a daily battle - some days being easier than others but you can never let your guard down and let the beast in.

I'm grateful for another AF day and all the support from my cyber friends.

[rustop61]

Thursday, Dec. 6th

Hi everyone

Mary, you write the most thought provoking posts. Thats why I find it so important to log on every day in order to stay focussed.

As you say Laura, we need to keep our guard up constantly and it it indeed a daily battle but one we are winning.

Have a great AF Thursday.

Rustop

[Breez]

Thursday, Dec. 6th

Mary-

sometimes my days are easy & then some are tough. I wake each morning saying "today I choose not drink". Because I know-some days were easy drinking days (yeah when I was younger & had no responibilities) & others caused more harm than good. I somehow began to spiral downward when I drank more & more. That's the main cause of this sickness. Then to make up for all that bad it caused-ugh...tooo much for words. It is much easier to just make that one comment each day and stick to it.

Mary-hell hon-I've probably been there done that so many times. Just keep reinforcing that what you are doing is for the better. Then the next thing you know, life falls back into place. And heck, it's so much easier on this side than than the dark.

ok one more point....I hate this laptop-LOL. Can't even find the delete button! Darn IBM's!

Enjoy the rest of your AF day!
Gotta run-need to beat those "biatches" who somehhow are taking my parking spots at the school (hell they came out of the woodwork). Gotta pick up the little one.

[Determinator]

Thursday, Dec. 6th

heya Abers, I let my guard down in the lions den last night....sad to say.
now I have to drive an hour to the airport with a horrid hangover....arg! why? why? why?
I accidentally packed my meds and supplements with yesterdays UPS box so now I'm without those...dang it! just very dejected today...sorry to complain so much.
Mary I really liked you post...perfect.
be well everyone

[retteacher]

Thursday, Dec. 6th

Deter: Don't let this slip get you down. Come up w/a plan & stick to it. I love what Breez said: "Today I choose not to drink." It's that simple. Of course, we have to do our own soul-searching to see why we put ourselves on this alcoholic path. If I don't do that, I'll never learn the lessons I'm supposed to learn. But, the day-to-day work is simply to not pick up the drink.

Thank you everyone for your kind words about me. I think it helps me more than anyone by trying to come up w/a fresh way of expressing my gratitude or some small insight. I often think about you before I go to sleep at night...helping you keeps me sober.

Love, Mary

[Breez]

Thursday, Dec. 6th

It comes down to trial & error (& boy did I do enough of those). If one thing doesn't work, try something else. Then if that doesn't work, try the first one again.

Deter-I'm not one to cast stones (unless I see the phonie-in-laws~LOL) & I was in the same boat as you. You get soooo many months of AF that you just get your guard down. I have "pc" known you almost forever & you're not a quiter. Gosh if quiting were easy- give us all medals. We've all had our moments. I've quit a hundred & one times & still gave in after 7mo. The point is to learn from our mistakes. Take this hang over to heart & remember it. I remember my last hang over & gosh how I don't want to relive it again. I actually wrote how "crappy" I felt down & have saved it. Then again-I did it another time. But point-we are works in progress. Some of us take longer to learn. I'm one still learning.

We can do it! Nothing will change unless we change it. Like I've always said/wrote "sobriety is not for sissies". It takes guts.

[go2goal]

Thursday, Dec. 6th

retteacher;235098 wrote: I don't want to let anything happen to my sobriety. It is an entirely different way of living....... The worst part about alcoholism for me was the way it sneaked up on me. Over the last 5 - 8 years, I went from being a (fairly) normal drinker (with a few bad binges thrown in) to being an almost daily drinker. The path I was on would have taken me to worse places. Thank you MWO. I feel that I can look into a future that is hopeful.

You have gotten a lot of us on your thought train, Mary. Especially, the part above for me. You hit home as my enjoyment of wine 'grew' in the last 5 years and became "Everyday Wine" in this last year. It was a little scary and I think I wouldn't have liked the future from that vantage point. Caught in time?

But now, just as I am approaching my first 30 AF days in decades, barring maybe my last pregnancy 13 years back, I am doing the "What's Next Brain Game":


"Will I ever?", "Will I never?", or "Can I sometime?"

Crap! I don't know, so I don't think about it and just keep saying, "I'm AF for now". But I know the day is around the corner when I will have to decide if I can try it. And maybe, I will have to, just to find out.
Is one glass a 'slip'? So much of HOW we accept things (& ourselves) is based on how we DEFINE them (& ourselves). I have commented before about not seeing "slips" and "blips" as failures, (or even slips, for that matter), but as side roads with a story. Many here have said they have learned so much from those journeys and maybe we each have to learn that in our own 'AF way'.

Getting kinda 'out there' now, but................If I ever do decide if I will try to drink a glass, or two, of wine again, I know I will have to control it so much, plan it out, almost to the minute - "Where?", "what wine?", "what do I do with what's left?", "be sure to drink with friends and not alone", "don't drink again the next day", "no more than X # of glasses", "drink a lot of water", and "prepare for the feeling of 'I want more', then and on the next days"................WOW, :eeks: that doesn't sound like as much fun, does it?
So..., maybe I just won't.

All this, just to buy a little more time........Go2Goal Attached files [img]/converted_files/383145=2632-attachment.gif[/img]

[retteacher]

Thursday, Dec. 6th

Go2: I loved your "out there" paragraph. It really convinces me that I have to embrace the AF life. All those questions & conditions: I couldn't do it w/any success. I'd be off & running after the first sip. Pre-MWO & abstinence, I tried all sorts of ways to moderate: limiting myself to a certain time of day, a certain type of drink, a certain number of drinks, only with people, & myriad other "rules"...none of which I followed very well at all.

Nope. I must keep it simple. Otherwise, I'm over the edge again. Thanks for a glimpse into my future if I ever get the insane desire to try to moderate over again. M

[Determinator]

Thursday, Dec. 6th

thanks you sweethearts...I'm taking it to heart for sure and trying to no let my dissappointment bring me down. I'm so glad I made it home safely....whew! it's been a very long and very painful day. uck.!!! it's not worth it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sobriety is my badge of honor from now on damn it.
thanks again friends.

[YoungAtHeart]

Thursday, Dec. 6th

It's hard to be out there when everyone is drinking Deter. I'm glad that you're feeling a litte better.

It is hard to moderate your drinking. I know from experience. I can moderate and stick to my rules for about a week, then in 4-6 weeks, I'm back to daily drinking.

Deter, I don't face the temptations that you do, however. I think you've done a fairly good job in the face of those temptations. You always get back on the wagon right away.