Monday, January 7th at the Inn

[Hannah]

Good morning Abbers!! What an inspirational shout out yesterday! Wow! Wow! Wow! You are all doing so well, the motivation is obviously high, and 2008 is going to be a banner year for you all, I just know it!

Does anybody else have my unique problem? Wanting to go AF, but having a hubby who really wants you to have a few glasses of wine with him on our weekly evening out? I know this is not drinking out of control - not saying that - it's just that each and every time I have to beat the old Al beast back down, because you all know - it's easy to have 0 - 12 drinks, but very hard to have 2. In my own unique situation, I don't think there is any easy answer. I truly love my hubby, and cherish the time we have together on these evenings out, because we don't have a lot of time together, really.... So just keep the ol support and motivation there for me, someitmes I really need it. And I know several of you are probably thinking, well, if hubby loves me, he would ditch the glasses of wine on the eveninng out --- well, he would, and he has, and then I find we go through this period of not really being connected - do you know what I mean? Probably not a healthy way to have a marriage, but it's been that way for us for 29 years now, probably not going to change at this point. And honestly, I wouldn't trade him for the world - so if I have to face this weekly challenge, I will do it. But sometimes it's hard, and sometimes I do fall off "the wagon" so to speak, and have to right myself again.

Not meaning to sound so gloomy! Just sometimes wish things were easier, we did go through a period of 10 years AF before, and I find myself wondering why we couldn't do that again, but hubby doesn't seem to have that mindset right now, and not a damn thing I can do about it.

Geezzz, should probably delete that whole whiney thing, but it's the truth, so will let it stand...

Have a good Monday, my friends!
Who ever said life was easy?

Especially now, three weeks away from moving, and our old place hasn't sold yet. Yikes!!!! Not doing much for my nerves, self control, or sleeping at night.

[Denise]

Monday, January 7th at the Inn

Hello there!

Day one for me. I really want to do this. I was wondering whether any of you have found the CDs useful. They are a little expensive, but I'd buy them they helped, because I need some kind of support I think.

This weekend hasn't been too bad, but I have had more booze than I'm comfortable with. I often have several booze free days each week, so I really should be able to extend that to a month - with a little willpower. Here's hoping. Fortunately I don't suffer from craving or withdrawal symptoms. My reasons for drinking are to escape from me, and feel happier for a very short time. Of course it is only a very short time.

I don't have a partner who likes me to share a drink with him, but I do have a partner that makes it easy for me to drink too much. An enabler(?). He'll go out and buy me wine, or bring back a bottle after work. When I ask him not to, he just says "well you don't have to open it tonght". After 8 years with me I do wonder that he still imagines that I won't open it as soon dinner is served, if not before.

Anyway, I waffled long enough. Best wishes and courage to all.

Dee

[rustop61]

Monday, January 7th at the Inn

Hi Hannah, Denise and all to come

Checked out of the Inn in December as I had decided to have a glass of wine at a few dinners we were out at. I drove so it was just the one glass and by the time coffee came the urge to have more vanished. Its now January and I am on Day 7 AF. I can so relate to what you say about hubby Hannah. My hubby still enjoys his glass of wine at week-ends but he seems to have an off switch and there are times when I dont. It's those times when I have too much and dont remember things the next morning that are the problem. I dont feel its fair to ask him to give it up but it sure makes things more difficult for me. It's a balancing act. The one area in my life I have had no control over is alcohol and until I feel I have gained some control over AL I'm afraid hubby will have to enjoy Al on his own.

Rustop

[go2goal]

Monday, January 7th at the Inn

Good Morning to Those Before and Those To Come

Up early to ready for work, so quickie. Hannah, its seems a 'rock and hard place' thing, but sounds like you are very sensitive to all of it - good job for being so aware - best way to beat AL is to stay a step ahead.

Dee, I have only used the cds briefly, but got them right before holidays, so less time to do so. When I did, they helped immensely with sleep & relaxation. You also sound like you are very tuned in, so keep it up and keep reading and posting - you are fortunate to see what is going on and get hold of the reins.

Rustop, Feels good to be back in the cozy comfort of the Inn fires, eh? I hear your story, as I too bumped myself from the Inn over 9 days of the holiday - and for wine, but I saw how easily the old habits could take over. I was very aware of the eccoutrements - the bottles in recycle & glasses in the dishwasher again - didn't feel as 'clean' - no pun intended :H

So everyone enjoy your day, as it may be first getting back to routines for many. I will return to the kitchen after work and try to prepare some lovely hors d'oerves for this evening after a long day.


Good to be back at the Inn,
Go2Goal Attached files [img]/converted_files/403039=2778-attachment.jpg[/img]

[Senex]

Monday, January 7th at the Inn

Hannah - I entirely understand your comment about your husband and wine with dinner; my girlfriend is the same way. And my reaction is the same as yours - sometimes I'm fine with it, at other times the wine becomes the lubrication I need into a serious bender. I told my gf that I'd be abstaining for at least 30 and up to 90 days; but I can see resentment will build over this period as she continues to drink and I abstain. It is one of the parts of abstinence that concerns me.

My ultimate goal is to abstain for a significant period, and then limit myself only to wine with dinner. No "social" drinking or bar drinking or drinking alone, but just wine with dinner, and see if I can moderate ok with that. Not sure if that is possible for me; but first things first, and first thing is to abstain completely for a significant period of time.

So that's why I'm here.

Best of luck to all the other abstainers today.
--D.

[universal]

Monday, January 7th at the Inn

Hi everyone,

I am back on the wagon today after a bad Friday and Saturday night - used our old friend AL as a crutch to get through an emotional period............stupid thing is I know I really could have gotten through it without.......for the first time in a long time I can actually say that and know that it is true. I find that with the more AF days we accumulate, the easier it becomes and the stronger we become. I am AF today, Day 2 after a horrendous withdrawal on Sunday (I guess when you drink straight for 48 hours and then stop your body gets a little ticked at you) But I made it trough - can't imagine how bad the withdrawal would have been without the supps though - stupid that we do these things to ourselves.

However today is day 2 again and I intend to throw a long string of AF days together.......must hit the magical 30 and I know that I can do it.

So here's to us in the AF quest.........we can all be strong and we all have each other!!!

Have a great day guys!

[satori]

Monday, January 7th at the Inn

Senex;251296 wrote:

I told my gf that I'd be abstaining for at least 30 and up to 90 days; but I can see resentment will build over this period as she continues to drink and I abstain. It is one of the parts of abstinence that concerns me.

--D.

Senex

For me - it was quite the reverse.

The further down the AF road I went, the less others drinking concerned me.

My wife continues to drink moderately (she does have an Off switch)!

I can now quite happily go to the bar with my friends and drink soft drinks while they are drinking.

The inportant thing was - I was doing this for ME -

I wanted to be AF for ME and no-one else!
When you get that mindset, there will be no resentment.

Take care

satori

[rob]

Monday, January 7th at the Inn

Good Morning INNmates!! Hannah I'm with you, that was a fabulous shout out yesterday. It was so wonderful to see both new and old members of MWO shouting out their days and encouraging each other.

Hannah- I wish I had some words of wisdom for you. I know how much you value your time with your husband because it is so limited. I remember you talking once about how you and your husband having a "you and me against the world" attitude, it makes me wonder if the wine with the special dinners isn't part of the bonding process for you guys? Just a thought.

You are getting such a big squeeze from life right now with the move, your son's move, new condo, old condo its enough to make you go Maybe you can find time for a trip to the spa, I hear Ivan is free this afternoon.

Rus and G2G- Great to see you again. You are both so wise and witty. G2G can't wait to see what you whip up in the kitchen, the menu has been pretty pathetic lately!!

Welcome Denise, Senex and Universal!!

We're here to support you in your AF goals. Here are a few suggestions, many come from Hannah and other members of the INN:

Drink plenty of water.
Keep busy. This is a great time to clean out closets.
Spend lots of time at MWO, there are wonderful people here who only want to help and share.
Have a plan. What are you going to do when the urge to drink creeps up on you?
Use any and every tool you can get your hands on reach your goal; CDs, supps, support, meditation, exercise, diet, meds, prayer and of course there are Suze's lovely AL bashing sticks!!
Think about those triggers. What are they? Can you avoid them or do you need to face them and deal with them?

I'm sure that there are loads of tips that I'm overlooking, but these will get you started.

Everyone have a great day
Love and Peace
Rob Attached files [img]/converted_files/403118=2396-attachment.jpg[/img]

[rob]

Monday, January 7th at the Inn

Satori- We cross posted. Wise words as usual.

[Hannah]

Monday, January 7th at the Inn

Hello all again. Thanks for all your comments, and I can see that I am not alone here.

Rob, you are so right - the wine is part of the bonding process, but mainly to get us to relax. If we both took a valium pill we would achieve the same thing, I think. Also the fact that we are actually sitting opposite one another instead of one of us at the computer and one of us doing something else - you get my drift.

I have actually thought about going to the Dr and getting something to help me relax and sleep, because I am just feeling such anxiety right now. But, I think, would that just be another crutch?

I think what I may do is attempt another 30 day AF run, right at the moment the pressures of this move are really throwing me for a loop, and it?s way too easy to exceed a few glasses of wine with dinner once a week. Really, once the finance thing works itself out I will be much more relaxed - the one piece of the puzzle that hasn?t yet fallen into place.

And then I will attempt to go back to the weekly supper w wine. I know hubby will support me in this, it?s the long term thing - the thought of us never having wine again that throws him. And although he does have an off switch, he still can drink more than he should himself, so my moderating also benefits him.

Ah, if only life were simple?..

[Hannah]

Monday, January 7th at the Inn

And, yup - except that I am not blonde, that is pretty much me in your graphic! Actually, a massage is not a bad idea....maybe will have to go find Sven.....

[wonderworld]

Monday, January 7th at the Inn

Hi Everyone-
I've been poking in and reading here and there- and just wanted to jump in today to say hi. The holidays were pretty trying, but also amazing, and ever since I got back I've been kind of in a fog. I'm reading here that other people have felt the same. And now it's just winter - blah!
I did drink some while I've been away, but nothing too crazy. I do want to start counting my AF days again. AF is my thing!
I'm going to go read more and catch up-
Love to all-
wonder xx

[vinophile]

Monday, January 7th at the Inn

Happy Monday All,
I'm certainly glad to be back and on day 7AF. I'm hoping being back on a routine is going to make not-drinking much easier as the Holidays did throw a wrench in my plans to remain AF.

Hannah, I can so relate to the huge "pull" to have wine with dinner on an evening out with a spouse. On so many such occasions I have caved in. It is so tempting especially if one has gone several days AF. Befroe going out I can start with the deceiving self-talk "if I've gone for so many days without I really don't have a problem" "just this once won't matter", "having wine with dinner is so normal.....see I really am a normal drinker just wanting to have a bit of wine"

The point of the matter is ....my husband never drinks more than two glasses. He just doesn't want to. I always want more.!!!!!Therein lies the big difference.
It's my problem not his and I'm the one who has to deal with it. When we go out and I don't drink I am uncomfortable for the period of time when the first drinks are served and then I am fine..... and so is he. He might press me to have a drink as he knows it relaxes me. He does not get the concept of one not being able to stop at two drinks. His brain is just wired differently. My on/off switch does not work and I know it probably never will.

Please know you're not alone in this. I'm sure I will continue to struggle with the Sat night dinners out for a long time.

Janet

[Hannah]

Monday, January 7th at the Inn

Hiha Wonder! Always glad to see you! And, er, um, your avator!

Vino - Are you sure your husband isn't a clone of mine? Makes you wonder how many more there are like them out there! It's sort of like trying to diet in a chocolate factory - Suze - do you have any sticks for that? :H

[meditation mama]

Monday, January 7th at the Inn

Hi Inn-Mates!

Well, it seems the topic of the day is the drinking with hubby issue. Boy can I relate to that one! I just had a marathon session with my therapist and accupuncturist and this was one of the big topics for me. It is a hard one. I know in my case I used this many times as an excuse to drink. I know that I would use this as a way to quickly get to a happy place with my husband, to draw him in. I would use these situations as my ace in the hole for not quitting. Unfortunately for me, they didn't work. I didn't have the "off" switch, like you guys said. I had to finally come to the realization that this is about me, not my husband, or anyone else. Sucks, but it is my truth. Nevertheless, it is a good realization to come to...

I like what Satori said today: "I wanted to be AF for ME and no-one else!
When you get that mindset, there will be no resentment."

For a guy, that wasn't to bad!:H :H :H KIDDING!!!

Hannah- I hope your house sells soon! I am sure that is a toughie! I am also sure that you will find peace with your situation, one way or another- and we are here for you!

Vin - Congrats on day 7! You know, I thought my husband didn't drink as much as he is, he had been hiding it from me. Interesting. He made me feel so bad for so many years. Anyway, I am glad your husband does have an off switch. I can see how that would be easier to abstain. Good luck!

Wonder - Glad you are back!! I was "out there" crazy as a loon over the holidays and didn't abstain either. I am done, though. I am absolutely not drinking. I know it will be easier on my own. I am glad we have this place and each other! Stay with it!

Rob- You are such an inspiration! Your words are so true and helpful! Thank you for reminding us of the important triggers and what we can do to keep AL AT BAY!!

Satori - You are always an inspiration for me. Even though I am not a big boy fan right now!!

Universal - It was nice to talk to you on chat the other night. I am so glad you are back on track and feeling better. I know how you feel, sister. We can do this!

Senex - Welcome! Good luck with your goal. Keep coming here and and asking for help. It won't be easy with your gf, but we will help any way we can.

Well, take care all. Check in later...

MM