Wed. - Dec. 19 Missing Out

[retteacher]

I hope all is well in 30 day land. I'm fine except fighting off a cold. The little g-sons hit me w/goopy sneezes a few times.

I was thinking about the whole concept of "missing out" on drinking...not drinking while others are. What am I missing out on:
-fun: that's very temporary until the whole nausea, dizziness, headache syndrome happens.
-looseness: see above under "fun."
-taste: it was never about taste for me...always about the high.
I think I boiled it down to the first drink: that heady, lose-all-thoughts feeling when the alcohol first hits the bloodstream. However, I never, ever stopped at one, because I was always trying to keep that feeling. The more I drank the worse I felt. And, of course, the whole aftermath...I don't have to explain about that. Do I want all the problems of drinking for a few minutes of a nice high.

I will admit I've never gotten a natural high. I've felt happy (being w/g-sons), calm (walking the dog), etc. But I've never felt the natural high...Cindi could probably explain the brain chem of a high. I can live w/that. I don't need it. I feel content, calm, & happy most of the time. That's more than I could ever have expected of sobriety. Love to all, Mary

[hart]

Wed. - Dec. 19 Missing Out

((((Mary)))

I am bi-polar, as was my mother. So I have experienced EXTREME highs, where I felt on top of the world, wanting to cry I felt so good, feeling I could do ANYTHING.

But the flip side, oh the flip side I don't wanna wish on anybody. The extreme lows where one felt the dredge of the earth, that I literally wanted to die, I even tried to commit suicide several times in my teens and early twenties.

I haven't experienced the extreme highs in a long time, but though, exhilerating, aint worth the flip side.

Your description of being with your grandchildren sounds pretty damn good to me. :l

[Guest]

Wed. - Dec. 19 Missing Out

Hi all, real busy here so don't have much time.

If I have seemed a little distant it is because I have been feeling like when someone signs on here to do a thirty ( in my case signed on to do 100 AF) that is what it should be seen as and the choice to continue on AF or to try moderation after that time is up to the person still. (this isn't AA or the long term absers forum afterall)

I was starting to feel like this group was trying to lead me away from trying to moderate again and more toward perm abs, and so I withdrew from the group a bit.

Started thinking about it and actually I do give some thought to perms abs so I should just deal with the pressure here to go perm abs instead of trying mods again.

Also thought I should open up and be honest with this group and tell you what I have been feeling instead of keeping it all to myself. Hope that is OK. I am not trying to be negative just being honest.

[retteacher]

Wed. - Dec. 19 Missing Out

Ros: I hope I haven't made you feel wrong for trying to mod or have that in your future. I try to be scrupulous in my message that abs is my (emphasis: my) only choice. There's no mod in my future, but there is a place for mod in my others'. Again, when I emphasize abs, it's just for me. Please do not hesitate to share what works for you, & I, for one, appeciate your honesty. Mary

[rustop61]

Wed. - Dec. 19 Missing Out

Hi everyone

Just a quick check in as its still busy, busy. Hope your cold soon feels better Mary. I have had one all week and am just about over it. I'm pretty organised for Christmas but there always seems to be something else that needs doing.

Thanks for sharing with us Rosalind. I think this is a very personal journey for many of us and we are all doing it our own way. I find it great to be able to open up and be honest as there are so many on the site that I can identify with.

Rustop

[YoungAtHeart]

Wed. - Dec. 19 Missing Out

I'm glad you were honest, Ros. I know that one of the things that attracted me to MWO was the idea that you could try to moderate. I loved that there was no judgmental attitude. I've tried and tried to moderate, but my body is very greedy when it comes to alcohol. It just wants more and more. I even learned to drink over topamax.

If you are able to moderate, more power to you. We have many successful moderators on MWO. If you just want to do a period of abstinence, we will support you all the way.

Hi to everyone else-- Rustop, Mary, Hart--I've got to head off to work. Picked up Maddy today, and she was quite cranky. So it took about 5 minutes before we were quibbling.:sigh: She's exhausted though--already asleep on the couch. I think that was the reason she was so cranky....

Love to all,:heart:
Kathy

[Guest]

Wed. - Dec. 19 Missing Out

Thanks, Rustop, Mary and Kathy.

I knew you would understand if I just opened up and told you how I really felt.

I may try to moderate (Again), but just weekend drinking or special occasions. No, ground hog day doesn't count as a special occasion!:H

But for now I just want to be AF as long as possible. Whenever I start to think beyond the 100 af days I am trying to do though, I can't wrap my head around it and might lose the 100 days instead of being able to do them if I think that way.

Thanks for all your support and I do like it here and appreciate you all.

[Loved1]

Wed. - Dec. 19 Missing Out

I agree with Mary, if you are only going to have one you are only missing out on a fleeting sensation anyway, and if you have more than one, well we know how that goes for most of us...........
So what's really "missing" anyway?
Has anyone read Allen Carr's book The Easyway to Quit Drinking? It puts some really good perspective on this, makes us think logically about taking the first drink and if we dont take the first one, then there is no 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc etc.

[Guest]

Wed. - Dec. 19 Missing Out

Mary, it wasn't you or anyone else specifically.

Just kind of a general theme of don't try mods after your 30 Af or 100 AF.

I may try mods after my 100AF, I may not, time will tell. (But I can't think about that now, as I need to concentrate on just making it through the 100 days AF.)

[Accountable for Me]

Wed. - Dec. 19 Missing Out

Rosalind, there really is no theme in this grand picture.

This Forum was initally started for those who decided to do a month of abstainance. Any long term goals were not an issue - at all. When I first started a year ago, this was a place to share daily struggles with, making it to at least a month. Then some stuck around because it was 'home' for them. The dynamics of any web board change with the growing population and personalities.

There is a Long Term Abstainer Forum for those who choose to be AF indefinitely. It really doesn't get used that much. Those who have achieved quite some time being sober tend to post in there.

There really are NO defined rules. Post wherever you want to and where you are most comfortable! Nothing is written in stone here.

I rarely post in here anymore. I love the people in here but at this point in my own sobriety, I needed a change of scenery - and I am guessing you do to ;-)

[Accountable for Me]

Wed. - Dec. 19 Missing Out

From the main page in Monthly Abstainence:

Monthly Abs Support Group: Join in as MWO'ers give up the sauce. Your goal is your own, long term or short.

[Loved1]

Wed. - Dec. 19 Missing Out

I am not being judgmental here and hate to even throw this out there, but is there really anyone who can moderate long term? It seems like most people try it and get right back to square one?
If so, I would venture to guess they are in the minority.
Then again, I sometimes feel that we drink to mask some underlying issue and if we were able to work out that underlying issues, through therapy or whatever, maybe we could go back to successful moderate drinking?
What do yall think about that?

[Accountable for Me]

Wed. - Dec. 19 Missing Out

I believe moderating can be done but........ it is extremely exhausting (always thinking about if I will tonight, how many am I having, etc.) and can bring about severe disappointments in oneself if those goals aren't met.

For me, I can't. I am an all or nothing type of personality.

[Guest]

Wed. - Dec. 19 Missing Out

tkeene;242935 wrote: i'm with ya L1...I think we would all like to be able to moderate, but I think from reading here that we are few and far between, otherwise, we wouldn't be here looking for support and answers, no?

I am not here in the monthy abstinence group for support with moderating, but rather with absing.

When I go onto moderating I will switch to the monthly moderation group for support with moderating.

This group is supportive of people who are abs who plan to moderate later right?

[Determinator]

Wed. - Dec. 19 Missing Out

well, garlic breath is here...better late than never!

Rosalind this group is supportive to everyone that is trying to have a better life...no matter the details we get people here that mod, abstain, binge, etc....the whole rainbow.

had a 'loverly' 3 hour drive over the snowy and icy mountains today and made it home in one piece...yeah! if I were hung over that would have been 20 times more stressful (and dangerous).

the question of going back to mods is a regular brain teaser for us and it seems nobody has the answer for all people. some torment their whole lives trying to mod. some seem to do well. some have managed SOD (special occassion only drinks) but it's all very tricky except for the safe place which is ABs. Can't go wrong with ABs.
mind you I'm a real hardhead and blow it once in a while myself although thanks to MWO it's happened a heck of a lot let this year and when I do blow it...it's for a day or two instead of weeks and months.

Be well friends