Friday - Dec. 7

[retteacher]

Hi Everyone: I'm busy, busy, busy, but trying not to do too much. That's a recipe for drinking. I've been thinking about how some people set up parameters around drinking so that they can drink moderately. I realized before I fell asleep last night that just isn't for me. I absolutely must keep it simple (i.e. not drink at all). I'll get used to abstinence eventually. I'm on my way now. I definitely don't crave it the way I used to. However, I know that the farther away I get from my last drink, the more complacent I can become...thinking I have the problem licked. I just have to keep in mind:
-One sip can send me right back into it all.
-I drank in the AM - normal drinkers don't do that.
-I mostly drank alone - normal drinkers don't do that either.
-Regardless of all the "rules" I set up for myself (time limits, drink limits, etc.), I always went back to alcoholic drinking.
I'll come here to MWO as much as possible during this holiday season. This will be my first AF. I'm looking forward to it. Mary

[retteacher]

Friday - Dec. 7

Don't let the slips get you too down. It's great to hold yourself to a standard, but you can always begin again. Eventually, when the time is right, you'll know how to reach your goal (AF or Mod). M

[Breez]

Friday - Dec. 7

Almost Afternoon All-

How I hate this laptop! I kept putting off logging on.

Mary I know what you mean. Drinking got so out of hand. I needed it in order to function-now how bad is that? It's so much easier to just take it out of the equation all together. My whole world revolved around it-when can I take my next sip/how to hide it/change stores so they don't think "I have a problem"~yeah who buys booze first thing in the morning! Ooops-guess that be me.

Taking it away I can have a life with no extra worries. I can never mod-even when I had a slip up awhile back I just wanted more. And then some! I realized that awhi;le ago that after I guzzle my first drink (while others sip) and could not wait for the other-I could not mod. It's too much an effort.

oops gotta run. Gotta pick up son. Will try to check back later.

[Determinator]

Friday - Dec. 7

Aloha Friday ABers! moving very slowly and painfully here...arg. didn't drink last night though even though I really wanted to. my poor stomach is so messed up...ugh!
Mary I really like the clarity and resolve of your post...perfect.
on wed night I guzzled until i threw up and then walked straight back in there and kept guzzling.....what the heck is that? yikes. that is no where near normal or sane behavior.
I will not drink today.
Be well Mary, Breez and all to join

[hart]

Friday - Dec. 7

DAY 5 AF. Here comes the weekend, the first one's the hardest, cross your fingers for me. We have some ideas, Joe and I, exercise when get home, work on duplex next door, maybe decorate a little. Evan is coming over but not until 10:00 pm, wish it were earlier. Want this to be my first AF weekend in a while.

[retteacher]

Friday - Dec. 7

Breez: I could have written your post verbatim. Going AF is so much simpler. I wonder: "Do liquor store clerks really notice or care?" I used to go from place to place as well. Oh, and the rituals & obssessions! When, where, how...How did I ever find the time & energy? M

[Determinator]

Friday - Dec. 7

right on Hart!!! XXXX

[Breez]

Friday - Dec. 7

Mary I got to the point: my next drink might just kill me. I had to really put that in my brain. Because in the past once I felt better after a hang over the rituals started over.

Deter-I so remember those times. Not only vomiting alcohol but all my liver's bile (at least I'm thinking that) because I could not hold anything down yet I needed to stop the shakes/anxiety & knew I needed to drink-and wanted to. Gee you just brought back memories-you big wiener! The stomach thing is the worst. Deter-sometimes we are our worst enemies. We behave like idiots when we drink-never thinking clearly.

Hart-like the little train who couldn't -I think I can, I think I can. Know that you can. Problem is we as problem drinkers obsess over alcohol. In the past I always thought"do I have enough?" "make sure I have enough" "make sure I can drink enough" and it's hard changing that mindset. Hang in there-I know you can do it. Congrats on 5 days.

[YoungAtHeart]

Friday - Dec. 7

Sorry that your tummy has been topsy turvy Deter. That doesn't sound like a pleasant way to spend your time at all. I hope you feel better soon. Good on you for not taking a drink last night.

Breeze and Mary, I had gotten to the point where I rarely vomited any more. I just drank my wine every day and was a bit of a hermit. If I was lucky enough to have a social occasion, I would go out and drink my wine. My behavior didn't change much, because I had developed a tolerance.

What is amazing to me is that I couldn't really conceive of a life without wine. I couldn't imagine being able to survive it. Not only am I surviving, but I'm doing very well, thank you!

Hart, just hang in there. The first weekend is the hardest, as you noted. But you can do it. Surviving your first weekend always feels great on Monday!

I'm going to a party tonight, so I'm going to buy a bottle of AF wine just in case. It is my "backup plan", and it works very well for me.

Hugs to all,:l
Kathy