Go2Goal Hits 30 Days!!

[retteacher]

Go2Goal Hits 30 Days!!

Go2Goal: You should be very proud! You're changing yourself from the inside out. Every single time you say no to alcohol, you keep reinforcing the new you. 30 days is such a big achievement. Do you feel the change? Do you feel the shift in your consciousness? Keep going & take good care of your sobriety. It's one of your greatest accomplishments. Love, Mary

[go2goal]

Go2Goal Hits 30 Days!!

Thanks, Mary and all congratulators! Your support is so vital to everyone's efforts here - it is THE PIECE that makes MWO work.

Chief suggested I think about how different I feel and share for others just stepping on the path. I have found that to be a big task, but will try to do that here.

First, the hardest part has been in my head - thinking about my drinking, my love of fine wine, and just how to get a grasp on it so it doesn't take me flying down a spiral staircase. I started my AF stint, 'just to try it' - to see what life might be like without "Everyday Wine", because I could not remember the last time I went a week without. I wondered if some of the unpleasantries of life might improve - poor sleep, lack of energy, hiding empty wine bottles, feeling guilt and shame.

Those first 5 days were hard - day 4 was unbearable, not because of wanting wine, but because I was just 'antsy' - uncomfortable in my skin. "What is this life I am feeling?" "How do I deal with this?"

In those first days, I constantly wondered if I should go on for 30 Days. I COULD NOT think about 'never', I could not think about deciding to be AF for life, and my brain just rastled with what the future would be. So, I just ignored any thoughts like that, but decided to go for 30 day goal. I came to this because I was encouraged by what I was reading that others were discovering in their 30 day AF ventures - it seemed they were discovering themselves.

As the AF days have gone on, its been like peeling the layers....I am looking at things in my life head on and not running to the wine for solace. This is probably the biggest 'change' so far - not ignoring things that need my attention. I even found a different approach when dealing with my 18 year old - instead of arguing back & forth about money, etc, I started chatting online with him. It is how that generation communicates and we can each get our thoughts & ideas expressed without the emotion taking control. When I am stronger, perhaps I will be able to do that in person, but while I am changing, this method is working.

I also am not ignoring where I am at with my body these days. I am looking at my physical life and contemplating how to make positive changes. Instead of self-medicating the aches & pains with wine everyday, I am searching for time to do yoga or exercise. I have had a physical and am getting labwork done - things I have put off for a few years. When I want to sit and relax in the evening, I make a cup of herbal tea and enjoy the warmth in my hands and in my heart because I know I am nourishing myself and not destroying myself. I do not feel guilty about what I am doing - this is HUGE. Because of this new lack of shame, I find I want to protect this new self and my sobriety (I call it sanety) wherever I can.

The hassle in my head about 'ever', or never' still goes on...... but I am not ignoring it now - I let the thoughts come and go. I do not have to decide, or declare, today. I do not know if I will have a glass of wine again, but I do know that I will decide when and if. I do not want to say "never' and then get caught. I see others going through that and it looks painful - it would be sanety suicide for me right now. I think it kills all self confidence when you think you have 'slipped' or screwed up'. It also seems to wipe out the successes for some. My self confidence is too fragile right now, so I need to protect that too. I may decide to have some wine again, but I will decide BEFORE and I will decide how I am going to think about it. And funny thing is, I don't know what it will be that will get me to decide to try it, but it will be a decision, not a knee-jerk reaction.

There was something that surprised me around 26 days - a feeling of being let down. I was approaching the 'big 30' and where were all the changes/miracles I thought would happen? This conflict surprised me - I was being 'successful', but I was irritated and agitated. "What gives?", I thought. Those Many here who are more experienced with this helped tremendously because they recognized what I was going through and guided me through it. I received PMs and read posts about this - others experienced this too - it was ok.

I have rambled, but what I see as I review this, is that, for me, this has been a head struggle, a head game. And like so much of life, it is how I 'frame it' and label it that will determine any 'success' or failure. What I know now is that I don't want failure, so I have to frame it so.

Thanks again for all the supprt,

Go2Goal

[Miss October]

Go2Goal Hits 30 Days!!

GotoGoal,

First, I wish to congratulate you on your 30 AF Days. That is such a huge accomplishment. :exclaim:

Secondly, I would like to thank you for sharing your feelings with us on your journey to 30 days alcohol free . Very Very inspiring. I finally have a goal myself, and that is to be AF this holiday season.... I plan on reading your post over and over again this month of December to help me get through it.

I wish to continued success in your journey for sobriety and happiness !

[Cinders]

Go2Goal Hits 30 Days!!

Go2,

Adding my congratulations, too and I really enjoyed reading your thoughts about the time AF and not looking at this struggle like it is a win/lose situation.

Very smart!!

I wish you continued success in your life.

Love,
Cindi

[YoungAtHeart]

Go2Goal Hits 30 Days!!

Thanks for taking the time to share you thoughts about y0ur 30 days with us, Go2. It took a lot of energy, and it's a real gift to everyone who is just starting out. It's also refreshing to us "oldies but goodies" to remember when we were starting our journeys, as well. Thanks for sharing. Your reflections are very thoughtful.

Keep on keeping on! You're doing great.:goodjob:

Hugs,:l
Kathy

[Chief]

Go2Goal Hits 30 Days!!

Very nice, Go2. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us. We're so glad you're here with us. It's a pleasure to watch you grow.... I don't think we stop, at least I hope not.

Don