How to feel like we are not missing out

[Loved1]

How to feel like we are not missing out

I agree, see you're from Texas, me too, where are you??
I am in Austin

[PeggySue]

How to feel like we are not missing out

Live in East Texas, but spend a lot of time in Dallas. Also travel to the Austin area on business sometimes. It is a great area!

[Determinator]

How to feel like we are not missing out

sadly, about the time I'm 'relaxed' a bit after a couple drinks I suddenly go into a reversal where I become very antisocial and quiet. I'm not anywhere near wasted but just clam up. that happen to anyone else?

[Hannah]

How to feel like we are not missing out

Good Thread!

I once was 10 years AF, and after that length of time, your mindset really changes, and yes, you do think of yourself as a non-drinker. Only wish I was there now! But - re the question - I find one glass of wine to be okay, in a controlled situation - ie. maybe in a restaurant, where you do not have access to, or the temptation to, go overboard. Beyond that, it's like walkimg in a mine field.


Deter - I am generally a quiet person anyways, but find one glass of wine relaxes me, the second one opens my mouth, and with the third, fourth or fifth, etc., I become almost catatonic - numb, dumb, and merely watching the world go by in an alcoholic fog - I am not a loud or obnoxious drunk, which probably was/is why most people don't realize I have a problem with it. I don't exactly start dancing on tables or anything, the realization that I have gone overboard in within myself, - I know it, and frankly I am very gratefull that not everyone else does. Is this similiar to your experiences, Deter? I feel like I know what you are talking about. Not all drunks are obvious.

[Flip]

How to feel like we are not missing out

I notice that most of these answers (not all though) focus on replacing the drink, as opposed to coming to terms with the fact that you might be "missing out" on something.

For me it was a lot more complex than just feeling like I was being deprived from having a drink like everyone else - although I did feel that way too.

I am an extrovert, and drinking only makes me louder and funnier (in my view anyway!) so I am not drinking to make me more socially acceptable. Similarly, D says he just gets quieter... so what it does most of the time is exagerate our true personality. Yes, we become far more liberated and relaxed (for a short time), but what are we missing out on if we don't do that?

It took quite a long time for me to stop feeling like I was missing out and most of the feelings went with some experiences behind me, in situations where I would normally have been drinking.

For example, just before Xmas I went on an Xmas party with a social group I belong to and we went on an old steam train. Along the way we had dinner, and then we stopped at the half way mark, got off the train and went to the local small town hall for dancing to a two piece band playing terrible 80s stuff. Then we all got back on the train for the trip home and got back about 1am. I had a fabulous time - I decided right from the start I was going to have a great time and I was naughty on the train with my friends (and the lovely guy sitting next to me), started dancing (badly) as soon as I got off the train and into the hall, and had a great chat with everyone on the return trip. I dropped a couple of people off on my way home. I remember everything I did and said.

This would have been a very different scenerio if I'd still been drinking. I would have been half cut by the time I got on, would have drunk a bottle of wine over dinner and made an ass of myself with the lovely guy I was sitting next to, and been a bloody nuisance at the dance. By the time I'd have got back on the train I would have been blind drunk, and probably sick and would have had to try and stay consious until we got back. I would have conned someone to drive me home (probably stopping for a quick vomit on the side of the road) and put up with everyone talking about what I said for the rest of the year....and beyond.

I realise that I am not missing out any more. I am not missing anything. But you all have to work that out for yourself. You can't MAKE it happen, you have to experience it. And yes, you will be angry and resentful for a while - until one day you look back at an occassion and feel joy because YOU had a great time while everyone esle has a hangover!

Sorry for the ramble!

[maxman]

How to feel like we are not missing out

well said flip

[Loved1]

How to feel like we are not missing out

I agree, very well said, how long have you been AF, Flip??
Funny, I always thought you were a guy.......realize from this post that you are a woman, correct??

[Flip]

How to feel like we are not missing out

Yes Loved1, I'm all woman! lol (a naughty one however)...

I've been sober for exactly 1 year and 30 days (I did stop counting days, but having just gone past the one year anniversary it got easy again!).

I have been here on MWO for the entire time and shared a lot of my experiences, but I'm always happy to repeat them for people who haven't heard them before (I promise not to tell the same "drunk" stories that the old timers in AA do!)

I am comfortable being sober, I have no desire at all to drink any more. Not even through the last couple of weeks over Xmas etc. The mindset is the most important thing, and nobody but you can work on that.

[southernbelle47]

How to feel like we are not missing out

WTG Flip! I love it!
Nancy

[Helensback]

How to feel like we are not missing out

Loved the train story.