Good morning my dear, dear friends!
I am so grateful to have you in my life. My heart is so sull right how. I am not sure if there is anywhere else in the world, litterally, that one could come and receive the kind of support that we receive from one another. You should all take a moment and read through the posts you sent to me. The work you have done in your own journeys shows so much in word you write and definately come from true growth. I am speechless.. well sort of..
Thank you again. I woke up and feel just as Satori said "regreatful", not just for the actual drinking night, but all the events leading up to it. I have been off my path well before that. My Buddhist practice and meditation are very important. When I sway from that I know I am out of balance. Sometimes life pulls me away and I let it. I start living the illusion and that is very dangerous for me. Looking back I have been spinning for about 6 weeks. I can see myself gradually getting faster and faster, but not doing anything to slow it down. I am like a little tornedo grabbing things along the way to make me appear stronger, but all I get is more destructive. This is old behavior for me. At least I can see it now.
I had a very interesting dream last night.. very interesting. I was in a high rise hotel. I was way up on one of the floors and searching for something to wear (needing to look good), so I went into this room full of people just sitting around on the floor, they were very crowded in this room and also laying on the floor. I was drunk. I couldn't walk straight, it was weird because I wasn't touching the floor - it was like I was walking on air as to not touch or step on anyone. But I couldn't get out of the room. I just couldn't straighten up enough to get to the door. I finally asked if someone would just help me, and one guy looked at me in disgust, and kind of laughed, so did everyone else. Then a beautiful african-american man with long pulled-back hair came in and put his arm out for me to take. He smiled and took me out. He took me down this spiral staircase that went on for ever, it seemed like hours! I remember going around and around, it was like I was unwinding. Then I reached the bottom and we went outside. It was sunny and summer, the sprinklers were on the flower beds and people were walking around the grounds. He didn't want to let go of me, but I told him I was OK, and I let go and walked on, feeling really good. I needed to unwind. So, that is what I plan to do now - unwind. I am really busy, that hasn't changed, but my mind has. I can see very clearly today.
Thank you all again for being here. I really don't know where I would be this day after if it weren't for all of you.
My deepest gratitude,
MM
I am so grateful to have you in my life. My heart is so sull right how. I am not sure if there is anywhere else in the world, litterally, that one could come and receive the kind of support that we receive from one another. You should all take a moment and read through the posts you sent to me. The work you have done in your own journeys shows so much in word you write and definately come from true growth. I am speechless.. well sort of..
Thank you again. I woke up and feel just as Satori said "regreatful", not just for the actual drinking night, but all the events leading up to it. I have been off my path well before that. My Buddhist practice and meditation are very important. When I sway from that I know I am out of balance. Sometimes life pulls me away and I let it. I start living the illusion and that is very dangerous for me. Looking back I have been spinning for about 6 weeks. I can see myself gradually getting faster and faster, but not doing anything to slow it down. I am like a little tornedo grabbing things along the way to make me appear stronger, but all I get is more destructive. This is old behavior for me. At least I can see it now.
I had a very interesting dream last night.. very interesting. I was in a high rise hotel. I was way up on one of the floors and searching for something to wear (needing to look good), so I went into this room full of people just sitting around on the floor, they were very crowded in this room and also laying on the floor. I was drunk. I couldn't walk straight, it was weird because I wasn't touching the floor - it was like I was walking on air as to not touch or step on anyone. But I couldn't get out of the room. I just couldn't straighten up enough to get to the door. I finally asked if someone would just help me, and one guy looked at me in disgust, and kind of laughed, so did everyone else. Then a beautiful african-american man with long pulled-back hair came in and put his arm out for me to take. He smiled and took me out. He took me down this spiral staircase that went on for ever, it seemed like hours! I remember going around and around, it was like I was unwinding. Then I reached the bottom and we went outside. It was sunny and summer, the sprinklers were on the flower beds and people were walking around the grounds. He didn't want to let go of me, but I told him I was OK, and I let go and walked on, feeling really good. I needed to unwind. So, that is what I plan to do now - unwind. I am really busy, that hasn't changed, but my mind has. I can see very clearly today.
Thank you all again for being here. I really don't know where I would be this day after if it weren't for all of you.
My deepest gratitude,
MM
c: :heart:
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